10 THINGS I KINDA LOVE
-A Subsidiary of Random Acts of Blogging

I only thought it was fair to include a list of things I love. I didn't want you guys thinking I was a complete sourpuss or anything! :) I have a feeling that most of this stuff won't be a surprise to many of you, though, but I wanted symmetry. As with the last list, I reserve the right to change my mind about these things at any time. Also, I'm going to write about THINGS I love rather than people I love, because I don't want to make my feelings about those people cheap by trying to explain them.

But I digress...

1) Books! I have an enormous amount of books, and I keep getting more. Seriously, I think my stash is a bit out of control because I don't really have room for them all. I have loved to read since about the 3rd grade. I think I may have, with a few exceptions, most of the books I've collected since then. I'm trying to get Steve to line my office walls with shelves, which still probably won't hold them all, but at least I can get some of them off of the floor! :) Although I have a lot of books, there are only a few that I've read over and over. They are kind of like my friends. Books really are like friends, you know. It's great to have a lot of them, but usually there's only a few that you'd ever want to take on vacation or go to bed with.

2) Playing online Scrabble! Well, I guess the rightful name for the game is "Words With Friends" but it's just Scrabble with a slightly different look. Let's not mention the fact that I am a terrible speller. I think Spell Check has destroyed years of learning to write. I have 3 games going at a time these days, and I rarely win. I play against Sara (A.K.A. Scary Spice) her man Ron, and they both embarrass me on a regular basis. The other person is a guy I knew in high school who actually doesn't like me much, but he likes having an someone to play against. If any of you play and need an opponent, look me up by my e-mail address. It may take us a couple of weeks to finish a game, but it's still fun!

3) Cooking! I love to cook. I think I mentioned that before, but I've learned to enjoy it more since I've been doing the house-wifey thing and have a bit more time to devote to it. That's not to say that I always want to cook, but I enjoy cooking a great deal. I wish I knew how to make one awesome thing that everyone always wanted me to make for pot-lucks and what-not, but I haven't quite found my niche yet. I made a couple of awesome Gooey Butter Cakes, but I got cocky about them and have never managed to make another good one since about 2006. Ever since I ate at Paula Deen's restaurant and had her version of Gooey Butter Cake, I've been too scared to even try. That stuff was like...I don't know...butter filled awesomeness.

4) Chocolate! OK, that is common knowledge, I know. A lot of people would be surprised to know that I don't really even eat chocolate that much anymore. I also don't eat it indiscriminately, although I like to try new kinds when I come across them. Although it has become gauche in some circles, Godiva is still my very favorite. I like my chocolate to have stuff in it, and the more unusual the center is, the more fun it is to try. That doesn't mean I like every filled chocolate I come across (I'm looking at you, Vosges), but I prefer them to just plain chocolate.

5) Traveling! I love to go to new places. I mean, the actual act of traveling isn't always fun, but I like to go to places I've never been before. I think it stems from the fact that my family didn't travel much when I was growing up. It was difficult to find places that could accommodate my brother, so we didn't go very far from home, even when we did travel. I wasn't emotionally scarred by the lack of traveling, but I think it's why I like to go to new places now that I have more freedom to do so! I hope that I can visit foreign countries one of these days, but the USA still has a lot of places I want to see. Yay, traveling!

6) Wearing costumes! I don't know why I like wearing costumes so much, but I do. I think it's fun to pretend to be something other than what you have to be every day. I don't get to dress up that often, but I have fun when I do. In fact, I've been working on a costume that I can't wait to wear! It was for a specific event, which, unfortunately was postponed (for good and unselfish reasons) but I plan on still wearing it another time! So far, it's turning out better than I thought it would. My only problem is that it's HOT. I mean it, I tried on part of it the other day while in an air conditioned house, and I got hot. Also, I still have to tweak some stuff to complete it. I don't care, I'm having fun. I can't wait till I've finished it!

7) Talking animals! Well, not so much the cartoon or Disney kind of talking animals, but much more like the video I posted a few days ago. It tickles me to imagine what animals are thinking. We do that with our dogs all of the time and it gets silly.

8) This picture:
It is a perfect example of Happy Dog Face.

9) Singing in my car! I love to sing anywhere, but singing in the car is so much fun. I also seat dance and play the steering wheel drums. I probably look like an idiot, but I don't care! It's a joy.

10) French Fries! I love them unashamedly. Don't judge me.

There are a lot more things I love, but this will do for a start! Have a wonderful day!

10 THINGS I KINDA HATE RIGHT NOW!
-A subsidiary of Random Acts of Blogging

Don't worry, this isn't because I'm mad or in a bad mood. Sometimes I just have to talk about things I don't like. I reserve the right not to hate these things at another time, but right now I hate them.

