PULP-SHAKESPEARE

10 points to whomever knows what line from the movie this is:

See thou mine own coin-purse? It hath upon it written "Foul Oedipus."

Just don't enter it into the comments section. This is a family show, after all.

Look! Another meme. Stolen from Annie, filled out by me because I was not feeling well this morning and didn't go to church and I was bored. If you already know everything you care to know about me...move along.

Hi, my name is… Sheena, Queen of the Dwarf People. However, my friends call me Kelly.
When I’m nervous… I make stupid jokes and generally get all awkward.
By this time next year… It will be April 20th. Not sure what I'll be doing. I hope it's something fun.
Last night I…Watched Dr. Who and worked on making a rug for the guest room.

PART 1: YOU
Were you a planned baby? I always thought so until a month or so ago when my mom implied I was not only a surprise, but possibly not a welcome one. Glad she changed her mind!
Were you the first? No, I was the third and last. Unspoken, but utterly believed by myself, I was also the best. Boo-ya.

PART 2: YOUR PERSONALITY
Do you have low self esteem? Yes, but it's a fairly new thing. The less my friends and family seem to need me, the less I like about myself.
Do you get depressed about things easily? Depends on what it is, honestly, but I tend to generally be a sunny kind of soul.
Are you happy right now? Right now? Sure, why not.

PART 3: APPEARANCE
Are you comfortable with the way you look? Not at all. It's the second reason there are few pictures of me around.
Describe your hair: Halfway down my back long, dark brown with red undertones, straight as a stick, fully inherited from my Native American ancestors.

PART 4: RANDOM
Ever been kicked out of a bar? No, I'm generally well behaved in public.
Ever been arrested? Nope

PART 5: THE OUTDOORS
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? Indoors unless the weather is nice. It's just too damn hot in Alabama. If I'm somewhere cooler or at the beach, I love outdoors.
Do you like walking in the rain? Yes! Unless it's because I got kicked out of the car on the way home, or something like that. That would suck. Otherwise, yes.
Do you like thunderstorms? I freaking love them. The louder and flashier, the better. Well, as long as they don't become tornadoes.

PART 6: FOOD
Are you a vegetarian? I don't really even like vegetables. I'd be a bad vegetarian.
Anything you absolutely could eat forever? French Fries.
What is your favorite dessert? Ice Cream or Chocolate Chip Cookies. Oooooh, maybe both at the same time! *drool*

PART 7: RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE
Do you want to get married? I already am. Would I get married again? If the right guy came along (and only after I learned to be self sufficient.)
Have you ever been in love? More than once, actually.
Are you in a relationship? If you can call being married a relationship! ;)

PART 8: RANDOM QUESTIONS
1. Where is your cell phone? In my purse. It's probably got a dead battery, though.
2. Cheesecake? Yes! Yes! Yes!
3. Your dream last night? I don't remember last night's, but the night before was a weird one. I was being honored with a huge Hollywood-type gala event for something. Movie stars where there, politicians, pillars of the community and etc were everywhere. I was so excited, but I was only wearing my sweatpants and a t-shirt. I asked the lady who had chaired the event what I needed to wear and when I needed to be ready to begin and she told me not to worry about it. They had hired someone to pretend to be me because I wasn't pretty enough to appear on TV. Bitch.
4. Your favorite drink? Sprite
5. Car you want? I like my car, thanks.
6. Your fears? Losing people I love, being a burden, too much responsibility before I'm ready, bugs, the dark.
7. Who are you hanging out with tonight? Probably Steve. He lives here, so I don't have much of a choice.
8. One of your wish list items? My built in bookshelves for my library/office.
9. Where did you grow up? Alabama. Athens, Alabama.
10. What are you wearing? t-shirt and sweatpants.
11. Tattoos? None.
12. Ketchup? No, Kelly. I think I've already answered this. Jeez, pay attention.
13. Your computer? I have three of them. One Dell, one iMac and one iBook. I don't use the iBook that often anymore since I've graduated, but I still have nice feelings toward it.
14. Your life? Has much room for improvement, but it awesomely blessed for the most part.
15. Your friends? I haz them. I luvs them.
16. What are you thinking about right now? That I need to take a shower soon.
17. Your work? I love my job. I get to make things and get messy. I wish it were full time in more than just hours.
18. Your summer? Same stuff, different season. Although, I hope something great and wonderful happens. I don't care what as long as it's a good thing.
19. Your favorite color(s)? Blue
20. When is the last time you laughed? This morning.
21. Last time you cried? When my mom told me she was getting married. Still, long story, very complicated, will be explored at a later date.
22. Last text? Kenny, talking about Battlestar Galactica.
23. Last received call? Tina, Jeff's wife berating me for being sick and not going out to dinner with them.
24. Last IM? Dear Lord, that would have been ages ago. Probably Brian.

