RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING: AGAIN

1) This past weekend we (Steve, Anthony, and I) went to a sci-fi convention here in town! It was the Huntsville Comic and Pop Culture Expo.  It isn't big or fancy (yet), but we had a great time, I thought.  There were a lot of great costumes, so the people watching was so much fun. I sat on the Iron Throne, I met Jermaine "Funnymaine" Johnson - who is the guy to does the funny Alabama football recaps during the fall, and I met Kevin Sorbo.

If you remember (and I know you probably don't, but I'm going to pretend you do) several years ago, I saw Mr. Sorbo at Dragon*con and he, along with his entourage, almost knocked me down a flight of stairs.  He didn't even look my way as I had to catch myself.  He had been on my list since then, but it turns out the man is actually pretty nice.  Anthony was wearing a Saints shirt, and he stopped and we talked football with him for a minute.  He's a BIG Vikings fan ('cause he's from Minnesota) so we teased him a bit, but he had a good sense of humor about it.  Turns out he's very nice and probably wouldn't almost shove me down a flight of stairs at this point in his life, so he's no longer on my list. Is that really all it takes to get on my good side?  Pretty much.

There were a lot of booths in the vendor area that had cool stuff to buy.  I have to say, the vendor area is probably my favorite place in any Con I've ever been to, but that's because the sheer amount of local artists (and maybe not so local) that have stuff on display.  I don't have a lot of room for stuff like that right now, so I didn't buy anything other than a DIY Funko Pop figurine.  I'm going to make it into a Me figurine, because who wouldn't want their own Funko, amiright?  Haha!

One funny thing that happened was that at one of the vendor booths, I asked one of the guys running the booth if he had a particular figure Anthony was looking for, and after staring at him and wondering why he looked so familiar, I realized we graduated high school together and had gone to church together for a few years.  He hugged me and I asked him a few questions, but I have no idea if he knew who I was until right before I left him.  Heh, that's fine.  We didn't talk much in school, so it wasn't like he was my long lost BFF or anything.  It was good seeing him, though!

We went back that night to see Jermaine Johnson's stand up act, and he was very funny.  Go see him if you get a chance!  He does more than talk about football.

2) OK, so Steve and I have been on this weight loss program for roughly 8 weeks, which is halfway through the worst part of the program, and duuuuuuuude, it sucks.  Well, let me be more clear, it can suck.  It's easier than it was, so I'm grateful for that, but I'm losing weight so slowly and Steve is losing weight so quickly, that it's hard not to wonder what I'm doing wrong. I know that men lose weight faster than women, so that's not s huge surprise, but still, so far...6 weeks of nothing but liquids, 2 weeks of mostly liquids and one meal replacement bar a day, my fitness tracker app thinks I have an eating disorder and the people at the hospital (who are lovely and supportive) have asked if I was still following the program. I am, I promise! I don't think they believe me, because everything is happening so slowly for me. It's insanely frustrating.

I haven't cheated on the program, although I've been tempted, but I don't want to mess up whatever ground I've gained thus far. I'm constantly hungry, which they said I wouldn't be, but maybe it's just me. I already knew I was an emotional eater, but geez, I never knew how much of one.  Before, if I had a bad day or something was bothering me, I'd always eat something that made me feel better, because food is good and comforting, but now I can't do that and sometimes I have no idea how to handle myself when life gets on my nerves!  Hehe, don't worry, I'm not a complete basket case, but it's hard to change a lifelong habit and I'm still trying to find my footing.  I'm getting a bit better at it!

The behaviorist and I talked about how some parts of our lives were controlled by our "Logical Brain" and some our "Primitive Brain."  He told me to imagine having a 6 year old in my head, and that 6 year old controls how I eat.  If you give any normal kid a choice between a hamburger and a salad, most kids will pick the hamburger.  If my logical brain was in charge, I'd go with the salad, but apparently the 6 year old is loud and persistent.  For a couple of weeks, I tried very hard to rule myself in most areas of my life with my logical brain, but you know what?  Screw that. My logical brain is boring! I can't live like that. Plus, I think my primitive brain is more like a 20 year old, so technically I'm not letting a child choose my food for me.  However, I have been eating only what I'm supposed to eat, and my primitive brain has been pouting, but she is just going to have to chill until I see this thing through. I am determined to do that much if I can.  Just between you and me, though, I'm pretty sure my primitive brain is in charge of lots of stuff, because I don't think I'm very logical, and doing the fun, inappropriate stuff is usually my go to.

I'll tell you what, though, it's hard. I was describing this to a friend of mine, and I think the worst part is that I know I could just quit this program and do whatever I want, but I have to constantly stop myself from doing that. Imagine wanting something so badly that it almost hurts, knowing you could go out and grab it, but not letting yourself because you don't want to screw something up?  I'm really not good at telling myself no, I guess.  Ugh...denial is not my strong-suit. 

Anyways, I'm still chugging along.  I don't think I'm going to be anywhere close to the goal weight they set me at this point, but I'm trying very hard!  That's got to count for something, right?

