What Now

I got the following e-mail from my sister this morning. It's one of those forwards that is pretty much poking fun at being southern, and normally that irritates me beyond words! It has been a point of mine for a long time to disprove southern stereotypes, mainly because I think that most of them are terribly rude. However, this one was kind of funny because a lot of it is true. Observe:

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Alabama. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one's seen before. (OK, that one is a little silly, we all know that possums don't sleep in the road, they are dead. However, the snake and spider thing is true.)

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. (Also true.)
Onced and Twiced are words. (I've heard older people use those words.)
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy. (Yes! Steve makes fun of me for that one.)
And let us never forget, it's not a garden hose or simply hose, it's a"hosepipe" (one word). (Steve also makes fun of me for that too.)
Knowed is a word too! (Unfortunately)

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic. (Yes, and they are evil little critters, too.)
People actually grow and eat okra. (BLECH! My mom makes boiled okra. It looks like snot. I'm not kidding.)

Mama-nem means the whole family. (I've used that one.)
Backards and foreards means I know everything about you.

Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat yet?" (Sadly, this is also true.)

You know you're from Alabama if:

1. You measure distance in minutes. (We do.)
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. (All of the time.)
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks. (Or poke, if you're really old school.)
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. (and usually there is a baby or a dog in there as well.)
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. (Guilty of that.)
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. (Don't forget the Athens Dogwood Festival, too.)
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. (Not anymore.)
8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car. (Doesn't everyone?)
9. You know what "cow tipping" is. (Actually, this is a misconception. Cows don't sleep standing up, and they will chase you if you try to do this. I will not explain how I know.)
10. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, chili powder, and catsup. No genuine Alabamian ever called it "Catsup". Down here it's "Ketchup" and let's not forget pepper sauce for the turnip greens! (I occasionally will also use cinnamon...so there!)

11. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages..for sports. (The Athens paper uses two pages for news, but the Sports has it's own section.)
12. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. (My cousins do.)
13. You find 90 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." (Too warm, but not terrible.)
14. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer,and Christmas. (Sad, but true.)
15. You know whether another Alabamian is from east, west, or middle Alabama as soon as they open their mouth. (And the way they say "Albertville" will also tip you off.)
16. Visiting Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as "going to wal-marts." (Went on a date there once.)
17. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather. (Or chicken stew...)
18. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example "What kinna coke you want?" (I no longer do this, but my mom still does.)
19. Fried Catfish is the other white meat. (Yum)

So, go ahead and snicker if you aren't from here. If you are, you know what I'm talking about.