WHEN MEEMAWS ATTACK

I can't believe I've forgotten to tell you guys about this!

When Steve and I were in Disney World this past January, we spent almost an entire day at Epcot. We hadn't been able to go into Space Ship Earth earlier, even though it is literally the first ride you come to in the park, because the line was WAY out the door.

This is Space Ship Earth. This is not the Epcot Center. So help me, if you call this thing the Epcot Center I
will hunt you down and beat you to death with a DVD copy of Aladdin.

Well, we spent our day doing Epcot-y stuff, and it was evening when we decided to leave the park and go back to our resort. As we passed by the ride, there wasn't a line, so we went in to do this one last thing before we left. The ride went by as usual, and also as usual, you get dumped out into an arcade/hands on science area at the bottom of the ride. We had just found an exit, when an older woman walked out in front of us. We paused to let her go first, when we heard a kid (a boy probably about 10 or 11) scream. A literal scream with no words in it. It wasn't a scared scream, or a hurt scream, he sounded MAD. I thought he was just playing around, so I didn't get alarmed until I saw that child run after the older woman and PUNCH her right in the center of the back.

Now, imagine yourself to be part of a couple quite clueless about the inner workings of children. To see someone's MeeMaw get assaulted by their (assumed) grandchild in a section of the "Happiest Place on Earth!" is both alarming and confusing. MeeMaws are to be hugged and cherished, not beaten up in the lobby of Space Ship Earth. I wish I could tell you that we immediately ran and saved the lady from the devil's spawn, but actually, we didn't. We stood there with our mouths open. We would suck at being super heroes.

Luckily for this MeeMaw, heretofore called SUPER NAN, didn't need our help. Super Nan somehow reached behind her, grabbed the little bastard by the arm, and snatched him around in front of her.

Steve and I just stood there, staring.

Super Nan, yanked that kid around and got right in his face and yelled "GOD D*MMIT!" and shook him like a rag.

Steve and I just stood there, staring.

In a moment of what I believe was the pre-hulking out of Super Nan, she looked up and into our eyes as if to say "You might want to leave unless you want every illusion you hold about grandmothers to be shattered beyond repair." I think I literally saw her change color and split a seam in her stylish wind suit trousers.

Steve and I ran.

Actually, we sort of scrambled to find a way out, tripping over each other and running into things as we tried to leave that women to administer what I can only assume was the K-Mart Whoopin' of her life. It was so awful. Not the fact that she was obviously spanking her grandchild, because that little rat deserved it and more for punching the woman, but the fact that Steve and I were trying so hard to get away from her that we looked like the KeyStone Cops. We finally managed to find another exit, but before we could escape, we noticed that it wasn't just us that had witnessed the event. Everyone in the arcade was staring at the doorway we had just run away from, and also staring at us because we had been right in front of it when the kid's uppance had come. Right before we made it out the door, a women looked at us and into the now quiet room said "smart move."

I can only hope that Super Nan taught that kid a little about respecting his elders. I only wish she hadn't had to do it in front of us.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS RAMBLING

I am so done with this hastared illness.

I had to go back to the doctor again on Wednesday. I seriously thought I had this whole germy thing in my lungs destroyed, but alas, I was wrong. My chest had started hurting again and I was practically narcoleptic. I had gone to church last Sunday and could barely walk around. I told people that I was just having trouble walking on my heels, but I was really so sleepy I could barely stand. I was also so cold I had to get one of the old lady blankets that we keep in the back of the sanctuary to keep from shivering during the service. The old lady blankets, y'all! I thought all of the sleeping meant I was getting better, but apparently it just meant I was still sick. I will find the person who sneezed on me, and I will harm them emotionally. It was probably some snotty kid at Disney World who licked a hand rail or something. Kids do that, right?

They x-rayed my lungs again, and let me tell you...walking around a public place with no bra on is a weirdly vulnerable feeling. I'm just glad the rooms I had to travel between were just down the hall from each other, or I was going to have to beg a lab coat from someone. I wish they'd let me have my x-rays. I've never seen the inside of my chest before. It's funny; in the room where they take the x-rays, there is a book on all of the bones in the skeleton. It makes me nervous to think that some of them may have to consult a manual to see which bone is which. I mean, I understand not everyone can memorize every bone, but hide the book at least!

