BLOGGED ALONG THE WAY: ORLANDO, FLORIDA TO HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA, MARCH 14, 2020

I almost wet my pants.

We got up this morning and prepared to leave for the drive home, and in the haze of fatigue and pain (I swear, those damn pants rubbed a friggin hole in my leg!) I made a rookie mistake before we hit the road. I chugged an entire 16 oz bottle of water before we left the hotel room for the last time. We went to the shop in the lobby and I purchased a 16 oz bottle of protein stuff for breakfast (easier to handle in the car than food) and a 12 oz cup of iced coffee. I was finished with both before we had made it out of Orlando proper, and didn’t think anything of it until we had been driving for about 45 minutes and my body (as it does) reminded me that I can’t hold that amount of liquid forever.

Trouble was, see, was that we weren’t exactly in a place where relief was possible. The joys of driving on the interstate, no? Oh, and we hit a traffic slow down just about that time as well, so even if there had been an exit just up ahead, it wasn’t one we would have reached in a timely manner. So I persevered. It didn’t take long, however, until the situation became somewhat urgent. Steve accidentally missed the exit that would have provided relief, and then we hit a section of road under construction, and then there wasn't another exit for miles!

I don't know if you've ever had to turn calmly towards your spouse and say "You know, I'm probably, actually, going to wet my pants and I apologize that you'll have to see me like that." If not, you have not lived the humiliation I had to undergo at that moment.  Y'all, we drove, and drove, and droooooooooooooooooove, and I forced myself to exercise a level of control over myself that was, heretofore, only known to some subsets of Shaolin monks in the very highest and most isolated of mountain caves. I honestly began to weigh the pros and cons of jumping out of the car and trying to find sufficient coverage in the roadside brush, but thanks to the Lord, Steve's driving skills through clogged traffic, and the Florida DOT, we finally found a turn off and a restroom. Whew.

At this same stop, we managed to also find some locally made marmalade, oranges, horrible local souvenirs, AND an entire taxidermy alligator!  One stop shop, indeed!

After that, we went on our way, thankfully able to stop as the spirit, and our bladders, moved us.  We stopped at one Florida welcome center that warned us against venomous snakes!  There was another place called the Magnolia Plantation in Georgia that has very nice bathrooms and excellent peanut brittle. We got hit by a swarm of biting gnats at yet another Georgia rest area, and stopped at IKEA for lunch. Well, we actually stopped at IKEA to get something for Anthony, as a thank you for making sure the neighborhood stray cats didn't go hungry in my absence, but we ate in their cafeteria.

I actually like road trips, and this one (save the bathroom situation early on) was fairly smooth. Once we made it back to Alabama, we had to make a stop at a Wal-Mart to get bread so we'd have sandwiches once we got home. I was unprepared for the emptiness I was faced with once we got there, but apparently people don't like bread with seeds in it, so we did manage to get something to carry home. Yikes.

We made it home at about 9:00 PM, and Simba was very glad to see us. Apparently he thought he'd been abandoned, and needed about an hour of sitting directly on my body before he was convinced we were actually home.

It was a long, but very good trip, all things considered. I'm glad we're home, though, and I'm ready to sleep in my own bed.  Now, let's see what will happen from here!

Stay safe and healthy, you guys.