RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) You know how sometimes I say I feel like a certain color, or that something tastes like a color? It's because of this! I kind of hate that they've pared it all down to genes and biology, though. I'd rather just believe it was magic! :)

2) Last week was our 10th anniversary. That's hard to believe, right? Anyways, we had a nice day. It was kind of low key, but nice. We had dinner at The Melting Pot again, which was loverly as always. I only stabbed Steve with a fondue fork once, and we managed to get out of the place with only a tiny bit of cheese on my pants! It was fun! I'll say this too, we ordered the White Chocolate Creme Brulee dessert, and it was probably one of the best tasting things I've ever had, (and I'm saying that as someone who eats a lot. I mean, a LOT.) Fortunately, this year we didn't happen to run into anyone throwing up in the parking lot, so that was definitely a plus. Good times, noodle salad.

3) Saturday we headed out to Fayetteville, TN so that Steve could play with the Madison Community Band at the "Host of Christmas Past" festival.
First off, I had no idea Fayetteville was so close. Second, I had no idea that this festival thing was such a big deal. We went a couple of hours early, ostensibly to look around a while, but a great deal of that time was spent looking for a parking place and standing in line for the bathroom. Seriously, why does it take women so long to pee?! We didn't really look around much once we got outside, because Steve was uncomfortable in a tux and didn't want to walk around, it was very warm and very crowded. I wish I could have taken more pictures, but...there you go.
This was the only picture I managed to get of Steve while he was playing. The beardy guy on the end blocked him most of the time. The arrow was for the benefit of Facebook, because there are a great deal of people I know on there who don't know what Steve looks like, and as nice as the beardy guy is, I didn't want people to think I was married to a paw-paw.




In case you want to hear them, I got the first song in it's entirety. I wish it had better sound quality because they sounded great! Because of where I was sitting, the sound didn't blend as well as it would have if I was out front. I also wish I had a better vantage point, but as it was I had to punch an old lady in the ear to get the chair I was in! :)

4) Just so you know, I really will share my chocolate with other people. I wouldn't really stab anyone in the eye over it. Well, maybe not. Just felt I needed to get that out there...

5) Did you know that if you poke a sharp knife into the bone marrow of a Honey Baked Ham, it will squirt blood on you? I found that out the hard way last night at our church's Thanksgiving dinner. I was also reminded that trying to pull apart a Honey Baked Ham and/or turkey into manageable slices (even while wearing gloves) will render you a sticky, sugary mess that no manner of hand washing will help. I came home last night exhausted, sticky, crusted with sugar and spattered in pig blood. Eh...just my regular Wednesday night kind of thing, you know.

6) Here is a picture of the sky outside my house this morning! Beautiful, even with the power line in the way! It's kind of an awkward shot, but I didn't want anyones roof in the picture!

I'd once again like to apologize to the neighbors for going out without wearing pants. I didn't have time to go and get any because the sky was changing every second! Art doesn't wear pants, after all.

7) Google failed me! My illusions are completely destroyed! I had been talking about football and the subject of national championships came up. We were trying to find out if Auburn University had ever won one, so I went to Google. Absolutely nothing I found made sense to me. Luckily, The Kenny knows all about Auburn football and he told me the answer:

"1957. They were on probation, but won one and it counted. Auburn could also claim a few other minor ones, but they leave those trifles to Alabama.

Other seasons of note, if you really care: 1983, 1993, 2004. All great undefeated teams."

Mystery solved!

So...in your face, Google! Now I'm just going to ask him when I need an answer to something! You have failed me for the last time, search engine.

Yesterday was the day I had to go back for my filling. I hate that I'm such a baby about stuff like that, but I have good reason! My childhood dentist had obviously learned his craft at a concentration camp or something, because whenever I had to go in for a filling, it felt like he was trying to remove my medulla oblongata with a syringe. Of course, maybe it was just because I was a kid and terrified of needles of all kinds, but in my head, that dentist was Joseph Mengele in disguise. At any rate, when I went in to have the thing done, I explained my aversion to needles. The drill I'm cool with, the novacaine needle throws me into a panic attack. They were surprisingly nice about the whole thing, and my dentist, Dr. Knight the younger, was very gentle. I barely felt him give me the injection at all...but then again, I had taken a tranquilizer beforehand, so maybe I did feel it and just didn't care. The actual filling part took 20 minutes or less, and seemed to be a lot simpler than it used to be. While I was lying in the chair, some man leaned into the cubicle and said hello. I didn't know who he was, and I thought he was talking to the dentist, but he was staring straight at me. I probably came off as quite rude, because I didn't say anything and it became obvious he was talking to me, so I finally said hello (as well as I could.) I realized after a second he was Dr. Knight the elder, whom I'd never met before. My main problem was that they had to clamp something in my mouth, something that looked a lot like a tool I remember my dad having in his utility room. It wasn't really huge or anything, but it was clamped in my mouth and sticking out. They had also stuffed my mouth with cotton, I had two pairs of hands in there, a sucker hose, a water hose, and a heat light wand that they were using to bond the composite to my tooth. OK, maybe that wasn't happening all at once, but how can you be polite to someone you don't know when you feel like this?

I felt bad for seeming rude, though. :( At any rate, after my social faux pas, they finished up with my mouth and things were fine. My mouth was still numb, and I had a slight case of stroke-face, and the clamp thing they had put in my mouth had pinched my lip, but my filling was filled! Now my mouth is very sore, but at least they caught the cavity before it got bad. He said he was "concerned" about the tooth right next to the one they filled, but he would keep a watch on it. Seriously? How can he do that if I only go twice a year? SIGH. I don't want any of you to think I don't take care of my teeth. Seriously, they cost my parent's a small fortune, and I'm almost OCD about taking care of them, so I have no idea how I'm getting cavities. Let's just hope that tooth he's "concerned" about doesn't need any work done on it. I don't like people poking around in my face holes!

Speaking of my dentist, he is precious. He seems to be a very young man, well...younger than me by a bit anyway, and he is very proud of his wife and kids. In fact, he was telling me and the dental assistant that his wife is due to have their newest baby any moment. In fact, he was leaving the office soon after he worked on me to go home and make sure he was with her if she needed him. He said this would be their fourth son (the oldest being 5, yikes) and since this was the last one he was so excited about rounding out their family. He said he was so excited about meeting this new baby and seeing what he looked like. It was so sweet. He also mentioned that all his boys had blue eyes and he wasn't sure where it came from. The assistant asked if his wife had blue eyes and he said "They are kind of blue, but they change depending on what she wears, and close to the pupil she has this ring of gold...but I guess her eyes are blue." AWWWW! You know a man loves his wife if he knows THAT much about her eyes. Precious.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED, I THINK... VOL. 1

Sometimes I wonder about stuff that is wildly improbable. I don't know why I do this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with having a well developed imagination and a lot of time to use it. Although I am aware that we don't truly know how we'd act in certain situations until we actually experience them, these are some things I believe I know about myself:

1) I think I'm a pretty good candidate to have Stockholm Syndrome if I'm ever a victim of a long term hostage situation. It's not that I'd necessarily want to become complacent and accepting of abuse and being kidnapped, but I tend to want to get along with everyone if I can, even in pretty harsh situations. I'd actually like to think I'd rise up righteous and rip a bad guy's spine out through his stomach, but I'm fairly certain I'm more likely to offer to bake them cookies.

2) If I were in the medical profession, I could totally be a surgeon. I have no problem cutting people up or being bled upon. Not that I've ever cut anyone up before, you understand, but I am fairly certain I could do it. I even think I could eventually deal with the whole "life and death" thing easily. I could not, however, be a nurse. It takes a very special person to be a nurse, and I don't think I'm that kind of special. I can be bled on, sure, but the first time someone got vomit or poop on me, I'd run screaming from the building.

3) I believe I could kill someone if I had to. I don't mean that I'd wake up one morning and just decide to take someone's life, but if I had to do it to protect myself I could. I also think I might be capable of beating the living hell out of someone, if they caught me at the wrong moment. I've been mad enough to do it, but I hope I don't ever get tested on either of these things! I'd feel terrible once the rage-fog wore off!

A QUICKY

Do you want to know what I love? I love that I have friends who pull things apart and them give me pieces of them and say "I just thought you might be able to make something with this."

