A QUICKY

I had the mother of all stress dreams.

I'm not going to give a blow-by-blow, but you know how sometimes you have a dream about going back to school and having to take a test you didn't study for and things like that? It was like that, but it wasn't just one thing, it was all the things.

The Gist: I went on vacation with Steve and some other people, but when we got to the resort, we found out that most of the staff were not there because of a scheduling snafu. Since I wanted everyone else to have a good time, I went to the manager and said if he told me what I could do, I'd work for the week to help fill in the gaps in staffing.

Everything went wrong. I couldn't get a uniform right away. No one would tell me what to do or how to do what I needed to do. I couldn't have fun with the people I had gone on vacation with, but I couldn't be mad because I'd volunteered to work! I didn't know how to be a waitress and I was afraid the rich, mean people would yell at me. Then the resort flooded, like...furniture floating and water to our knees flooded. Apparently, what pushed the whole dream over the edge was when I went into the bathroom to pull my hair back so it wouldn't be in the way, I saw that it had started falling out. I woke up in a panic over that.

That dream was so vivid and real that I still expect to look in a mirror and see that I've gone bald.

What could cause a dream like that? Geez.

I REMEMBERED!

Ha!  I remembered the last thing I was going to write about earlier, and while it's not a big deal, the fact that I remembered without, like, a week going by makes me happy and I'm going to write about it anyway!  YAY!

Ok, so I've been having the weirdest dreams lately. Most of them are what I think of as "Stress Dreams" which I would categorize as the kind of dreams that are fairly common where people dream they show up to class and realize they have a test and they haven't studied for it, or they have a presentation at work and realize they are unprepared.  I don't remember all of them, but the one that sticks out is that I was taken on one of those TV reality baking shows and was told I had to decorate a cake, and I'd be judged on it, but I had no idea how to decorate a cake.  Looking back, it's actually kind of funny, because I was standing behind a big white cake and completely panicking because I had no idea what to do.  I remember my last thought before waking up was

"Sprinkles! I'll put some f*cking sprinkles on it and nobody will know the difference!"

I'm such a problem solver.

Last night, though, was something else.  In my "second sleep" or the time I went back to sleep after being awake for a few hours, I dreamed I was in my bedroom, still in bed (and it was so realistic, which is what made the dream so upsetting) and my sister ran into the room and pointed at the covers and said "OH MY GOD, IT'S GOT A TAIL!" and a lump in the covers started moving towards me and I jumped on it, thinking there was a mouse under it and I didn't want it to bite me.  So I'm holding this big, wiggling lump of sheets, pinning it underneath me and trying not to let whatever is under there get away, and then she starts yelling at me because of something to do with mom. I don't remember what it was, but I know I had forgotten to do something for her, or I had failed to realize something that had to do with her, and the whole time I'm holding down this...thing...under the covers and so I couldn't move or get away.  I felt so bad for whatever it was I'd done (or not done) and I was panicking because the wiggling vermin under the covers was thrashing around, and it has somehow gotten inside my shirt, but I knew that if I took my hand off of it, it would start running around and I'd lose my mind.  I finally got the thing to stop wiggling and I took my hand off of it, and a cockroack the size of an athletic shoe started climbing out of my pajama top, and that's when I woke up in a blind panic, slapping at the front of my shirt and spitting because the dream roach's antenna had gotten into my mouth. 

It was awful and took almost a minute before my awake brain took over and I realized I wasn't being infested.  I honestly can't understand why I didn't remember this dream earlier to write about it, but in a way I'm glad I didn't because now I've got the heebies pretty badly.

Now, would anyone like to analyze these dreams for me?  I'm not sure why I'm having stress dreams, as I don't think I'm particularly stressed, or why I'm dreaming of roaches bigger than my foot!  Send help!

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM

Y'all, I have been having the weirdest, most vivid dreams for the past week.  I haven't been eating chocolate before going to bed or anything like that, so I'm not sure where these dreams are coming from.  I'm constantly being woken up by weird ass dreams these days.