1) I hate my new BiPAP machine. I had to get a new breathing machine on Friday, because HAL, the one I used before, was apparently too strong to allow me to exhale. Or something. I don't know, really, because it wasn't explained in a way I understood. Anyway, the new one is roughly about the size of a Mini Cooper, and it is stronger than my old one. It also doesn't start right away. Last night, I put on my mask and started the machine. I waited, and waited....then POP! It started so suddenly that the cabin pressure inside my head changed and my ears popped. Ouch. It has variable pressures, which wouldn't be so bad if I could just get into the rhythm of the thing. I'm having to learn to breathe in 4/4 time. Oh, and I'm allowed 10 breaths a minute, with a bonus breath shoved in in case I do that "No Breathing" thing I do, so if I want more, I'm screwed. OK, maybe not completely screwed since I can still actually breathe, but still...

If I wasn't so strongly against dying of heart failure in my sleep, I'd chuck it out the window.

2) I hate that there are parents out in the world who believe their kids are so much more important than other kids that they get upset when their children are inconvenienced for the safety of another child. Did that make sense?

I don't have kids, and I know that to some people, that means I have no right to judge. However, in this case, I'm going to judge all I want, because these parents are HORRIBLE. It all goes back to a news clip (which I'd link to if I could find it) I saw last week about a group of parents who were picketing outside an elementary school in protest because their kids weren't allowed to have peanut butter due to the fact that a 6 year old girl in the class has a deadly (as in, she doen't have to even eat them to be affected, all out anaphylactic shock and everything) allergy to peanuts.

Ostensibly, they were angry because they said their kids had to wash their hands and rinse out their mouths before class and after lunch, and the teacher had to wipe down the desks with Clorox wipes. They may have even said the kids had to wipe their faces with Clorox wipes, and I'll agree, that seems dangerous. However, when the parents were interviewed, the wipes were not what they mentioned. One woman said something to the affect of, 'It's a waste of my kids time, to wash their hands and faces so often, since it takes time out of their school day. Also, my son can't have his peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I don't think they should be able to tell my son he can't have his peanut butter, or anything else!' Also, some of the parents were saying on camera, that the little girl shouldn't be allowed in school if she was going to cause that much trouble for the rest of the kids.

To be fair, I'd usually be on the side of the non peanut-kids parents. Being a former employee of the Sprocket (ptooey), I know what a pain in the ass it is to completely scrub all traces of peanuts from a place where children congregate. Also, like any normal person, I don't like to be inconvenienced. However, if it will keep someone from choking to death on their own rapidly-swelling tongue, I'd do it. This situation, though, infuriates me. Here is a little girl with a serious health problem- she didn't ask for it, she can't control it, and honestly, she just wants to be as normal a kid as she can be. Her parents don't want her to be ostracized or sealed in a bubble, so they send her to public school, and her fellow students are told they have to be careful and take steps not to make her sick. That doesn't sound unreasonable to me. Then you have these parents who freak the hell out because their own kids have to take these steps. What kind of buttheads picket against the rights of a child to not die from an easily preventable cause?

I'd completely understand their feelings, if they were just about wiping the kids off with Clorox wipes, but that wasn't it. They are ticked off because their kids can't have peanut butter! Seriously, not one child anywhere in the world NEEDS peanut butter. They may like peanut butter, they may even love peanut butter, but they won't die without it. This little girl, however, could possibly die because of it. These parents don't think their kids should have to show consideration to this child, or at least, that is the impression I got from the people interviewed. I bet you anything, that if the tables were turned, they'd want their own children to be protected from whatever allergen could kill them without having to pull them from school.

Children NEED to be taught that they sometimes have to show consideration to others, even at the expense of things they want, because that is the way the world is. Sometimes we have to suffer, if not eating peanut butter and having to wash their hands more than once a day can be called suffering, for the rights of others. It sucks, but it's reality. This seems like a great way to teach that lesson. But there are parents who don't want their precious snowflakes to have to give anything up, not even for the safety of a classmate. The poor little girl probably already has to deal with kids making fun of her because of her health issues, but now she has grown-ups saying that she needs to leave school because of them. What 6 year old child is going to understand the reasons behind their thinking? All she's going to think is "No one likes me and something is wrong with me and that makes me bad." No little kid should have to think that.

Sometimes parents* are the worst bullies. And by bullies, I mean complete asshats.

