Thursday, May 17, 2018


Years ago, when I still worked at the Sprocket (ptooey) one of the first non-science movies we showed at the IMAX was one of the Spider Man films.  It was also the first movie they let me decorate the theater lobby for, so I went all out and strung white string all over everything, created a big spider web in the center of the balcony, and I even opened the Darth Vader costume that we kept on a dummy in a sealed display case and tied its hands together and added a note that it was "Courtesy of your Friendly Neighborhood Spider Man."  I was clever.  You know this.

Darth's hands were fisted on his hips, in a way I'm sure anyone would recognize from pictures of him from the movies.  He was in a total power stance, so I had to pull his hands off of his hips to tie them together.  No big deal.  I didn't unbend his arms or anything, just pulled them off of his hips and loosely tied them in front him.  Everyone thought it was funny.

The problem is that someone else cleaned up the lobby.  They opened up the case, removed the ties, and closed the case again without replacing his fists on his hips, so his hands remained bent, but slightly in front of him, as if he was flexing his biceps.  At the time, I kept meaning to reopen the case and fix him, but I got busy and completely forgot to do it.

I just saw a picture of the suit in the case and his fists are still off of his hips.  Ol' Darth is still flexing those biceps 11 years later.  I wish someone would fix it, but I don't know if anyone else notices.  It looks stupid like that. 

Oh, well.


Monday, May 14, 2018


1) Ok, I'm going to say it.  I think I'm getting paranoid.  Yesterday, after church, I drove from Huntsville to my mom's house to see her on Mother's Day.  While still in Huntsville, just as I'd turned from an access road to a highway, a white car got behind me.  I don't know why I noticed it, but I did, and it stayed close behind me. I didn't think much of it at first, because traffic was kind of heavy and I was behind a slow moving truck, but when traffic thinned out and I passed the truck, the car passed it too and stayed right on my bumper. I thought, "OK, this isn't weird yet, but I have to turn up here and the car probably won't be going the same direction."  I was wrong, I turned, the white car turned.  I thought again "OK, this probably isn't weird yet, I have to get into this turn lane. That car probably won't turn here."  Again, I was wrong.  The car followed me into the turn lane and onto the new road.  I thought that was odd, but once again, people live out that way, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that this person knew someone on the road we were on, but they didn't turn anywhere.  They stayed right behind me. 

Now, the road to my mom's place gets more and more rural and spread out the farther you go, and unless you know someone, or go to the high school, driving out that way doesn't make sense.  The white car was still behind me at what I realized was the last reasonable place that person could be going without actually going to my mom's house and the car didn't turn off.  I decided that if this person was actually following me, I wasn't going to go to my mom's house, I'd go someplace public. I actually floored it and squealed (accidentally, I wasn't channeling the Dukes of Hazzard on purpose) away from the white car and down the road as fast as I could.  The car was still behind me.  I did a no-signal "bat turn" onto the road that I used to live on, which literally no one drives down unless they live there or are visiting someone who lives there, and thank heaven, the car didn't turn.  I kept driving until I made it to a gas station where a lot of people were and got gas while scanning the street ahead of me, just in case.

I'm not completely unreasonable. I know that the person could very well have family out that way, but it seemed so strange to have the same car so doggedly behind me the whole freaking way, when that drive was so very specific to where I was going. I kept thinking I had pissed someone off in traffic and they were going to have a road rage incident or something.  I was unnerved, but ultimately unharmed.  Also, I was kind of embarrassed, because...I mean...I could have been someone I went to high school with going to visit their own mother.  Oy.

Oh, and this morning as I was leaving for work, a black car that didn't belong on our street parked in front of some houses just up from us and just sat there.  So I sat there and watched them.  The people inside eventually got out, but I didn't know them or what they were doing.  My best guess is they are garbage pickers or the like, but I don't know. I should have taken pictures of them just in case, but it felt rude to do that. I'm, like, a pair of binoculars away from becoming Gladys Kravits, aren't I?  :)

Seriously, though, I've got to get it together.  I don't want to be a paranoid person.  There's this man at our church who is a paranoid schizophrenic, and he drives me ape-poopy because he's constantly asking me if he's going to jail or thinking that people are wanting to steal from his family.  If I devolve into that kind of mess, I need someone to kill me.  Not even kidding. Poison me, shoot me, hit me with a car, I don't care.  That is not the kind of life I want to live.

