The surgery has been had.
In a word…ouch.
I had to be at the hospital very, very early in the morning so that I could be my surgeon’s first patient of the day. It started out fairly normal, I guess. I got taken back to a sheeted-off section in pre-op, told to get naked, and to put on the gown and weird mesh underpants that they gave me. Do you know how vulnerable you can feel while standing naked less than 5 feet from a crowd of strangers and trying not to fall down while trying to get your legs into weird mesh underpants? Well, it’s very vulnerable!
I got the pokes, pills, and prods, an IV was inserted into my arm so deep I swear it hit bone! The anesthesiologist came in to make some jokes and tell me what to expect, and when I asked him if I could have something to chill me out (I was very nervous) he nodded his head at the nurse and from then on I was flying high! I think Steve came in at some point, but honestly I don’t remember very much. I do remember being wheeled into the operating room, and then being wheeled out again, though! I had to get out of the bed and walk into the recovery room myself, which sucked, but I made it! There were two nurses who were very attentive, and they came in and checked my vitals and asked questions, and I spent a good portion of time hallucinating things!
Steve was a champ, too! He stayed with me the whole time, even though he had to have been bored. He had spoken to the doctor, who told him my surgery went perfectly and they didn’t have to do any biopsies (a thing they do if they notice weirdness) and that my liver looked great! I’ve never had anyone compliment my liver, so that was nice. One thing they gave him were pictures from the surgery. Since it was all done laparoscopically, they had cameras in my abdomen taking pictures! Those pictures were GROSS!! He kept waking me up and asking “Do you want to see the pictures again?!” I did not! Stomachs are ugly. I think that’s why God put them on our insides. I could post those pictures here, but A) I don’t think you’d enjoy seeing them, and B) it feels weirdly intimate to have people looking at my organs. So…just Google it if you need to see, or you can text me if you truly have to see my insides! Heehee.
Dear Lord, everything hurt so bad. It wasn’t the incisions, but the CO2 gas bubbles they pumped into me to give them the room to work. None of the pain meds they gave me did any good, not even the good stuff! I know I complained about being in pain a lot, so I hope they didn’t get annoyed with me. In my state of mind it was all I could think of!
I kept going in and out of consciousness for a while until I was told I had to get up and walk. Apparently, you have to pass the lap test, which meant I couldn’t go home until I did 15 laps around the hallway. I was not in the mood to walk, but walk I did! Well, I did it in two halves, but I did it! I have no concept of time or anything else until they can in with my discharge papers, and they gave me a bunch of instructions I didn’t understand (thankfully Steve was listening) and they told me I was ready to go home! The last bit of fun I had was trying to get dressed and having the IV bandage get caught on my sleeve and pull off. So. Much. Blood! I kind of wished I could have stayed overnight, but they didn’t deem it necessary, so I went home.
I don’t remember the ride, or getting home, but eventually I was in my chair trying to sleep off the last dregs of my drugs. Even at home, I had to keep waking up every hour to walk around the house to prevent blood clots and stuff, I was told. Great, I get through the surgery and now I have to worry about rogue blood clots! Aaaargh!
As of this writing, it’s been three days since the surgery. I’ve spent a lot of time walking around, panicking about blood clots and strokes, taking naps, watching TV, trying to drink enough liquids (I have goals I have to meet. Yuck.) and struggling not to barf. Today I got to graduate to drinking protein shakes! I can only drink them an ounce at a time, so it takes a long, long time. I feel like I’m drinking all the damn day! I have to drink from a medicine cup so I don’t swallow too much at a time, so it’s a process.
There are times when I wonder if I made a mistake, but I think that’s because it’s hard to get used to. Also, I know my life has to change a lot for this to be worth it, which is scary. It’s also scary that I made a decision specifically for myself. I didn’t do this for anyone else, so I have to take this responsibility all on myself not to waste the opportunity I’ve been given to change some things that I didn’t like about myself, and that is also hard. It is a lot!!
The one really surprising thing (and I know how stupid this is going to sound) was how many people have been checking up on me and being concerned about me. When Steve told me about all the people who had texted and called him to ask about me, I almost cried. I do t think I’ve ever verbalized it to myself, but I always kind of thought people forgot about me until I got in touch with them. That’s weird, I know, but I didn’t expect that anyone would remember, much less care very much, that I would be doing this, and I have been overwhelmed with the kindness that people have shown me. It’s very humbling!
So that’s the status for now. I’m walking, sipping, trying not to barf and taking 900 medications that I have to crush, and being amazed about how many people that care!
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