What Now

"Ease flows through a cup of tea and I find my life large enough to hold me."

I can't believe it. My tea just called me fat! ; )

I think Steve is trying to kill me. Don't be fooled by his innocent face, people, he is trying to get rid of me slowly and painfully. He got me this membership at the gym because he knows what they do to people there. Last night we went for our first official workout. We were going to go there together, but he ended up having to work late, so I had to meet him there. We had picked a time when this gym just happens to be at it's busiest, I guess, and I got there a little early and let them know who I was. The front counter lady told me to jump on a treadmill or some other form of cardio torture and someone would be with me after that. Well, I picked a stationary bike. No big deal, we used to bike a lot, so it wasn't as if I was doing anything I wasn't familliar with. So I biked, and waited. Steve came in and changed, and I was still waiting for my trainer. Steve came back with his trainer and started his workout, and I was still waiting. So finally I walked back up to the front desk, and you'll never guess who was with me. That little dude who helped us out the first day, who will forever be known to me as Flakey Smurf. Well, me and Flakey got down to business. Of course, he wasn't paying attention to what I was doing at all, but I did my best. Every time I finished a set, he would write it down on my little sheet, but not before I had to snap him out of his reverie to tell him I was done. Not even midway through, he says to me "I think you could do this yourself, I mean, you write this here and this here." I was ready for him to just go and find out where he'd left his brain, so I agreed. Who knows if I was doing any of it right, but I struggled through. I did have to go and find him for two of the machines, because I'd never seen them before, but other than that, I was alone. By the time I was done, I didn't so much hurt as feel like someone had replaced my muscles with jello. It was the same kind of feeling that you get when someone startles you really badly and you have a surge of adrenaline, so you just shake, but I felt oddly light. It was probably because I was either about to throw up or die. When I got home and showered, all I could really do was lie there like a basset hound after that.

I did get to watch The Office, though, and that made me happy. Well, sort of anyway. The character Jim on that show just breaks my heart. He's in love with the receptionist and she's engaged and had been for three years because her jerky fiance wouldn't set a date, and Jim flirts with her all of the time and you think it's going somewhere, but then she finally sets her wedding date and he just looked so sad! I mean, I know it isn't real, but that actor can just rip your heart out about it. Maybe the same thing happened to him in real life once. Who knows?

I've always heard that time can heal all wounds, but I wonder how much time it takes? Last night I ran across someone whom I haven't really thought about in forever, someone who knowingly did something very hurtful to me once, and thinking about it made me feel bad all over again. Trust me, it isn't as if I have been dwelling on this person or what they did, but when it slaps you in the face like that, it's hard to ignore. Is it so wrong to want an apology or retrobution of some kind? I'd like to think if they were honestly sorry, I wouldn't feel bad about it anymore, but I don't think that I'll ever know. I haven't talked to them in so long, they probably don't even remember doing anything. Oh well, maybe I just need more time. : )

By the way, Annie, I don't think Coldstone could even make anything worthwhile out of that tea from yesterday. It would rank right up there with their Wasabi ice cream and that was just - horrifying. : )