Friday, August 31, 2012


Today I knocked a bunch of stuff off of my desk. Not on purpose, of course.  It was cluttered and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing.

Don't judge me.

Anyways, as I was picking things up, I found one of the bright pink Post-Its that I use to make random notes to myself with while I'm doing things on the computer.  Normally I use these notes when I'm working on graphic design stuff so that I don't forget colors or files or whatever, but the one I found today was apparently some sort of list.  It read:

YouTube Videos

I have no idea what any of those things have in common, nor why they'd all be on the same list.

My life confuses me sometimes.

EDIT:  The really odd thing is that everything on this list is marked off.  I must have obviously finished whatever it was. 

Thursday, August 30, 2012


Have you ever been in a position where you had the chance to do a nice thing for someone, maybe even a great thing, but you knew if you did it, it would be a huge mistake?

I wish I could be specific, because I'd love to get some actual feedback from any of you who'd care to give me some, but I can't because it involves someone else's life and business and I have no right to pick it apart even on this insignificant blog.  I'll be as general as possible.

A friend of mine recently sent me an email asking for help. I was torn between wanting to help them and not wanting to disrupt my life for them (which would be the result of doing this favor.) I decided that I am not going to help this person, even though technically I am capable of doing it, because I have since learned that my "friend" is a liar, a thief, and someone who won't take responsibility for their own actions.  I don't want to disrupt my own life for someone who would probably turn on me later.

It probably doesn't sound like much of a dilemma, I guess, but there is a part of me that feels so guilty for not immediately agreeing to help.  Isn't that what we are supposed to do?  Help those that can't help themselves?  In this case I'm probably going to be in a position to watch this person self destruct in a big way because I refused to help them, but I can't make myself responsible for every person with a sob story, right? I don't want to be a sucker, and I know that's what I'd be if I gave in.

Anyways, I've made up my mind that I'm going to have to let this person fend for themselves, but it doesn't make me feel very good inside.  I know it's the right decision, but it still makes me feel rotten.

I guess I just needed to vent.  

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


1) Y'all, I fell down the stairs while I was at work the other day.  Why am I so accident prone?  Geez.  Actually, I didn't fall down that far, and by the grace of God (and a call from the pastor's daughter, who needed it for an upcoming vacation) I just so happened to be holding a Styrofoam boogie board when I fell, so I didn't end up killing myself.  I was on the second to the last step when my right foot did something weird.  I still don't know if I twisted my ankle, my shoe fell off, or what, but I went flying off of the step. 

I know the fall was over in less than a second, but I seemed to just sort of hang there in midair for a moment, yelling out a slow motion  "Nooooooooooooooooooooo" in that deep, slurry voice you usually hear when someone jumps in front of a bullet in action movies.  It would have been comical if I hadn't been so sure of my own death at that moment.

Of course, then I crashed to the ground.  I landed hard, left knee first on the boogie board.  That was probably the only thing that kept me from breaking my leg.  If I'd landed without the board, I'd probably still be in the hospital getting a plastic knee cap.  My right leg twisted, but didn't take the brunt of my weight, so even though it hurt, it wasn't too bad.  I know I made a lot of noise, and the people in the office HAD to know that I'd fallen.  I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so I didn't say anything when I went back in, and they were nice enough to ignore my limping progress across the room.  How embarrassing.

2)  I'm still going to the gym, and I've managed to lose some weight, although not nearly as much as I would have hoped at this stage.  At least people can finally kind of see that I've lost some.  It's funny, though, because when they ask me and I tell them that, yes, I've lost some weight, they always tell me that they can really tell it in my face.

It makes me wonder how fat my face was before!

3) Sara's wedding shower was last week and it went so well!  I was tickled!  Sara and I rode down together, which was great because I would have never found the house on my own. :)  One of her other bridesmaids, Hilary, held the shower at her house in Hoover, (there's some alliteration for you today) and she had it all decorated with New Orleans signs and Mardi Gras masks, and everything was so nice!  Hilary is some kind of super woman.  She just had a baby two weeks before, and she still had enough energy to throw a party!  I jumped in to help her prepare the food, and I sugared beignets, stirred red beans and rice, and made grits for the first time ever!  I also learned the hard way that grits will spit at you.  Not only did I burn the hell out of my finger, but I got splashes of grits all over me.  I was wearing a dark blue dress and by the time we got the shrimp and grits in the serving dish, I looked like Monica Lewenski. 

