(WHEEZE)

I know this isn't really something that warrants an entire blog entry, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because I thought it was funny and for just a second, I thought I was going to die.

I got cold.  I suppose it was the ice in my drink that did it, but I got really frigging cold while sitting at my desk and couldn't get warm.  I decided that I was going to do some laps around the lobby of the church to warm up a bit, which I did.  It's a boring thing to keep walking in circles, so I decided to take a turn down the classroom hallway for a change of scenery.  At the end of that hallway is a room that looks like a living room, and when I got into that and turned around, I saw a body lying on one of the couches.  It was covered from head to ankles with a blanket and it wasn't moving. 

Look, I'm always terrified I'm going to find a body in our church that isn't supposed to be there, either alive or dead. That sounds crazy, but I was just told that last year a homeless man got into our church and tried to stay overnight, and was only found before we locked the doors because the security guy didn't see him come out at the end of services.  So, yeah, people get into our church sometimes and personally, I don't want to be the one to roll up on them.  So I did the only thing I could think of: I silently screamed and took off down the hallway.

Y'all, I am not a good runner in the best of times, wearing workout clothes and shoes specifically designed for running, but damn it if I didn't Usain Bolt my flowery dress and dress shoe wearing ass down the hall and into the pastor's office. I just knew there was going to be an issue and that I may be called upon to defend myself with hornet spray and my baseball bat and I was NOT ready for that.  Only, when I got there, the pastor wasn't there. 

As it turned out, the pastor was the person asleep (thankfully) on the couch in that room.  He had gotten cold as well and went down there to cover up for a few minutes and he dozed off.  So I was running through the church like a crazy person, ready to lock myself in a closet and wait until everyone else in the building was dead so that I could make my escape, and all it was was my boss taking a nap in a weird place.  I almost wet my pants.  At least I got a good laugh out of it!

I sincerely hope that I am never in a situation with an intruder, because if today is any indication, I'm going to end up being the woman running up the stairs instead of out the back door.  This was not my finest moment, but it sure turned out to be a funny one!

A QUICKIE

I was just kidding!  I'm not going to tell you about my best date!

Why am I even clarifying?  I started feeling a bit icky about even mentioning it.  I may not be a particularly private person, but I don't need to tell everything.

Don't worry, it wasn't a salacious story or anything (ALAS...sigh...heh), but the retelling would kind of make it...less, if that makes any sense.  I will just say that the guy was super great, we only went out a few times, and an attempt at tennis may or may not have been involved.  It was just a very good day.

Besides, memories like that are like really nice chocolates.  You savor them on special occasions and you very rarely share. :)

BLEH: A QUICKY

Yikes, what a day.  What a yucky day.

Have you ever had one of those days where it just seems like you lose at everything?

Nothing you do, or say, or write or anything seems to be good.  Whole conversations just seem pointless. Everything seems stupid.

I'm having one of those days.

I was complaining to a friend earlier about morose jerks, but I think I may be the morose jerk today.

I'm strangely calm about it, too, which makes it even weirder.  It's like the feeling isn't even mine.  It's like I'm feeling someone else be depressed.  I'm getting a contact depression.  Is that even a thing?

I just want to roll up in a blanket and be a blanket burrito.

I'm hungry though, so I'll have to wait until I eat to become a blanket burrito, because I'll need my hands.  

Anyway, I hope that you, whoever you are, are having a good day, at least!

Oooh, maybe I'm taking one for the team. Maybe if I'm sad, then someone else isn't!  That makes me feel a bit better about it.

So, you know, yeah.  I'm sorry to complain.  I'll be fine.  I'm just a bit blue.  Blue with sparkly bits.

I said "bits" you perv.

Now go away and have a good evening.  Do it for the blanket burritos.

NICE (A QUICKY)

I had an appointment with my doctor this morning for a checkup, and after he'd gone over all of my stuff (barring accidents, acts of God, and jealous wives, I should live a few more years, at least!) we stood outside of the exam room and talked a bit. 

We always chat for a minute, but he was particularly talkative today while he was filling out my prescriptions. He suddenly stopped and looked at me kind of strangely.  He said:

"Wow, I've just told you a lot about myself today!  That's more than I've ever told.  How did you do that? You should become a policeman or detective.  I just wanted to tell you things.  Is that normal?"

How did I do what?  Maybe I have a nice face?  Maybe the girl who does my eyebrows makes me took perpetually interested in whatever people are saying?  I don't know, but he acted like he thought I had somehow tricked him into telling me his life story!  It was kind of funny, but I thought it was nice.

I hope people feel comfortable telling me things.