That probably sounds weird, but I love that they think of me, and believe I'm creative enough to make something good out of the things they give me.

It's a little thing, but the best things are always the little things.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) As we all know, yesterday was Halloween and no hi-jinks ensued at our house. We were at church most of the day, of course, but when we got home, we were too tired to deal with anyone so we cut off all the lights and hid until a reasonably late hour. Shut up. I know, I know, and I'm sorry if that seems mean of us, but you can bite me. If we lived in a close, well lighted neighborhood I wouldn't be this way, but we don't and there aren't many children who come by and the ones who have come in the past were either creepy or way too old to be trick-or-treating. If avoiding them means I have to crawl around, marine-style, in the dark - I don't mind. We probably could have gone to Mr. Lee's house and helped him give out candy (he lives in one of those places where the houses are right up against each other and everyone knows one another) but I had to run the sound board for services last night, and by the time we got out, we just weren't in the mood! Bah, humbug! (or whatever the Halloween equivalent of that would be!) :)

2) I had to go to the dentist the other day, and the girl who cleaned my teeth spent the whole time talking about how good my teeth were and how well I took care of them. When the dentist came in, he looked at my new x-rays, which are now kept on some kind of awesome computer program that looks straight out of "CSI," and found a cavity! BOO! Bait and switch! I've been so careful about my teeth since the root canal and I got a stinking cavity! At least he found it before it got bad. Apparently it is in between two of my back teeth, which are very close together thanks to my early stint with braces and retainers, and difficult to get in-between. Ugh. Now I get to go and freak out while they stick needles into my mouth. I hate getting dental work.

3) Speaking of Halloween... When I was younger, we always had super-fun Halloween events with our church. They'd have parties, or take us trick-or-treating, and one year even had a haunted house for us. It was done to keep us safe and it was always a lot of fun! Of course, when we got older we got a few people in our church who decided that Halloween was evil. Oh, yes, it was a veritable mosh pit of demons and virgin sacrifices to the devil! At any rate, the church stopped the Halloween stuff and started having "harvest festivals" or taking us to Judgment Houses (I hated those things). Anyways...I suppose I can understand their point of view, sort of, but one lady always made such a big, stinking deal out of the whole thing. She even got incensed when one of the Sunday school teachers wore a dress with a jack-o-lantern on it. I mean, she actually stood up in church and sort of passive-aggressively called her out on it (she didn't use names, but we all knew who she was talking about.) Well, last night, I watched a documentary on the history of Halloween, and I wish I had known all of the stuff I found out back when that self-righteous heifer decided to ruin it for everyone. It never had anything to do with the devil, and in fact, the basis of what we know as Halloween came directly out of an early Christian celebration! Halloween as it is now celebrated was an American invention to keep neighborhood kids from causing too much mischief! The whole candy thing is almost a 100% commercial creation - like Valentine's Day- invented so that candy companies could make money. I know I sound awfully negative, but I don't mean to. I just don't like willful, narrow-minded, stupidity - and the fact that the woman from my old church sounded so completely convinced that she was right about it makes me wish I could go back in time and tell her to shut up.

4) Wow, I do sound really negative this morning! I'm not in a bad mood, I promise!

5) I had a long and drawn out fight with myself this morning about going to the gym. I lost. Now I have a cramp in my left calf and I'm scared to stand up! The TV that was on my end of the cardio section was playing The View, and I'm so glad I couldn't actually hear what was going on. That show gives me a headache! I'm fairly certain I'd physically attack that blonde lady and the one named Joy if I had to deal with them on a daily basis.

6) I bought a pomegranate last week and had no idea how to eat it. I think I bought one years ago, and it took me, like, 6 hours to eat it because I didn't realize you could eat the seeds! I Googled the question, but the only thing I found told me how to open the thing, not eat it. So, I posted the question to Facebook, and people finally told me I could eat the whole aril (yes, I also learned what the red thingies are called while Googling), and not just the red part around it! It was so good! My fingertips were stained maroon, and it took me 2 hours to eat all the little thingies, but it was worth it!

SURRENDER DOROTHY

If you live anywhere around my neck of the woods, you probably had to endure some pretty hinky weather yesterday. It was grossly warm and sticky that morning, but the bad weather moved in during the afternoon and settled in for a while. Luckily, I didn't get hit with a tornado (even though they seemed to be touching down all around us) but we did get some pretty heavy rain and the sirens went off a thousand times. My dogs really, really hate that siren, and they howl along with it whenever they hear it. I never really understood why until I went outside yesterday to look at the sky and it went off. That thing hurt my ears, and I'm almost deaf from years of blasting music into my head! I did manage to get a video and some neato pictures!



If you listen closely, behind the siren sound you can hear the dogs freaking out inside the house. I had to lay in the floor and talk to them to keep them calm. Also, when it looked like I almost dropped the camera, it was because a wasp landed in my hair. *shudder*

Here are also some shots of the sky. It was doing some pretty weird stuff right before the clouds covered everything. I thought it was pretty, though!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who might have been redirected to this blog by accident. I seem to have an unusual number of international visitors who wind up here while doing searches for other blogspot sites, and I'd just to be clear, I have no idea what is happening. Hopefully, though, you'll be so enthralled by my wit and adorableness that you'll become a regular visitor! Right? *crickets-crickets-crickets*

2) I am now, and probably always will be, about 10 years old deep down inside. There is a hymn that is fairly common "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name" that we have sung for as long as I remember. If you aren't familiar with the song, the first line goes:

"All hail the power of Jesus' name, let angels prostrate fall."

Every single time, for years and years and years, I giggle when we sing that song because in my mind, the line becomes:

"All hail the power of Jesus' name, let angels PROSTATE fall."

I know how childish and ridiculous that is, but I can't help it. It makes me think that when Jesus is around, the angels internal workings start to prolapse. Funny, maybe, but appropriate? Never.

3) Steve and I watched the last season of "True Blood" this weekend. It isn't a show that we trouble ourselves about while it's actually on, but once the season is over we will eventually look for the episodes we missed. I like the show alright, and it has some funny parts, but I'm not a huge fan of vampires. They don't scare me or anything, they just seem overly...pretentious and moody? Like supernatural MySpace cutters. Anyways, the show is pretty good for what it is, I guess. Of course, they make Louisiana a lot more interesting than it really is. If you could believe what they say, the state is full of attractive naked people, none of which are human. Bon Temps, indeed!

4) I made some apple cheddar scones this weekend that actually turned out good enough to make you slap your momma! I mean, don't....but they are that good. I thought I had burnt them, because while they were baking I kept smelling smoke. Thankfully, it was just something on one of the registers, because they turned out fine. This reminds me that I need to clean the oven today. I hate doing that. :( I mean, it's a self cleaning oven, but it scares me to have it on that high. Oh well...gotta do it. Boo.

5) After telling you guys that the sea monkeys were doing well, I've lost 3 of them and now only have 3 left. How sad. :( There are supposed to be babies, and I occasionally see one flitting around, but they never live long enough to grow up. Who knew you could get attached to water bugs?

This bird is awesome. All of your arguments are invalid.

NIGHTMARES & DREAMSCAPES

The other night I had another nightmare, and believe it or not, it was not caused by chocolate! I don't remember what happened except that I was trapped in a hotel with a bunch of other people and some dead bodies. I don't think the hotel was even scary. It was like a really brightly lit Marriott or something, but there was a killer on the loose and every once in a while we'd happen upon a body stuffed under a bed and stuff like that.

The one, very vivid image from the dream that refuses to go away is one where a group of people I was in the hotel with (about 7 or 8 of us) thought we had trapped the killer in one of the rooms, and we were going to keep him trapped in there. Apparently the only way we could know for sure if the man inside the room was the bad guy was to sing, and if he didn't know the words, it was him.

(Shut up, it was a dream!)

So there we were, standing in a group outside the door and we all start singing "Sweet Caroline." I started it off, and the others joined in. When we got to the chorus, the door opened and an old, fat guy in a suit walked out holding a toothbrush and starting singing with us! I suppose we weren't too concerned that we had pegged the wrong guy because we kept on singing so we could finish the song. When we were almost to the end, I looked up and the killer (wearing a creepy mask) rides by on this old bicycle. He was going really slow and looking right into my eyes. It probably doesn't sound very scary to you...but jeez, it was disturbing.

