Hello again!
Look, don't worry. Not every entry on my blog is going to be about this surgery, I promise. I mean, I might mention it from time to time, but I'm not some expert about what I've had done and I don't think I'll want to turn into some kind of guru about it. I'll do my best not to create a hashtag or a new IG account called "The Incredible Shrinking Kelly" or anything like that. In fact, I hope I don't have to mention it very often again!
I've done it. It's done. It's a part of my life now and I've got to learn to adapt to it.
But I am going to write one last update (for now, at least) about how I'm doing and all of that. I'm sure one of you cares, after all! Haha!
I'm almost two weeks out from having the vertical gastric sleeve and I'm feeling much better. I'm not 100%, but that is to be expected. Most of my soreness is gone, except for one incision site where they had to stitch a muscle back together. That should probably be feeling better than it is, but I made the mistake early on of trying to lie on my back. Apparently that was stupid of me, because I couldn't get back up. Steve couldn't help me up. There was only me, lying on my back like a sad turtle, with what felt like what I imagine a bullet wound feels like. I finally managed to squirm my way back on my feet, but I'm pretty sure I either pulled out an internal stitch, or viciously pulled a muscle in my side. Either way, that bitch still hurts!
I've graduated from sleeping in the chair and can now sleep in the bed, as long as I'm propped up, which is nice. I'm still trying to drink all my drinks and it sucks. If I'm not thinking about it, I can drink water all day. Now that I have to measure it all, it's much harder. I don't know why. Stupid brain! I'm still really weak and get tired easily, but honestly, I'm running on about 350-400 calories a day and I haven't been cleared to take vitamins yet. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm able to function at all, but so far I'm doing ok. I've even run a couple of errands by myself, which was awful, but I was determined not to be stuck inside all day. I'm mostly avoiding going out so that I don't catch the flu, or a cold, or even COVID (I can't have a booster until I talk to the surgeon) because if I cough, or sneeze, or throw up, I think my abdomen would explode. Also, I want to see my family at Christmas. If my mom doesn't see me in person soon, I'm fairly certain she'll disown me. Getting back to normal is something I'd like to do very soon!
But as I'm healing, I'm coming into a lot of fears. What if this doesn't work? What if I went through all of this bullshit and I don't lose weight - or even worse - lose very little and no more? That can happen. it is a legit statistic. Some people just don't respond to it.
Also, a lot of how you succeed in this process comes down to discipline with food and exercise and I already know I am not great with that. You shouldn't have 80% of your stomach taken out and then screw that up, ya know? I'm afraid I'm not strong enough. What if I fail?
Another weird thing that has been happening, is that I'm feeling very hungry at times. Granted, I'm living on liquids, which could be the culprit, but I wasn't supposed to feel hungry. The surgery is supposed to take care of ending the feeling hungry portion of things, but there are times when I'm starving. It's frustrating. What if, when I'm healed enough to eat regular food, I can't stop? Or, if I can control that, will I be hungry forever?
Ugh. There are a lot of worries in my head right now, and it takes up a lot of my brain space, but honestly, I just want to do the best I can with all of this. I don't know how it will shake out in the end. I hope I'm able to follow the program and find what works for me, and not be an idiot about things when it comes down to it. I still have a long way to go, so I'd appreciate your good vibes or whatever you can send my way!
But I don't want to end this on a downer. There is still a chance this will work exactly as it's supposed to and I'll be so much healthier down the line. I'm sure there will be some disappointment and backsliding, but there is an equal chance that I'll do great. The biggest problem at this point is not knowing. I don't want to sabotage myself ahead of time out of fear.
Oh, and just so that you can be excited for me, later this week, I get to eat an egg! A whole egg! I've been told it's akin to a religious experience.
TO EGGS!
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