A STRANGE HAUNTING

When I was getting ready to go into the hospital, I asked the nurse at the surgeon's office what kinds of things I would need to wear on the day of my surgery. Granted, I knew I would eventually be wearing a hospital gown, but they told me I'd need to wear something loose and comfortable so that my sutures wouldn't be irritated when I left the hospital. However, one of the things I was particularly curious about was underpants.

Now, I don't know if every surgery requires you to get completely naked under the hospital gown, but I didn't want to go commando into the operating room if I didn't have to. Those places are cold! The nurse said that I would need to get 100% cotton underpants, because if I were wearing anything synthetic, the equipment they use during the surgery might melt them onto my skin. At least I think that was what she was saying, because they use electrical currents and things, and possibly because I'd be hooked up to specific equipment, that synthetic fibers would react badly to that? Don't quote me on that, but that is how I understood the reason why I had to go and get cotton underpants before the surgery. 

So I went to Target and found the packages of sensible, cotton underpants. You'd be surprised how much underwear isn't completely cotton these days, so I didn't have a wide selection. Instead of anything cute, all I could find were legit granny panties. It was all big, voluminous, and spacious. However, I thought to myself, what's the big deal? I'm wearing them to the hospital, not out on a date with Chris Hemsworth, right? (Pfft, like I'd wear underwear on a date with him!) So, I grabbed a package and went on my way.

My first mistake was buying the wrong size.  I overestimated. There is a size chart on the back, but I didn't know my measurements. I'd been too ashamed to measure myself for anything for a long time, and it didn't occur to me to do so to buy underpants, so the package I got was a size too big. They were the most granny-ish of granny panties I'd ever seen. They were more like bloomers from Little House on the Prairie or something. They were the kind of underwear you wear if you plan to shoplift and need a place to hide things. Again, though, I figured that it wouldn't matter because I'd be wearing them during surgery and it might be more comfortable if they were roomy. I did wash them before wearing them, just to shrink them down a tad (for not-falling-off purposes) but they didn't shrink much, if at all. And because you can't just go and buy one pair of underpants in a regular store (unless they are the slinky, cute kind) I had not one, but five pairs of these monster underwear now loose in my laundry.

Ultimately, I didn't even need the underwear, because they gave me those weird mesh ones that I talked about before, so the giant granny pants were pretty much going to go unused. I had the one pair I'd taken to the hospital, but the others were just loose, and I keep coming across them at weird times. It's like I'm being haunted or something! I'll turn over a basket of laundry and BAM! giant pink underpants end up tangled with something I'm looking for. I'll reach for a pair of socks, and a ghostly pair of white granny panties will be right next to what I'm looking for. I don't even know how they all got to different places in the house, but I can't seem to get rid of them! I swear, I think they're multiplying. Soon, every time I open a cupboard or unscrew a jar of peanut butter, there will be underwear inside waiting to tangle itself around my hands. They are following me! They are mad that I didn't wear them more, I think. When I bought them I didn't know I was making a lifelong commitment!

So, I'm just throwing it out here, in case any of you have a solution. How do I end an underpants haunting? I'll take any and all suggestions. Thank you for your time!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING 2022 STYLE

 1) Happy New Year, you guys! It's 2022 and so far...well, an asteroid hasn't fallen onto any of us and Godzilla hasn't crawled his (her?) way out of any nearby bodies of water! So, I don't care if we're only three days in, I'm calling that a win! Woo-Hoo!

2) The holidays were swell, thanks for asking. Because of my afore mentioned surgery, we didn't do a ton of festivities. We spent Christmas eve with Mr. Lee, wherein I cooked a very large dinner for Steve and his dad and we visited for a while. It was really fun! 

We spent Christmas Day with my mom and the extended family over there. I am still wary of spending time with big groups of people, but sometimes we aren't given much of a choice on things. Two of my nieces are now expecting babies, so there was much excitement about that! There was also a puppy there, which was much more my speed, so I got in some good cuddle time with him!

Probably the best part was dirty Santa, which is always fun and funny. The bag I originally picked turned out to hold a huge box of Godiva chocolate. Any other year, I would have bitten anyone who tried to take it from me, but it wasn't going to be doing me much good this year! Heehee! Thankfully someone took pity on me and took it away and I ended up with one of those plaid, earflap lumberjack hats. I love it so much, but Steve has claimed it for his own. I'm sure I can steal it for when I want to look like a Canadian hoser, so I'm not bothered too much. We ended the day watching movies and sleeping, so I guess you could say it was a pretty great Christmas.