One was disturbing, and I don't want to describe it because it was too scary, but it has stuck with me because it didn't feel like anything I'd normally dream.  It was very political and linear and made too much sense, so it was like I was inside someone elses head and that has bothered me all week. It was like having a movie of the week beamed into my head.

In one I was invited to go on this big bicycle trip with dozens of people. I didn't know anyone who was going, but I thought it sounded fun, so I agreed.  Since I didn't have any gear, they were going to loan me what I needed.  We walked to the start or the trip and they gave me a bike, but it didn't have any handlebars. I looked up to tell someone and they were all gone! The bastards had left me on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere! I had to McGyver some handlebars out of a stick so I could get back to the closest convenience store, and it turned out that the cyclists had trashed the place before they left so I couldn't even call anyone to come and get me. I think I may have a latent distrust of people who wear that much Spandex.

Last night I dreamed I was acting as a sort of ambassador for a group of people from Norway. I don't know how I got involved in this thing, but I had to be driven way up into some mountains to meet them. When I got there, I found out that the group of people weren't people.  They were octopi.  A huge group of pale, white octopi from Norway.  Not only that, but when I got out of the car, one of them suddenly flew through the air and latched themselves onto my face and around my body.  So an Albino Norwegian Cephalopod Facehugging Creature tried to eat me, or hug me. I have no idea. That's when I decided that I didn't want to be asleep anymore and woke up.

Sleeping is overrated anyway. I don't think I'm going to do it anymore.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING 5: ELECTRIC BLOGGALOO

1) I had a weird and kind of upsetting dream the other night.  I'mma tell you about it.

The other night I dreamed I was dead.  I didn't die in the dream, because when stuff like that happens a person tends to wake up completely.  No, I started off the dream knowing I was dead.  I could see my coffin, I could see my body in the coffin (although even in my dream I wouldn't get close to it or look at it in detail because it was giving me the serious wiggins) but I could still walk around and interact with people.  I guess I was dreaming I was a ghost, which is a new one for me.

I don't remember many details, but I do remember that I understood that I was going to be lying in state three days.  I only had those three days to do whatever it was I had to do as a walking dead person.  On the third day was my funeral and the minute they closed the coffin lid, I'd go on to wherever it was I was going to go.  It was a stressful dream.  As I said, I can't remember what I actually did, but one thing I know I was trying to do was look for people I loved so that I could say goodbye, only I couldn't find them all.  I was rushing around until my funeral (and I didn't recognize ANYONE who was there. Boo, you guys. Seriously.) and when it was over, I knew they were going close the lid, so I ran up and tried to keep that from happening.  I didn't make it.

When the lid closed, I blinked and realized I didn't go to any afterlife that I'd ever heard of. I wasn't in heaven or hell, I was in a library of some sort.  It didn't have books, but it did have computers.  I finally asked someone what was going on, and they told me I was in the year 3017. I'd been sent to the future!  I was horrified, because I knew I was too far gone to ever see anyone I knew again, but I jumped onto a computer and tried looking up information on my friends and family, only I couldn't find it because it was over 1,000 years ago and no one had kept records that long.

It was a sad dream and I didn't like it.  I did get to go to the future, though, so that was kind of interesting.  Silver lining, I guess.

2) Steve and I went to a very sweet wedding on Saturday!  His band director's daughter got married at a place called Hudson Family Barn, which was a lovely, lovely spot.

I wasn't exactly expecting the place to be as nice as it turned out to be.  I had designed their wedding invitations and when she told me where she was getting married, she just told me it was in someone's barn.  Now, I'm not so far out of the loop that I didn't know that barn weddings are a thing.  I have Pinterest, after all!  I was literally expecting a barn that had once held animals and farm equipment, but as it turns out, it was a gorgeous spot that (I think) had actually been created to hold events.  There were three buildings, all designed to look like old farm buildings, but in a good way.  It's kind of hard to explain, so here are a few pictures I took:

 It really was a great spot for a wedding and the day was slap your eyes out gorgeous, so everything turned out beautifully!

