A WEIGHTY ISSUE VOL. 3

Hello again!

Look, don't worry. Not every entry on my blog is going to be about this surgery, I promise. I mean, I might mention it from time to time, but I'm not some expert about what I've had done and I don't think I'll want to turn into some kind of guru about it. I'll do my best not to create a hashtag or a new IG account called "The Incredible Shrinking Kelly" or anything like that. In fact, I hope I don't have to mention it very often again!  

I've done it. It's done. It's a part of my life now and I've got to learn to adapt to it. 

But I am going to write one last update (for now, at least) about how I'm doing and all of that. I'm sure one of you cares, after all! Haha!

I'm almost two weeks out from having the vertical gastric sleeve and I'm feeling much better. I'm not 100%, but that is to be expected. Most of my soreness is gone, except for one incision site where they had to stitch a muscle back together. That should probably be feeling better than it is, but I made the mistake early on of trying to lie on my back. Apparently that was stupid of me, because I couldn't get back up. Steve couldn't help me up. There was only me, lying on my back like a sad turtle, with what felt like what I imagine a bullet wound feels like. I finally managed to squirm my way back on my feet, but I'm pretty sure I either pulled out an internal stitch, or viciously pulled a muscle in my side. Either way, that bitch still hurts! 

I've graduated from sleeping in the chair and can now sleep in the bed, as long as I'm propped up, which is nice. I'm still trying to drink all my drinks and it sucks. If I'm not thinking about it, I can drink water all day. Now that I have to measure it all, it's much harder. I don't know why. Stupid brain! I'm still really weak and get tired easily, but honestly, I'm running on about 350-400 calories a day and I haven't been cleared to take vitamins yet. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm able to function at all, but so far I'm doing ok. I've even run a couple of errands by myself, which was awful, but I was determined not to be stuck inside all day. I'm mostly avoiding going out so that I don't catch the flu, or a cold, or even COVID (I can't have a booster until I talk to the surgeon) because if I cough, or sneeze, or throw up, I think my abdomen would explode. Also, I want to see my family at Christmas. If my mom doesn't see me in person soon, I'm fairly certain she'll disown me. Getting back to normal is something I'd like to do very soon!

But as I'm healing, I'm coming into a lot of fears. What if this doesn't work? What if I went through all of this bullshit and I don't lose weight - or even worse - lose very little and no more? That can happen. it is a legit statistic. Some people just don't respond to it. 

Also, a lot of how you succeed in this process comes down to discipline with food and exercise and I already know I am not great with that. You shouldn't have 80% of your stomach taken out and then screw that up, ya know? I'm afraid I'm not strong enough. What if I fail?

Another weird thing that has been happening, is that I'm feeling very hungry at times. Granted, I'm living on liquids, which could be the culprit, but I wasn't supposed to feel hungry. The surgery is supposed to take care of ending the feeling hungry portion of things, but there are times when I'm starving. It's frustrating. What if, when I'm healed enough to eat regular food, I can't stop? Or, if I can control that, will I be hungry forever?

Ugh. There are a lot of worries in my head right now, and it takes up a lot of my brain space, but honestly, I just want to do the best I can with all of this. I don't know how it will shake out in the end. I hope I'm able to follow the program and find what works for me, and not be an idiot about things when it comes down to it. I still have a long way to go, so I'd appreciate your good vibes or whatever you can send my way!

But I don't want to end this on a downer. There is still a chance this will work exactly as it's supposed to and I'll be so much healthier down the line. I'm sure there will be some disappointment and backsliding, but there is an equal chance that I'll do great. The biggest problem at this point is not knowing. I don't want to sabotage myself ahead of time out of fear.

Oh, and just so that you can be excited for me, later this week, I get to eat an egg! A whole egg! I've been told it's akin to a religious experience.

TO EGGS! 

A WEIGHTY ISSUE VOL. 2

The surgery has been had. 

In a word…ouch.

I had to be at the hospital very, very early in the morning so that I could be my surgeon’s first patient of the day. It started out fairly normal, I guess. I got taken back to a sheeted-off section in pre-op, told to get naked, and to put on the gown and weird mesh underpants that they gave me. Do you know how vulnerable you can feel while standing naked less than 5 feet from a crowd of strangers and trying not to fall down while trying to get your legs into weird mesh underpants? Well, it’s very vulnerable!