*Not all parents are like this, so don't get your knickers in a twist if you think I'm talking to you. Unless you already know you are secretly an asshat. :)

3) I hate that I repeat myself so much. My memory is so bad that I can never remember if I've told a joke or a story before. I've probably also blogged or twitted about the same things over and over, while being under the impression that whatever I'm talking about has just occurred to me, because I don't remember I've talked about it before. It's embarrassing! However, I'm grateful that everyone has enough class not to make fun of me for it. Well, almost everyone! :)

4) I hate that losing weight is so difficult for me. Excluding the sleeping issue that can make losing weight hard, I'm not an athlete, and exercising goes against my natural instincts. I can honestly say it is nature, not nurture, that causes me to be this way because I wasn't kept inside as a child. I played outside all of the time when I was younger, but I've always hated getting hot and I've never been graceful or athletic. Not even a little bit. I wish I wanted to run a marathon or something like that, so that I'd want to train and get in shape for it. All I want to do is fit into normal clothes and not be embarrassed to leave the house. I hate that I enjoy eating so much. Delicious food is a pleasure. Not eating it makes me stabby. I mean that honestly, because a hungry Kelly is an evil, angry Kelly. I also hate that the texture of most vegetables makes me gag.

5) I hate the Friday song, and the fact that it's catchy and sticks in my head. There is nothing good about that song. It is ear cancer. I also hate Auto-Tune and the fact that all pop music sounds the same to me now.

6) I hate that Russel Brand looks like he'd be sticky if you touched him.

7) I hate that I can't find my sheets. Seriously, who loses sheets in a house as small as ours and can't find them?

8) I hate when I trip over shoes. I'm not a shoe freak, but I have a lot of shoes. For some reason, they migrate out of my closet and into my path, which causes me to trip over them. I don't even have to wear them for them to move into my way. You'd think shoes that you haven't worn in months would stay where you put them, but mine creep out of my closet and lie in wait. I should get rid of them, but since I generally buy shoes because I need them to match something specific, it would be counter-productive.

9) I hate tomatoes. I like things made from tomatoes, but I hate raw, unadulterated tomatoes. They make me sick to look, smell, or touch them. When people eat raw tomatoes in front of me, I want to set them on fire. (Set the people on fire, not the tomatoes.)

10) I hate forgetting I've got wet clothes in the washer during warm weather. If you leave them in there too long, they start smelling funny and then you have to wash them again. Over the past week, I've had to wash the same load of clothes 3 times because I keep getting side-tracked.

QUICKIE

Today, while Steve and I were talking, the subject of building styles came up. He was asking me why people didnt have houses built in genuine old styles, if historical buildings are so popular. I was explainig that people build historical style buildings all the time. I said, "I mean, they still build Tudor style houses, and..." but he interrupted me, asking "What does that mean?" I explained that it was a style from Tudor England. He still didn't understand, so I said, "You know, buildings like they had during the reign of Henry VIII." He still didn't get it, so I explained that Tudor was the family name of King Henry VIII.

He got quiet for a minute and said, "Wait, is that who the show 'The Tudors' was about?" I said that it was.

He said "Oh, I thought it was about the people who taught the royal children."

There was more, but I was laughing too hard to listen.

FUNZIES!

I couldn't sleep tonight because I had caffeine, so I stole this meme from Dr. Annie! Oh, and as a fun fact, I didn't know that meme was pronounced "meem" until quite recently. I thought it was pronounced "me-me" and I thought it referred specifically to these things you fill out about yourself. I thought it was called a me-me because you were talking about yourself, as in: It's all about me. I also think I might have mentioned that fact before, but I couldn't remember.

Shut up.

Anyways, here we go.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

ALBINO NINJA!

2. How much cash do you have on you?

None at the moment. I don't tend to carry cash on me while I'm at home.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Score!

4. Favorite planet?

Venus.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

I.C.E. Steve Pratt. I hope it wasn't important!

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

The Indiana Jones theme. It makes all of my calls sound adventurous.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A blue and silver tie dyed one with flowers on the chest.

8. Do you label yourself?

I do, but only because sometimes I forget my name.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

Croc flip-flops. Say what you will about Crocs, but they are the most comfortable shoes I own.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

Dark. Bright lights make me feel weird and transparent.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

She is quite awesome. :)

12. What does your watch look like?

I have two. One is a cheapie black plastic one that has a black and white face. The other is a silver colored, bracelet one I wear for fancy times.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Adjusting my CPAP, I think.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

"Just kidding. I'll tell them you want to be the one who provides child care during the reunion." It was from Sara. She's the only proof I need that gingers don't have souls. :P

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

? I have no idea.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?

Disregarding profanity, I'd have to say "ouch."

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

My mom.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

Butler, my yellow lab.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Just vitamins, I think. I'm so tired of taking medicine, I've kind of boycotted it for now.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

None. I haven't had a film camera for over 10 years.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

17. That was before I knew how much life could suck. Heeheehee!

22. Your worst enemy?

Myself, and possibly C.O.B.R.A. Commander.

