Tuesday, November 15, 2011



Guess who's picture you'll see if you do a Google Image Search for "Sexy Girl in FFA Uniform*?"

Granted, I realize that me popping up on that search has more to do with the "Girl In FFA Uniform" part than the "Sexy" part, but still...that is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

I was prompted to look it up when I got that phrase as a referrer on my web tracker and had to check it out.

Everything else aside, the fact that someone, somewhere typed that into a search engine because they wanted to find sexy girls in FFA uniforms is a little disturbing, isn't it?  I'd imagine that is one very specific, very niche kink for someone to have.

I mean, the corduroy alone...

So to whomever typed that in and found my picture...I'm sorry that you only found me. 

Now go get therapy.  Immediately.

*I may be off the page now, but I was there earlier today. 

Monday, November 14, 2011


1)  SIGH.  Do you remember a couple of months ago I told you about having a traumatic experience that involved my dog Butler, his kennel, and some severe gastric distress?  Well, it happened again, only with the other dog.  *SHUDDER*  Don't worry, I'm not going to give you a blow by blow of the situation, mainly because I don't like talking about poo.  However, this time Steve was out of town and I had to deal with it all alone, and believe it or not, I think I handled the situation better this time.  Of course, I already had some experience with this, so how could I not handle it better?  It was still gross and traumatizing, but at least I didn't cry or get rained on this time.

Unfortunately, Bear was really sick, and it wasn't just an adverse reaction to eating too many of the wrong treats.  He was so sick that after wrestling him into and out of the shower (gah...) I had to take him to the vet.  Bless him, he hates going to the vet, and he cowered against the wall most of the time we were there.  We also ended up seeing the vet that usually drives me insane with rage, but since I was worried about the dog, I was able to resist beating her about the head and face with my shoes.  The poor doggy had to have an IV and be poked and prodded in every orifice.  He kept looking at me with his pitiful little face as if I was doing all if this just to be mean, and if you've ever seen a border collie look sad, you know that it broke my heart.   Before the vet came back with any sort of decision on what to do, I kept having this awful worry that Bear could be really sick, as in, maybe he'd have to go live on a "farm" kind of sick, and I'd have to make that decision by myself since Steve was in D.C. and I didn't know if I could handle that.  I was almost in tears.  Luckily, though, the vet came back and said that while it looked bad it probably wasn't anything serious, or at least they couldn't detect anything very serious at the time.  They had to give me special food and pills, and probably the most complicated set of instructions for feeding a dog I've ever heard.  They also told me I'd have to keep watch on him to make sure he wasn't getting depressed or more lethargic (and quite frankly, if he got any more lethargic he'd be dead) because that meant we'd have to bring him back and do x-rays and blood work and all manner of terrible things to him.   Happily, he seems to be doing better, so I guess whatever it was has passed or is in the process of passing.  I'm very glad. 

2) I almost broke my arm in the single lamest way possible last week. Before Steve left on his trip, he asked me to wash and dry a new button up shirt to get rid of the creases (and as an aside...why are mens shirts so complicated? Geez.)  Anyway, I don't normally just wash or dry one thing, but since the shirt was new, I didn't want to run the risk of it getting linty or snagged on anything else, so it was the only thing in the dryer when I went to check on it.

Now, something is wrong with our dryer, in the sense that when you open the door, the tumbling doesn't stop like it is supposed to.  It just keeps going.  I keep forgetting about that problem since I don't normally open the door as it's running.  This time I opened the door, saw the shirt, and decided to grab for it.  I honestly don't know what I was thinking, because had I been thinking clearly, I obviously would have turned the dryer off first. When I stuck my arm in, one of the paddles that help tumble the clothes caught my arm just above the elbow and slammed it into the top of the top of the machine.

You know that moment after you hurt yourself, when the pain hasn't quite gotten there yet and you're basically just standing there clutching the part of you that has been injured?  That's when I stood there in a blind panic, hoping to all that was good and holy that I hadn't broken my humerus or dislocated my elbow while drying a damn shirt.  I'm not sure what hurt worse, my arm, or the idea that I'd have to tell a doctor that I hurt myself because I was too stupid to turn off a piece of machinery before sticking my arm into it.  Of course, then the pain hit and all of that flew out of my head.  I'm glad to tell you that my arm, while bruised and lumpy, did not get broken.  It hurts, of course, but I'm taking that as a reminder from God that I should show more intelligence when operating household machines.

Also, and this is just between you and me, I decided if I did have to go to the hospital about my arm, I was going to lie and say I'd broken it while saving a baby from a rabid mountain goat...or something equally heroic.