I even consented to get a shot, so you know I was serious! I hate shots! I know they really don't hurt, and it's all in my head, but I can't stand the thought of someone sticking me with a syringe. The nurse who did it was very good, and since I told her it was an irrational fear of mine, she did it quickly. My "hip" still hurts from where I was injected, but at least the medicine started working right away. She also gave me an antibiotic so strong that I'm afraid to water the houseplants on the off chance I sneeze near one and kill it.

I think I'm actually getting better now, but since I thought that last time, I'll just wait and see what the doctor says on Thursday when I go back. I'm still not coughing, which seems weird since my lungs are affected. The doc seems to think I'm coughing a lot, but when I told her I wasn't, she told me to take my cough syrup anyways. It either drops me like a tranquilized wildebeest, or keeps me up all night tripping. My chest and heart still hurt, but she didn't seem concerned about that. At this point, I have been at the clinic so many times in the last month that I'm sure my insurance company has paid for a semester at Harvard for one of the doctor's kids.

All I can do is sleep and eat and do laundry and I'm bored with all of those things. If this stupid crud lasts another week, I'm going to resort to giving myself prison tats just to liven things up.

This post brought to you by another night of no sleeping. Sponsored by the letter Z, the letter X and the number 9.

KITCHEN ADVENTURES: BUBBLE TEA

Do you ever get to taste something while out of town, or read about some kind of food, and then get a craving for the most inconvenient thing? I do, all the time. It's no secret that I like food, and it's not exactly the easiest thing to deal with. It's usually something only available in one place far away (Cafe du Monde Latte in New Orleans, Pizza at Arnold's in St. Louis) or it's something you may have somewhere in town, but a place you never go or even think of going until you are nowhere near it. I have a couple of these things, but the one I tackled the other day was bubble tea.

OK, I realize bubble tea is one of those fad drinks that get popular and then fizz away after a while, but doggone it, I was intrigued. There is a place somewhere in Madison that sells it, but I am never over there long enough to try and find it. I happened to find a box of tapioca pearls while shopping at Earth Fare, and thought "It can't be that hard!" So I brought them home and got to work on figuring out A) exactly what bubble tea is and B) how to make it.

Like frog eggs in a milkshake, really.

OK, from what I could tell, bubble tea is a drink made of some kind of flavored drink powder and has a layer of tapioca "pearls" at the bottom of the cup. The tapioca adds a textural element, and that's about it. You are supposed to drink it with a big straw. You know, it didn't sound so adventurous when I found out what it was, but it was too late. I was determined to have it!

I didn't have any drink powder, and wasn't going to order it on the off chance that I'd hate the drink, so I opted to mix my own milk tea (black tea, almond milk, heavy cream) for the job. Making the drink part wasn't difficult, but making the stupid tapioca was! I mean, it wasn't complicated in the traditional sense, you are just boiling them after all. However, they are sticky and slimy and they stick to the bottom of the pot if you leave them alone for a second longer than the directions say! I stood over the stove, stirring the gloopy mess, for about 30 minutes. I was scared to leave it alone because the one time I stepped back to the computer to see if I was doing something right, I almost lost the entire pot. I don't mean the contents of the pot, I mean the pot. That stuff is like gorilla snot, it sticks to everything! After a while, it looked like a pot of boiling syrup, and I was afraid I had ruined it, but I kept on. I added blue food coloring (the first thing that I came across) to see if I had completely destroyed the spheres, but they were still in there. After they boiled the correct amount of time, I had to strain them and rinse them off to get rid of the goo. It turned out that they were fine! The little blue spheres were there. They looked like frog eggs with white centers, but they were there. Looking like frog eggs. Frog eggs that I was supposed to put at the bottom of a drink I was going to actually consume. Frog eggs.

My Tapioca Pearls

FROG EGGS!

Bleh. So, I took the frog- I mean tapioca pearls and put them in agave syrup and water. Then I sat and looked at them for a while. Seriously, how could I eat them? I can't eat things that feel weird, and these were most definitely weird. Little slimy, blue, gluey balls made of starch. Even the thought of them was weird! WHY? Why did I need to eat them? It wasn't like anyone had to know. I could just throw away the container of faux amphibian spawn and no one would be the wiser, right?

Of course, after some thought I decided that I wasn't going to let them go to waste, because gosh darn it, I'd almost sacrificed a good pot to the things! It was no longer just something I wanted to taste, it was a principle. So I plopped (and yes, they make the actual sound of 'plop') into a cup and poured my latte over the mess. It looked just like the picture and it didn't smell bad, so I dove straight in.

