Monday, December 16, 2013


It's very frustrating when I have this really funny story about something that happened to me at a gay bar in Denver, but when I try and tell people about it, they can't get past the fact that I was in a gay bar in Denver.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


1) Hey!  It's been a while, hasn't it?  I have no excuse for not writing more other than pure, unadulterated laziness, and trust me, I'd be ashamed of it if I didn't enjoy being lazy.  Actually, part of the issue is that not a whole lot has been going on lately.  Well, not much of note.  I've got to change that soon, though, because I hate boredom about as much as I like lazy, i.e. A LOT.  Let's see what scraps of info I can come up to prattle about!  You guys are interested, right?  RIGHT?!

2) Oh, first thing...I finally joined all the cool kids and got a smart phone.  It has a touch screen and everything!  It wasn't my idea to get one. We can thank Steve for that. I think he got tired of me complaining about my crappy, old, flip phone.  No, I'm not just saying that it was crappy because it wasn't the newest piece of technology, it was a genuinely a terrible phone.  I couldn't hear when people called, it stayed dead almost more than it stayed charged, and no matter how much I explained to people that it was a pay-as-you-go phone, I kept getting put on mass text lists where every time someone would reply to the original texter (is that even a word? Spell check says no.) I'd get charged 20 cents. Bleh.  I was actually very hesitant about getting a smart phone, because of my well documented hatred of the rudeness that seems to come along with them.  I was afraid I'd end up being one of those people who spends every minute I'm not physically interacting with another person, with my face buried in the screen. So far I'm not doing that, thank goodness.  I actually really like being able to take pictures and look things up on the fly, so I'm enjoying it a lot.  See, I can do stuff like this:

 I took that just now!  Being excited about that isn't dorky, is it?

When I first got it, I was showing everyone, mainly because they all made fun of my old phone.  I'm sure I was like a kid with a new toy, so I apologize to everyone I made look at it!  I wasn't showing off, I promise. I just wanted you to know I didn't have a drug-dealer's phone anymore!

3) Thanksgiving was wonderful, as usual.  We went to Waleska to visit the family, and had a wonderful time.  We ate a lot of very good food and had a lot of fun!  We had the traditional Thanksgiving meal with everyone on Thursday, and on Friday we celebrated early Christmas at Kristin and Greg's house with awesome Italian food and presents!

I also got locked in the bathroom. Again. Shut up!  I don't know what I did to the door, but I couldn't get the darned thing open.  That wouldn't be a big deal, but except for Uncle Garry, who was asleep in the den, and Aunt Brenda, who was asleep in the back bedroom, everyone else had gone Black Friday shopping. In the bathroom, no one can hear you scream! I knocked and knocked, but no one came to let me out. I rattled the doorknob, trying desperately to get the dumb thing to work, all to no avail.  I decided to wait it out and dry my hair, but I was starting to panic about being trapped, so that didn't last long. Luckily, though, I remembered after all of that, that they'd put a phone in the bathroom! Of course, since it was a house phone, I couldn't call and wake anyone up, so I had to do the humiliating thing and call Steve.  Normally, in a situation like this (and it's kind of sad that I have a contingency plan for such situations) I would have just extricated myself by any means and only told Steve after it was over.  However, since I love these people and didn't want to punch a hole in their bathroom door, I had to suck it up and call Steve so that he could, in turn, call the house and wake someone up so they could let me out.

The conversation began thus:
Steve: Hello.
Me: Steve, I'm locked in the bathroom again.
Steve: *Pausing for what I can only assume was internal laughter*
Me: Please call Aunt Brenda and tell her that I'm in here so that she can let me out!
Steve: But...have you tried the doorkn...

Right about then I heard someone walk by the door and I started knocking on it again and was released from the bathroom.  It actually turned out that Aunt Brenda had thought she'd heard someone knocking earlier and came to the door, but when she heard the hair dryer going, she went back to her bedroom. It was very sitcom-like.  Happily, in the end, I was freed and now Steve has an embarrassing story to tell everyone. It's all very win-win.

4) This year, unfortunately, I have to announce that Steve and I will not be attending the work party that we have attended for the past two years.  You know the one.  It's the family with the gorgeous house where I lose all of my social skills and wind up hugging the waiters and throwing food around.  I know that the unfortunate antics that I get up to, whilst trying very hard to be a normal party guest, are a source of amusement for so many of you, but we actually weren't invited this year.  Steve isn't sure if that's because there isn't going to be a party, or because they got tired of having to search the Christmas tree for the shrimp that somehow end up among its branches after I've been there.  Either way, I'll just have to be awkward someplace else.

5) Football.  I'm so very tired of football.  I never thought I could reach absolute football saturation, but I have.  I mean, I'm tickled that one of our state teams will be going to the BCS championship (because of course they are...hellooooooooo) but every time I'm anywhere these days, someone is talking about football!
I'm starting to feel like Scarlett O'Hara:  "Football, football, football.  I'm so sick of hearing the word football!  It's ruined the fun at every party this season.  I get so bored I could scream! Great God Almighty, if I hear the word football one more time, I'm going into the house and slamming the door!"

I don't actually blame any of the fans for talking about the season, of course, but I've never realized how many people have their whole selves wrapped in the team they root for! At least two men from our church actually seemed to need counseling after Alabama lost the Iron Bowl!  I haven't been anywhere in the past couple of weeks where someone doesn't start talking about it. Oh, and Facebook? Fugettaboutit. It's like sitting down to eat and instead of getting what you ordered, you always get a bowl of mashed potatoes. I like mashed potatoes, but if I get too much too often, I'm going to start gagging on them.  I'll admit, I just don't get it, but I don't blame people who do.

I suppose I could just pull out my phone and ignore everyone when this happens, though, right? : )