23. What is your current desktop picture?

A tank full of genetically modified, glow-in-the-dark fish.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

"I'll be there in a little bit. I'm not tired yet."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

Flying, probably. You could always get rich by exploiting the fact you could fly.

26. Do you like someone?

I do.

27. The last song you listened to?

Something written by John Williams that Steve was playing on his trumpet. I don't remember the name, but it was some kind of march.

28. What time of day were you born?

11:10 AM, I think

29. What’s your favorite number?

8

30. Where did you live in 1987?

East Limestone, I think. Possibly Madison. We moved around that time, so I can't be sure.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

Yes!

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

I doubt it. They'd be kind of sad if they were. I haven't got much going on at the moment.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

At home. I was getting ready for a job interview. Steve called and told me what happened because I was watching The Golden Girls.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

I pound on the glass and shake them.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Yes. At least, I try to always be kind.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

Ankle or right shoulder. I think that urge may have passed for me, though.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

Italian. No matter what you say, it sounds sexy.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Of course. At least, I would if I knew they loved me back. Otherwise it just gets all stalky and awkward.

39. Are you touchy feely?

Heck yes I am. Probably too much. I can't help it.

40. What’s your life motto?

You can never have too many hobbies or art supplies.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

If I'm away from home: lip gloss, insurance card, Swiss army knife (unless I'm going on a plane, because I don't want it to get confiscated.)

42. What’s your favourite town/city?

So far? Bodie, California. It was a ghost town, though. I'm sure there are better places out there, I just haven't seen them yet.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Something at Hobby Lobby, probably.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Today!

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

No.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

That he just got tenure and a promotion to Associate Professor at Jacksonville St. University. I fall in love with smart people! :)

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

Pretty far back. The farthest I know from memory is a (several times) great grandfather who was a Cherokee Indian chief named "Old Tossle." He was killed by union soldiers.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

Steve's Christmas party. A black and white dress that was 6 inches too long that I kept stepping on and bedroom slippers underneath. I'm classy like that.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

I have a button on my clothes that is poking me.

50. Have you been burned by love?

Yes. Quite terribly.

KITCHEN ADVENTURES: !%&@^#% MACARONS

Did you know it is possible to become food-obsessed with a thing you've never even gotten to taste before? It totally is. I know this because before I came to my senses and made myself back slowly away from the Kitchen-Aid mixer, there was a week or so where I made (or attempted to make) dozens upon dozens of french macaron cookies. Unfortunately for me...I simply couldn't do it.

I only learned about macarons fairly recently, actually. They have become a "thing" with certain food blogs that I have started reading over the past year. They've been around longer than that, of course, but I had never heard about them before then. These beautiful, shiny, colorful sandwich confections (apparently, they aren't actually cookies) that come in literally an infinite range of flavors fascinated me. I decided that I must have one, or two, or three...(dozen). Unfortunately for me, there isn't a place in Huntsville where you can get them. Well, not one I have found yet, anyway. I've gone to independent bakeries while I've been out running errands, looked in grocery stores, and I've even done searches online for places that might have them, but I couldn't find anything. Sure you can order them online, but from everything I've read, macarons are delicate and easy to smash, and they are expensive. The last thing I want to do is order a box of them and wind up with nothing but expensive crumbs! So I did what anyone else would do: I decided to make them myself.

First off, it was important for me to understand what I was shooting for:

Exhibit A - Macaroons

Nom.

I've had Macaroons before. These are the delicious, chewy, flourless coconut cookies we all know and love. I've made these before. These are not the cookies I was looking for. Move along.

Exhibit B - Macaroons

Not nom. Unless you are from Melmac.

As I introduced in my last post, this is Macaroons. I didn't name him. Steve mis-heard me when I said he was probably a Maine Coon and the name just stuck. As far as I know, he is also flourless, but probably not delicious.

Exhibit C - Macarons

Strawberry Macarons by Tartlette. She is French and
she knows how to make them correctly. Probaby very nom.

THIS. This is what I was looking for. French macarons! These are made with 4 ingredients: powdered sugar, almond flour, egg whites and caster sugar. Anything that only requires 4 ingredients, two of which are sugar, can't be hard to make, right? Wrong.

Wrongwrongwrongwrong.

Apparently, making these damnable cookies (I don't care, they look like cookies to me) successfully requires an advanced degree in chemistry or biology. You think I'm kidding? The woman uses scatter plots to determine how to make these things. SCATTER PLOTS! You shouldn't have to be that smart just to make cookies. I'm sure it helps, but still...