Of course, ever since then, I've had the darn song stuck in my head and because of that dream the song has become unsettling. I have no idea what the dream was supposed to mean, but I am fully aware that I am now scared to death of Neil Diamond.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Oy, yesterday was busy. I mean, I didn't have a lot of things to do, but it seemed like everything happened all at once. We were going to have the Pastor Appreciation pot-luck for Bro. Mylon after morning services, and as you know, I work in the kitchen, so as soon as I got to church I had to run downstairs and intercept covered dishes as they trickled in. I was also going to need to run the sound system during the services since the regular guy wasn't going to be there, so with cornbread still under my fingernails, I had to run upstairs and make sure the projectors and things were on and ready to go. Don't let anyone ever tell you I'm not multifaceted. :) Everything was going swell until the minister of music stopped in the middle of our first song and told me to put the right slide up. I had no idea what he was talking about, because the screen I could see was working just fine. Everyone turned to look at me and I was non-plussed. I finally looked over my head and saw that the screen over my head (the one on the back wall) was stuck on the announcements. I have no idea how that happened (unless I somehow hit a wrong button when I was trying to center the images). With everyone looking at me and giggling, I didn't know what else to say but "Wha? OK, that is NOT my fault!" The music minister turned and saw that the screen behind him was working, so he just laughed and finished the song without his words. During the prayer, I managed to get the thing working again. I'd like to think Jesus didn't mind a bit of tech support going on while everyone else was talking to him. The rest of the service went fine, and just before it ended, Steve came to take my place at the sound board so I could run back downstairs and write the words on our pastor's cake. We were running out of time to get everything done, and so my attempt at writing "Thank You" on the cake looked like someone with a bad case of Parkinson's Disease did it, but at least it was legible. Then, of course, the meal happened and that was a lot of running about and cleaning up afterward. I only burnt myself once, so there's a silver lining! I managed to get a short nap at home before turning around and doing the sound again for the evening service. I was so tired by the time we got home.

2) I have a couple of pictures of the jewelry I am learning how to make. These aren't my favorites, but I had already taken the best ones to the lady who runs the store. Also, I apologize that the pictures are bad, but I think my sad little Easy-Share is showing its age. :)

I love making these, but it hurts my neck to hunch over the table! I still have a long way to go before I'm anywhere as good as the lady from Singapore, and the clay I'm using doesn't seem to want to cooperate a great deal of the time. Either it's too soft and gooey, or it's too stiff to stick together. These, along with my other stuff, will be taken to the NEACA Craft show and to Lobsterfest at St. Thomas' Episcopal (where Miss Donna will have a craft table), as well as being available at Lynn's Silks and More. I'm very blessed that Donna thinks these are good enough to carry with her to these events, but I am still not very convinced anyone is going to want them. Eh, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

3) A couple of weeks ago, I bought myself a box of the seasonal Godiva truffles. I refuse to share these, as we all know, and I was roundly punished for my selfishness. There were only six of them in the box, and every night I happened to eat one, I had terrible nightmares. I don't even remember what they were about, either, but I have no doubt that the truffles caused them. I still stand by my notion that they cause the worst nightmares out of all the chocolate that I've tried this with. Of course, I haven't tried every chocolate in the world (yet...) but I think it must be the better quality chocolate that does this because cheap chocolate never gives me nightmares. I really wish I knew why it happens! If anyone out there wants to do real scientific research on this phenomenon, I'm still completely available to be a test subject! :)

LINKIES!

OK, this is just a quick one, but I had to share. I had a pen pal named Sarah from the time I was in the 4th grade til after I graduated high school. She was from Athens, Ohio and of course, I was from Athens, Alabama (don't know if that was intentional or not because my mom signed me up for the thing...but I digress.)

We never met in person, but I always loved to get her letters, and I always felt like we knew each other well. Of course, "knowing how way leads on to way" we haven't written each other in years, and it was only by coincidence that we found each other on Facebook. Recently, she posted a link to a blog all about how she and her twin sister found out they were pregnant almost exactly at the same time and I thought it was really sweet. I mean, I'm not really crazy about babies myself, but I really enjoyed reading this.

I'm late to the party on this one, because the babies have been born, but I thought it was cute! Today I pass the cuteness on to you.

You know, I came really close to just writing:

Nothing to see here, move along.

But, I won't. I don't have a great deal of things to write about at the moment, and the minutia of my days are very probably not of any interest to you guys anyways, but I like writing about stuff and I know some of you come here to check on me and make sure I'm still alive. So, for you wonderful people, here are some

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING!

1) I drove into Athens the other day to see my sister and drop some things off for her. She is helping her mother-in-law decorate a table for a banquet and I made some votive holders for her. It's always weird when I drive back to Athens, because it changes so much each time I go back (which goes to show you that I don't go back that often). I drove the "scenic route" I used to take when I lived out there, and it was difficult for me not to honk at the house where my Agribusiness teacher used to live. He moved far away, and unless I'm in Gadsden, I won't get to honk at him anymore. :( There is also a round-about where a four way stop used to be. I know how to drive through round-abouts, usually, but when you aren't expecting one, they are scary! I screamed the whole time as I whipped around it. I'm just lucky no one needed to enter it as I was going around, because I'm fairly certain I would have killed them! I managed to find my sister's office and I hung out for a while. It was fun! I got to meet a lot of people whom I'd only heard about before. Once of Angie's bosses (I think he's her boss) is a big Sci-Fi geek too, so we talked about Star Trek Phasers for a bit. He had one in his office! I also got to meet Stanley Menefee, who is running for County Commission Chairman. He seems like a lovely man, and a consummate politician. He handed me his card, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't live in the county, so I'll just tell you to vote for him if you live out that way!

2) I got two books the other day that I'm enjoying so far! One is called "Images of America: Athens and Limestone County" - which is fascinating and has tons of old pictures. The other is called "Wicked North Alabama" - which is about the bad things that have happened in North Alabama through the years. I know awful things go on around here, but it's kind of startling when you hear specific stories. I wonder if any of my family members will be in there? :) One of my favorite lines from the book was something like "Her marriage was very short lived, mainly because she shot him." How can you not love a book with things like that in it?

3) Speaking of family members, when I was coming back from seeing Angie, I stopped by to see my mom for a while. We were talking, and I happened to mention the "Wicked North Alabama" book to her and Grant. Grant, who's family has lived in that area longer than my own, said I might find his grandfather (or maybe great-grandfather) in the book somewhere. Apparently, when all that area was a farm, his grandfather would just go out and shoot people who trespassed on his property. Shoot them and kill them, and no one thought anything about it! I mean, I know times were different back in the day, but jeez. Total country anarchy! I know a few people who wouldn't mind if things were still like that. :)

4) I watched the new version of "Nightmare on Elm Street" yesterday and I was waaaaay underwhelmed at the whole thing. I love horror movies, and I really love the ones that are slightly silly and campy, which is why the original "Nightmare" is one of my favorites. I had hoped the new one would be just as good, with maybe better special effects, but it was just...bleh. Whoever made the movie took out all of the fun, scary stuff, slapped a blue/green filter over the mess, and really ramped up the "pedophile" angle of Freddy. It was just depressing. They also killed the dog...and you just DON'T kill the dog. EVER! Also, at one point I could have sworn I blacked out and missed something, because one scene went into another that had nothing to do with anything. I mean, I kept expecting the main girl to wake up from a coma or something to explain it, but it didn't happen. It was dumb. If I'm going to sit through a scary movie, I at least want to feel the need to flip on an extra light or something, and this just didn't do it. Stupid remakes. :(

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I am freezing! I've got on two shirts, a hat, and shoes! At the end of last week, I was burning up in the house, so I had to switch the thermostat from just circulating air to actually turning the air conditioner. Today I'm freezing, and I have no idea how to turn the gas on so that the heater will work! Steve didn't get back from St. Louis until 1:00 am, and he had to leave early for a meeting, so he didn't get a chance to switch it on before he left! I know I should know how to do this already, but I don't remember what to do and I don't want to blow up my house.