Honestly, I really liked it. I mean, sure the tapioca balls are slimy, and you have to suck them up with a straw, and yes you have to chew your drink...so it's a weird sensation, but I liked it! The tapioca becomes flavored by the drink, and as long as you don't accidentally suck one down your throat without chewing it, it is kind of interesting. Also, you get super full when you drink these things; probably because of the starch, so if you decide to try them, don't get it before you go out on a dinner date. It's probably not something you'd want every day, and kids would probably like it, unless they puke at the slightest hint of weird textures.

So, my adventure was a success. I wish I had taken some pictures of the process, but I couldn't leave my boiling pot of frog eggs long enough to get the camera. I have since remembered that I probably didn't need to worry about whether I'd like the drink or not, because in 1997, I was one of the 12 people in the world who actually liked Orbitz soda.

Almost exactly the same except that it was soda,
the balls floated and, in hindsight, it tasted really gross.

Next KITCHEN ADVENTURE: Macarons!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I'm currently typing this entry on the new iMac that Steve got me for my birthday! It replaced the old one from 2005 that was on it's last legs, technologically. I don't normally talk about the gifts I get from people, so I apologize if it's tacky to be excited and talk about it. It is completely awesome, and the screen is 27". I don't think he meant to order a screen this big, but that's OK with me. It has all kinds of updated programs and I had forgotten what it was like to have programs that would actually save files. Since my last iMac crashed like the Hindenburg, it has been good for nothing except getting on the Internet. Also, and this was the most surprising part, when we did the file transfer, all of the files that I couldn't access on the old computer came back! I now have access to a lot of the graphic files from my digital portfolio that were lost to me before. I don't know how they were recovered, but I choose to believe Jesus had them on a backup drive for me. After all, Jesus saves. (Boooooooooooo)

2) Speaking of portfolios...oy vey. Remember when I had the job interview and had to scramble to find some graphics, any graphics, that I could scrape together for my portfolio? Steve and I stayed up late printing and mounting the stupid things so that I'd have something to show the people. I was embarrassed about my anemic portfolio, but I took everything I had over to them. It was difficult to try and explain my skill level when the most impressive thing I had in the folder was the Hogwarts banner images I had done for the theater at the Sprocket (ptooey).

While I was cleaning up my office (a task that was more than overdue) I found an older portfolio that was wedged behind my filing cabinet. I opened it up, thinking I would just clean it out and see if there was any presentation boards that I could reuse, and I found over a dozen pieces of my work that I had mounted for some reason. It was actual, useful stuff too, like movie tickets, ads, posters and other things that actually show that I know my way around the Adobe suite! My portfolio is now packed full of actual, good-quality stuff that I can show potential employers. Now I don't have to feel embarrassed about what I can show them! I can take out some of the stuff I was iffy about without worrying that I am making an already scant presentation even scantier. I am not, however, removing the Wookie Crossing sign that I put in there. It is my magnum opus. :)

3) I am still on the road to recovery, thanks for asking, but I found out that it can take up to a month or longer to completely get over this crud. Bluh. I'm at the feeling-like-poo-hot-&-cold-flashes-falling-asleep-in-odd-places-because-I-can't-stay-awake phase, but at least I can almost breathe like a normal person as long as I'm not talking or singing or doing anything strenuous! Silver linings, right? Right. Silver freaking linings.

4) I got my hair cut a couple of days ago, and the lady who did it was not the same girl who usually cuts my hair. She cut my bangs crooked. She cut my bangs above my left eye and over to my right eyebrow one length, and she must have had a stroke or something, because starting at the right eyebrow and over, the rest of my bangs were 1/4 an inch longer. It wasn't even as if she angled my hair. It was all like -------------________. I didn't notice until I got into the car because I didn't have her dry my hair since I was going straight home afterward, but it was so ridiculously uneven that I couldn't even be mad about it. It was just funny. So when I got home, I got my sharpest scissors and did my best to even them up. They aren't exact, but they are closer than they were before. I'm just glad I have a lot of hats to hide under until it's time to get my hair cut again. I could have gone back, but I was too tired, and I figure that it didn't matter anyways. Nobody looks at me!