2) Steve and I had a fun Saturday.  He got a wild hair and asked if I'd go to Six-Flags Over Georgia with him.  As you know, I do not enjoy theme parks, but I said I'd go because...well, you do that kind of thing for people you like, I guess.  Also, we had a new Doctor Who audio series that we needed a long drive to listen to and that sounded like a good opportunity to do that.

I unexpectedly enjoyed myself, though. I'm still not a huge fan of theme parks, but it wasn't that crowded. The longest we waited to ride anything was about 30 minutes, that was because the ride had closed for a bit and was reopened in the middle of the day, so everyone who wanted to ride it got there at the same time we did.  We didn't spend the whole day there, because Steve has a season pass and will inevitably go back with his buddy a couple of more times this summer, so he didn't feel it necessary to do everything.  We rode a few rollar coasters and such and left.  It was hot AF though, and I made the bad decision to wear jeans. I don't really have casual shorts that fit, and I didn't think linen ones would fare well at a dirty theme park (plus they would look terrible with my walking shoes.)  So I was sweaty, but not angry about it like I usually am! Haha!

Afterwards we drove down to Senoia, Georgia, which is this neat little place where movies and TV shows are filmed.  I mean, it's a legit town, but lots of stuff has been filmed there because it's quaint or something.  Currently, it's where the set of (and you'll have to forgive me if I misspeak, because I don't watch the show) the walled town in The Walking Dead is located. I assume they still film there, because the set is there and they sell TWD merch in the stores on main street.  It was a very cool place, though, even beyond the sets.  Where we were there was a main street lined with shops that you could wander down and go in and out of.  I love places like that.  We ate at a very good Irish pub and left there.  Steve wanted to show me Pinewood Studios, which is where a lot of movies have been shot, and so we drove forever until we found it.  It's out in the middle of nowhere, but I suppose if you're going to have a massive 18 or 20 sound stage complex, then you need lots of room. It was very cool though, and since I'm fairly sure Thor (my imaginary Marvel boyfriend) filmed some scenes there, I was practically hanging out with him.  :) 

It was a nice day.

3) We had some vandalism at church the other day, unfortunately.  During worship services, someone drove into the parking lot, busted the windows of a couple of vans and stole some stuff out of them.  The weird thing is that the people who's cars were vandalised were from the same family (who was here celebrating the dedication of their baby.)  It isn't clear if their cars were targeted or not, but we did get footage of the car and people (although you can't see the tag, and the people weren't clear) who were responsible, so hopefully the ass-hats who did this will get caught.  One of the things stolen was a wallet (and no, I don't know why the wallet was in the car to begin with) and the dumbest thing the theives did was to take one of the stolen debit or credit cards to a grocery store a mile away and try to spend $1000.00 on gift cards which triggered the protection on the card to tell where the money was being spent.  The police have seen the footage and hopefully will catch the jerks who would do a thing like that.

I spent that afternoon combing security footage so that we could make copies for the investigator, as I am one of the few people who know how it works.  Do you know how boring it is to watch security footage of a church parking lot?  No?  It's pretty darn boring.  Now I just hope they catch the people resposible and make them sorry they'd do a dickish thing like that.  I wish I could find out who they are and...make them feel very, very bad for their actions in a non-violent, certainly non-vigilante type of way. 

Tuesday, May 01, 2018


1) We went to see The Avengers: Infinity War a couple of days ago, and it was really good!  I was not expecting how it ended, and for once, most of the Internet decided against being jerkfaces and I didn't get spoiled before going (although I did avoid as much as I could online.)

