Wednesday, May 25, 2016


1) You guys...I have to tell you what happened to me on Saturday!

Actually, I think I've just oversold it, but it was kind of strange.  Imma tell you anyway.

Saturday I was helping out at our church's golf tournament.  My only real job is to make sure that the course gets paid after the tournament is over, but I usually help setting up the prizes and things of that sort.  We (two other church ladies and myself) were sitting under the porch of the pro shop organizing the stuff when I looked around and saw a man, covered in blood, shuffling towards us.  At first glance, I couldn't tell what was wrong with him because it looked like he'd spilled chocolate milk on himself. (Dried blood looks like chocolate milk, btw.)  But I realized when I looked at his face that he'd been hurt, and the chocolate milk was actually blood.

OK, for a moment...just a brief moment...when my mind did a waver and I saw that guy shambling towards us, bloody, dazed and slow, I thought my time had finally come.  I was going to be VINDICATED for all of the zombie apocalypse plans I'd made, and all the joking that people give me about my zombie survival stuff!  I was going to be able to stick out my tongue in the most sticking-out-of-my-toungiest moment of my whole life!  I was going to save us all from the undead and it was going to be awesome!  So, you know what I did?

I did nothing.  I sat there while a potential undead man came towards us and, for all I knew, was going to snack on us all, but I did nothing!  None of my survival instincts kicked in!  That was actually a good thing, as it turns out.  He was not a zombie at all, but he was a man who had just had a car accident and had sustained a bleeding head injury.  I suppose it wouldn't have been great if I'd beaten him to death with a chair while trying to destroy his head.

I did ask him, several times, if we could help him and he kept saying no.  I wish I'd helped him anyway, but he walked inside the store and one of the other ladies followed him in there to help and I didn't want to be in the way.  They called an ambulance, but the man refused treatment.  I wish he'd gone, because head injuries are no joke!  You can bump your head and think you're fine, and the next thing you know, you're in a coma or something. I should have helped him anyway and tried to talk him into going, but he was determined not to.  I don't feel good about my inaction. I hope the man turned out to be OK in the end.

Also, after that dry run, I'm probably going to be one of the first people eaten if the zombie apocalypse does happen because I'll be too busy asking one of them if they're ok and they'll just eat my face.  I need to write down my otherwise stellar survival plans and send them to people, so they will at least have a chance.

2) Do you remember a few entries back when I talked about the weird package I got in the mail?  Well, I don't want to say too much in case someone gets a similar package and starts Googling it, but suffice it to say that it was the best, most creative birthday gift ever!  The McGee family sent it to me, and I didn't actually get a letter explaining it until a few weeks later, so I got to puzzle over it for a while!  I basically got my own Scooby-Doo mystery in the mail and I loved it!!!!!!!  Thank you, McGee family!  Very well done! :)

3) I had to apologize to someone the other day and I still feel really bad about it.  I don't feel bad about the apologizing, but about what I did.

Have you ever gone into work, or any situation really, where everything just happens all at once and none of it is good?  It's not anything huge, but just a bundle of little annoyances that pile up until you just snap?  That happened to me last Sunday night.  I know that being a church secretary sounds like the calmest job in the world, and usually it is, but sometimes it's a huge cluster-frag and it's easy to lose patience with people because everyone, and I mean everyone, thinks that their issues are the most important thing and should be addressed immediately..

I'd gotten a call from the pastor asking if I knew where a copy of our insurance card for the church van was, because it had been in a small fender bender and the card couldn't be found in the van.  I told him where the copy was, but he couldn't find it.  I swore it was in the place that I put it, where I ALWAYS put them, and he looked, but still didn't find it.  That's kind of what started the carnival of poop that was Sunday evening, just trying very hard to walk someone through something and it not working at all.  Ugh.  So Steve and I left for church early so I could go in and find the thing, only when I got there, I couldn't find it either.  I looked everywhere.  Not only could I not find the card, I couldn't find any of the paperwork that we'd gotten with this year's insurance policy.  So, while a cop somewhere was demanding proof of insurance (and I remembered that we put the original card in the glove compartment) I felt like I was going crazy while looking for the thing. While I was frantically looking for the card, people kept coming into my office and talking to me.  I can usually handle that kind of thing, but the insistence that we find a card that seemed not to exist in the first place (it did) and people hovering over me asking if I'd found it yet, and people standing at my desk asking questions and talking to me while I tried to look for it, and then someone coming in to ask where the teacher for the class was since he hadn't shown up yet, just got the best of me.  Instead of just saying I didn't know where the teacher was, I snapped.

In words which I have not used since a whole other life ago, I snapped because "Bookie tired of ALL Y'ALL"

I grabbed the phone and called the teacher at home and basically left a message reading him the riot act about not being there and how the people in his class count on him, and all kinds of things that I wouldn't have said on a normal, non-harried day, and I said it in my nicest Church Lady Voice.  It was bad. That kind of thing is not my job at all.  I do not know what came over me, but I immediately felt terrible about it.  I couldn't do very much about it, though, because church was going to start and I had to be back in the A/V booth to run the sound. I had to sit through the music service and wait until preaching started before I could sneak out of the auditorium and call that teacher back and apologize.  I wasn't even mad at him, I was just frustrated at everything else and I took it out on him.  I really felt terrible. I know how awful it is for someone to do that to me, so I called and apologized and he was confused because he had let someone know he wouldn't be there and he hadn't heard my message and it was all just so embarrassing.  I don't want to be the guy who does things like that!  I don't like that guy.

We also never found the damned card. 

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