ZERO TO SIXTY IN SIXTEEN WEEKS...ALLEGEDLY

I mentioned a while back that Steve and I were going to undertake a new weight loss program through one of our local hospitals.  I also said that I would try not to talk about it that much. However, as it seems to be the thing that is currently taking over every aspect of my life right now, I'm going to talk about it today.

(Don't worry, I've already got someone on stand by to tell me to shut up if I talk about it too much!  Haha!)

OK, so...

Almost three weeks ago, Steve and I went to our orientation meeting to learn about the program, receive our first batch of "food" (yes, that's in quotes, and I'll explain in a minute) and talk to the nurses, dietitian, and behaviorist to find out what is expected of us.  Every single person we talked to is very enthusiastic about the program and how successful it is, so that was nice.  We were given folders, lessons, appointments to see the different health professionals, and a month-long membership to the hospital's gym.  (We already have a membership to that gym, although we haven't been in a while, but don't tell them that!) The program doesn't have a snazzy name.  I don't know if it has a proper name at all, actually, unless you want to call it what I've referred to it as: Optifast800: Hell in a Juice Box.

So how does it work?  Well, The very first, and apparently most important rule of the program is that for 16 weeks we are not allowed to eat. What's that you say? We aren't allowed to eat? That is crazy! Well, yes. Yes it is.  But, that is, hand to God, the first thing that they told us.  We are not allowed to eat anything.

Stop looking at me like that.  I swear, it's the truth.

The dietitian said that to begin the process of losing weight, our digestive tracts needed to heal.  Heal from what?  Did someone tell him I'd been eating broken glass and staples again?  I dunno, but food - and by that I mean solid, you-can-chew-it-food, is tearing us apart.  I guess.  Again, I don't know, because that part wasn't explained well, but we got the gist.  No eating is allowed.

Well...shit.  Ok, then.

What we are allowed to have is a series of liquid meals that either come already mixed in juice box form, or that come in a powder that we have to mix with water. We have chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavored shakes, and pouches of powdered soup (because we need sodium) that are either vegetable, chicken, or tomato flavored. The shakes kind of taste like watery protein drinks and the soup tastes kind of like the pouches that come with ramen noodles, only thicker (except for the tomato soup, which is horrible and indescribable except by facial expression and grunts of disgust.) I'm not going to lie, none of it is very good, but it's balanced and portioned out depending on our situation and how much weight we need to lose. I get a total of 5 of these things a day. Eventually we will graduate to replacing one of our shakes with a meal replacement bar.  I'm not sure I'm going to remember how to chew! We can season our food with anything 10 calories or less, so we've learned to get creative. We can also have sugar free Jell-O for a treat. Whee. At any rate, all of this is so we can reset ourselves (?) and lose the weight that we need to lose. It was decided by the doctor that I need to lose 60 pounds.  Honestly, I thought he'd tell me to lose more, so... silver lining!

So I haven't had solid food, except random sesame seeds that happen to be in spice mixes that we're allowed to use in our soup, in three weeks. I have not cheated on the program, even though I've been tempted! Unfortunately I haven't lost much weight at all.  I have yelled at Steve twice.  Not because I was mad at him, or because any of this is his fault, but because I'm having a hard time adjusting and he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm not proud of that, but it is what it is. I mean, I only have 3 things I enjoy these days and eating was one of them, now I don't have that, and I'm down to two of them!  It's frustrating! Steve is very sanguine about everything and he's doing very well with all of this and has thus far lost a lot of weight. Sometimes I want to hit him with a shoe.  Again, not his fault.  Ok, maybe a little his fault!  ; )

We have to attend weekly meetings, kind of like AA (we aren't supposed to talk about anyone else in the program or what they say) and I was worried that it would be an all evening thing, but luckily I get to come home at 5:30 or so afterwards, so that was a relief.  I've already had my first meeting with the behaviorist, and he seems like a pretty solid guy. I assume at some point I'll be in his office crying about something and have a breakthrough about why I like to eat so much.  Who knows? I'll have to see either him, a nurse, or a doctor once a week from now until May. I'll also have to have blood work every two weeks until a point in this program where they deem it unnecessary, but I don't know when that is!

This week we start working with a personal trainer, and hopefully she will be able to help me know what I need to do physically not just to lose weight, but to help my body be healthier.  I also told her I want to get to a point where I can run for funzies, so...we'll see how that goes.  She seems to think I can do it, so why not?

There is a part of me that really isn't sure I'll make it all the way through, much less lose 60 pounds, but I really want to succeed.  Not just to lose the weight, but to stick to something that is very difficult. I'm not generally a quitter, but damn, this program is tough!  I also want to make sure I don't do anything to deter Steve from succeeding, and I know me doing this along with him is very helpful. 

I'm currently making a kind of video diary of the process, so if I keep up with that, one day in the distant future, I'll show you how much "Fun" I've been having during all of this!  All I can ask is that you keep your fingers crossed for me, and maybe say a prayer for Steve!  Haha!

God, I'm hungry.