VICE

I have a shameful secret. I shouldn't even talk about it on here, but I think I've kept it to myself long enough.  I hope that the repercussions don't spread too far and ruin lives, but I need to talk about it.

I can't stop watching these horrible, gross, slime videos on YouTube. I mean, I don't indiscriminately watch slime videos, and trust me that is a weirdly prolific genre, but just one "creator's" version of slime videos.  The channel is called "Lena Slime" and this woman (I assume) makes clear slime, and then smushes makeup into it.  I know that description doesn't really sound terrible, but trust me, it is.



You don't have to watch it, but just in case you're curious of what I'm talking about, there you go.

I accidentally found this channel when I was on Facebook. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but if you watch a video on Facebook, they try to keep you watching videos (and therefore ads) by scrolling down to another video, and another, and another. One of these popped up and I thought I'd see WTF it was, and this is what I was shown. After I started watching them, I couldn't stop. I even subscribed to the channel.

The Shamalanian twist about this, though?  I hate the videos. I don't just hate them, but I'm actively disgusted by them. I don't care than this person is wasting makeup, which seems to be the biggest concern in the FB comment section, but I hate it because it's gross. I am grossed out by the sound of the squishing slime. I am grossed out by the fact that she mixes all manner of different textures of waxy, oily, powdery makeup together into a big disgusting paste inside whatever slime is supposed to be. I can somehow mentally FEEL the mix-matched lumps of stuff and it makes my skin crawl. I am also weirdly disturbed when she puts the "wrong" color into the slime - as there is always a theme - and I am completely sure that the end result has something else mixed in to make the colors so homogeneous and for some reason it makes me mad.

There is only one thing I like about these videos, and that is the one moment when she is through destroying makeup, she curls the sides of the clear slime up over the mess in the middle and for a very brief moment it looks like a ball of really pretty, dichroic, blown glass. That's it.

So why do I watch it?  I'm not sure. The only explanation I have been able to come up with is that I can turn my mind off while I'm watching it and I don't have to think about anything. I just watch this woman crumble up makeup and my brain is free to roam at will. That's not always a great thing, especially in my head, but I don't have to focus on anyone talking about politics, or bad things, or people getting shot, or anything like that. I just wish I didn't hate the videos so damn much.

So if you can think of some type of restful, brain unplugging, non gross thing I could be watching instead, please let me know.

Thank you for listening.