What Now

Sometimes I feel like I might actually go crazy. I mean, I'm not on the verge of standing on the roof with an AK-47 or anything like that, but for as long as I can remember, I have always been bad about letting something little bother me. It's not stuff that is important in the whole scheme of things really, just little stuff that I couldn't possibly control even if I wanted to. I equate it with that niggling feeling you might get if you "think" you might have left the stove on when you are on vacation. You are 2,000 miles away, there is nothing you can do about it, but it still hangs onto the back of your mind and won't let go until you get home and find out that you don't even use your stove, so of course it wouldn't be on. Multiply that by 100 and have it follow you around all of the time and that is how I am. It's not even like an obsessive-compulsive thing that would go away if I turned on and off the lights 11 times every time I came into a room! It's aways about people I'm worried about or things that I think might happen, definately things I can't do anything about! It's really getting old! I'm tired of worrying!

I had to take medicine for a while for an anxiety disorder when I was 18, but I haven't had that problem in so long. I wonder if it's coming back? I hope not. That medicine made me sick as a dog!

Oh well.