She had lots of guests and got some really nice gifts, and I met a a few of her sorority sisters!

Don't tell her, but I accidentally knocked her cake off of the stand when I was serving it.  I did pick it up and managed to get it back on the cake stand, but it had a big hand print on top.  I cut it all up to hide that, though.  Sorry, Sara! :)

Oh, and speaking of Hilary's baby...  Most of you know that I don't hold tiny babies because I'm fairly sure I'll break them.  I didn't try and hold this one either, but I did approach her while she was sitting in some kind of carrier on the kitchen table.  She was being very good, and so I reached out and touched her tiny little toes that were sticking out from beneath her blanket and said "Hello, baby!"  Right away I felt her feet shaking.  It was violent and completely unnatural and my first reaction was "Oh, no! She must be freezing!" My second reaction was "AHHHHHHH!  I need an old priest and a young priest!"  It scared me because I know babies don't vibrate when they're cold!  I started to have a mild freak out, but then I realized it was the chair vibrating and not the baby.

Things like that do not help my fear of babies.

4) Last night was Steve's end-of-summer concert, which was blissfully held inside the church where they practice.  They sounded amazing.  It was probably the best I'd ever heard them play, and that's saying something.  I'm usually guilted into going to almost every concert, so I've heard them play a lot!  I'll probably have video soon so you can hear.

Anyways, as usual, I was asked to film the concert, so I found an unobtrusive corner of the church's sanctuary and set up the camera.  The first song they played was The Star Spangled Banner, and everyone stood up, as most Americans are wont to do.  Then a bunch of them turned and started staring in my direction.  It freaked me out because I didn't know what to do!  I thought maybe I was being rude or doing something wrong (I always put my hand over my heart just in case, but I wondered if that wasn't somehow wrong) but it just turned out I'd set the camera up right in front of the American flag without realizing it!  The people who turned my way proceeded to stare in my direction for the entire song and I didn't know what to do with my face or my body and I got very awkward.  I was trapped behind the camera and behind a large piece of equipment used to hold music stands, so I couldn't just move out of the way either.  By the time the song was over, my skin had crawled about as far as it could without getting away from me and I know I had the stupidest look on my face from trying to look nonchalant.  I can only hope that everyone who turned around was looking over my head or something and didn't see me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


1)  Today I'm giving you a link to a new blog that I strongly recommend.  Organized Randomness is written by a friend of mine that I've known since the 4th grade.  Actually, saying that he's just a friend seems kind of like I'm saying he's just a guy I know.  It's way more complicated than that, but I'm not sure I can explain it to anyone who didn't know us back then.  Jordan was my first love.  He was my first real boyfriend and the first guy I ever had a dramatic, heart-rending, break-up with (as only kids who are really too young to understand what is going on can have, anyway.)  We were friends, then enemies, then friends, then dated again briefly in both junior high and high school, then enemies, then friends, then enemies, and then finally friends again and have been ever since.  See, I told you it was complicated!  I think I horrified him in a lot of ways, but he made it up by pissing me off on a regular basis, so it all evened out!  At any rate, no matter what was going on, he was always one of the people I liked the best (even when I hated him - go figure.) Now he's an Associate Dean in the College of Education and Professional Studies at Jax State, he has a gorgeous wife, and two sons who are cuter than they have any right to be.  He's also really freaking funny.  There aren't many entries so far, because he initially started to write the blog to chronicle his experience with a recent tonsillectomy, and work keeps him busy, but I hope he keeps writing. 

2) Oh, heavens, I was so embarrassed at church yesterday.  There is an older man that goes to church with me, and I like him great deal.  He's funny,  he always calls me his "Movie Star" and he's always quick to give me a big hug.  He is also one of my Facebook friends, and he had a question about something I had recently written as a status update. It was during the whole "Chick-Fil-A" debacle, and since I have friends on both sides of the debate, I was trying to alleviate a bit of the tension by making a joke.  Part of what I said was that "I didn't care who my friends were shagging..."  Apparently this dear old man didn't know what the word "shagging" meant.  Of course, when he first approached me he couldn't even remember what the word was, so I didn't know what he was talking about.  However, during the service when we have the time to shake hands and everything, he walked back to the sound booth and said, rather loudly, "Oh, I remembered the word. SHAGGING!"  I almost died.  Not only had he practically shouted the word across the church, I then had to define it for him.  There was just not enough floor to sink into.

