Monday, January 14, 2019

I DON'T KNOW

I have not been myself the past few days.

I'm not sure what is going on, but I have been feeling very odd and on edge, like I'm waiting for something to fall on my head.  Does that make sense?  As I posted elsewhere, I feel as though I'm in mental cover-my-head mode. Like I'm expecting something bad, maybe, but don't have any reason to.

Nothing is going on, as far as I know, and I have no real reason to feel like I do, but something feels "off" to me, and it's making me all jumpy and defensive and I'm beginning to get on my own nerves. All last week, I felt this way, just kind of prickly and growly.  I even got called out by a friend for being kind of an asshole (and to be fair, I was - and they used nicer language than that - but calling a spade and spade, that's what I was being!) Granted, at that time I was irritated at my boss for changing budget stuff again, but geez, that's just part of working with other people. I don't know why that made me get snippy at anyone else.  I've felt bad about it ever since. :(

I feel the way I usually feel when I'm around someone who is upset or angry, because I can pick up on that kind of thing at close range, but I haven't been around anyone like that lately. I used to be able to depend on my spidey-sense, which felt a lot like this, to let me know if someone that wasn't physically close to me having a problem, but that hasn't been a thing I could rely on for a long time. My spidey-sense is on the fritz, I guess you could say.

I don't know, but I wish it would go away! I want to feel normal again!  I'm ready for normal. I'd like to go back to the things I was doing before the December from hell, and I'd like to enjoy stuff and have fun, and not feel like I'm anticipating something bad!  UGH!  Y'all!  This sucks.

I'm sorry to complain. I just have this feeling something is off it's axis, and I can't place my finger on what it is, and it's like an itch I can't scratch!  I know it'll pass, as all things do, but I'm afraid I'll run everyone away from me before I can figure it out.  I don't want that! Just bear with me...I'm working on making this better! 

(On a completely different and much nicer note...I learned to make biscuits this weekend! They were good and they didn't burn or anything! There is hope for me yet!)

I still hug you!

ETA: It isn't PMS. Shame on you for thinking so! :)

1 comment:

Amy said...

I don't know. I'm yelling at the kids all the time because I think they're doing dangerous things, because I'm terrified I'm going to lose someone else. I think I'm just hyped up and paranoid, but what do I know? In my defense, on one of the occasions the kids were literally playing with matches