I'm not going to spoil it here, because you may still go and see it (you really should) but I do want to mention something that has me a little befuddled.  I have been reading about the movie and people's reactions to it, and I'm wondering if I'm...weird.  Again, not going to spoil it here, but the ending had some unexpected, um, occurrences.  I've read a LOT of comments where people said they cried and I saw pictures of my niece with smeary mascara tracks after seeing the movie.  I was confused after the movie was over, but I certainly didn't think it was sad.  In fact, I didn't think it was sad at all, but the popular consensus is that people were basically in tears during the last 15 minutes or so.

I wonder if something is wrong with me. Should I have been sad?  Are my emotions malfunctioning?

Seriously, though, if you haven't seen it...go see it.  It's quite good and funnier than I expected.  You might cry, even.  You know, if you're into that kind of thing.

2) I get to eat food again!  Granted, I'm still limited as to how much and what kind, and it's only one meal a day, but actual FOOD! I'm so excited that I might cry.  I am also going to have to be careful, because I'm afraid I'm going to eat too much.  Even though I didn't hit the 60 pound loss mark they thought I would, I have still lost a (allegedly) noticeable amount of weight and I never, ever, ever, EVER want to have to do anything like this again. Ever. Please God no.

I'm still on the "transition" part of the program for a few more weeks, and I still have to attend classes, although they are on Wednesdays now, and I still have a few weeks left of those classes, but that's ok.  This has taken a heretofore unknown level of self control that I was unaware that I had.  Sure I slipped up a couple of times, although not enough to sabotage myself, but for the most part I stayed the course.  Now, let's see if I can just keep doing well for myself from here on out so that extreme solutions such as these will never be needed again.

Also...I still can't tell a difference as to what I look like, except that none of my pants are the right size anymore.  I look exactly the same to myself.  It's weird.

3) Speaking of what I look like...  The other day I posted a picture of myself on a thing.  It wasn't a good picture, and it really wasn't meant to be one, but a bunch of people liked it, even people who normally don't engage with me on the particular platform.  Did...did I get "Bless Your Heart" liked?  Good grief, social media can make you paranoid, can't it?

4) You guys, I think I'm almost ready to get another dog.  I'm not sure, because the loss of Butler and Bear still sting a lot, and I tend to hold on to feelings like that for an insane amount of time, but I think I might almost be ready to think about talking to Steve about perhaps getting another dog.  We can't do it anytime soon, due to traveling and whatnot, but maybe in the next year or so.  Maybe.

I don't know, though.  It's kind of like...oh, yes, let's get a dog so that I can be completely wrecked again in another few years when it dies.  Loving someone and then losing them is hard.  The heart can only take so much, and I don't know how much of mine is left.

5) We're still doing the virtual races and I'm still having fun with it.  If Steve ever says that he's finished more races than me (and he has, to be fair) it's because he chooses short ones, where I have chosen longer ones.  That's practically cheating, right?

Also, I think I actually want to do some real, live races as soon as I figure everything out.  Well, right now I feel that way, so who knows?  Probably stick to 5K ones, though, but that's nothing to sneeze at.  I'll leave the longer ones to people who know what they're doing! :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2018


I know this isn't really something that warrants an entire blog entry, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because I thought it was funny and for just a second, I thought I was going to die.

I got cold.  I suppose it was the ice in my drink that did it, but I got really frigging cold while sitting at my desk and couldn't get warm.  I decided that I was going to do some laps around the lobby of the church to warm up a bit, which I did.  It's a boring thing to keep walking in circles, so I decided to take a turn down the classroom hallway for a change of scenery.  At the end of that hallway is a room that looks like a living room, and when I got into that and turned around, I saw a body lying on one of the couches.  It was covered from head to ankles with a blanket and it wasn't moving. 

Look, I'm always terrified I'm going to find a body in our church that isn't supposed to be there, either alive or dead. That sounds crazy, but I was just told that last year a homeless man got into our church and tried to stay overnight, and was only found before we locked the doors because the security guy didn't see him come out at the end of services.  So, yeah, people get into our church sometimes and personally, I don't want to be the one to roll up on them.  So I did the only thing I could think of: I silently screamed and took off down the hallway.