I got the pokes, pills, and prods, an IV was inserted into my arm so deep I swear it hit bone! The anesthesiologist came in to make some jokes and tell me what to expect, and when I asked him if I could have something to chill me out (I was very nervous) he nodded his head at the nurse and from then on I was flying high! I think Steve came in at some point, but honestly I don’t remember very much. I do remember being wheeled into the operating room, and then being wheeled out again, though! I had to get out of the bed and walk into the recovery room myself, which sucked, but I made it! There were two nurses who were very attentive, and they came in and checked my vitals and asked questions, and I spent a good portion of time hallucinating things! 

Steve was a champ, too! He stayed with me the whole time, even though he had to have been bored. He had spoken to the doctor, who told him my surgery went perfectly and they didn’t have to do any biopsies (a thing they do if they notice weirdness) and that my liver looked great! I’ve never had anyone compliment my liver, so that was nice. One thing they gave him were pictures from the surgery. Since it was all done laparoscopically, they had cameras in my abdomen taking pictures! Those pictures were GROSS!! He kept waking me up and asking “Do you want to see the pictures again?!” I did not! Stomachs are ugly. I think that’s why God put them on our insides. I could post those pictures here, but A) I don’t think you’d enjoy seeing them, and B) it feels weirdly intimate to have people looking at my organs. So…just Google it if you need to see, or you can text me if you truly have to see my insides! Heehee.

Dear Lord, everything hurt so bad. It wasn’t the incisions, but the CO2 gas bubbles they pumped into me to give them the room to work. None of the pain meds they gave me did any good, not even the good stuff! I know I complained about being in pain a lot, so I hope they didn’t get annoyed with me. In my state of mind it was all I could think of!

I kept going in and out of consciousness for a while until I was told I had to get up and walk. Apparently, you have to pass the lap test, which meant I couldn’t go home until I did 15 laps around the hallway. I was not in the mood to walk, but walk I did! Well, I did it in two halves, but I did it! I have no concept of time or anything else until they can in with my discharge papers, and they gave me a bunch of instructions I didn’t understand (thankfully Steve was listening) and they told me I was ready to go home!  The last bit of fun I had was trying to get dressed and having the IV bandage get caught on my sleeve and pull off. So. Much. Blood! I kind of wished I could have stayed overnight, but they didn’t deem it necessary, so I went home.

I don’t remember the ride, or getting home, but eventually I was in my chair trying to sleep off the last dregs of my drugs.  Even at home, I had to keep waking up every hour to walk around the house to prevent blood clots and stuff, I was told. Great, I get through the surgery and now I have to worry about rogue blood clots! Aaaargh! 

As of this writing, it’s been three days since the surgery. I’ve spent a lot of time walking around, panicking about blood clots and strokes, taking naps, watching TV, trying to drink enough liquids (I have goals I have to meet. Yuck.) and struggling not to barf. Today I got to graduate to drinking protein shakes! I can only drink them an ounce at a time, so it takes a long, long time. I feel like I’m drinking all the damn day! I have to drink from a medicine cup so I don’t swallow too much at a time, so it’s a process. 

There are times when I wonder if I made a mistake, but I think that’s because it’s hard to get used to. Also, I know my life has to change a lot for this to be worth it, which is scary. It’s also scary that I made a decision specifically for myself. I didn’t do this for anyone else, so I have to take this responsibility all on myself not to waste the opportunity I’ve been given to change some things that I didn’t like about myself, and that is also hard. It is a lot!!

The one really surprising thing (and I know how stupid this is going to sound) was how many people have been checking up on me and being concerned about me. When Steve told me about all the people who had texted and called him to ask about me, I almost cried. I do t think I’ve ever verbalized it to myself, but I always kind of thought people forgot about me until I got in touch with them. That’s weird, I know, but I didn’t expect that anyone would remember, much less care very much, that I would be doing this, and I have been overwhelmed with the kindness that people have shown me. It’s very humbling!

So that’s the status for now. I’m walking, sipping, trying not to barf and taking 900 medications that I have to crush, and being amazed about how many people that care!