Monday, April 18, 2016


1) This morning while I was getting ready for work, I reached over and grabbed one of the sample bottles of perfume that I keep on the edge of my vanity.  I have a lot of these tiny bottles as a result of being a member of Birchbox and because I'd sent off for some samples from a new perfume company I found on the web. The vial didn't have a name on it, just a number, and I couldn't smell which one I picked up through the glass.  I was in a hurry, so I didn't think about it before I sprayed it on and immediately realized that I'd put on one of the samples of men's cologne that I'd been sent from that new company.  Since it's one I don't usually wear, I haven't gone nose blind to it and I have been smelling it all morning.

I normally wouldn't have a problem with that, but y'all, this is a sexy smelling men's cologne and it's distracting!  I love it when I come across a good smelling man. I used to make my boyfriends uncomfortable at times because if they just naturally smelled good (maybe it's a pheromone thing?) or wore cologne that I liked, I'd pretty much latch myself to them and just sniff them for a while. That actually sounds pornier than it should, but it's true. 
I think that because I don't see very well, my sense of smell is heightened more than it should be. Because of that, I am affected by scents almost more than any other thing. I can't help it!  It's a very primal thing.  Of course, with great power comes great disappointment. If I don't like the way a person smells, it can ruin the way I feel about them. If I really don't like the way they smell, I can't be around them at all.

Good grief, I just made myself sound like a golden retriever. :) Well, at least I don't bark. OK, well, sometimes I do.

Anyway, so this cologne is awesome and would smell good on a man, and Steve doesn't like wearing cologne, so I need someone who will volunteer to wear this stuff (I don't even know what it's called) so I can just stand by and sniff you.  That's not a weird request, is it?  Anyone?

Eh, I can probably find someone on Craigslist!  ; )

2) I hurt myself this morning when I was getting some Jell-O for my lunch.  I hurt myself on Jell-O.  How is that even a thing that can happen?  That's more embarrassing than the time I hurt myself crocheting.

3) Last Saturday night, Steve, Anthony and I went out together for the evening.  We started out at the food truck rally, which would have been cool if the lines weren't so darn long!  The only things I was interested in trying had ridiculously long lines, and we didn't have a lot of time, so I ended up having a hipster, Margarita popsicle for dinner.  It was very good, hipster or not! I should have fancy popsicles for dinner more often! :)
After that, we went to a play Anthony had heard about.  It was very unusual.  I don't mean it was bad, because it wasn't, it was just very different from what I'm used to.  For starters, it was held in an old, historic house that I didn't even know existed called The Lowry House.  It was a really beautiful house, and I wish I'd had time to tour it, but there were a lot of people wondering around and I didn't want to lose my seat, so we sat and waited for the show to begin. We saw "Bluebeard: the Trial of Gilles de Rais" which was the story about the man who inspired the fairy tale Bluebeard.  Only instead of killing his wives, he seems to have been a child rapist and serial killer.  Maybe.  No one really knows if he actually did those awful things or if he was only accused of them and then admitted to them so that he wouldn't be tortured.  The play was set up like a trial.  It was actually interesting, if not a bit long.   The main guy (Gille de Rais) was a fantastic actor, and as far as I could tell, they were all local folks. so it was both odd and impressive.

Once it was over, all of the actors stood outside in a kind of receiving line so that you could talk to them as you left. I know it was rude and I shouldn't have done it, but I felt too awkward talking to them, so I just ran past them all and hid in the car. I'm an awful person, but I was just too shy.  I might have shouted that they did a good job as I went by, but I can't be sure any of them heard it. :(

4) I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: How did the couple in The Pina Colada song not end up in a screaming fight when they met up with each other?  Basically, we are led to believe that they are perfectly OK with the fact that each of them were caught getting ready to cheat on the other one, but there wasn't a problem because they still ended up together at the end?  I call shenanigans.

I think they needed couples therapy, not rum drinks.