Y'all, I am not a good runner in the best of times, wearing workout clothes and shoes specifically designed for running, but damn it if I didn't Usain Bolt my flowery dress and dress shoe wearing ass down the hall and into the pastor's office. I just knew there was going to be an issue and that I may be called upon to defend myself with hornet spray and my baseball bat and I was NOT ready for that.  Only, when I got there, the pastor wasn't there. 

As it turned out, the pastor was the person asleep (thankfully) on the couch in that room.  He had gotten cold as well and went down there to cover up for a few minutes and he dozed off.  So I was running through the church like a crazy person, ready to lock myself in a closet and wait until everyone else in the building was dead so that I could make my escape, and all it was was my boss taking a nap in a weird place.  I almost wet my pants.  At least I got a good laugh out of it!

I sincerely hope that I am never in a situation with an intruder, because if today is any indication, I'm going to end up being the woman running up the stairs instead of out the back door.  This was not my finest moment, but it sure turned out to be a funny one!

Saturday, April 21, 2018


I've written, like, three different things here and nothing was worth saving.  I could have just deleted everything and not published anything, but damnit, I came here to write a thing.  It isn't my fault that nothing interesting came of it!

Sorry.  I'm alone and bored and my friends live in different states than I do and I don't have time before church tomorrow to drive to see either of them because Indiana and Georgia are too far for impromptu drives.  Eh, well.  I don't mean to complain, I'm just restless.  Everything will revert back to normal tomorrow, everyone will be home, another week will start, and that is just full of possibilities, isn't it?

Anyway...I hope your day was marvelous, whatever it consisted of!  :)

PS: I found out that I might be slightly allergic to cayenne pepper.  What a weird thing to be allergic to.

Friday, April 20, 2018


1) Steve got offered a job in Charleston!  But in "of course he did" news, he turned it down without even considering it.  However, for one, bright, shining moment in my head, I had bought one of those cool old houses and was going to be near the coast, and have the ability to walk anywhere I needed to go, be in easy distance of some amazing food and work in one of the many museums out there.  That part was fun.

But Huntsville is good too.  I know people here.

2) I got a strange opportunity a couple of weeks ago from a cosmetic subscription service that found me on Instagram.  They were looking for "influencers" for their brand and they thought I was sassy, or some such thing.  At first I thought...WTF?  I mean, you know me (I guess you do, anyway) and you know that I'm 40 years old and maybe not the most attractive lady out there, I only have a very few people who follow me, and generally most of them don't pay much attention to anything I post. If you've ever seen most of the IG influencers, they are usually very young, very pretty, and have a LOT of followers watching what they do.  Maybe this company was going in a different direction, I dunno, but for them to reach out to me was kind of hilarious.  At first, I wasn't going to do it, because of everything I just mentioned, but the more I thought about it, the funnier I thought it would be if I did it.  Seriously, can you imagine me shilling for something like that?  So I asked some questions and agreed to do it.  Why not, right?  I'm not a Kardashian (OMG, I spelled that wrong and auto-correct fixed it for me.) but maybe I could have some fun with it.

HOWEVER...I did some looking around at different people who are considered "Influencers" for things online just to see how it worked, and...well, ultimately I just realized I didn't want to be that guy.  I mean, sure putting on makeup is fun, and taking pictures of it is fine, but I didn't want to be the person who is constantly hash tagging everything on my face and talking about how awesome this or that is because I get benefits from it.  I know people like that and they annoy me. The company was going to pay me, but only if people I knew bought this service, and it was such a low payment that it was really not worth it unless I somehow gathered tons of new followers and they all paid however much for the thing.  Ultimately I felt like it wouldn't be a thing I'd enjoy doing and I'm almost 100% certain none of my friends who follow me on those apps would have enjoyed it either.

There is only one thing that kind of bothers me, though, and that is that I tend to get excited about this kind of thing, tell people I'm going to do it, and then decide it isn't for me in the long run so it seems like I just flaked.  I feel like I punk out on things too much.  Granted, in this case, it wasn't because I got nervous about it, or thought that I couldn't do it, but still, I feel kind of like I failed at some new opportunity I was offered by not following through, but I really, really didn't want to have to take pictures of my face all of the time and push discount codes (link in bio!) on people who have very little interest in cosmetics. It just wasn't for me.  Still, though, I wish I didn't not do things so much.  It's not like I get a whole lot of offers!