2) I've pulled out my polymer clay again and have learned to make some pretty little...mosaics? I don't think that is what they are, but I don't know the proper name for the technique. Imagine taking tiny (1mm or less) balls of clay, putting them on a larger, smoother piece of clay and punching them down into it with a sharp instrument to make a pattern. That doesn't really explain what I'm doing, exactly, but it's the best I can do. An artist in Singapore does this and everything she makes is gorgeous! I don't think I will ever be as good as she is, but I'm not doing too badly so far.

3) I've been sick for the past week, and that has been a lot of fun. I have just been so tired and sneezy, and yuck. I thought it was my allergies at first, but the medicine I take for the allergies didn't help any. I'd pushed myself to go run errands at first, but it got to be too much for me after awhile, so I pretty much stayed home after that. With Steve gone for the end of the week and weekend, it was very boring around here!

4) My sea monkeys are doing fine, thanks. I've only lost one of the originals thus far, which is better than I thought I'd do. One of them freaks me out, though. It's a male (I can tell by his "mustache") and if I lean down to watch the tank, he stares at me. I know that is what's going on because he'll be swimming around, playing in the algae, and when I look in, he turns his beady little eyes on me and stops what he is doing. He'll just hover there in one place. It's creepy. If any of them become self aware, it'll be him. *shudder*

5) Still no joy on the job front. There have only been a handful of openings for graphic artists, and the past few have required a secret clearance to already be in place to be considered. My application for secret clearance was stopped just short of being finished when I lost my secretarial position in 2001. Also, if HR from the sprocket has me on record as "revealing confidential information online" as the reason I was let go, it will not be easy for me to ever get secret clearance if I ever apply again! I mean, unless it is specified that the information wasn't classified or whatever. I honestly have no idea how that works, so...we'll see. I'm still looking, that's the important thing at this point, I guess.

6) I wish I were at the beach. It wouldn't even need to be warm, I just wish I were there.

QUICKIES

1) Darn it! Target had a whole section of clearance priced clothes at 75% off yesterday while I was there, and I picked out a lovely, rust-colored t-shirt that was, like, $2.50. I brought it home and took the tags off and only then realized it's a maternity shirt. It doesn't look like a shirt for pregnant ladies, it just looks like a t-shirt, but I feel weird (and fat) knowing I'm wearing a shirt meant for someone gestating. Oh well, tags are off and I like the color, so I'll keep it. :(

2) I was having a slow morning until I opened up "Eye of the Tiger" on YouTube. If you ever have trouble getting going in the morning, just listen to that. It works amazingly well.

3) I watched Glee for the first time last night. I...I wasn't really fond of it. *Ducks as friends and family throw things at me for this.* To be fair I didn't watch a whole episode, and I'd even be willing to watch it again just to make sure I don't like it and maybe realize I did like it and I would admit to that immediately, but yikes. However, I did like the lady coach, the little gay dude and the stupid cheerleader. They were OK and can stay. Everyone else must go.

EDIT: I went to Hulu and watched the entire episode to be fair. I will include Wheelchair Guy in my list of people who can stay. The stupid cheerleader made me laugh out loud a couple of times, and girlfriend can dance, too. Brown haired girl got on my nerves, so she still has to go. All in all, I didn't hate it, but it still rates a solid "Eh."

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I still hate my hair. I gave it a week or so and I thought that maybe it would grow on me (heh) but I still don't like it and it makes me mad. How can the SAME stylist who cut my hair in the first place, ruin a haircut when all she had to do was trim it?! The one interesting looking thing about me and she ruined it. It's just...awful. It went from good haircut, past soccer-mom hair straight to little league football mom hair. Good thing I have lots of hats.

2) I went to the mall for the first time in a long while the other day, and I realized that I always rush past the "Dead Sea Mineral" Aveda (?) booth on the bottom floor. Those people creep me out! I mean normally, as a rule, if a good looking French guy pulled me aside and rubbed lotion all over me, I'd usually be all for it! However, when the cute French guy from the Aveda booth does it, it gives me the heebs. I shouldn't have to take a detour through Victoria's Secret to get from one end of the mall to the other. I'm going to start carrying a bottle with me and start spraying him like a cat every time he comes near.

3) I had the most frustrating dream! I dreamed I was getting married (to whom, I have no idea, but he was kind of cute) and all of my aunts were helping my mom get the venue ready for the ceremony. It wasn't bad at first, but things got out of hand quick. I completely lost control of what was going on and no one would listen to me. I didn't get to choose anything, my dress, my shoes, or the decorations. I ran out of the room to be alone for a second, and they basically dragged me into the ceremony! I was sitting there while they pulled the altar (or whatever it was) up to me. I was screaming "I don't like this! I don't want this!" as loud as I could, but everyone was just smiling down at me like I wasn't saying a word. It was scary! I woke up before it could go on too much longer and I don't think I slept again for the rest of the night. Weird.

4) The cats have become a problem. There are 3 of them now. Spot and Garry are still coming around, but now they have to compete with Macaroon (the Maine Coon). If any of them happen to be on our stoop when the door opens, they will run into the house! I don't allow this, but cats are wiley little critters! At one point this weekend, all 3 had managed to get in! I would chase one down, grab it and throw it out the door, turn to get the next one and the one I threw out would come back inside. I had to yell for Steve to come and help me. I still have no idea how we got them all out. I know they only hang around because I feed them (and I probably wouldn't do that anymore, but since Macaroon has been around, I don't think she/he has an owner like the other 2 and that thing YOWLS by the front door until I come out and feed it). I just wish they'd all make friends at least. There are literal hissy-fits on my stoop now and two of my plants have been damaged in the fray. :(

5) The weather seems to be getting cooler! Huzzah!

MONDAY MORNING HAIKU

Dear fall, where are you?
I'm tired of the damn heat.
I miss my sweaters.

Today was not a bad day, per se, but it was a succession of unfortunate events. However, I'm going to play the Silver Lining Game!

I accidentally jammed a pair of sharply pointed beading tweezers underneath my thumb nail, which hurt like a bitch. My finger then decided to get infected and it hurt to look at it, much less try and use it for anything. I seriously thought I'd have to go to the doctor because it was so painful.

--Silver Lining - Neosporine, rubbing alcohol, and the ability to inflict pain on myself without passing out fixed my finger up fairly well! It still hurts, but at least it doesn't seem to be infected anymore!

I went to get my hair trimmed today and was lucky enough that the lady who cut my hair last time was there. She remembered my haircut, said she had been thinking about my haircut, and had even given another lady a haircut like mine not long ago. I told her I really liked the cut and I wanted to keep it, but I just needed it trimmed. She grabbed her razor comb and went to town on my head, blew it dry, and then fluffed it out. It looked fine, so I paid and left. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized that she had given me a completely different hair-cut than the one I walked in there with. All she had to do was trim it! When she had fluffed my hair out, she had moved the front part (which should have been longer than the rest) and hid the fact that she had cut it off as short as the rest AND left a chunk out of one side. Now I do not like my hair. I do not like it at all.

--Silver Lining - Hey, at least I'm not bald. Also, it at least won't have to be cut again for a while.

I drove all the way across the mountain to the fu-fu Super Wal-Mart so that I wouldn't have to drive to two different places to get groceries and the specific non-food stuff I needed. Target didn't have the non-food stuff I wanted, so I couldn't go there. I managed to get everything else I needed at the Super Wal-Mart EXCEPT for the one thing I specifically went to Wal-Mart to get in the first place because this particular store was out of it. I had to drive all the way back to the Ghetto Wal-Mart to get what I needed.

--Silver Lining - It was a nice day and I didn't mind the drive.

I had an overwhelming craving for McDonald's chicken mcnuggets, so I decided to drive through and get some for lunch. I know they are not good for me, I rarely eat them, but when that craving hits, I have to get them. As soon as I was done with lunch, I thought I was going to die. I don't know what in the world is in the evil, delicious nuggets, but I hurt all over and I think I had a mild stroke. I also had trouble thinking after I ate. I kid you not, it was like my brain wouldn't function, and I wasn't like that before I ate lunch. Why do the nuggets want to kill me?

--Silver Lining - I won't have to eat chicken mcnuggets again for months. The desire has been fulfilled for a while.