5) I accidentally killed a turtle over the weekend.  I feel really terrible about it.  Its ghost will probably haunt me.  It will haunt me slowly!


Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just grow up.

I'm a ridiculous, silly person and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.

I know so many people who do amazing things, and I'm just here...making dumb jokes, telling weird stories and making videos and pictures for friends.  That's not a very useful thing.

I feel like I should apologize to everyone I know for not having it more together.

Sorry, you guys!

I feel like I'm running out of time.

Maybe one day I'll figure it out.  I hope so.

Monday, April 11, 2016


Last week I finished my physical therapy! 

I can definitely tell a difference in how I feel, so I know it helped.  My arm doesn't go numb nearly as often and I have learned some stretching exercises to help if my neck and shoulders start hurting again.   I still have some pain, but so far, it's not nearly as bad as it was before.  It's more annoying than anything, really.  It's like sitting in a chair that has a big button in the upholstery, right at the top of my back, and no matter where I turn I can't get away from the button.  But hey, it's better than not being able to feel my hands, so I'll take it! :)

The silver lining I spoke of isn't that I was done with therapy, though.  It's better!  As I mentioned, the doctor said I have bone spurs, degenerative disk disease (which sounds worse than I think it really is), and arthritis in my neck. Apparently, the arthritis has made it possible for me to tell when it's going to rain!  My neck knob (or the C7 vertebra prominens if you're nasty) now functions as a weather detecting device!  I never thought that was a real thing.  You always hear of old timers that say they can tell the weather by their knee or elbow or something like that. It's really a thing, though! I can attest!  Every time it gets ready to rain, my neck starts hurting.  How funny is that?

So if you ever see me rubbing my neck, don't plan any picnics!

James Spann wishes he was that accurate.  

(Also, just like Karen, my boobs can tell the weather, but that's a different process.)

Wednesday, April 06, 2016


1) I had a weird and kind of upsetting dream the other night.  I'mma tell you about it.

The other night I dreamed I was dead.  I didn't die in the dream, because when stuff like that happens a person tends to wake up completely.  No, I started off the dream knowing I was dead.  I could see my coffin, I could see my body in the coffin (although even in my dream I wouldn't get close to it or look at it in detail because it was giving me the serious wiggins) but I could still walk around and interact with people.  I guess I was dreaming I was a ghost, which is a new one for me.

I don't remember many details, but I do remember that I understood that I was going to be lying in state three days.  I only had those three days to do whatever it was I had to do as a walking dead person.  On the third day was my funeral and the minute they closed the coffin lid, I'd go on to wherever it was I was going to go.  It was a stressful dream.  As I said, I can't remember what I actually did, but one thing I know I was trying to do was look for people I loved so that I could say goodbye, only I couldn't find them all.  I was rushing around until my funeral (and I didn't recognize ANYONE who was there. Boo, you guys. Seriously.) and when it was over, I knew they were going close the lid, so I ran up and tried to keep that from happening.  I didn't make it.

When the lid closed, I blinked and realized I didn't go to any afterlife that I'd ever heard of. I wasn't in heaven or hell, I was in a library of some sort.  It didn't have books, but it did have computers.  I finally asked someone what was going on, and they told me I was in the year 3017. I'd been sent to the future!  I was horrified, because I knew I was too far gone to ever see anyone I knew again, but I jumped onto a computer and tried looking up information on my friends and family, only I couldn't find it because it was over 1,000 years ago and no one had kept records that long.

It was a sad dream and I didn't like it.  I did get to go to the future, though, so that was kind of interesting.  Silver lining, I guess.

2) Steve and I went to a very sweet wedding on Saturday!  His band director's daughter got married at a place called Hudson Family Barn, which was a lovely, lovely spot.