Part 9: LIFE
1. Who knows the most about you? I do. No one else seems that interested!
2. Whom do you blame for your mood today? I'm pretty mellow, so I guess I blame Zoloft and a good nights sleep.
3. Have you ever seen a dead body? Yes. Many of them. None of them killed by my own hand, though, in case you are wondering.
4. What should we do with stupid people? Tell them they are stupid and need to stop it!
5. What is making you sad right now? Knowing I'll never experience some things that I really want to.
6. What was the first thing you did this morning? I let the dogs out!
7. Who was your last kiss? Butler.
8. What is your most missed childhood memory? Pretending so hard that it was almost real!
9. Last person you went out to eat with? Steve and his dad.
10. Are you spoiled? No. I used to be, though.
11. Do you drink lots of water? Not enough, usually.
12. What toothpaste do you use? Something for sensitive teeth.
13. How do you vent your anger? I blog. I seethe. I throw things.
14. The last compliment you received? I honestly can't remember.
15. What did you do last weekend? I slept and watched TV. I was a bum!
16. When was the last time you threw up? December 2006, during finals. I mean, no DURING finals...that would have been embarrassing and gross. I was just sick during the same time as my finals.
17. What theme does your room have? The room I'm in? It's blue and full of art supplies and books. I'd say it would be deconstructionist-nerd.
18. Are you a mama’s child or a daddy’s child? Neither. I'm an independent little sucker.
19. Would you ever join the military? No. I'd cry the first time someone yelled at me.
20. The last website you visited? Something about bad movie reviews.
21. Whom was the last person you took a picture with? Steve, but only because we had to.
22. Last person you went to the movies with? Steve
23. What did you do/will you do for your birthday this year? I went to a day spa and got pampered.
24. Number of layers on your bed? 2
25. Is anything alive in your room? Probably a bug, but as long as I don't know where it is, I'll be OK.
26. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward? It's all the same, so I don't care.
27. What are you looking forward to right now? Nothing.

Part 10: IF YOU HAD TO:
1. If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would you want it? My ankle.
2. If you HAD to dye your hair a color what color would it be? If I had to? Yikes. Um, black.
3. If you HAD to get a piercing (THAT ISN’T YOUR EARS) where would it be? left nipple. That way I'd have a matching set.
4. If you HAD to change your name, what new name would you choose? I always liked my now-discarded middle name, Diane. Maybe Diana.

Sigh.

Seriously, if one more person, ONE MORE, sends me a forwarded e-mail with unsubstantiated and ridiculous stories about any of the presidential candidates...I'm going to be forced to eat my own face.

I had bad dreams last night. I won't go into details other than to say I was back in high school, I was told I couldn't graduate unless I did some pretty bizarre things, and there were bats. Lots of bats.

However, I didn't wake up in the grip of a cold-sweat panic until the part of my dream where I was at work, and my former co-worker, Mini-Me, walked in and started talking to me.

Dear God, what did that person do to me?

Also: If you look to the left, I've added a Twitter thingie to my blog! Now you can read even more of my inane thoughts without the bother of me having to publish a whole new entry here! Aren't you just squealing in delight? I know I am.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) On the battlefront: Ant numbers seem to be thinning. Group of insurgents attacked yesterday, but were dispatched with extreme prejudice. Must find infiltration point and seal it off. When will the madness end?!

2) I have "Me & Mrs. Jones" in my head again this morning. I'm hoping to nip this in the bud before it mutates. I haven't even heard that song in forever, so I'm not sure where it came from! BOO!

3) Saw Juno last night! It was a really good movie. Granted, it was a wee bit pretentious in some indefinable way, but not so much that I was sickened by it. It gets the official "Kelly Seal of Approval." Go watch it, why don't you?