Before I even attempted to try making these, I did research. I read about how tricky these can be, and how hard it is for even seasoned pastry-chefs to make them correctly, but I thought...meh. 4 ingredients, recipe on the internet, instructions on how to make them, easy-peasy. First, I had to locate the ingredients. Powdered sugar was easy, as were the egg whites. However, finding caster sugar proved strangely difficult. It's really just the missing link between confectioner's sugar and regular sugar, a finely granulated, but not powdered, sugar. However, I think I had to go across town to Earth Fare to find it. Almond meal was just as difficult to find, but since I had a food processor and a bag of slivered almonds, it was easy-ish to make. Just a note, though, there is a fine line between almond meal and almond butter.

The first thing you have to do is let the egg whites age. Seriously, they have to sit out on the counter, preferably covered, for anywhere from 24 to 72 hours, depending on the recipe you use. Um, ew. See, I've always been under the impression that eggs shouldn't just sit around the kitchen without being refrigerated, but I'm not a pastry chef, so what do I know? I left my eggs on the counter for 24 hours. The recipe I used said to sift the almond meal and confectioner's sugar together three times, which I did. It was a pain in my ass, too, because you have to get two bowls dirty to do this. Also, almond meal has lumps, and you are supposed to throw away the lumps. This means, unless you are measuring the amount you throw away and replacing the same amount of non-lumpy meal into the mix, you won't have the right amount of meal in the end. SIGH. Then to take the room temperature egg whites and start mixing them until they are juuuuuuuust foamy, and then you add in the caster sugar, then mix it some more. At some point, you are supposed to get soft, shiny peaks. If you've ever made meringue, you probably know what that means. I had never made meringue, so, I simply had to guess.

Then you gently fold all of the stuff together until you get a batter that is supposed to be a certain consistency. I'd explain what that is supposed to be, but I'm not sure I ever got it right. It's supposed to make "ribbons" but I don't know what the hell that means. Anyways, it got mixed.

After you get "ribbons" you get a pastry bag and fill it with the batter, pipe 1 inch circles onto parchment paper and bake them. Some directions tell you to let the batter set for a while before you bake them, some don't. Then while they're baking, some magical alchemical thing is supposed to happen where the cookies rise and make perfect little half spheres with "feet." The feet are the little bubbly, ruffly bit at the bottom of the cookie.

Well, my first batch didn't do this. At all. They didn't rise so much as they sort of flattened out. I wish I could have gotten a picture of my first, sad batch, because they were hilarious. It looked like someone took shiny, white spackle and made pancakes with it. I couldn't even get them off of the parchment paper! I managed to gnaw one off of the parchment. They tasted pretty good, if you don't mind eating small pieces of paper along with your cookies, but they were sad and flat. I couldn't even get enough of any of them off of the paper to make a two sided cookie. However, I was not too discouraged. I tried again.

I did everything the same, except this time I managed to get 8 cookies out of it. They were pretty, I suppose. I filled them with peanut butter filling and they tasted fine, but they still didn't seem right.

This was the only slightly pretty one.

So I tried again, this time making them chocolate with buttercream filling. I didn't follow the directions too closely this time, because I thought that quite possibly, my problem was that I was being too careful. So I just did everything pretty slap-dash. None of the tiresome sifting and all that. I managed to get enough off the parchment paper this time to make 16 or so complete cookies, but there was only one problem. They were as hard as hockey pucks.

Delicious hockey pucks with buttercream filling.

Fortunately, though, these cookies can be "aged" in the fridge, and by osmosis, they get softer as they leach moisture from the filling. However, that takes 3 or 4 days, and when you want a cookie...you want a cookie. Who wants to wait 3 or 4 days?! I did manage to leave a few in there the correct amount of time, and they did get softer, but I still don't think they were right.

So, I tried again. This time I was super careful. I had located almond meal at Publix (which I'm beginning to believe has everything anyone could ever want) and I sifted these bad boys until you could have absorbed the dry ingredients through your skin, Anthrax-style. I aged the eggs, I carefully whipped the eggs, I let the batter sit in it's perfectly piped little circles before I put them in the oven, and I even rotated them half-way through baking, just in case the oven heated unevenly. They came out looking...weird. Like big lipped clams.

*sad trombone*

I think I actually shouted at these cookies. I cursed at them and called them terrible names. I curled up into a sad little ball on the floor, wailing and gnashing my teeth. To add insult to injury, I filled these with lemon curd - and I realized I don't like lemon curd. Somehow, I don't think something as soothing as baking should cause fits of tourette's syndrome-like outbursts.

At some point, I unfurled myself from the fetal position and cleaned the pools of sugary macaron batter from the counter-tops and floor. I quietly put the cookies into the freezer to get them out of my sight, and left the kitchen quietly. I admitted defeat.