AN INTROSPECTIVE QUICKIE

Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just grow up.

I'm a ridiculous, silly person and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.

I know so many people who do amazing things, and I'm just here...making dumb jokes, telling weird stories and making videos and pictures for friends.  That's not a very useful thing.

I feel like I should apologize to everyone I know for not having it more together.

Sorry, you guys!

I feel like I'm running out of time.

Maybe one day I'll figure it out.  I hope so.

A QUICKIE

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with the absolute worst feeling. I don't know what I was dreaming, but it must have been awful to wake up feeling like that.  It was all muzzy and unformed and I couldn't protect my brain from it because I wasn't all the way awake.

It was like my family leaving me at the airport on purpose with no way home and no way to call anyone to come and get me and no money for a cab, and even if I could get someone to let me borrow a phone, no matter who I called, no one would admit to leaving me at the airport.  It's the way I feel when I have the panic dreams where no one will give me a straight answer to my questions. Bleh.  It was irrational and panicky and I literally started picking apart everything I'd done and said in the past week or two to try and figure out what I'd done to make everyone hate me. I felt completely abandoned, and it didn't help that Steve had gotten up to get a drink, so when I did wake up I actually was alone. I even started composing apology letters to people in my head, just in case.

I even made Steve talk to me about what I could have done when he finally came back to bed, and trust me, he hates my irrational fears and the fact that I need to talk about them sometimes!

I know that none of this makes sense.

I'm not the only person I know that this happens to. It's a weird thing and I hate it!  I wonder why it never happens that we wake up in the middle of the night and think "Hey, remember that time you did this awesome thing? Oh, and think of all the people who love you and think you're great! You were really funny the other day. Your friends would never in a million years abandon you without closure or even get angry without explaining why! Bask in the warmth and safety of your life! You've never once made a truly bad decision, and even if you had, it won't ruin everything!"  Heh. That would be nice!

No, it's always the worst things that pop into my head.

Buuuuuut....at least I was sufficiently awake to decide to go to the gym super early.  So, silver lining?

Haha, I hate morning brain!




Just in case, though... please still love me! I didn't do it, whatever it was, on purpose! Probably. :)

A QUICKIE

I don't know about you, but cold weather makes me hungry for warm things.

It was snowing and yucky on my way to work, so I couldn't stop anywhere and get breakfast because my windshield had started freezing over (my heater was having one of it's not working days) and I wanted to get to work before I couldn't see anymore.

I had food in my bag, so I didn't starve or anything, but it was all cold and my brain is now telling the rest of me that it wasn't good enough and still wants something hot.

I'm not even hungry anymore, but I'd kiss someone right on the mouth if they'd bring me a biscuit.

(I think people may see that more of a threat than an enticement these days, but I'll at least leave it as an option.) 

A QUICKY

I meant to add this yesterday, but I forgot.

I think I mentioned that I got some pretty weird advice on how to take care of my sunburn while driving back from Florida. I was told to get sour cream to put on it and it was supposed to help.  Sour cream. That part is important.

I waited a couple of days before I got a chance to go to Target, but I didn't check the email I was sent before I went there to make sure I had all of the details.  I ended up buying whipped cream, not sour cream.

Do you know what whipped cream does to a sunburn?  It makes it sticky.

Silver lining...whipped cream is delicious!  

ANOTHER QUICKIE

This past weekend, the 2015 college football season began!  Whee.

I've explained, ad nauseum, about how I have little interest in football, so I'll make this quick:  I don't hate it, but I don't love it.  It exists.  I'm ok with it.

Anyway, I knew I'd be going out on Saturday, so I made sure to pick a shirt that wasn't the color of any of the important football teams that people around here care about.  People get really weird about that sort of thing around here and I didn't want to deal with someone calling me out about it.  Smack talk is ok when I'm invested.  When I'm not, it just turns into awkward smiles and me trying to hide behind stuff.

I mentioned the shirt issue on Twitter, and a friend of mine told me I should get this shirt to fend them off:

 This would only exacerbate the problem!

But I don't hate sports.  I just don't care one way or another.  I can enjoy them, it's just not my thing. 

But, she inspired me to design this shirt instead!

Too much?   :)

 

A Quicky

Good grief.

OK, we all know how much I hate to be interrupted in the middle of a sentence.  If you didn't know before, now you do.  I have thrown ice cream onto Steve's face for doing it, and you know if I'll waste ice cream, I mean serious business.  I also hate being ignored in the middle of a conversation. I don't care if it's through email or face to face, but if I ask a question, I'd like it to be answered, even if it's to tell me to mind my own business.  Again, we all know this (or if you didn't know, now you do.)