4) I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

5)I bought a pack of lollipops from a new company in California called "Lollyphile." You guys know how I am about wanting to try odd flavored things, so I couldn't resist. They are still a fairly new company, so they only have two flavors as of now: Absinthe and Maple Bacon. My last foray into bacon-flavored candy ended in tears and tragedy, so I chose the Absinthe ones. Since it has once again become legal in America, the candy is actually made with the real stuff and not just flavored like it. All embarrassing, gothy pretense aside, I've always been curious what it tasted like, so I couldn't resist. Absinthe tastes like licorice. Like strong, black, licorice. Licorice that would rise up and beat the righteous crap out of you if you sat in its seat in the lunchroom. As I have just formed an appreciation for the candy, I am enjoying the lollipops a great deal. They do make the tongue go a bit numb, but it's not too bad. I don't think I could ever drink the actual absinthe, though. It would just be too much.

More later...

I was talking to a friend of mine a few days ago about the effects of marajuana on a person. I have never tried it myself, but this friend is well aquainted with ol' Mary Jane. Apparently it just makes you giggle a lot and get hungry. Well, unless you get too much, and then you might spend an hour hiding behind a stand of bushes thinking that a cop is shining a flashlight around before realizing it's just a street lamp. Nice.

That talk made me remember this guy I had a class with the first year I was in college. He was always high. He came to class with an almost visible cloud of pot smoke hovering around him, kind of like Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic. He was a nice, if completely spaced out, guy. I guess he took a fancy to me because one day in the middle of a conversation he said "Yeah...you know what? We need to go out. We need to go out and get a salad. Yeah." Wow. I think I invented an imaginary boyfriend to disuade him from asking me out again. Even if his action was completely platonic in nature, I didn't want to wind up riding in a car with him and possibly being charged with possesion of something illegal. If sitting next to him in class could almost give me a contact high, I can't imagine what would happen if I got into his car.

In fact, I remember I had quite a few friends in college that kept wanting to give me drugs. Maybe I come across as someone who partakes in controlled substances. A guy at UAH told me he could make me some killer diet pills. He started telling me what was in them, and when he got to the secret ingredient of fiber glass, I demurred. Not that I was planning on taking any kind of drug he offered, but I was curious as to how someone MAKES a diet pill. That dude was a little scary.

Hmmmm...this suddenly makes me wonder what it is about me that attracts these kind of people.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) So, our pictures got taken. I was wearing clothes that I don't normally wear, but that was because Steve and I needed to coordinate and I told him to choose what he was going to wear first since I have a lot more to choose from than he does! I prevented the pale-blur issue by going full on stage makeup! I don't think I have worn that much foundation since my ill-advised session of Glamour Shots many years ago. (Yeah, I did the Glamour Shots. I don't have any of those, so you don't get to see them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) Anyways, the proofs we were shown didn't turn out as badly as I feared. I was having a good hair day, for once, and I actually smiled for real in the pictures instead of faking it. That was mainly because I was laughing at myself because I almost fell off of the stool the photographer told me to sit on. :) Steve did say that I looked different in the pictures than I do in real life, though. I took that as a compliment.

2) Of course, then Steve told me later that my nose is crooked. Damnit! I'm just going to start wearing a mask.

3) Yuck, the allergies kicked in hard core for me this weekend. I was pretty much OK until Sunday rolled around, and I was just kind of spaced out while at church. We have decided to only go to my mom's house every other Sunday until gas prices go down, so luckily I had the afternoon to sleep. It helped bit, but I felt guilty for wasting what could have been a productive afternoon.

4) I think the ants are almost gone. I haven't seen any of their scouts on the ceilings or walls, and the stragglers that I occasionally see on the shower curtain have been absent. *rubs hands together and cackles* Victory is mine!

5) I finally found a Dean Koontz book that actually scared me. Phantoms is a really good book! If you like thriller fiction, I suggest you read it. Two thumbs up.

6) I'm feeling slightly goofy this morning. I think I might spread that around to others today. Beware!

Speaking of pictures of me...