3) The other day I was walking through the mall when one of those kiosk people stopped me.  Usually, I try to run away when they get near me because it never fails that they want to smear stuff, spray stuff, or put a device on me.  I don't like it!  This time the guy stopped me because he said he wanted to give me something.  I tried to walk by, but he said "Hey! Wait!" and held out his hand.  I figured I'd just take whatever it was and scram, but he looked at whatever was in his hand and said "Wait." and walked behind the kiosk as if he couldn't give me whatever it was in his hand and had to get another one.  It was a bait and switch, of course, and I felt like a moron for getting pulled in, but I figured that I might as well listen to his spiel, say no to him, and be on my way.  However, before I realized it, the dude grabbed a handful of my hair in one hand and a big flat iron in the other, and he started running it through my hair.  Years of training kept me from slapping the taste out of his mouth and running the other direction, plus, he had a hot iron clamped on my hair.  I thought maybe he'd iron one section of my hair and let me go, but no, he proceeded to do my entire head.  He kept talking about how smooth it made my hair and how straight it was.  All I could think was...duh.

I have the straightest hair in the universe.  I inherited my great-great-great grandmother's Native American hair, and it's almost impossible to even curl it with heat and/or chemicals, so I do not need a flat iron.  I kept telling him this.  He also clamped the thing down on a clump of hair and steam started coming off of it.  He said that it was utilizing the moisture in my hair to allow the iron to do it's work.  However, I'm smart enough to know that what he was doing was frying my hair, as well as flattening it, but it was too late for me to do anything about it at that point.  I finally got away from him, and when I got home I saw that he had made my hair look greasy and flat, which isn't a good look for me.  Not only that, I ended up having to get my hair cut because the ends started to split and break off.

Moral of this story:  If an effete little man with a fake British accent tries to hand you anything in the mall, please punch him in the throat.  Do it for me.

Sunday, August 12, 2012


I was recently listening to the song "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" and heard something that was a little weird.

There's a part of the song that says:

"They made him blow the bugle for his Uncle Sam.
It really brought him down because he could not jam.
The captain seemed to understand,
and so the next thing the Cap went out and drafted a band..."

What the hell?!  An entire band got drafted because one trumpet player couldn't get his jam on without back up?

I bet they were piiiiiiiiiissed.

Saturday, August 11, 2012


1) So, I suppose you want to know where I'm working now, huh?  Nosy Parkers.  :)  It's not exactly a secret, but I've been holding off saying anything on here because I wanted to make sure I'd be there longer than a week before I got kicked to the curb!  Heehee.  No, actually I am currently in training to take over as our church's secretary! Close your mouths, people.  Indeed, I'm going to be a church lady. Isn't that special?

The girl (woman, really, but she seems so young to me) who is currently there is more than just a little bit pregnant, and she's going to be a stay-at-home mom when her son Owen is born.  She's also a missionary and the wife of a doctor in training, so it's probably inevitable that she will be moving to someplace where they can do their thing once her husband is fully inDOCtrinated (see what I did there?)  Heh.  Sorry.

Anyways, she isn't leaving until late October, so right now I'm there twice a week to learn how to do everything, but I'm almost afraid I'm not quite smart enough to handle the job.  That's not a cry for help or anything, I promise, but the position isn't just answering the phones and filing visitor slips.  I'm fully capable of doing the office work, I know.  However, it's more of an office manager position where I'll be dealing with budgets, paychecks, taxes and important keep-the-church-solvent kind of stuff, and I've never been any good with numbers.  I'm terrified that I'm going to somehow screw something up and all the money will disappear.  I have panic attacks thinking of screwing up taxes and giving the wrong people the wrong money.  That probably sounds silly to most of you but SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW MY PAIN!!!!!  I'm math stupid.  If I wasn't, I'd be a doctor right now.  Honestly.  I wanted to go into medicine, but there are too many ways to kill a person when you can't do numbers. Oy. If I can just keep from panicking, I think I'll be OK, but budget stuff will never not scare me.  They are sending me to a two day class in Talladega to learn QuickBooks and other financial stuff specifically tailored for churches, so maybe I'll learn what I need to know.  I was upfront with my pastor about my math skills, but he still took a gamble.  Hopefully I won't let him down!  I hope not.

I'll let you know periodically how things are going.  I'd have done it long before now, but I'd forgotten the password for my blog and couldn't write anything while I was at work! :)

2) The cabinets are finally done, and they look great, but everything else is a frigging mess.