There was only really two things that bothered me about the whole thing.   Let me just get this out of the way first: I personally think that it is absolutely tacky to take pictures with your phone during someone's wedding.  I know, I know, that isn't a popular opinion, but people holding out phones ruins a lot of the professional pictures AND since some people haven't figured out how to mute their phones, you hear camera sounds during the ceremony.  I'm a big believer of having fun during your wedding ceremony if that's what you want, but still, it's a sacrament and should be treated with at least a little solemnity.  When the bride walked down the aisle, at least 5 people in front of us (we were on the third pew, so I have no idea how many people behind us were doing it) held out their phones to take pictures. There was a brass ensemble playing and it was interrupted by camera sounds.  Even when the music stopped and the preacher started the ceremony, someone's mawmaw held out her phone and started snapping away, sound on her phone turned all the way up.  It literally sounded like:

"Dearly beloved, we are *CAMERASOUND* in the sight of God and *CAMERASOUND* *CAMERASOUND* *CAMERASOUND* and I believe it was the Apostle John who said *CAMERASOUNDCAMERASOUNDCAMERASOUND* bond between two people who...."

It was so annoying and rude! Maybe the bride and groom didn't care and therefore I shouldn't care, but I don't like it when people have no manners!  Then there were the people sitting in the seat directly in front of us. Oh. My. Word.  These people got on my nerves!  When we arrived and sat down, as I said, we were on the third row.  We were sitting towards the middle, and the man of the couple was sitting ahead of us, but got up and went someplace.  I thought he was one of the photographers, because he had a big DSLR camera around his neck, but he never moved to take any pictures before the wedding started.  He came and sat down right in front of me.  I mean, he blocked everything.  Then his wife (I guess) walked over and he pulled out a big, blue towel and spread it over the pew.  Now, the pews were a little splintery (I lost a new pair of hose that day) but they weren't dirty.  This lady came wearing a white pants suit, and I guess she figured that the outside was just too filthy for it.  Even the mothers of the bride and groom, wearing their fancy dresses, didn't drape a towel over the pew.  It didn't really annoy me, exactly, I just thought it was tactless and made the pews look junky, plus it made me feel as if they were making a big deal about having to be outside or something. How about you don't wear a white suit to an outside wedding? (Or at all, but that's just my humble opinion.)

Immediately after the ceremony began, both of these people pulled out cameras.  He had his big DSLR and she had her phone, and while she took pictures, the guy was filming on his big ass camera and he didn't care how much he was blocking everyone behind him.  I couldn't see the couple get married because his big, damn camera and his big, damn head, kept getting in my way.  I made a dramatic recreation so you can see what it was like for everyone behind him:

Today the rude wedding man will be played by Baby Chewbacca.

 

Just imagine Chewbacca holding a big, bright camera and waving it around his head and completely blocking what was going on.  I actually did that thing where I sighed really loudly, hoping he'd hear and maybe have a little shame, but he never did.  Steve thought I was disapproving of the ceremony and just being rude, but really, I was just trying not to punch this guy in the back of the head.

I did have one moment of embarrassment right before we left the venue.  The groomsmen were tearing down the wedding decorations and carrying them back to the storage shed, but I wanted to get a picture of the arch before they got to it.  I walked up ahead of them and sort of bent down to get the shot I wanted, when a big gust of wind blew the back of my dress pretty much over my head. I'm just thankful I was wearing a slip and decent underwear!

But everything else was great and I'm glad the wedding went so well.  :)

 3) I woke up at 2:00 AM with a weird desire to learn how to make edible sequins.  I don't know why.  Anyway, I looked it up online and those are actually a thing!  Who knew?

A DREAM

Last night I had a dream that I was hanging out with a friend of mine from high school that I haven't seen in years.  Well, actually, I dreamed we were on a furniture dolly being pulled behind a car, but we were able to talk and everything.  Shut up, dreams are weird.

Anyway, after we got to where we were going (and I don't remember where that was) he handed me a piece of paper with a list of the nicest compliments about me on it.  I can not for the life of me remember what any of those compliments were, but I remember that they made me very happy.  I don't think this particular friend would ever say anything quite that nice about me in real life unless I died and he was feeling nostalgic or something. Who knows?