Wow. I've never realized just how many embarrassing pictures of myself exist. Most of them aren't embarrassing for the usual reasons, but mainly things like hairstyle and choice of wardrobe. Here is one that I just found:
Yep. This is one of my senior portraits. Wow, I was thin. However, notice the unfortunate hair. Also, I was wearing a Star Trek uniform. Shut. Up. It wasn't an accurate uniform, becaise I had a "Next Generation" emblem on an original series-style uniform, but I thought I was a sexy beast. Strangely enough, another picture of me in my ST uniform wound up as an 8 foot tall print that the studio framed as an advertisement in their studio. I didn't know that until 4 years after I graduated. *groan*

Also a long lost pageant picture:
*sigh*

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Yesterday turned out to be such a beautiful day! When I got out of work, the weather was warm, but not hot, a breeze was blowing, and everything was so bright! I decided it was time to pull the top down on Lois and crank the radio. The ride home was lovely, because it was perfect weather for driving a convertible. However, when I got home, I realized I was covered with a thin, grainy layer of pollen and I had to wipe off my face and arms. It was still totally worth it. :)

2) Speaking of spring, I finally have flowers in my front yard! I don't remember planting these particular flowers, but I have a group of the prettiest yellow/red tulips growing behind my mailbox. Seriously, I have no idea how they got there. I planted iris there. Oh well, they are still pretty. We also finally have blooms on our westeria vine! Of course, out of all of the flowers I've planted myself...we have nothing. :(

3) The ants seem to be tapering off! I was in the bathroom yesterday looking around and I actually thought they might be gone. Of course, as soon as I thought that, I saw one crawling on the window ledge waving it's antenna at me in a taunting manner. I'm telling you...they know more than we give them credit for.

4) I misspelled the name of the chairman of our commission board on his parking sign. *shame* To be fair, I may have been given the wrong spelling, but since I already had his name on another sign down there, I should have known better. Of course, no one else noticed for a month or more, so I'm not the only one here that doesn't pay attention.

My Lolcat. Let me show you it.

FLAT STANLEY VISITS SPACE CAMP!

I've never been lucky enough to have custody of Flat Stanley before, but Katie sent him to me this year! We visited the SpRocket, of course, and I even got him a flight suit for Space Camp. He said he had an awfully good time, but he was sad that he was too short to ride any of the simulators.

Bleh. I have to get my picture made for the new church directory this Friday. I don't like having my picture made. No, let me change that...I don't mind having my picture made, but I don't like seeing the pictures of me that are made.

I have this image of myself in my head, and photos only prove to me that I don't look like that. I also don't believe I photograph well to begin with. I don't fake smile very well (one thing I learned from being in beauty pagents as a child) and I'm so very pale that pictures made with a flash practically wash me out. It's like, there is Steve standing next to a white blur with big brown eyes and brown hair.

I wonder if they will just let me put my feet in the picture?

Amy, I've decided where we are going when we run away...

Aw.

Charleton Heston has died. :(

Let's hope he's in a better place. A place where the damn, dirty apes can never lay their hands on him again.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Apparently I'm one of the few people who have ever had the discussion about what kind of car Jesus and God would drive. I prefer to think that the old testament God would drive a Harley, possibly wear wrap around sunglasses and have a tattoo. I always pictured Jesus driving a Prius or some kind of Earth friendly hatch back, possibly in the color green. However, our associate pastor's son (who is probably 9 or 10, maybe younger) said he thought Jesus would drive a yellow Ford Mustang. He kind of has a point. Jesus could drive a 'Stang if he wanted to. I mean, if he could turn water into wine, it's not too much of a stretch to think he could turn his car exhaust into kittens or something equally as non polluting.

2) My mom is getting married. It wasn't an April Fool's joke after all. I'm not going to discuss it right now because I'm not happy about it. My reasons for this are multi-faceted and complicated, so once I sort them out, I'll talk about them more. Just wanted to put it out there.

3) I want to go somewhere, just for fun. Someplace where I don't have to think very much and I can shop or sit on the beach, or walk in the mountains. I want to go someplace that isn't here, but for fun. This weekend I text messaged Kenny - who was vacationing in Savannah - and asked him to go out and have fun on my behalf. I shouldn't have to get other people to do this for me, you know? If Steve can't get away from work, I'll just have to go on my own. I'm getting desperate for a change of scenery.