I also realized, only after being at home for about an hour, that I'd done all of those errands and gone all of those places, and my fly had been open the entire time.

--Silver Lining- There is no silver lining for that. That's just mortifying.

Let's home tomorrow is better!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I sang at morning services yesterday, and my mom, Grant and Tommy all came to hear me! I was so glad to see them! It was the first time mom had heard me sing since before Papa died, and the first time Grant has ever heard me sing at all, so I'm glad I didn't screw up too badly. I sang "Ain't No Grave," which I love, but I kind of cringe every time I have to say "ain't." I know, I know, it's part of the song, but still. I probably could have sung something a bit less...bouncy, I suppose, but that particular song had been a request. How could I say no to my fans? I'm totally kidding, it was our music minister's little girl who wanted me to sing it, so I obliged. Anyways, they finally got to hear me and we got to have lunch together. It was lots of fun.

2) Speaking of singing... I can't remember if I've mentioned this before (and if I have, forgive me) but I bought something a while back called "Singers Saving Grace" which is a throat spray that is supposed to help keep your throat clear. I haven't used it much, but whatever I'm allergic to in the fall has started to bloom or go to seed and I had already had a coughing fit after practicing my song before Sunday school, so I pulled it out and sprayed some in my mouth just in case. The stuff is DISGUSTING. Seriously, it's foul, but if it follows the rules of medicines, the worse it tastes, the better it works, right? Well, after I sprayed some and struggled over the taste, I noticed that the smell of the stuff was pretty strong, like Absinthe. I turned over the bottle to read the ingredients, and along the list of various herbs and plant extracts, the bottle says it's 65% grain alcohol! Holy cow! I happened to say to Steve that it smelled like liquor, and he said, "Yeah, I noticed when I sat down next to you." I had only used a little bit of the stuff, and it smelled like I had been doing shots! It was a cloud around me. Oy. I tried drinking some water, but that didn't help. I was so embarrassed, because one of the deacons came over and hugged me and I knew my breath smelled like I'd been drinking. I had to avoid everyone until I could get to our classroom where I finally got some gum and that got rid of the alcohol smell. The smell went away, but the shame lingered.

3) I made a batch of lemon-strawberry jam, and it actually jammed! I didn't think it was going to, because I checked it after several hours and it was still really liquidy. I was disappointed, because I had worked really hard on making it and hated to throw it away. The next day, I was getting ready to move the jars out of the way so I could empty them and saw that the jam had finally set up! Nice! Of course, now I'm going to have roughly eleventy thousand jars of jam and stuff this year. You will probably get some from me. You have no choice in the matter. I'll be the jelly fairy. Every time I go someplace, there will be a jar of jam left behind. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

4) You want to know something embarrassing? When I first saw the section of "Organic" veggies and fruit at the supermarket several years ago, I was confused. I said out loud "Organic? Of course it's organic! It's carbon based, right?" I got some weird looks. Stupid words with lots of meanings!

5) This morning when I was at the gym a lady walked in who looked visibly pregnant. I didn't think much of it, I mean, even pregnant ladies need to exercise, right? However, when she got closer to me, I saw her face and she looked...old. I mean, much too old to be pregnant, not exactly MeeMaw old. In this day and age of medical assisted pregnancy, women can wait longer and longer to have kids, but geez. I tried not to stare, but it was difficult. It was even more difficult when she got on the elliptical machine next to mine. I kept looking sideways at her, pretending I was looking at something else. I couldn't help it! It was weird! I just wanted to stop, grab her by the shoulders and ask her WHY! Why did she want to be pregnant at her age? Does AARP cover pre-natal care? Did she want to knock another one out before menopause hit?! POR QUE?!!!!! I didn't, though. I'm fairly certain that I would be asked not to return to my gym if that was the case, and I don't want that to happen. I guess I could be wrong, of course. Maybe she isn't that old, but goodness...if she isn't, then she needs to get a good moisturizer or something.

6) I'm sorry if that last bit sounded rude. I'm not usually this judgmental and catty this early on a Monday. I blame it on my lack of sugar so far today. My apologies.

7) I got some business cards! Well, actually, they were sample cards I got from MOO, because I'd heard good things about their printing and I wanted to see what it was like. I paid a very small fee to keep the Moo logo off the back and I love how they turned out. They are very well done, shiny, slick and thick. My only problem with them is that I didn't put the business name or logo I do my freelance work under on them and I used my home number instead of my cell - but all of that was my fault. I'm not too bothered, though, because these were just samples. I'll give these out to people I know well, and order more with all of the right info on them later on.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) The jelly making of 2010 has commenced! Mr. Lee brought me another several billion muscadines and I reduced them to molten, smashed grapes, with only a couple of painful grape burns and a random spattering of dark purple spots across my face, floor, clothes and stove. :) My first batch of jelly didn't actually jell, which I found out the hard way when I opened up a half full jar that I'd put in the fridge and tried to put it on a bagel. It came out of the jar in a jelly-like way, but as it reached room temperature, it kind of...melted. It still tasted OK, though. Better than last year's batch, IMO. There is apparently a fix, so I think I can save that batch. My second batch was much better, but it kind of exploded all over my kitchen. I saved most of it, but the rest had to be scraped off of my stove top, floor and counter top. Hopefully it will come out of my clothes! I don't think there is exactly a non-messy way to make jelly or jam, but at least I didn't set anything on fire. The smoke alarm went off once, but there were no flames! Score!

2) We got a call from the Macintosh repair guys, and they were able to fix my iMac and save all of the info on it! Whew! I don't like the idea of my computer being in a stranger's hands. I mean, it's not like I have naked pictures of myself on the hard drive or anything (that's what thumb drives are for after-all) but anyone who owns a personal computer winds up saving all kinds of things on there that may seem odd to people who don't know them. Maybe the guys who fix the computers don't even look through the files, but who knows? I totally would! At any rate, I'll be glad to get it back so that I can start putting my portfolio together again. I'll save everything to dozens of disks if I have to!

3) It has started getting cooler, which has been so very nice. It's not quite "cool" yet, just not melt-your-face-off hot anymore and that is good enough for now. I can't wait for fall, though. I love it when the trees change color. I've seen a bit of that happening around here, but mostly everything is still green. I have seen quite a few trees that have an odd look to them. The leaves are still green, but it is almost as if you can see red glowing through. It's like the leaves are blushing because they realize they've overstayed their welcome, and are embarrassed about it. I'm so ready for fall.

While getting groceries the other day, Steve was lucky enough to locate some kind of wonderful blueberry cornbread stuff that was quite delicious. I think it was actually some kind of cake made of cornmeal instead of flour, but whatever it was, it was great. It wasn't rich, but it wasn't something you could eat a lot of at a time either, so the small loaf of the stuff lasted quite a few days. After lunch one day, I was jonesing for something a bit sweet, and I saw that we had one last slice of the cake and I decided I would eat it before Steve got home from work (so I didn't have to share, you see). I popped it into the microwave to give it a bit of a nuke, I poured a glass of milk and settled down at my computer desk to read something and enjoy my cake.

Now, because I was seated in front of the computer and reading something, and also because the nature of blueberries is to stain any surrounding cake, muffin or bread a purplish-greenish-blue, I didn't notice that I was about to take a bite out of a cake that contained a rotten blueberry. Even had I been paying attention, I still don't know if I would have been able to tell it was rotten, because blueberries baked inside pastry of any kind tend to already look smooshy and oozy, so at this point, I was boned. I took my first bite, chewed for a second, and thought to myself "What foul hell is this?!"

Apparently, inside my head, I talk like Frasier Crane.

A person faced with something this gross would have the initial reaction of spitting the cake out, don't you think? I might have done that, if I had been anywhere else but my office. However, I have learned over time that spitting food all over your computer isn't the proper way to care for electronics, so I simply sat there not chewing OR ridding myself of the food in my mouth. Also, since my brain had started this adventure with the idea of "YAY, DELICIOUS CAKE," for some reason it didn't hit me right away that something was actually wrong with the cake itself. I seriously thought to myself "Wow, is the milk bad?" Keep in mind, I had not tasted the milk at this point. It was as if my head was so wrapped around the idea that the cake was good, that it tried to convince me that something else was wrong entirely. It took another few chews before my tongue and brain agreed that it WAS the cake that was dodgy and my throat slammed shut, refusing to let me swallow my food, thereby keeping the foul, spoiled blueberry in my mouth even longer. A foul, spoiled, warm blueberry. That it was warm somehow made it worse.