3) Steve and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary last Friday!  Yeah, I know...I'm just as shocked as you are.

Anyway, we had a very nice day!  We didn't do anything fancy, and we skipped The Melting Pot this year, but we drove over to Mentone and spent the day rambling through leaves and antique shops.  I've been to Mentone twice before while I as in high school: both times during band camp.  I'd never seen any of the town at all, so this was way more fun than band camp.  Of course, getting my arm caught in the dryer was more fun than band camp...but I digress.  The place is gorgeous this time of year with all the leaves and everything.  None of the pictures I took could do it justice, and I also forgot to take a foot picture, which makes me sad. :(  Steve and I ate at a restaurant called Moonlight Bistro, which was inside an old log cabiny place.  Steve said it used to be a different kind of restaurant, more country cooking than bistro chic, but it was a nice place.  The food was good...so I recommend it!  We also looked through the souvenir shops and a giant antique store (which was housed in an old hotel built in 1910, I think.)  It was awesome and crammed full of all kinds of stuff.  I was in a constant state of fear that I'd break everything, but it was still fun.  I'll be going back to peruse the giant collection of depression glass, I think. 

Since we couldn't find anything made of steel to buy out there (apparently, the gift for year 11 is steel. Weird.) we drove back into Huntsville and got a stainless steel mulling infuser from Williams Sanoma.  I know that sounds random, but the we didn't need utensils or pots, and this seemed to make as much sense as anything else.  I guess this means we will do some mulling of cider or wine this year.  Just got to figure out what that means!  :)

4) Saturday was the Fayetteville, TN Host of Christmas Past event!  Madison Community Band was performing again this year, so I was there to listen to Steve play!  The band sounded great, as usual, and I managed to record one of their songs.  It was my favorite of their whole set, called "Bugler's Holiday."  The sound isn't so great, because I recorded it with my camera, plus there was a giant generator clacking along behind me and that screwed up the sound as well.

They sounded amazing in person, though.  The guys who play the main trumpet part are so good!  I wish you could've heard how it really sounded.  You could hear all of the yellow.

Steve also played in the brass quintet later that night.  There is some kind of reverse caroling thing that goes on in the historic district where music groups play on the porches of some of the homes and people walk around to listen to them.  They also sounded great.  The video doesn't make much sense because there was a camera-man from a local TV station standing in the way, but I only filmed it for the sound anyway.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011


Yes, my life can be lived in vignettes!  My days have a few notable bits bracketed by long patches of nothing interesting.

1) I have yet to go to the gym this week and I'm feeling both mad at myself because I know I should go and defiant because I shouldn't have to go if I don't wanna!  Harumph!  Monday I didn't go because I was lazy, which is pathetic, but today I didn't go because I think I've borked my knee and I wasn't sure if it would be smart.  I had a tiny bit of knee pain over the weekend, but didn't think much about it because I'm getting old and things just hurt sometimes.  Plus, my knee seemed fine after being off my feet for a while.  Then yesterday I went to the pet store to buy dog food, and knelt down to see the turtles in the bottom layer of tanks and I actually screamed when my knee hit the floor.  Well, screamed the way I do...which sounds like someone stepping on a squeaky toy.  I didn't know if I'd be able to get back up!  It's a bad feeling to be kneeling on the floor of a pet store and wonder if you are going to have to call for assistance to stand back up again.  Seriously, I'm this close to having to wear one of those Life Alert necklace buttons!  I did manage to get up and back home.  The thing is that my knee isn't hurting badly, it just feels like something is stuffed inside my knee.  Like it's swollen inside.  I can't explain it the way it feels, but I know it feels like I have too much knee on one side and it twinges when I bend it too far.  Anyway, I explain all of that to say that I'm not sure if my knee actually has some kind of problem, or if I'm just using that as an excuse to be lazy.  It just seems like it should hurt more if I'm going to use it as an excuse.  Hmmmmm.

2) I bought something neato the other day!  I realize that a lot of people will think it's a dumb thing to own, and I know that my sad little kitchen is already bursting at the seams with my many beloved gadgets, but I was so excited to find one because I've been looking for one like this for over two years!  I got a cotton candy machine!  I know, I know...don't judge me.  I love cotton candy and have wanted a machine for ages, and I know you can find cheap ones everywhere, but I didn't just want a regular one.  The one I wanted was special!  Instead of getting one that only uses the granulated sugar that you pour into the middle, the one I got can utilize both sugar or hard candies and then spins it into cotton candy!  Even though I like the regular sugar kind, making cotton candy out of hard candies is better because the resulting candy floss actually tastes like whatever hard candy you put into it!  See, neato!  I actually found one of these online a couple of years ago, which is where I got interested in buying one, but it was from Japan and cost a lot.  Like, a whole lot.  More than I could justify spending on something I wouldn't use everyday.  I just figured I'd never be able to buy one and left it at that.  However, we did find one in the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath & Beyond, and it wasn't expensive at all and so I grabbed it and ran.  Well, I paid for it first, but...still.