While I was thinking about that dream this morning, I remembered that when I was a teenager, our youth group minister gathered us together one night for some event and gave everyone a piece of paper with our name at the top of it.  We passed it to everyone else in the group, and each of us anonymously wrote one thing we liked about that person on the paper.  Once it circulated around, we got our own pages back so that we could read what everyone wrote.  I kept that piece of paper in my wallet from that night until I'd been married almost 10 years, and I only put it away because my new wallet didn't have a place I could safely keep it.  I suppose it sounds really narcissistic (oooh, spelled that right on the first try!) to keep a list of compliments about yourself within easy reach, but I didn't keep it for that reason.

As I got older, I  sometimes felt (and still feel, at times) like there was nothing good or admirable about me. I didn't really do any of the things I thought I'd do, for one reason or another. Not that life has been bad, but I sometimes felt like I didn't take as much advantage of it as I should have. Especially now with social media, we get to see how awesome everyone is and everything they accomplish on a daily basis.  I know that we can't compare ourselves to those people realistically, because for every degree they earn, or every promotion they get, or every trip to some exotic or amazing place they post online, there are just as many disappointments or lost opportunities that they don't tell us all about.  Sometimes it's hard to remember that we are seeing only what people want us to see, and it's difficult not to judge ourselves against that. Well, it's difficult for me. I don't know about you.

So really, I kept that piece of paper because I wanted to remind myself that there were people out there who liked me and thought well of me, even if they never said it out loud.  Even though I'd lost touch with those people a while ago, at one time, even at my teenagery worst, there were people who could see good things in me, even when I couldn't.  I think maybe I had that dream to remind myself that it's still true.  Even if I'm not particularly successful, or doing really awesome things that I can post onto Facebook or whatever, there are people out there who can still see the good things in me even when I can't see them myself.

In case your interested, this is what my paper had listed on it.  I will spell everything correctly, though!  Haha!

-She's Nice
-She's good looking  (-Oy Vey)
-She's a good friend
-She's sweet
-Sweet disposition
-She's got a good sense of humor
-Bestest Friend
-Her
-She's always perky!
-She's sincere
-Caring
-Kind person

You know, now that I read that list again, I'm not altogether certain they were talking about me after all!  ; )

A QUICKY

Last night I had a particularly vivid and bizarre dream. 

(Don't worry, this isn't a verbatim recount of it. You're welcome!)

See, I have this weird tick. Since I can't really keep my hands still. If I don't have something to do while I'm sitting and talking to someone, I play with my wedding ring.  It's probably annoying and distracting to whomever I'm talking to, but I can't help it! Trust me, it's better that I play with my ring than grab your hands and rub all your fingers or something.  Trust me.  I pull off my ring and put it back on, or I slide it on a different finger, or I try it on all my fingers, or I generally just slide it up and down on my ring finger. (I realize that last one probably has some kind of Freudian implications, but that's neither here nor there.)

Anyway, in my dream, I was visiting a friend's house for the first time when I found her and her husband's wedding/engagement rings lying on a counter.  They were just sitting there unattended, so I put them on my finger and started sliding them around while we were talking.  I didn't think "Hey, I shouldn't wear their rings! That's weird!" I just took them and started wearing them, but my friend didn't notice. When we finished talking, I left the house without taking them off.  I didn't mean to take them, I just forgot that I was wearing them.  The rings probably wouldn't have ever popped back into my dream if someone hadn't said: "Why are you wearing their rings?"  I looked down and saw that I was still wearing them, and I immediately panicked.  I knew I'd have to go and give them back, but I was afraid to do it because I had no reason for even putting them on, much less taking them with me. For the rest of that dream, the rings kept trying to slide off my finger. I knew if I lost them, my friends would be so angry, and I was scared to go back to their house and return them because I knew they'd be angry that I had them at all.  I was also fighting to keep them on my hand the whole time, because I didn't want to lose them, and they kept trying to slide off!  I have no idea how that dream would have ended, because at one point, I felt the rings slide off and when I reached for them, I woke up clutching my left hand.  To make matters worse, I wear my grandmother's wedding ring and I always keep it on, even when I'm in bed, so when I woke up clutching my hand, I could feel a ring on that finger. I panicked even more because I thought that I'd actually pulled the ring out of the dream with me and I was going to have to tell my friend I inadvertently stole her and her husband's wedding rings! I couldn't go back to sleep after that, and I've been particularly aware of my own ring, which has made the tick I have even worse.