5) I'm finally trying to learn to play the guitar! I hope I can learn anyway, because I've always wanted to be able to play, but I don't know if I will ever be very good. I can't wrap my brain around chord processions. I do know how to make an E, G, and C chord, but I can't seem to go from one to the other without stopping in between. I want to learn to play so badly!!!!!!!!!!! "I've got blisters on me fingers!"

6) I've finally gotten started on my steampunk costume for the Atlanta Steampunk in the Park event Steve and I are going to for Amy's birthday! I'm so excited!! So far, all I have is my hat, but honestly, my hat is awesome. My mom said it reminded her of "that guy who plays the piano and wears the funny glasses." I happen to think it's a cross between Slash, Richard Petty and Liberace.


Don't be alarmed about the corset. That is not a part of my costume. That is just what my duct tape dress form wears to cover its shame. I still have some sewing to do, but I think my costume will turn out nicely. I'm just excited to have a legitimate reason to wear a costume!

7) I hate my CPAP. I have yet to wake up with that "I've slept all night without suffocating" feeling that everyone promised me! In fact, I keep taking it off in my sleep, so I've got to figure out how to keep it on, even if I'm pulling on it while in Crazy Town. I'm not sure what happened last night, but I do remember waking up, standing by my bed and screaming that it was trying to smother me as I yanked it off of my face. So far, not so good! If I can't manage to keep it on, my doctor is going to have me strapped down like Hannibal Lechter.
FTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTH.

JUST CHECKING IN

I'm bored. I have been on a doctor imposed semi-quarantine (meaning that I haven't been anywhere where I have to sit in a room with people I like for longer than a few minutes) and except for an occasional run to Publix or Target, I've been at home. I'm starting to climb the walls.

I went back to the doc-in-a-box for my check up on Saturday, and they kept skipping me! I was the 4th one on the list when the place opened, and somehow they skipped my name and called back about 10 people before the lady behind the counter realized it. Steve said she kept looking up at me, and then got a panicked look on her face when she realized I hadn't been called back. I wanted to say something, but I was afraid they would think I was just being "difficult." They copped to it, though, so I can't be too mad. At least they apologized. The doc said I still wasn't well enough to be around people I didn't want to spread germs to, so back to the house I went.

I've been on the mend, and I really, really appreciate everyone who has checked up on me to see how I was doing. :) I'm much better now that I can almost breathe, but I'll be very glad to get to the end of my medicines. They make me feel all floopy. Big time floopy. One set of pills had me tripping balls. I don't exactly know what they were for, but the side effects listed said it would "give me the feeling of whirling." That was the truth. Every time I took it, I'd have to lay down and it was just like when I was little and used to spin and spin and then lie down and it would feel like the room was spinning. It also kept me from sleeping at night, even though I was practically narcoleptic during the day. I'm done with those. I'm also still taking some kind of red cough medicine that makes my skin crawl, makes me hear high pitched sounds in my ears, it makes me feel drunk and it makes my heart speed up fast fast fast sometimes. If I fall asleep after taking it, I wake up feeling like my insides are vibrating. I look at my hands to see if I were really shaking, but I don't seem to be shaking on the outside. I hope that isn't a bad side effect I should be concerned about.

Anyways, not much of interest has gone on other than trying to get better and not drive under when I'm dizzy. Fun stuff. At least I'm getting better! Yay!

UPDATE:

Well, it wasn't the CPAP machine after all.

After a concerned friend sent me a message telling me to go to the doctor (apparently, chest pressure can be a bad sign heart-wise) I decided to take his advice and visit the local doc-in-the-box. My breathing had gotten worse and my chest had started to hurt, so I hoped I wouldn't pass out in the waiting room or anything. Luckily, I was taken back surprisingly fast.

After a Stone Cold Steve Austin lookalike nurse took my vitals, I was poked, prodded, bled and x-rayed. Lots of fun, that. They ran some lab work and voila! I was diagnosed.

Turns out I have walking pneumonia. Nice, eh? That is why I can't breathe. It's not as bad as when Steve had pneumonia, but still...gross.

I was really not expecting to them find anything, so when the doctor came in and told me I said "SAY WHAT?!" She probably thought I was reacting strangely, but the only thing further from my mind was her telling me I had monkey-pox or something.

Now I have 4 lovely prescriptions to take, and I can't be around people when not necessary. I also need to be very careful who I spit on, because I can spread my filthy, filthy germs that way.

I am very, very grateful to have friends who care enough about me to scare the crap out of me, because otherwise I might have gotten much sicker and made a lot of other people sick too. :)