Anyway, if you are a friend of mine on any of the social media apps, don't worry, you don't have to see my eyeliner 12 times a week! :)

3) OK, I know this is going to fall into "Kelly hears Robots" territory (and screw you guys, I totally did hear robots no matter what you think) but I'm fairly certain that someone tried spying on our house with a drone the other night.

To the left foot of our bed we have window that faces our neighbors house.  Where it is located, at night we get some light from the street lamp in front of our house, but it's partially blocked by something, so about a 1/4 of our window has light while the rest is dark.  The other night I was in bed, and I noticed that a light was flashing in the corner of the window that is usually dark.  It was flashing somewhat slowly, but consistently.  At first I thought maybe the wind was blowing and a branch was moving out of the way to let more light in, but that couldn't be it because the closest tree to our window isn't blocking the light.  Also, we have very deep eaves on the side of our house, so the corner of that window is in shadow all day except for about an hour after the sun rises.  I lay there and watched the light blink for a few minutes and asked Steve "What is that?"  He didn't know, but almost immediately the light stopped blinking and didn't come back.  So the only reasonable idea we could come up with is that someone was flying a drone near the top of our window and could hear us talking.  I even went outside and checked the next day, and the top of our window is too high for anything NOT flying to get to, unless whatever it was had a ladder.  So either Roof Critter is a robot or someone was up to shenanigans with a drone.  Bless their hearts for finding such a boring place to spy.  Heh.

No, I'm serious, it totally happened.

4) Ya know...I've lost some weight. Not the 60 pounds that I was told I would, but more than just a couple of pounds.  So...when people who haven't seen me in a while look at me, they always say "I can tell you've lost weight. How much have you lost?" Without fail, when I tell them, they always say "I can really tell it in your face." I never know how to respond.

Honestly, tell me, how damn fat was my face before?

Monday, April 09, 2018


I may have written about this before.  I don't remember.  Leave me alone, I'm an old woman!

I remember watching a movie, or maybe a TV show (I'm not sure) about a woman who lived in an apartment building where a new tenant had just moved in upstairs from her.  The new guy was an artist, and he fell in love with the woman, but the woman just thought of him as a friend at first.

She invited him over for dinner one night and they sat and talked all night until she fell asleep. When she woke up the next morning, she realized how much she liked the guy and went upstairs to talk to him, only to find out his apartment was empty and all of his paintings were gone.  The landlord was showing potential tenants the place and he couldn't tell her anything about the guy who had lived there.

The lady didn't have any proof that the artist-man had ever lived there, so she thought maybe she had imagined him until one day she was coming home from work and she passed an art gallery with a big painting of herself sleeping, wearing the dress she had worn the night they'd had dinner (which sounds creepy, but it was a nice painting and not weird) with the guy's name in the corner.  It had been sold, and the gallery was closed, so she couldn't go in and ask anyone about it. She just smiled and went home.

I really don't know the point of the movie (show?) and I know that sounds like a creepy thing to happen, especially looking through the lens of modern thought, but I always thought that was the most romantic thing ever.  That someone would think she was so beautiful and that he loved her enough to create art based on her.  I know that sounds sappy, and you'll just have to give me a break because I am not very sappy about many things these days, but to my little girl self, that was just the best thing I could imagine.  I always wished that someone would like me enough to do something like that.  Granted, I have never looked like that lady from the movie, but still...I always thought that would be nice.

What is very ironic (at least I think it's ironic. Darn you, Alanis!) is that I married a man who doesn't even like to take pictures, much less make art, so I doubt there will be anything inspired by me on anyone's walls!  That's not a slight against him or anything, I promise, I just think it's funny. Life is weird that way sometimes.

So anyway, what I'm saying is that if you (whoever you are. I don't know who reads this!) love someone, I hope they inspire you to do great things.  If they do, then do those things for them.