My mission to try one of these elusive cookies still rages. My mission to actually bake a successful batch of these cookies has faded a bit, but hasn't completely fizzled out. I'm sure I'll come across a proper macaron one of these days to see what all of the shouting is about, but until then, I'll just stare wistfully at them on the internet from the safety of my office chair. But one day... One day I will prevail.

They will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Contrary to popular belief, I haven't been abducted by aliens, nor have I joined the circus. I haven't updated because I haven't really done anything lately. I know that your lives don't revolve around my blog updates, so I'm sure you guys haven't been too worried! :)

2) I had to do another round of antibiotics for the evil, apparently drug resistant, strain of pneumonia I had, and that was a lot of fun. I think I've finally, finally, honest-to-goodness kicked the bug. I'm still really tired and have wicked hot flashes, but my chest doesn't hurt anymore! I can go back to licking complete strangers without worrying that I'm giving them a disease. :) It's been frustrating, because I've been too sick to do anything except for the simplest things. I could eat, I could get the mail, and unfortunately, I could gain lots of weight because of the not being able to do anything and the excessive steroids I took for a month. So yeah...that sucks. At least I'm better. At one point, in an attempt to clear my lungs, I took a dose of Mucinex. I mean, if it can get rid of whole families of anthropomorphous phlegm blobs, why not? I...don't recommend it. It felt like a swallowed a lit sparkler. I'm not saying it's bad medicine, and I'm not saying it doesn't work for other people, but yikes. Molten lava, in my body. Itchy, molten lava.

3) Speaking of my lungs (and endlessly fascinating subject, I'm sure) I had another trip to the sleep doctor today. Guess who has two thumbs and gets to go back and do another sleep study tomorrow night? Yuck. The doctor told me that they didn't really know what to do for me because of the things they found out after my last sleep study. He said that I have partial obstructive sleep apnea, meaning that the flappy bit in the back of my throat obstructs my breathing. If I could lose a lot of weight, that might go away. However, part of the reason I have so much trouble losing weight is because of my sleeping trouble (I didn't realize that was even a thing until recently.) So...catch 22. That sucks, of course, but the bigger problem is that I also have something called central sleep apnea, which means my brain has spells where it doesn't tell my body to breathe. This even happens when I'm awake, and it means I have a short circuit somewhere. It can also mean I have brain damage or heart trouble, and...it could eventually kill me if we can't get it under some kind of control. Nice, right? He told me they'd try another kind of breathing machine, which is why I have to go back for another sleep study. I hate those things, but I agreed because the other alternative is undergoing surgery to open my throat and reset my jaw and that would only help partially. I hope that it a last ditch thing, though, because it sounds unpleasant.

4) Did you know I have a cat now? Well, sort of. This is Macaroons:

Of course, in all honesty, this really isn't my cat, but I think he (or she) thinks it lives here. My whole relationship with this cat began innocently, much like how Garry and Spot used to occasionally come over and make me think they were homeless so I'd feed them. Same thing here, only unlike Garry and Spot, I still don't know if this cat has a home. I don't really know if I even like this cat. He's dirty, he's greedy, he isn't really affectionate, and he feels like an old wig. The dumb thing keeps getting into the house, and I have to force him out. He taunts my dogs and has caused Butler to almost jump through a window to try and get at him. He pukes on my stoop if we don't feed him, and he lies down behind our cars in the driveway when we try and leave. He meows at the door if he thinks it's time to feed him, and he has fights with other cats that come by. It's like I'm in the debt of the mob and Macaroons is the guy hanging around to make sure I don't forget I owe the boss something. I feel sorry for him, or I wouldn't feed him, but I don't want to take responsibility for this animal. If I were 100% sure he didn't have an owner instead of just 90%, I'd take him to the no-kill shelter just so I'd be sure he was at least getting shots and whatnot. However, there are days he isn't hanging around on my stoop all day, and that's just enough doubt about him not to want to send some old lady's cat to animal control. Stupid cat.

5) The other day, while I was busy putting away groceries, Steve came over and handed me a credit card to put into my purse so that he wouldn't forget to give it to me. Since I was busy, I promptly forgot about it and went on with my business. After about 30 minutes, the realization that I didn't know what I had done with the card flashed into my head. I got frantic, because honestly, who wants to lose a credit card? Steve and I combed the whole house, I had to pick through the garbage, we looked in the freezer, the hamper, the bathrooms, and everywhere else we could think of to no avail. I was near tears because I felt so stupid. I'd had it in my hands, and now it was just gone. I was standing in the kitchen, berating myself for my stupidity, when I suddenly remembered that I'd stuck the card into my bra so that I wouldn't lose it. It had been in there the whole time. :/

6)ALAN! ALAN! ALAN! AL! ALAN!