3) One of my childhood best friends, who was like a sister to me for years, lost her husband to Covid yesterday. They are my age, not old or infirm, but my age. He had been on a ventilator for a while, I gather, and was struggling, but she was asking for prayers. I did pray, and hard, but he didn't get better. It broke my heart for her. I didn't know the guy, and to be honest, I haven't spoken face to face with her for close to 20 years, but somehow that didn't matter. When you are ever close to someone, I don't think you really ever stop caring about them, and she has had so much hard luck in her life since we were friends. I wanted desperately for him to get better so he could go back to her and their son, but it just didn't work out that way. Sometimes prayers just don't work like you think they will. His funeral is tomorrow, and I wish I could go, but I can't. 

4) Speaking of Covid, guess who has been quarantined for the past few days because of it? The Pratt family! Technically, Steve came down with it first and now I'm pretty sure I have it, too. I hadn't had a chance to get my booster yet, which sucks. Since my surgery, I had avoided going back to church because I was recovering and also because we have a few people there who haven't ever taken the whole pandemic seriously. I purposefully even missed one more Sunday than I actually needed to just to make sure I was in the clear. Steve went, because he had felt bad for missing so much, and wouldn't you know it...a couple came to church who didn't know that they had it. Steve shook the guy's hand and that's all it took. Weirdly, the man was fully vaccinated and had had his booster, but he still got it. We didn't know until Thursday that they were sick, but that's when Steve started coughing. He had a regular doctor's appointment the next day, where they gave him one of the tests that take a few days to get back, but the doctor said he should go get a rapid test, just to be safe. It took him two days to find a walk-in clinic that could see him. They are so busy that they have to stop taking walk ins by 11:00AM, but he finally managed to get a test and found out he was positive. He says he doesn't feel bad except for the coughing, which is good! I don't feel so great and I've had a low fever, coughing and runny nose, but it isn't terrible. It's like having an annoying cold. Maybe it is just an annoying cold, but we can't take any chances. Thankfully I'm stronger than I was even a week ago, so maybe it won't get any worse. Also, we didn't get any groceries before we found out we needed to quarantine, and we've had a hell of a time getting things delivered to our house, so it's good I'm not eating much at the moment. But it could be worse, so I'm not going to dwell too much on it! It just means I get to sit around in my nightgown for a couple of days while I avoid doing anything productive. That's not so terrible. :)

5) Being stuck at home and away from people, I've been thinking a lot about the people I haven't gotten to see in a long time. I'm really very worried that I'll never see some of them again. I know that sounds dire, but at this point it is also very possible. I hate the idea of that. I'm fairly sure they just don't want to see me, even after it's safe to do so. It's not like we haven't had the chance or opportunity even when it was safe, but what can you do? I wish I knew what I did to cause it. It makes me so sad and makes my heart hurt.

6) It snowed here last night! It looks to be about 5 inches, but I didn't measure. It's so beautiful outside. The downside is that we lost some limbs and part of a tree fell on our garage, but thankfully it doesn't look like it did any damage. The really funny thing is that the day before it was almost 80 degrees, and we had tornadoes! Even in our neck of the woods, which hasn't had a serious warning since 1989, we had them. I had on my bike helmet and had my emergency bag strapped to my chest (Literally, that's how close it came) but thankfully it passed over. We have such weird weather here!

7) Except for the possible covid, I'm doing fine. I actually got to go back to work last week and everything! I'm still struggling to figure out how eating works now, though. Sometimes I feel hungry all day, but when I try to eat, I can't. Sometimes I can eat just fine. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm hungry at all. I know I can't eat chicken, but I can eat lentils and eggs, and I figured out how to make a kind of gruel that doesn't taste terrible and has some nutritional value. You know, I kind of thought this surgery was an easier way to control my weight, but it really isn't. There is so much you have to figure out! You have to learn how to eat all over again! Also, I'll eventually have to begin exercising, and that'll be hard because I'm so tired all the time. Eh, I'll figure it out. I'm a smart cookie.

Want to know something weird, though? People are sometimes kind of rude about it. Granted, I don't think they mean to be, but they have a lot of anecdotes. They say things like "You know this might not work. I've heard that you can just eat and gain all of your weight back" or "I knew a lady who had this and one day she just died. You really need to be careful." So, I mean, WTF? I already have enough anxiety about this, but it's still not fun for other people to come out with stuff like that!

And although I can't 100% prove it, I know there are some people who, and they'd never admit to it, but I get the impression that they are kind of grossed out at the thought of what I had done, and by extension, they are grossed out by me. That makes me feel like a freak show on wheels! Ugh. I just didn't think there would be so many OPINIONS about it. Geez.

8) Wow, this is a lot of thoughts. I'll just end it here. HAPPY NEW YEAR!