What Now

I need a new pair of shoes.

The other day I ordered a dress online, and I didn't realize at the time that I didn't have a suitable pair of shoes to match it! Ok, well, that's not completely the truth. I do have a pair of shoes that look fine with the dress, but they don't want to stay on my feet. I literally have to tie them on, and they aren't the kind of shoes with laces! I actually have to find a ribbon or something to attach around the back of the strap and tie that around my ankle, and I STILL wobble around like a new born giraffe. It's not at all graceful.

You know, I have misshapen, Ewok feet, and trying to find decent shoes that I can wear is a nightmare. It isn't that I can't find shoes that fit exactly, but I need shoes that won't pitch me over sideways or deform my toes for life. A) I can't wear pointy toed shoes. Not only are they ugly, my toes are almost all the same length, so my actual foot stops way before the end of the shoe, and therefore I have all this extra shoe to trip over when I walk. B) I can't wear narrow shoes, because my feet are too wide for them. C) I can't have super skinny heels on my shoes because I have no balance and I have actually snapped the heels off of a pair I really liked just by standing on them. D) I can't wear really high heels, because let's face it, I'm not a dainty woman. That would be like making a hippo walk on it's tip-toes. It might be able to walk a few feet like that, but it isn't something that she'd want to do for any length of time.

So, what I was looking for was a reasonable sized heel, dark brown, relatively comfortable shoe that would not look weird with my dress. That shouldn't be that hard to find, right?

I went to DSW to look for them because I figured that in an entire "warehouse" of shoes, I'd be able to find something easily. I had never been there before, so I was actually dazzled by the number of shoes on display. However, it wasn't long before I realized that most of the shoes weren't for me. In fact, I'm not sure those shoes were really suitable for anyone. I mean, sure, there were sneakers, flip-flops and sandals, but the dress shoes were kind of ridiculous. Seriously, I think shoes can say a lot about a person, but the majority of the shoes I saw either said:

I spank people for a living!

or

THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't want to come across as either type of person, so I was out of luck.

I wondered through the aisles for about 45 minutes, looking and re-looking at different things until I found something that even remotely looked like something I could wear. You know what? They didn't have my size. Not only that, but I couldn't even find an employee to ask if maybe they had some in the back. BONED! So I walked out of a giant shoe store sans shoes.

I'm sure I'll find something at some point, but thus far I'm not impressed by this season's offerings of shoes. If not, I'm just going to have to find color coordinated bungee cords to strap my other shoes onto my feet. Sexy.