WHEN MEEMAWS ATTACK

I can't believe I've forgotten to tell you guys about this!

When Steve and I were in Disney World this past January, we spent almost an entire day at Epcot. We hadn't been able to go into Space Ship Earth earlier, even though it is literally the first ride you come to in the park, because the line was WAY out the door.

This is Space Ship Earth. This is not the Epcot Center. So help me, if you call this thing the Epcot Center I
will hunt you down and beat you to death with a DVD copy of Aladdin.

Well, we spent our day doing Epcot-y stuff, and it was evening when we decided to leave the park and go back to our resort. As we passed by the ride, there wasn't a line, so we went in to do this one last thing before we left. The ride went by as usual, and also as usual, you get dumped out into an arcade/hands on science area at the bottom of the ride. We had just found an exit, when an older woman walked out in front of us. We paused to let her go first, when we heard a kid (a boy probably about 10 or 11) scream. A literal scream with no words in it. It wasn't a scared scream, or a hurt scream, he sounded MAD. I thought he was just playing around, so I didn't get alarmed until I saw that child run after the older woman and PUNCH her right in the center of the back.

Now, imagine yourself to be part of a couple quite clueless about the inner workings of children. To see someone's MeeMaw get assaulted by their (assumed) grandchild in a section of the "Happiest Place on Earth!" is both alarming and confusing. MeeMaws are to be hugged and cherished, not beaten up in the lobby of Space Ship Earth. I wish I could tell you that we immediately ran and saved the lady from the devil's spawn, but actually, we didn't. We stood there with our mouths open. We would suck at being super heroes.

Luckily for this MeeMaw, heretofore called SUPER NAN, didn't need our help. Super Nan somehow reached behind her, grabbed the little bastard by the arm, and snatched him around in front of her.

Steve and I just stood there, staring.

Super Nan, yanked that kid around and got right in his face and yelled "GOD D*MMIT!" and shook him like a rag.

Steve and I just stood there, staring.

In a moment of what I believe was the pre-hulking out of Super Nan, she looked up and into our eyes as if to say "You might want to leave unless you want every illusion you hold about grandmothers to be shattered beyond repair." I think I literally saw her change color and split a seam in her stylish wind suit trousers.

Steve and I ran.

Actually, we sort of scrambled to find a way out, tripping over each other and running into things as we tried to leave that women to administer what I can only assume was the K-Mart Whoopin' of her life. It was so awful. Not the fact that she was obviously spanking her grandchild, because that little rat deserved it and more for punching the woman, but the fact that Steve and I were trying so hard to get away from her that we looked like the KeyStone Cops. We finally managed to find another exit, but before we could escape, we noticed that it wasn't just us that had witnessed the event. Everyone in the arcade was staring at the doorway we had just run away from, and also staring at us because we had been right in front of it when the kid's uppance had come. Right before we made it out the door, a women looked at us and into the now quiet room said "smart move."

I can only hope that Super Nan taught that kid a little about respecting his elders. I only wish she hadn't had to do it in front of us.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS RAMBLING

I am so done with this hastared illness.

I had to go back to the doctor again on Wednesday. I seriously thought I had this whole germy thing in my lungs destroyed, but alas, I was wrong. My chest had started hurting again and I was practically narcoleptic. I had gone to church last Sunday and could barely walk around. I told people that I was just having trouble walking on my heels, but I was really so sleepy I could barely stand. I was also so cold I had to get one of the old lady blankets that we keep in the back of the sanctuary to keep from shivering during the service. The old lady blankets, y'all! I thought all of the sleeping meant I was getting better, but apparently it just meant I was still sick. I will find the person who sneezed on me, and I will harm them emotionally. It was probably some snotty kid at Disney World who licked a hand rail or something. Kids do that, right?

They x-rayed my lungs again, and let me tell you...walking around a public place with no bra on is a weirdly vulnerable feeling. I'm just glad the rooms I had to travel between were just down the hall from each other, or I was going to have to beg a lab coat from someone. I wish they'd let me have my x-rays. I've never seen the inside of my chest before. It's funny; in the room where they take the x-rays, there is a book on all of the bones in the skeleton. It makes me nervous to think that some of them may have to consult a manual to see which bone is which. I mean, I understand not everyone can memorize every bone, but hide the book at least!

I even consented to get a shot, so you know I was serious! I hate shots! I know they really don't hurt, and it's all in my head, but I can't stand the thought of someone sticking me with a syringe. The nurse who did it was very good, and since I told her it was an irrational fear of mine, she did it quickly. My "hip" still hurts from where I was injected, but at least the medicine started working right away. She also gave me an antibiotic so strong that I'm afraid to water the houseplants on the off chance I sneeze near one and kill it.