I realize now that all of this happened in seconds, but as with other terrible things, time stretched out much longer, so this simple experience wound up feeling rather epic. Homer himself could have written volumes about this terrible thing and not adequately expressed the horror.

Don't worry, this story doesn't end with projectile vomiting or anything of the sort, and I did finally engage my faculties enough to spit out the cake and throw the rest of it away. I did have to run my tongue under the faucet in the kitchen, though, so I'm glad no one with a camera was around. It did teach me one very good lesson, which I will share with all of you. It's because I care...

**Never, ever eat the last piece of blueberry cornbread cake stuff. Always save it for your loving spouse. This way, if it is indeed rotten or spoiled, it isn't YOU who has to deal with it.**

:)

*HeadDesk* *Repeat*

Yesterday the power went off. Well, it went off, came back on, went back off, flickered twice and went off again. In the process, my iMac got fried. It was plugged into a surge protector and everything, but it still died.

Steve messed about with it, and found out that the hard drive crashed, possibly for good.

I'm sad about my computer, of course, but the worst part about it right now is that my files may be irretrievable. The Mac is where I had all of my photographs, graphic files, and Adobe software. It's also where I kept the straggling remains of my professional portfolio. If the files are lost, then my portfolio won't just be slim, it'll be graveyard dead. Oy. That is everything I still had from college up to the freelance work I had been doing over the last week.

I'm sure the nice folks at Mac Resource will be able to retrieve my files (fingers crossed), and hopefully I will have some digital copies of at least SOME of my work stashed somewhere on thumb drives, I just have to find them.

I may cry.

SO VERY SARI

Oy.

Yesterday, Steve and I decided to take advantage of the holiday and the lovely weather and go on a drive to Scottsboro. We wanted to visit the First Monday sellers, but we managed to get there too late to really see very much. We saw a few junk dealers and some great antiques, and were even offered an insane deal on a set of antique furniture (seriously $50 for a sideboard and wash stand) by a man who didn't want to repack them. I would have loved to take advantage of that, but we were in the Challenger and wouldn't have been able to take them home! :(

Since we were too late for those guys, we decided to go over to the Unclaimed Baggage store! It was packed in there, mainly because it was their 40th anniversary, so we didn't hang around for too long. Neither Steve nor I enjoy really crowded, indoor places. Plus they had a freaking DJ blasting music that was honestly too loud for the size of building we were in.

Anyways, for the short time we were there, I got to peruse the "International" section of clothing that they have. I'm always kind of fascinated with the materials and clothes they have. Lots of Indian, Arabic, and African stuff is usually the norm, but occasionally they have other things sprinkled in. While I was looking through it all, I found a gorgeous red scarf with Indian embroidery on it, and the price was too good to pass by. I also found a 3 piece Indian outfit I liked, a long flowery thing, and what looked like a long, black dress with beads around the edges of the sleeves and a matching scarf. I was excited, because they were all so pretty and very cheap! True, I don't normally wear clothes from other cultures, but quite frankly it's because I didn't have any! I decided to change that!

Once we got home with my purchases, I decided to try them on. I know, I know, I should have done that at the store, but I didn't. My bad. There were just too many people in the store for me to want to wait in line for a dressing room. So I pulled out the lovely red scarf and looped it around my neck. Then I looped it again. Then again. It wasn't a scarf, apparently. What I took to be a scarf was a Sari, which is a long length of cloth that Indian women wear draped over an under dress type thing. I didn't realize what it was, because it had been folded in such a way that I couldn't tell how long it was. I'm not too disappointed, though, because it's several feet of gorgeous red silk, and I know I can figure out a way to use it!

The Indian outfit is something called a "Salwar kameez," at least according to Wikipedia, and it is a long tunic over a pair of M.C. Hammer pants and it also comes with a matching scarf thing. It was too small, because of course it was, but I think I can alter the top to fit. I'm at least going to try, because it's so pretty and I WANT to wear it! The Hammer pants, however, fit everywhere except in the calf part of my legs because they taper in a big way. Honestly, I'm not that bothered with the pants! :)

The long flowered thing turned out to be an African dress that is too big, but very comfortable. It makes me look like Mrs. Roper, so maybe I'll just get some big, smoked amber glasses, a bad perm, and some gaudy beads to wear with it. I suppose it will be my first official mumu!

The long black dress turned out to be the big mystery. It wasn't a dress at all, but more like a robe that had three buttons at the top and had a slit up the front to the waist. It obviously was meant to be worn over something, but there weren't any more pieces to the outfit. It wasn't until I put it on that I noticed it was very severe and modest, even with the beads around the wrist part of the sleeves. I also couldn't figure out what the scarf was for, since the neckline was so high and I couldn't find a place to attach it on the bodice. I was kind of nonplussed. I had figured everything else out, but not this! I finally threw the scarf over my head, and everything clicked. I went to college with a Muslim girl who dressed like this, only not as fancy! I have no idea what it is called, but the scarf is supposed to wrap around your head and the long cloak thing is to cover the rest of me. I thought it was called a burka, but I was wrong. I still have no idea what it is, but I don't think I will be able to wear it as it's supposed to be worn. At least not without winding up on no-fly lists across the country! I can fix the robe thing to be appropriate for church, though. I just have to fix the neckline and possibly the sleeves and find a skirt or under dress for it. I can also use the head scarf as a wrap, because it is long enough and has beads around the edge. Of course, you realize that the one thing that fit me perfectly would be the one thing that I couldn't wear as-is. Typical.

PETTY PEEVERY

I have discovered another peeve quite recently.

Sometimes things just fly right up my nose like one of those tiny, fluttery bugs that you don't see until you accidentally walk into a swarm of them. You know what I'm talking about, right? They get up there, and even though you are pretty sure the bug flew right back out again, you still have the sneaking suspicion that it might have laid eggs in your brain or something? What...is that just me? Oh, well...sometimes I get the same feelings about something I read, see or hear.

For the last couple of months, I have been on the search for some little things that I can do to make my life a bit healthier. I am not talking about going to the gym or throwing out all of the food I have with high fructose corn syrup in it (suck on THAT, Jillian Michaels), but more like little changes I can make that don't overwhelm me so that I might be more likely to stick with them. Since we have a Fresh Market and an Earth Fare within easy reach these days, I thought that maybe bringing healthier snacks and more organic products into our house a bit at a time might be a nice thing to try. So far, this has been going pretty well. I mean, I can't say that everything I've gotten has been spectacular (i.e. health shakes with algae in them), nor have I had any earth-shattering, positive health changes since trying the new stuff, but I've found a few new things that I like a lot and knowing that they are better for me is a good feeling.

I took my search to the internet to find other small ways of making healthy changes, and I discovered an entire world I wasn't really aware of: the granola crunchy, tree huggy, raw food, all natural, nuevo-hippies. These people are SERIOUS about being natural in all kinds of ways. They are a Volkswagen van and a couple of Burning Man tickets away from basically setting up a commune.

OK, let me clarify, I wasn't UNAWARE of these kind of people, but I never really knew many details about them or the way they did things until I was doing my research. I have found people who only eat organic foods and people who don't cook their food in anything hotter than a food dehydrator. I've found folks who will only wear makeup that is made from beets and algae, as well as people who never use any chemicals when cleaning their houses. There is a whole new world of weirdness out there, if you know where to look.

I've actually learned a lot of very interesting and useful things by reading about these unconventional ways of life. I have begun eating Chia seeds, which you can put on anything, are very good for you (and they make a weird kind of gel if they get wet) and I've started washing my face with honey. I even tried making some of the makeup with the beets, but it didn't work out too well. These things sound unusual, I know, but they are actually good things that make some sense when you read about why people do them. There are genuinely some websites with good advice, although not everything is useful for everyone. The things I've learned about came from many different sources, and while all of them differ in some way, they almost all have one very irritating thing in common and that thing is what peeves me.