I'm not so vain as to think that everything I say or ask might be important, but it's just good manners to at least acknowledge that a person has said something, you know?  I was at work and having, what I thought, was a nice conversation with my boss and a lady who'd dropped by.  We were talking, the subject of the conversation didn't change, but suddenly and without telling me, I apparently had been dismissed from what we were talking about. I tried to say something, and either one or the other of them would literally just talk over me as if I wasn't there.  I tried to interject three times, all three times during a lull in the conversation, and they talked over me, three times. Just to see if I had become completely invisible, I actually said, loud enough for them to hear me, "Well, fu*k it then."  Neither of them even looked my way.  I had, apparently, gone invisible, which was weird, because I wasn't aware anyone outside of the Marvel universe could do that.

I cannot abide that kind of rudeness, and it is most definitely, really damn rude.

I am so irritated.

A QUICKY

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I need to find a thing.  Something to get involved in!

I know people think I have a million hobbies, and I guess I kind of do, but lately nothing I have has been interesting me. I've literally had times where I've been sitting at home trying to think of something to do and all I get is internal white noise! It's frustrating and it makes me restless.  I've been looking for classes to take or groups to get involved in, but I haven't found anything that blows my skirt up.

Steve has his band, I've got friends who train for and do triathlons, some of my friends camp or hike, and all I'm doing is sitting at home listening to the voices in my head tell me how lame I am!  :)

Seriously, I hope I find something soon. The only thing I've done lately is make questionable decisions!

QUICKY

I think I had a mini stroke or something, because I've volunteered to to a talk to some of the church kids next week about Graphic Design as a part of "Operation Education."

Operation Education is something that the children's teachers put together so that adults from our church could teach skills to the younger kids.  I think that they were thinking more about practical skills, though, but so few people volunteered to do anything, they're taking what they can get. They'd actually originally asked if I could teach the kids crochet, but A) I'm horrible at teaching people to do stuff, and B) crochet is not something I could get those kids to understand in half an hour. I felt bad because I knew that they needed people to come and talk to the kids, but I couldn't think of one thing I could teach them that would be useful.  My only idea was to tell them about art/graphic design.  So...either I'll get some kids interested in it or I'll bore them to death.

I don't know how to talk to kids.

What have I done?

QUICKY

Apparently, my boss is annoyed that I don't remind him of when my birthday is.

Every month, I give him a list of people in our church that will be having birthdays so that he can send cards and whatnot, but I never include my own name in there because it seems weird to me to remind someone of my own birthday.  It feels tacky.  The thing is, though, that I'm fairly certain that I have told him for the last couple of years when my birthday is (he's asked) and he never remembers.  Never.

Today he was teasing me again about not telling him when it was, and I said "I've told you, I was born on Valentine's Day! How can you forget that it's on Valentine's Day?"  He says back "I'm not thinking of you on Valentine's Day!  You aren't my sweetheart!"  So he turns to the music minister (Jim, who was walking by at the time) and asks "When you think of February 14th, what do you think of?"  Jim says "Valentine's Day?" So the pastor says "What else?" Jim, bless him, says "Oh, that's Kelly's birthday, right?" 

Cue smug face.  See, I'm memorable enough to some people!

After that he said "Ok, you aren't my sweetheart, but you are my sweet-Tart." He finds me fairly sassy, so I'm ok with being a sweet tart. At least I come by it honest.

Anyways, I'm going to continue to not remind him of my birthday, because it's more fun this way.

QUICKIE

It's very frustrating when I have this really funny story about something that happened to me at a gay bar in Denver, but when I try and tell people about it, they can't get past the fact that I was in a gay bar in Denver.

A QUICKIE

A couple of weeks ago, I kind of got conned into going to a youth Lock-In with the kids from my church.  I say conned, because I was under the impression that he would have to cancel the whole thing if he couldn't get an adult woman there as a chaperone, and I didn't want him to have to do that.  There was another adult woman there, but apparently she wasn't old enough...being almost 30 AND a RN wasn't sufficient, I guess.  *Sigh*

At any rate, Steve had already agreed to chaperone and I was there too, along with three other adults and 23 teenagers.  Yikes.

We spent the night at a local gymnastics facility, where they have trampolines, this weird pit filled with foam blocks that you can jump into, balance beams and uneven bars.  I think it's a place where cheerleading squads train or something.  I don't know, I just know we treated it like a big playground.

