Monday, September 13, 2021

MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD?

I fell down in a parking lot last Friday.

I'd love to say there was a long and hilarious story about what happened, but there isn't really. I was running errands and not having a great time doing it! 

It all started when I left the house to do the afore mentioned errands. I was having one of those days where everything was just a touch off track, and nothing was going the way I'd hoped it would. I had important things to do and I just kept getting more and more frustrated as time went on because nothing was going right. I decided that my last stop would be the cookie shop, because damnit, I deserved a cookie after all the frustrations. 

Thankfully no cookies were harmed in the fall! I had put them in the passenger seat and was walking back around the car when I twisted my ankle and went down really hard. I caught myself on my hands, but my right knee still hit the asphalt pretty hard. I hit, rolled, and then got up as quickly as I could and got into the car. If the people outside of the shops were watching, I assume the video will be up on Tik Tok in a few days.

I sat in the car for a while, making sure I was actually OK and not just surfing on adrenaline. I hurt, oh yes, I hurt, but nothing seemed broken. My knee and the palms of my hands were shredded, though. It looked like someone had taken a cheese grater to them, but only my knee was bleeding a lot. My ankle was sprained, but not terribly, and my wrists were jammed. Thankfully nothing was broken beyond repair except maybe my pride.

So I did what anyone else in my position would have done. I sat in my car and screamed for a minute. It didn't help my body, but my brain felt a bit better.

I got home and cleaned myself up. I'll give Steve some credit, he did manage not to laugh out loud until he found out I wasn't badly hurt, although I did see him struggle. Hehe. Later on, he came and strapped my bike helmet onto my head in case I tried walking again and fell down. It was probably a good idea!

I'm mostly fine now. The knee has scabbed, my hands look better, my wrists no longer hurt. My ankle is still sprained, though, but I don't have to wear a wrap or anything. Mainly I just slightly limp until I work out the bugs. My body still hurts kind of a lot from hitting the ground, though. I assume the shock wave traveled through my bones and sent nerve tsunamis here and there, but that will pass. What I'm amazed at most is just how many places hit the ground when you fall. We've had many of our elderly church members fall, and when they come back to church, they are covered in bruises. I never understood why they were so beat up until I fell this weekend. At least I have enough fat to protect most of my body, so maybe that's why I don't look worse! 

Here is the weird thing, in my opinion. This is the third time I've fallen in a parking lot (all because of the same stupid ankle twisting, FYI.) I fell in a Home Depot parking lot, I've fallen in a COSTCO parking lot, and now the parking lot of a strip mall. Is that not a ridiculous amount of falling downs? Especially falling downs in parking lots? Wearing different shoes each time? After I had time to think about it, I realized I've never seen anyone else falling down in a parking lot. Just me. Three times. It seems statistically very unusual, doesn't it? 

Is this my job on earth, then? Am I one of the designated People Who Fall Down In Parking Lots? I assume we all have some kind of purpose in this life, so do I keep balance in the force by occasionally twisting my ankle and eating asphalt? Does my clumsiness keep an old lady from falling down and breaking a hip, or a kid from falling down and getting road rash while leaving the grocery store?

If so...this is some bullshit. I was always hoping I had some kind of purpose in the universe, but if this is my designation, I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to someone. And I'm gonna use curse words.

Tuesday, September 07, 2021

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Yesterday I got some news that completely threw me for a loop.

It's weird to say that, because the news didn't have anything to do with me, or any of my family, or even any of my close friends, but a loop was still thrown.

A couple of my classmates from high school lost their teenage daughter to suicide yesterday. 

I'm not going to overemphasize my connection with this family, as I have neither seen nor talked to them in 25 years or so, but somehow that doesn't really matter. When something like this happens, it doesn't feel like a thing you can separate yourself from by a span of years or degrees of separation. My heart is broken for them.

Since I don't live in Athens anymore, I didn't know this had happened until yesterday evening. When you live out there, this kind of news just seems to come to you by osmosis, but I got added to a Facebook Messenger group for people in my graduating class with no idea why. Even then, no one said what actually happened. The only info is that two of our classmates had lost their daughter, and they wanted us to gather money to send flowers to the funeral. That is tragic enough, to be sure, but people in our graduating class have lost family members before without this kind of pulling together. I don't know if it was morbid curiosity on my part that made me look into it further, or just that nagging feeling that some important piece of the puzzle wasn't in place, but I sent a private message to one of the people I've managed to keep in touch with beyond just Facebook-friend level and asked him what had happened. He didn't know details, but only the fact that she had ended her own life. I didn't need to know more than that.

I'm at a disadvantage, in a way, because I don't have children. I can't fully empathize with how her parents feel because I've never had the same kind of relationship with a child. Granted, I don't think I need to know exactly how they feel to be stricken by this news, but it also makes me feel so helpless for them.

I don't think there is any way to know how to deal with something like this. Obviously, I'm not in any position to do anything for them personally because we haven't been in touch since we were teenagers, but there is this knee jerk reaction to want to help somehow. I can donate money for flowers and food, of course, but that seems like such a small thing. Maybe that's all I can do, but man, that doesn't feel like enough. It's weird how strongly this has affected me, seeing that I only know of this girl through photographs. I couldn't get it out of my head all night and I wish so much this hadn't happened.

I ache for the parents, my former classmates, because I can't even come close to knowing the pain they must be feeling for the loss of their daughter. I feel for the siblings, who are much younger, because I'm sure they don't understand what is going on. Mostly, though, I feel for the 16 year old girl who didn't think there was any other way she could get through her problems. 

So, if you have a spare prayer, or vibe, or thought, or whatever it is you do, please think about sending them towards this family who has had to start a new, and terribly sad, phase of their life. Also, if you or anyone you know is feeling helpless or suicidal, please know there are people who can help. If you don't think you can talk to your family or friends, please contact the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255 for help.