When I was young, I read a story called "The Most Expensive Curtains."  It was about a 19th century farm girl who's parents let her pick a new set of curtains for her bedroom.  She picked some she loved, but then decided that they made her walls look dingy, so she talked her brother into repainting her room.  The new paint made the bookcase look bad, and on and on.  You can see where the story went from there.

Yeah, I read awesome books as a kid.

Our cabinets turned into expensive curtains.  It wasn't completely a surprise, of course, because any new remodel does cause chaos, but I wasn't expecting the entire house to be affected.  Since the new counters and cabinets are in a different formation than the last, we had to replace the flooring.  We might not have had to if we could have found the same kind of vinyl tiling we already had, but it had been discontinued.  Sigh.  We opted to install a floating wooden floor on top of the vinyl.  The floor turned out great, but we had to remove the baseboards to put it in, so those and a lot of the trim in the kitchen will have to be replaced when we can find matching wood, which is proving difficult.  We will also eventually install the same kind of flooring in my office, the living room and the hallway so that it will all match, but that won't be anytime soon!  The walls look like hell because the old cabinets were hung a bit lower than our new ones are and there are holes and pits and gouges where they were removed.  We're going to have to work magic on what is underneath the cabinets and repaint the rest of the room so that the shades of red will match all over.  Since we had to move the fridge, a big bookshelf was displaced, and so my formidable collection of cookbooks are currently in the guestroom along with a ton of other stuff we had to move and haven't found a permanent place for.  We've got furniture all out of place because we had to reorganize to install the floor and cabinets, but we can't move them back until we get a chance to paint.  We're also going to have to repair the ceiling and replace a window.  You'd think we would have had plenty of time to finish everything by now, but we've also had a lot of other non-kitchen related things going on and when we do have spare time, we like to take baths and sleep and stuff.  Also, we don't want to do like we did when we first bought the house and only halfway finish projects, so we want to be able to do one thing at a time from start to finish, and that is going to take chunks of time we just don't have right now.  I'd say by the year 2015 we will be able to move about freely in our home again!  :)

But hey...awesome cabinets!  Pictures to come!

3) I'm a member of Pinterest, and I've come to have a love/hate relationship with it lately.  I didn't exactly jump on the bandwagon with the site, because I joined it before pretty much everyone else I know.  Oooooooh, that makes me sound kind of hipsterish. Sorry.  :)  No, I honestly didn't know what I was joining when I found it.  I was just looking for wedding inspiration stuff for Sara, and since I couldn't get the pictures from the site without joining it, I joined.  Baaaaaaaaaaaa.  However, it wasn't long before I was using it for the reasons it was intended...a digital bulletin board, if you will.  It's also been an invaluable tool for me so that I don't continue to bookmark a thousand pages that get lost in my bookmark list.  I have too many bookmarks as it is, and I usually can't remember why I saved the page in the first place.

I generally enjoy looking at it, because it's full of a lot of really great ideas in a very accessible format.  I found neato recipes and craft instructions that have helped me learn to do a lot of interesting stuff, and there isn't a day that I peruse the site that I don't find some kind of helpful hint I can use.  I also enjoy the fact that I can figure stuff out about people before they come right out and say it.  I'm fairly certain that on more than one occasion I've figured out who was getting married or having a baby before it became public knowledge.

However, I'm beginning to notice a few things about the site that get on my dang nerves.  For one, I get annoyed when it becomes obvious that the people I follow don't actually read the things from other users that they "re-pin."  There have been tons of "These three simple ingredients do this awesome thing when you mix them together! WOW!" pins that are obviously 100% wrong.  You cannot mix mountain dew and peroxide and make a giant glow stick!  I think those pins only bother me because it should be common sense that you can't make half of those things work with the directions given.

I also get annoyed with the "Pin Now, Read Later" ones because that just seems stupid. How do you know you want to pin something if you don't read it first?  If you pin everything that has a pretty picture and interesting tag line, you are going to end up with a lot of useless garbage cluttering up your feed as well as the feed anyone following you has.  Yeah, I went there... you know who I'm talking to.  ; )

It isn't just the pinners that get annoying, though.  I've started to notice that a lot of bloggers have started pandering to the Pinterest folks.  I mean, it isn't a bad thing to want people to pin your stuff in order to bring in new readers, but it doesn't do to whore yourself out for it.

Anyway, I suppose to nutshell my issue is to just come out and say that apparently I'm the only person in the universe who knows how to properly use Pinterest!  Hah! Yeah, that whole rant made so much more sense last night when I started writing it.