What Now

2007: A RETROSPECTIVE

Last year when I wrote my first year retrospective, I'm afraid I did myself a disservice. I summed up the entire year of 2006 as a year that sucked. Granted, a great deal of things went badly, but I somehow managed to overlook everything good that happened and dwell on all of the unfortunate things that went on. I don't want to do that this time.

I'd like to think that I've grown a bit this past year. Not only emotionally, but spiritually and mentally as well. I'm not going to say that 2007 was a perfect year, because it wasn't. However, that doesn't really bother me when I step back and look at the big picture. I've learned that if every day is perfect, then perfect becomes commonplace. If you never have sadness, you will never know happiness. So yes, a great deal of things sucked this year, but without those things, I don't think I could truly appreciate all of the good things that happened as well.

My 29th birthday came and went, still as disappointing as ever. I'm guessing a lot of my disappointment stems from the fact that I have terribly high expectations when it comes to happiness. Try as hard as I might to have fun, the highlight of my day was a Cracker Barrel hamburger and a nap. But hey, I had another birthday, the hamburger was great, and who doesn't love a mid-day nap?
For the first time in my life I traveled alone, flying from Huntsville to Miami to visit my friend in the hospital. Yes, I got trapped in the Charlotte airport for 14 hours all alone, but I learned that I am not as helpless as I once was. I not only made it to Miami successfully (if not a little later than I thought I would), but I got to visit my miracle friend and made it home all in one piece!
I graduated in May, which was fantastic, and my parents and some of my best friends in the world were there to see me get my diploma. Mom and dad were so proud of me, since I was the first person in our family to get a degree. My dad even kept the picture of him, mom and me on his desk at work, and the picture of me holding my diploma in a frame on his night stand. If nothing else in the world had happened, I'm so glad that my father got to see that and had the chance to be so proud of me.
I got to visit New Orleans, LA; Texas, Nevada, Utah and a bit of Arizona. All of these places were as hot as hades, but totally worth the sweat and fear of prehistoric plastic scorpions!
My father passed away, and try as I might, I just can't find the silver lining in that. I miss him so much every day. I hate seeing my mom so miserable and my family seems to be so lost without him sometimes. But, I honestly believe that all things happen for a reason, even if we aren't told what it is. However, when he died, I realized how many people in my life are willing to stand by me and prop me up. Friends came with food and flowers, a shoulder to cry on, a card with a note of support in it, a joke to make me laugh, and one or two of them were just there for whatever I needed. I can't even express how much all of that meant to me then, and still means to me now.
I've made some new friends and I've lost a few. I even have some friends who seem to be waiting patiently by the door holding my hat and coat, ready for me to leave, but not willing to ask me to go. Josh moved off to Colorado to become a priest and I miss him terribly. Even though I'd have him back if I could, I'm so proud he's finally found his calling. He's neither lost nor here, but I didn't know what category to put him in.
I have had to face the fact that some things are just out of my hands. No matter how much I want something to happen, or don't want it to, there are just some things that I can't do anything about. I'm still struggling to deal with that, but maybe in 2008 I will come to some sort of peace with it. I also know what it feels like for your heart to completely break. That sounds melodramatic, I suppose, but that isn't a lie or an exaggeration. I hope it heals one day, even if the cracks still show. Hopefully if it does, the memory of how much it hurt will only make me more grateful that it is fixed.

So there you go, folks. My 2007. I have been blessed, very blessed as well as tried and beaten down. I hope you have been just as fortunate as I have.