BLOGGED AFTER THE FACT: CAPE CANAVERAL, FL : PART 1

OK, you guys, this trip was a quick one and I'm still trying to recover!  Oy.

Tuesday evening, around 5 o'clock, Steve dropped me off at the airport for my very first, official, real-life business trip! Woo! I know I sound overly excited about it, and in a way I guess I was. I don't know why exactly, because it wasn't like I was going on vacation or anything, but saying that you're going on a business trip sounds awfully grown up and professional.  Those are two things I rarely get to say about myself!

Anyway, so Steve dropped me off and, since I'd already checked into my airline online, I went directly to security.  We are very lucky to have such a small airport nearby. While it's a pain in the ass that we can only fly directly to just a few cities, the silver lining of it is that it doesn't take any time to get through the unpleasantness of being scanned and x-rayed.  Well, usually.  For some reason I set off the scanner. Not only that, but when I looked at the body outline on the screen, the portion of my body that seemed to be questionable was (and forgive my indelicacy) was my crotch.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Kelly," you're thinking "there are better places to store your iPhone." You are correct, which is why my phone was in my purse. I genuinely couldn't think of any other questionable object that might have gotten lost in there over the span of the day, so I expected the TSA agent to get the woo-woo wand and do a few swipes over my person to make sure my crotch was weapon free, find me innocent of any devices, and let me go on my way.  Alas, that was not what happened. The nice TSA agent said that I needed to be patted down, and she explained in (almost) full detail about what she was going to do.  As I was wearing a trapeze dress for travel comfort, my considerable form was shrouded in a rather shapeless mass of cloth, so I figured that a good pat down would ease their minds. So I submitted.

Y'all...I've been patted down by security before, but this was the first time I ever got to third base with a TSA agent. Yikes. I'll say no more about it, except to say I thank God that I'd pregamed with my anti-anxiety meds before getting to the airport, because I think that was the only reason I managed not to faint in the process.  And just in case you're concerned, there were no liberties taken by this agent, I promise. From what I could tell, it was all by the book. I just didn't expect that my own "book" would be thumbed through, if you catch my meaning.

In due time, myself and my boss, Angela, got on the airplane and took off towards Florida. I'd been told we were going to Tampa, but found out a few days before it was actually Orlando that we were headed to. Eh, that was fine, although it was disturbingly close to Disney World.  We made it to our Hotel after 10:00 pm, and I grabbed some dinner at the hotel shop and enjoyed it, as well as the complementary cookie, in my room before passing out from near exhaustion.

We had to wake up early, and by early I mean by 4:00 AM, to be able to get ready in time to go to Port Canaveral, where the trade show was taking place. Everything was fine as far as that goes, except for one thing: Since I didn't have a napkin when I'd eaten dinner the night before, I'd wiped my mouth and hands on one of the washcloths from the bathroom. I'd placed it on the TV tray the night before, but when I went to pick it up to put it in the bathroom so it would be taken out my housekeeping, it was moving. Yep, there was a big, German roach having a field day on that washcloth. I've been in a lot of hotel rooms, both nice and questionable, and I've never seen a roach crawling on stuff in any of them until that moment. You'd be proud of me, though.  I didn't scream, or panic. I steeled myself and very gently picked up the washcloth so that I could shake that little hastared into the toilet and drown his wretched soul, but the minute I picked it up, it disappeared.

*SHUDDER*

I don't know where it went, and I didn't care. I got out of there ASAP, and I told the man at the front desk about my little visitor. I guess I could have made a fuss, but there was no point. I asked that the room be sprayed and cleaned, and went on my way.  Bleh.