I've had so much fun making cotton candy out of all the weird hard candy we've accumulated.  You can only put in two pieces in at a time, but even those two pieces makes a ton of cotton candy.   I had no idea it took so little. The only problem is that I'm not very good at making it yet.  Well, actually, the machine actually makes the candy, but it takes a practiced hand to twist it around the cones without ruining it.  You have to keep it away from the heat source so it doesn't melt, and you have to be able to spin it to keep it soft instead of turning into crunchy strings.  Also, you have to pay attention to what you're doing, and I'm not so good at that.  I looked away at the wrong time once, and the machine shot cotton candy floss all over the kitchen and all over me.  It was like an incontinent spider sneezed and sprayed the whole room with web strings.  Everything was sticky.  Eventually I'll figure it out. If you want, come on over with a bag of hard candy and we can make a mess together!  :)

3) Speaking of candy...Halloween was on Monday!  I actually forgot to buy any candy for trick-or-treaters, although how I could have forgotten I have no idea. Target practically buries you in it the second you walk into the door.  I just kept thinking I'd get some later, and then the day of snuck up on me, I guess.  I had other things to do than make a Target run, but I figured we already had something to give out if any kids came by.  Sometimes we get a few kids and sometimes we don't, but I thought for sure we'd have some this year since kids actually live in our neighborhood. 

I started to ransack our snack stash (oooh, say that five times fast) and realized that we didn't really have things that kids would like.  Don't get me wrong, we have sweets.  Lots of sweets.  But it isn't normal stuff that you can get anywhere.  I don't tend to buy a lot of candy for myself unless it's an unusual flavor or something that I've never had before.  For example, we have candy from the different nations of Epcot from when we went earlier this year.  Most of it is in different languages, or isn't individually wrapped, or has something like caffeine and hot chili powder in it.  I wouldn't mind giving that out, but I have the feeling that a lot of parents wouldn't let their kids eat something that they couldn't identify.   We have artisan candy with tea, coffee and ginger in it, which I don't imagine kids would like very much, and we have a lot of booze flavored lollypops I got in a bulk bag with some other stuff, and they just don't seem appropriate for kids.  I mean, unless you let your kids have white Russians and bourbon...I don't know your life.

I did find two candy bars, one being a Godiva bar that was white chocolate and therefore an abomination and could be parted with, but this ended up being my original stash of Halloween treats:

Mostly tricks, I think.

Luckily, I realized I had an entire, unopened box of Hershey bars that came with a s'mores kit, and I decided to hand those out instead of vegan protein bars and old Christmas candy!  Of course, after all that, no kids came to our door, so it wasn't even an issue after all. In the end, Steve ate the Godiva bar and no kids went away with weird treats.  It was a win-win for everyone.  :)

4) You know, I've been noticing something lately that really bothers me.  I know it shouldn't bother me, because I don't think there is any malice behind it or anything, but I'm beginning to suspect that I know a lot of people who think I'm stupid.  No one has out right called me stupid, but I have found myself in the position where people seem to feel as if they need to explain simple things to me.  It's a bit insulting, actually, because I'm not stupid!  Is it because I don't have an advanced degree?  I mean, I know a lot of people my age have or are working towards Master's degrees or PhD's but is that a prerequisite to not being treated like an idiot?  I know I come across as being silly a lot of the time, but I have no idea what I'm doing to make people think I don't understand simple concepts.  Honestly, if I don't understand something, I'll ask.  If I don't ask, then I either probably know what is being talked about, or it means I'm going to Google it as soon as I get home!  Oy.

5) Oh, I almost embarrassed myself so very, very badly yesterday.  While I was out running errands, I went into a store to ask about a particular item. (I won't be more specific, since this is about a Christmas present, so pardon the vagueness.)  Anyway, the particular brand of thing I was looking for has an unusual name that, for some reason, my brain gets confused with the name of a particularly gross sexually transmitted disease.  I don't know if this makes much sense, but the words look so much alike that even though I know they are completely different, when I think of the brand, my brain always translates the brand name into the name of the STD.  I always, always have to remind myself to pronounce it right before I say it out loud.  When I went into the store, I came within an ace of asking the salesman if he had an STD rather than asking for the brand of thing I was looking for.  Even though I didn't say it out loud, I was so embarrassed I practically had to run out of the building.