4) Speaking of travelling, it's been a little over a year since my terrible experience with US Airlines and getting stuck in Charlotte while trying to get down to Miami to visit Sara (hey, Girl!) I still haven't forgiven you, US Air. Don't think I've forgotten about you.

5) I had to take some decided action about the ants in the bathroom. The problem has begun to get worse. Still, the ants aren't swarming, but they are THERE, gosh darn it! I went out and bought ant bait and placed one squarely in the center of my bath tub. I also got the super-duper bug spray and sprayed all around the base-boards as well as all around the inside of the bath tub walls. Don't worry, I'm using *shudder* Steve's shower until we get this taken care of. I kind of felt guilty about going the Jim Jones rout on the ants by giving them the poison bait. I mean, how would I feel if I came upon an open box of Godiva and found out after I ate it that it was poison? I've never had any Buddhist sensibilities before, but it just didn't seem...sporting. The actual bug spray doesn't bother me as much, because I see it as more of a deterrent than a killer. If they crawl along a poisoned floor and then lick their feet, it's their fault. However, when I went to check and see if the bugs were still in the tub, I thought that they had finally gotten the hint that they weren't welcome. Not so much. I looked up, and the little hastared things were on the ceiling instead. I think they are sentient. I'm scared. :(

6) Greek yogurt is farking delicious.

Just so that you know, the jokes have an actual foundation:

This is roughly a third of his collection. I had another reason altogether to take the picture, but I thought you guys might also enjoy seeing it! : )

Honestly, I think I spend too much time on silly things.

Here is the teaser trailer for "Ninjew," a movie that will never be. :)



Made with iTunes, iMovie, and Garageband.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I have carpenter ants in my bathroom! I mean, they aren't swarming or anything, but every day I find six or seven of them in my bath tub, kind of wondering around aimlessly. We've sprayed all over the bathroom in hopes of getting rid of them, but they don't seem to be bothered by the stuff. I think the main problem is that we don't know where they are getting in, so if we can find that, it'll all be gravy. My biggest problem isn't the actual carpenter ants, though. It's all the tiny whistles when I'm getting undressed to take a shower!

2) I went to the post office yesterday to send a package, and it was so crowded. Usually, if I have anything to mail, I will go to a Mailbox Etc. or something. However, yesterday, I just happened to be closer to the actual post office. Now, here is something I don't understand about the people you see when you go there. It's usually a given that there will be a line. Usually, there is a long line. If you go into a post office and expect to breeze through the place, you're just a fool. But there are always - ALWAYS - those people standing in line who seem to be so upset that they have to stand in line. It's so stupid! The lady and man behind me kept up a running commentary on "why is there always a line?" and "I can't believe there is a line this long!" and "Someone must be on break." I don't normally lost my composure at complete strangers, but I came close yesterday. Why are people so impatient? Not only that, but the lady acted like she was so burdened because she had a mail bin to hold on to. I'm serious, she came really close to pushing me out of the way so she could set it on the counter until she saw I was holding a box. She said "Oh, I see you have a package too" and stepped back. She also kept pushing me forward with her basket, as if that would somehow make things go faster. The only thing she would have gotten faster, if she had kept it up, was an ass kicking.

3) Sorry to be so ranty, but I have another one. When I was heading home, there was a backup of traffic on the parkway that was pretty serious. I mean, it wasn't stock still or anything, but it had slowed to a crawl. Apparently there was an accident at one of the exits, so people were having to be careful getting around them. I don't like being stuck in traffic, but sometimes it happens. Here is what bothered me, though. People were honking their horns. Not at me, but all around me. Do these D-Bags think that by honking at the person in front of them (the person who isn't at fault for the traffic jam, by the way) that they can get through faster? No. It simply makes them look like even bigger D-Bags. This is a fairly new occurrence around here, though. I'm wondering where these impatient-horn-honkers actually come from. I'm also wondering when they are going to go back there. When I finally reached my exit, we got stopped again, so we were sitting on the exit ramp waiting. Another guy tried to pass me on this exit. PASS ME ON THE EXIT! There is no interpretation of any driving manual that says that's OK. I could see him inching up beside me, very slowly, like I wasn't going to notice. I just turned my head and stared at him. I gave him wife face. He must be married because he seemed to know what that look meant. He looked at me and then looked ashamed and stopped trying to get past me. Sheesh.

More to come...