I wasn't exactly expecting the place to be as nice as it turned out to be.  I had designed their wedding invitations and when she told me where she was getting married, she just told me it was in someone's barn.  Now, I'm not so far out of the loop that I didn't know that barn weddings are a thing.  I have Pinterest, after all!  I was literally expecting a barn that had once held animals and farm equipment, but as it turns out, it was a gorgeous spot that (I think) had actually been created to hold events.  There were three buildings, all designed to look like old farm buildings, but in a good way.  It's kind of hard to explain, so here are a few pictures I took:

 It really was a great spot for a wedding and the day was slap your eyes out gorgeous, so everything turned out beautifully!

There was only really two things that bothered me about the whole thing.   Let me just get this out of the way first: I personally think that it is absolutely tacky to take pictures with your phone during someone's wedding.  I know, I know, that isn't a popular opinion, but people holding out phones ruins a lot of the professional pictures AND since some people haven't figured out how to mute their phones, you hear camera sounds during the ceremony.  I'm a big believer of having fun during your wedding ceremony if that's what you want, but still, it's a sacrament and should be treated with at least a little solemnity.  When the bride walked down the aisle, at least 5 people in front of us (we were on the third pew, so I have no idea how many people behind us were doing it) held out their phones to take pictures. There was a brass ensemble playing and it was interrupted by camera sounds.  Even when the music stopped and the preacher started the ceremony, someone's mawmaw held out her phone and started snapping away, sound on her phone turned all the way up.  It literally sounded like:

"Dearly beloved, we are *CAMERASOUND* in the sight of God and *CAMERASOUND* *CAMERASOUND* *CAMERASOUND* and I believe it was the Apostle John who said *CAMERASOUNDCAMERASOUNDCAMERASOUND* bond between two people who...."

It was so annoying and rude! Maybe the bride and groom didn't care and therefore I shouldn't care, but I don't like it when people have no manners!  Then there were the people sitting in the seat directly in front of us. Oh. My. Word.  These people got on my nerves!  When we arrived and sat down, as I said, we were on the third row.  We were sitting towards the middle, and the man of the couple was sitting ahead of us, but got up and went someplace.  I thought he was one of the photographers, because he had a big DSLR camera around his neck, but he never moved to take any pictures before the wedding started.  He came and sat down right in front of me.  I mean, he blocked everything.  Then his wife (I guess) walked over and he pulled out a big, blue towel and spread it over the pew.  Now, the pews were a little splintery (I lost a new pair of hose that day) but they weren't dirty.  This lady came wearing a white pants suit, and I guess she figured that the outside was just too filthy for it.  Even the mothers of the bride and groom, wearing their fancy dresses, didn't drape a towel over the pew.  It didn't really annoy me, exactly, I just thought it was tactless and made the pews look junky, plus it made me feel as if they were making a big deal about having to be outside or something. How about you don't wear a white suit to an outside wedding? (Or at all, but that's just my humble opinion.)

Immediately after the ceremony began, both of these people pulled out cameras.  He had his big DSLR and she had her phone, and while she took pictures, the guy was filming on his big ass camera and he didn't care how much he was blocking everyone behind him.  I couldn't see the couple get married because his big, damn camera and his big, damn head, kept getting in my way.  I made a dramatic recreation so you can see what it was like for everyone behind him:

Today the rude wedding man will be played by Baby Chewbacca.
Just imagine Chewbacca holding a big, bright camera and waving it around his head and completely blocking what was going on.  I actually did that thing where I sighed really loudly, hoping he'd hear and maybe have a little shame, but he never did.  Steve thought I was disapproving of the ceremony and just being rude, but really, I was just trying not to punch this guy in the back of the head.

I did have one moment of embarrassment right before we left the venue.  The groomsmen were tearing down the wedding decorations and carrying them back to the storage shed, but I wanted to get a picture of the arch before they got to it.  I walked up ahead of them and sort of bent down to get the shot I wanted, when a big gust of wind blew the back of my dress pretty much over my head. I'm just thankful I was wearing a slip and decent underwear!

But everything else was great and I'm glad the wedding went so well.  :)

 3) I woke up at 2:00 AM with a weird desire to learn how to make edible sequins.  I don't know why.  Anyway, I looked it up online and those are actually a thing!  Who knew?