It isn't my intention to judge these people for the way they live, so please don't think that is where I'm going with this. I'm also not condemning every person I've come across, because it isn't all of them that do it. The fact that there are people who sew their own reusable maxi pads out of old pillow cases and never eat wheat isn't the thing that irritates me. It is their all consuming, highly convicted, absolute surety that what they are doing is right, and anyone who does it differently is a complete and utter idiot. Yes, it is the self-righteous hippies that have earned a place in my menagerie of pet peeves.

It wasn't so obvious at first glance, really. I mean, almost everyone has their own preferred way of doing things, so you expect to see people really extolling their lifestyles if they are going to go through the trouble of writing about and photographing it. For example, if someone is a vegetarian and writing about it, you expect them to talk about how much they like being vegetarian. I'm cool with that, and I admire people who have the self control to be vegetarian, at least until they begin telling me that meat is murder (delicious, delicious murder.) Vegans are worse, because they get mean about it. I'm generalizing, I know, but every vegan I've come across has been defensive and judgy about anyone who isn't also vegan (I chalk it up to the lack of meat in their diet.) I actually bought a vegan cookbook by accident,decided to give it a chance, and had to give it away to a friend because the people who wrote the book were insufferable.

Then we have the Raw Food people I came across, which weren't so much mean and judgy as much as they had a superior attitude. Maybe they didn't even mean to sound like that, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. The more I read, though, the worse it seemed to get. I mean, eating nothing but raw foods (nothing heated over 160 degrees, I think, because they believe that anything higher than that kills the nutrients in the food) is both complicated and inventive. Seriously, it's a hard way to do things when you have to start your dehydrators a day before to make sure you have dinner ready on time. It also calls for unusual combinations of foods to make sure everything sticks together. It's an interesting way to live, certainly, but why exactly does that make them feel as if they need to pat the rest of us on the heads and marvel at our plebeian attitudes towards food? They drink raw milk? Good for them. Personally, I think that's dangerous (and so would Louis Pasteur.) They feed their kid nothing that wasn't 100% organic to begin with, completely vegetarian, and never, ever let them have anything as common and vulgar as a french fry? Good for them! Although I hate to tell them that it won't give their kid super powers, and also, if they ever let their precious snowflake go to a friend's house, they will probably be given something to eat with artificial colors in it. They are the equivalent of those annoying people who are on diets, who then watch you eat and then tell you how fattening the food YOU are eating is. I'm completely fine with people who eat differently than I do, but when they start trying to convert me by being condescending and judgmental...that's when I begin to want to stab them with a fork.

Food aside, I was reading a blog about natural beauty products and clicked on an article that was quite interesting. Everything was fine until I reached the part where the reader is admonished for using products that have chemicals in them. OK, fine...that writer IS writing for a health blog after all, and may have been shilling for some product. I can totally dig that. It just got worse, though. By the time I got to the comment section of this article, things had devolved to the point of actual ugliness: "I just can't believe there are people who are stupid enough to use products that aren't all natural." Uh...ok? And how does that make them stupid? Or my personal favorite "I never wear makeup, but..." and then they go on to talk about how silly people are for buying and using makeup from a conventional brand instead of buying organic and natural stuff from some obscure company that is located in the wilds of Nova Scotia or wherever. Nice. That is like me saying "I never watch football, but here is why I think your favorite team is overrated and badly trained, and why I think you should be fans of this other team I also don't care anything about because they practice on real grass instead of AstroTurf and have an endangered species as a mascot." There was even one person who mentioned the dangers of deodorant. I kid you not, they actually said "I always use *whatever product they were talking about* but not even every day. You don't even NEED to use deodorant, really, if you stop using it for a while."

Say what?! Okay, everybody out of the pool.

Look, I can understand that these people have found something that works for them, and that's great. If they want to spend huge amounts of money on organic and natural products that are hard to find, more power to them. If they get a warm fuzzy for using these things or eating certain foods because it makes them healthier, good for them. What I can't understand, however, is their almost universal disdain for people who do things differently. Everyone, everywhere, does things differently, don't they?

I also don't like the fact that they guild the lily a bit when they talk about how this whole organic lifestyle thing works. If you listen to them, this is the picture you get:

Maybe some people actually live like this, I don't know. You'd think, by the descriptions of the people who talk about how great this lifestyle is, that once you purge your life of all of the chemicals and artificial colorings, only buy organic cotton clothes and shoes made from hemp and recycled newspapers, and buy all of your vegetables from the most DARLING farmer's market (and oh, PLEASE don't even get me started on the farmer's markets) that your whole life becomes this beautiful, natural, easy experience. Not so much.


What they don't tell you is that some of those chemicals you use in shampoo and soap were created for reasons. Not everyone can wash their hair in olive oil and milk...I know I can't. They tell you that there are natural ways to wash your face no matter what kind of skin you have, but those ways don't always work. Sometimes it will just give you a rash or pimples the size of dimes. They don't talk about how natural deodorants might keep you from smelling bad, but they don't stop the giant pit rings from soaking into your shirt. They don't talk about how easily cotton clothes shrink, or how natural dyes fade quickly, or how sometimes wearing hand sewn, fair trade shoes don't give your feet the support they need. They also don't talk about how stinking expensive it all turns out to be. It's all good and well for people who can afford it to buy and use these products to do so, but it is ridiculous for them to look down on people who can't afford them, and although they don't say it right out loud, I always get the feeling that they don't care if you can honestly afford it or not, they will still judge you for not doing it! UGH!

SIGH. OK, I guess my rant is just about done. I realize I have just ranted and raved over something kind of stupid. I can't help it if smarmy better-than-you types make me mad, though. I suppose this is why it is petty.

A QUICKY

This kills me.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) The week started off on a sad note for my nephew, Logan. Two of his friends were killed in a car accident on Monday. I feel so sorry for him, because I remember I was about his age when one of my best friends and her sister were killed in an accident and how hard it was to deal with. It's always difficult for kids to deal with death, especially when it happens to someone their own age. So sad. Let's keep the families and friends of these boys in our prayers. It's going to be tough for them all for a long time.

2) On a happier note... Steve bought an iPad and thus far, I'm loving it! He uses it mainly for reading and I use it for everything else! Granted, it's basically just a larger version of the iPod Touch I've had for 4 or so years, but it has still been a lot of fun to play with. It has an app that allows me to "finger paint" and then post my drawings directly to Twitter. I've basically been drawing my Tweets instead of writing them, which I hope isn't annoying my very few followers. I'm having fun doing it, though. I mean, a picture is worth a thousand words, but you only get 140 characters if you type. I'm clearly coming out ahead!

3) I found a new song that I like a great deal, but it is full of very bad language. It isn't fair! It's got a funky, old-school Motown sound, which I love, and I wish very much that it was appropriate for listening to without ear phones. I won't even post a link to it, because I don't want to be responsible for anyone accidentally playing it while kids or easily offended mee-maws are around, but it's called...uh... "F**K You" by Cee Lo Green in case you want to look it up on YouTube or something. It's a great break up song, too. I will not be held responsible for pearl clutching, so don't listen to it unless you are prepared to hear cursing! You know who you are!

4) I've been making jewelry and things like crazy this week and I have a whole lot of new stuff to give to the lady at church! Unfortunately, it's going to take me ages to make the packaging and display cards. That's my least favorite part of it all because it's so tedious. I am also doing some freelance graphic design! Woot! It's unpaid, of course, but I'm at least going to be able to put it in my portfolio which is practically empty at this point. I would have a lot more for my portfolio, but I didn't really think to pull anything from my network folder before I was let go and that was where my artwork was stored. I contacted one of my former coworkers to have him send me some of my files, but he said my folder was gone. Whahuh? Did they nuke everything I did out of existence? Certainly they just relocated my files, because that folder was 5 years worth of signage and things. Even if I sucked as bad at my job as they said, I would think they would at least have saved the stuff to show the new lady who got the job what NOT to do. Ugh, if nothing else, I hope they saved the vectors I made of the aircraft schematics. That took months to finish. Of course, now I feel like a complete idiot for not pulling things for my portfolio as I went along, but there is nothing to do now but start over. Oh well...I'm a graphic artist, so going back to the drawing board is just part of the job, right? :)

5) Speaking of making things, I'm on my 231st hat! Technically, I'm still behind if I'm going to make one for every day, but my nifty circular knitting machine helps catch me up when I get too far behind. The hats it makes are very, very simple, but will be perfect for the charity as long as the yarn cooperates. It doesn't always, you know. I'm running low on yarn I can use, though, so another trip to Hobby Lobby is in store. I'm going there a lot these days. At this point, I feel like the cashiers should yell "NORM!" when I come through the doors.