If any of you woke up this morning and couldn't find your rings.  It was me.  I'm sorry.

Anyone want to decode that dream for me?

I THINK MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING

For some reason, I woke up super early this morning and decided to go ahead and get out of bed.  I let the dogs out and changed into my gym clothes, but instead of doing the smart thing and going to the gym to get my workout over with, I turned around and went back to bed.

I'd had to reset the alarm clock (Steve slapped the off button instead of snooze) so by the time I'd actually fallen asleep again, the alarm started going off and I was having to wake up every 7 minutes to hit snooze again (don't judge, it was still before 6:00 A.M.)  I don't know if it was a combination of my subconscious knowing I was just going to have to wake up again and push the button and the fact that I never got to go deep into sleep, but in between alarm beeps I had the absolute weirdest combination of dreams/hallucinations that I've had in a very long time.

One involved getting a long and rather uncomfortable hug from someone I used to go to church with,  one was about going to a friend's house to take a shower and completely flooding their bathroom, and I had several different ones that were just sounds.  But the one that really got me was, I think, built off of guilt of skipping the gym yesterday.

I dreamed I was walking home along the sidewalks that run down the side of the main road that goes past our subdivision.  In real life, I could walk down that same sidewalk and get to my gym, but I was walking away from the gym in my dream.  There was an elderly woman ahead of me who had stopped to stretch her legs and an elderly man walking towards the both of us. I stopped walking so that the man could get by, but he also stopped so I could go ahead, but when I tried to walk around the old lady, she jumped in front of me.  When I tried to walk around the other way, she jumped ahead of me again.  She laughed and said she was sorry and let me pass, but then I ran smack into the old man.  He also laughed and let me by, but when I turned around to continue walking, the bushes and trees on each side of the sidewalk had grown together and I couldn't get through them.  By now I was definitely frustrated, so I was going to walk into the street to go around the tangle of bushes.  The second my foot hit the street, the entire freaking neighborhood tipped over on its side, like that scene in Inception, and I fell over and started rolling back down the hill back towards the gym.

I woke up after that, but I honestly don't think I've ever had a dream that has had a more clear message: DON'T SKIP THE GYM.

If going to the gym was actually working, I'd be more inclined not to want to give that dream the finger, but as it stands...

NIGHTMARES & DREAMSCAPES

The other night I had another nightmare, and believe it or not, it was not caused by chocolate! I don't remember what happened except that I was trapped in a hotel with a bunch of other people and some dead bodies. I don't think the hotel was even scary. It was like a really brightly lit Marriott or something, but there was a killer on the loose and every once in a while we'd happen upon a body stuffed under a bed and stuff like that.

The one, very vivid image from the dream that refuses to go away is one where a group of people I was in the hotel with (about 7 or 8 of us) thought we had trapped the killer in one of the rooms, and we were going to keep him trapped in there. Apparently the only way we could know for sure if the man inside the room was the bad guy was to sing, and if he didn't know the words, it was him.

(Shut up, it was a dream!)

So there we were, standing in a group outside the door and we all start singing "Sweet Caroline." I started it off, and the others joined in. When we got to the chorus, the door opened and an old, fat guy in a suit walked out holding a toothbrush and starting singing with us! I suppose we weren't too concerned that we had pegged the wrong guy because we kept on singing so we could finish the song. When we were almost to the end, I looked up and the killer (wearing a creepy mask) rides by on this old bicycle. He was going really slow and looking right into my eyes. It probably doesn't sound very scary to you...but jeez, it was disturbing.

Of course, ever since then, I've had the darn song stuck in my head and because of that dream the song has become unsettling. I have no idea what the dream was supposed to mean, but I am fully aware that I am now scared to death of Neil Diamond.