We were there all night, and being a chaperone meant we didn't get to sleep, so we jumped on the trampolines and used (or tried to, because let's be honest, I am not cut out to be athletic in any way) the other equipment.  It was fine!  I didn't hurt myself, turn my ankles or anything.  Considering I'd been moving around a lot, that was a miracle.  By the time the whole thing was over, I'd been awake for about 25 hours and I was sooooooooooo tired.

We took the kids back to the church and stayed until they were all picked up, and while I was talking to my coworker, I went to lean back on his door frame.  At least I thought I was near his door frame.  Apparently, in my very tired state, I wasn't standing where I thought I was, and I fell.  I tried to catch myself, but my shoes got locked together and I fell, flat over, without the benefit of slowing myself down at all.  Honestly, I think if I'd seen myself, I would have thought it was hilarious, but hitting what I'm fairly certain was a concrete floor with only industrial carpeting on it as padding, wasn't very funny at all.  I managed to get up (the way you do when you've hurt yourself and don't want anyone to know) and played it off until I got into the truck to go home, but I genuinely thought I'd broken my wrist or dislocated by shoulder, or something!  Oh, it hurt so bad!  I guess the only saving grace was that my head didn't hit the floor! Oy.  Luckily, my skeleton is made of wrought iron or something, because I was OK.  Well, relatively OK, because I still sometimes hurt from where I fell, but I know nothing is broken!

So that's the story of how I spent an evening jumping around and hanging from things without getting a scratch, but almost killing myself at the office while trying to lean against a door frame. Ta-da!

ANOTHER QUICKY

Today I knocked a bunch of stuff off of my desk. Not on purpose, of course.  It was cluttered and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing.

Don't judge me.

Anyways, as I was picking things up, I found one of the bright pink Post-Its that I use to make random notes to myself with while I'm doing things on the computer.  Normally I use these notes when I'm working on graphic design stuff so that I don't forget colors or files or whatever, but the one I found today was apparently some sort of list.  It read:

VBS
Cabinets
YouTube Videos
Spanish
Peaches

I have no idea what any of those things have in common, nor why they'd all be on the same list.

My life confuses me sometimes.

EDIT:  The really odd thing is that everything on this list is marked off.  I must have obviously finished whatever it was. 

A QUICKY

Have you ever been in a position where you had the chance to do a nice thing for someone, maybe even a great thing, but you knew if you did it, it would be a huge mistake?

I wish I could be specific, because I'd love to get some actual feedback from any of you who'd care to give me some, but I can't because it involves someone else's life and business and I have no right to pick it apart even on this insignificant blog.  I'll be as general as possible.

A friend of mine recently sent me an email asking for help. I was torn between wanting to help them and not wanting to disrupt my life for them (which would be the result of doing this favor.) I decided that I am not going to help this person, even though technically I am capable of doing it, because I have since learned that my "friend" is a liar, a thief, and someone who won't take responsibility for their own actions.  I don't want to disrupt my own life for someone who would probably turn on me later.

It probably doesn't sound like much of a dilemma, I guess, but there is a part of me that feels so guilty for not immediately agreeing to help.  Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  Help those that can't help themselves?  In this case I'm probably going to be in a position to watch this person self destruct in a big way because I refused to help them, but I can't make myself responsible for every person with a sob story, right? I don't want to be a sucker, and I know that's what I'd be if I gave in.

Anyways, I've made up my mind that I'm going to have to let this person fend for themselves, but it doesn't make me feel very good inside.  I know it's the right decision, but it still makes me feel rotten.

I guess I just needed to vent.  

A QUICKY

I was recently listening to the song "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and heard something that was a little weird.

There's a part of the song that says:

"They made him blow the bugle for his Uncle Sam.
It really brought him down because he could not jam.
The captain seemed to understand,
and so the next thing the Cap went out and drafted a band..."

What the hell?!  An entire band got drafted because one trumpet player couldn't get his jam on without back up?

I bet they were piiiiiiiiiissed.

A QUICKY

I love the fact that I have some friends that feel that I'm the kind of person that they can talk to and trust enough to tell personal things to. That makes me very happy.

Having said that...holy cow.  There are just some things you never expect to know.

And that's all I have to say about that.

A QUICKY

Would you like to know something I hate?

What am I saying?  Of course you do!  That's why your here!  :)

But really, I don't like this saying:

Pure, unadulterated evil.

I know that this is supposed to be sweet.  I get that.  I know that it's supposed to show someone how much you love them and that living without them would be unbearable.  Intellectually I know that.

However, this is how I interpret it: Someone who loves you wants to die the day before you do so that they never know the pain of living without you.  However, they don't give a damn that you will spend an agonizing 24 hours of soul numbing pain and heart rending agony because the person you love is dead.

Selfish bastard bear.

; )