Here is a video I shot while visiting Jerry Brown Pottery earlier this month.



The quality isn't so great, so forgive me for that. I'm working with what amounts to ancient technology these days! :)

FOR YOUR INFORMATION

PAJAMAJEANS

A few entries ago, you might recall that I made a sleep deprived and probably ill advised online purchase. Here was my initial thoughts about it:

"Speaking of impulse buys... I bought something the other day that is both sad and embarrassing. There was a night last week where I couldn't sleep at all and I spent hours on the computer just aimlessly browsing around. I was reading an article on Listverse (I think), and I followed a link to an "As Seen On TV" website. I promise you I wasn't looking to spend money on anything, and if I hadn't gotten to the point that I was getting kind of punchy and floopy because of lack of sleep, I wouldn't have even thought about ordering anything. Also, if the credit card hadn't been nearby, I probably wouldn't have used it either. It was like the universe pooled all of it's forces and tricked me into making this order. I ordered a pair of Pajama Jeans. *SHAME* It was like I was hypnotized! I opened up the link, and the video started playing, and my brain just, I don't know, took a leave of absence. I was like "Wow, they do look comfortable! They look like jeans, but they are made of DormiSoft (TM) fabric! Contrasting top stitching! They DO look like they were designed by some European designer! I need these! I need them now!" So I ordered them. Now that I've had sleep, I'm deeply ashamed of my lack of purchasing control. I have no doubt that they will be kind of cheesy, and probably end up being yoga pants with screen printed yellow stitching down each side, but darn it, I'm going to own my mistake. They haven't gotten to me yet, so I have to reserve complete judgment, but...Pajama Jeans? My hopes aren't that high."

In light of full disclosure, I'll admit that as I waited on them to be mailed to me, I began to anticipate being able to wear them. I mean, who wouldn't love a pair of jeans that were so comfortable that you could sleep in them? At the very least, I figured that I'd finally found a pair of pants that looked enough like jeans that if I had to run a quick errand without changing clothes, I might not end up on the "People of Wal-Mart" website! My main issue was that I wanted to get them for our trip to Texas, because I knew that I'd be sitting in a car for 18 or so hours and I thought that, at the very least, I could get to our destination without suffering the imprint of a GAP button on my lower stomach!

Luckily, I got my package a day or so before we left on our trip! I was excited and immediately got prepared to try them out!

Since you get the official PajamaJean T-Shirt (for free!) I got a whole comfy outfit out of my package!


There was a heather gray shirt and the mythical pair of PajamaJeans! *cue angel chorus*
The shirt was just your normal, albeit well made shirt, so I don't need to tell you about that. The pants, however, are what we are here to talk about!

At first glance, they do indeed look exactly like a pair of slightly flared, dark wash jeans! My favorite! They don't feel like denim, of course, but the DormiSoft (tm) material was thick and soft. I was pleased to see that they were constructed exactly like jeans actually would be, with actual (and not screen printed) top stitching, seams along each side, back pockets, and even rivets. There was even a bit of Trompe l'oeil in the front that gave the illusion of a zipper but without the ouchy button of regular jeans.

In your FACE Levi Strauss!

So far, the infomercial had not overstated anything in regards to the product. I don't know how jeans made my a European designer look, exactly, but sure...why not.

I had ordered according to the sizing chart, and by the measurements, had to get a larger size than what I wish I had needed. I even went and measured my curves one more time to make sure I was ordering correctly. I know that most clothing is not exactly friendly to the...um...pleasantly zaftig, so I wasn't exactly unprepared to see that what sounded like an enormous pair of pants were - by the chart - indeed my size. Boo. I want to make it very clear that the pants -BY THE CHART- were my size, maybe even a tiny bit bigger than I needed, but not by much. That is an important tid-bit.

So I pulled the PajamaJeans on, and they slid right down my hips. Um, ok... So I pulled them back up and they slid down again. I am not too ashamed to tell you that I was confused. Clothes usually are too small on me, not too big. I mean that honestly, I can buy clothes that say on the tag that they are my size...but they don't button, or if they do, you can hear the threads screaming through their effort to keep from splitting off of my body Hulk style. So I looked on the tag again to make sure I didn't accidentally get pants a size too big by accident. No...they were the size I ordered. Huh. Well, I thought about keeping them, but realized that there was no way I could walk around in pants that clearly didn't want to stay up. I mean, I could, but nobody wants to see that. Nobody! So I gathered my long awaited PajamaJeans back up, packed them for returning, and decided I would get the next size down, which - BY THE FREAKING CHART - were a too small for me. I rationalized a return - and not a refund - because I could see potential in the pants. I mean, I didn't know if they'd go from-bed-to-date-night wear like the commercial promised, but I knew they were something I'd be glad to have for traveling or whatever. Even if they were a bit too small, they'd stretch, right?

Skip ahead a few weeks and I got my new pair of PajamaJeans! I didn't bother taking pictures because they looked and felt exactly like the last pair. I even got another gray t-shirt with them! I was immediately worried, because the shirt was too small. It was weird, because the shirt was a size that should have been roomy on me, but it was quite snug. Poop. I took the pants back to my room to try on, with the full expectation that they'd probably cut off my circulation. If the shirt was uncomfortably small...how must the pants be? So I put them on.

They were still too freaking big.

Don't get me wrong, there is NO ONE else in the world who would love to discover that they had woken up 20 pounds lighter without having to have large tumors or limbs removed than me. No. One. Trust me on that. However, I see myself every day and I haven't been going to the gym, so I knew that wasn't the case. I was still the soft and squishy lady I have been. These pants weren't as huge as the last pair, but still...they were too big. I went back to the website and made sure I wasn't wrong about the measurements, but I hadn't been. By all means, the size I got should have been snug, if not downright tight, and they weren't. I decided that these would be OK, because even a bit big they weren't THAT huge, so I decided to go about my day and see how they worked.

The pants are comfortable, I can't fault that. They feel like yoga pants and look like jeans. I was actually comfortable, even though they were too big, for a while. I had to put on shoes, because I kept stepping on the hems, but if you've ever looked at my regular jeans, you know I pretty much walk the hems off anyways. I'm too short for normal and too tall for petite, so I do what I've got to do. Things went fine for a while. I worked on my crafts, I did a bit of laundry, and cooked. Not exactly a very active day, but I didn't have a lot of plans. Everything was going fine except that the pants started sliding down my hips again. At first, I didn't even notice, I'd just hitch them up and go about my business. However, while standing at the spice cabinet, they literally almost fell off. The commercial talks about how they don't stretch like sweat pants do, but that just isn't true. These had stretched alarmingly, and I promise I hadn't been doing calisthenics in them. I thought that if they had belt loops, I might be able to make it through the day, but there were none. I even tried pinning them on the sides, but they material was too thick and all of my safety pins were too small. I finally decided that I needed to just wash them, because sometimes new clothes shrink a bit when they are washed for the first time. The material is 95% cotton and 5% Spandex, so certainly that was it. I even threw them in the dryer, even though it says not to. I simply hoped that drying them wouldn't melt them or anything. It still didn't work. If anything else, they feel as if they've stretched more! Color me a disappointed purple, because I wanted these to be awesome.

Look, I'm not saying these are bad. In fact, I think I'd love them if they actually fit. They look pretty good and they would be wicked comfortable for long flights or car trips in situations where you don't want to actually wear your pajamas. I can't return the ones I have for YET another smaller size because I've already worn, washed, and removed the tags from them. I'm trying to figure out if I can sew them on the sides a bit to take them in, because I'd rather not have wasted the money, but I'm afraid that may be out of my skill level. I won't even tell you not to buy them, because I think you'd like them too, if you got a pair that fit. However, I don't know how you can do that if the sizing chart is that far out of whack. Hopefully I can figure out a way to alter the ones I have so that they fit, but I'm not holding my breath.

I give these 1 thumb down and the other one in the waistband holding up my pants.