I think I'm actually getting better now, but since I thought that last time, I'll just wait and see what the doctor says on Thursday when I go back. I'm still not coughing, which seems weird since my lungs are affected. The doc seems to think I'm coughing a lot, but when I told her I wasn't, she told me to take my cough syrup anyways. It either drops me like a tranquilized wildebeest, or keeps me up all night tripping. My chest and heart still hurt, but she didn't seem concerned about that. At this point, I have been at the clinic so many times in the last month that I'm sure my insurance company has paid for a semester at Harvard for one of the doctor's kids.

All I can do is sleep and eat and do laundry and I'm bored with all of those things. If this stupid crud lasts another week, I'm going to resort to giving myself prison tats just to liven things up.

This post brought to you by another night of no sleeping. Sponsored by the letter Z, the letter X and the number 9.

KITCHEN ADVENTURES: BUBBLE TEA

Do you ever get to taste something while out of town, or read about some kind of food, and then get a craving for the most inconvenient thing? I do, all the time. It's no secret that I like food, and it's not exactly the easiest thing to deal with. It's usually something only available in one place far away (Cafe du Monde Latte in New Orleans, Pizza at Arnold's in St. Louis) or it's something you may have somewhere in town, but a place you never go or even think of going until you are nowhere near it. I have a couple of these things, but the one I tackled the other day was bubble tea.

OK, I realize bubble tea is one of those fad drinks that get popular and then fizz away after a while, but doggone it, I was intrigued. There is a place somewhere in Madison that sells it, but I am never over there long enough to try and find it. I happened to find a box of tapioca pearls while shopping at Earth Fare, and thought "It can't be that hard!" So I brought them home and got to work on figuring out A) exactly what bubble tea is and B) how to make it.

Like frog eggs in a milkshake, really.

OK, from what I could tell, bubble tea is a drink made of some kind of flavored drink powder and has a layer of tapioca "pearls" at the bottom of the cup. The tapioca adds a textural element, and that's about it. You are supposed to drink it with a big straw. You know, it didn't sound so adventurous when I found out what it was, but it was too late. I was determined to have it!

I didn't have any drink powder, and wasn't going to order it on the off chance that I'd hate the drink, so I opted to mix my own milk tea (black tea, almond milk, heavy cream) for the job. Making the drink part wasn't difficult, but making the stupid tapioca was! I mean, it wasn't complicated in the traditional sense, you are just boiling them after all. However, they are sticky and slimy and they stick to the bottom of the pot if you leave them alone for a second longer than the directions say! I stood over the stove, stirring the gloopy mess, for about 30 minutes. I was scared to leave it alone because the one time I stepped back to the computer to see if I was doing something right, I almost lost the entire pot. I don't mean the contents of the pot, I mean the pot. That stuff is like gorilla snot, it sticks to everything! After a while, it looked like a pot of boiling syrup, and I was afraid I had ruined it, but I kept on. I added blue food coloring (the first thing that I came across) to see if I had completely destroyed the spheres, but they were still in there. After they boiled the correct amount of time, I had to strain them and rinse them off to get rid of the goo. It turned out that they were fine! The little blue spheres were there. They looked like frog eggs with white centers, but they were there. Looking like frog eggs. Frog eggs that I was supposed to put at the bottom of a drink I was going to actually consume. Frog eggs.

My Tapioca Pearls

FROG EGGS!

Bleh. So, I took the frog- I mean tapioca pearls and put them in agave syrup and water. Then I sat and looked at them for a while. Seriously, how could I eat them? I can't eat things that feel weird, and these were most definitely weird. Little slimy, blue, gluey balls made of starch. Even the thought of them was weird! WHY? Why did I need to eat them? It wasn't like anyone had to know. I could just throw away the container of faux amphibian spawn and no one would be the wiser, right?

Of course, after some thought I decided that I wasn't going to let them go to waste, because gosh darn it, I'd almost sacrificed a good pot to the things! It was no longer just something I wanted to taste, it was a principle. So I plopped (and yes, they make the actual sound of 'plop') into a cup and poured my latte over the mess. It looked just like the picture and it didn't smell bad, so I dove straight in.

Honestly, I really liked it. I mean, sure the tapioca balls are slimy, and you have to suck them up with a straw, and yes you have to chew your drink...so it's a weird sensation, but I liked it! The tapioca becomes flavored by the drink, and as long as you don't accidentally suck one down your throat without chewing it, it is kind of interesting. Also, you get super full when you drink these things; probably because of the starch, so if you decide to try them, don't get it before you go out on a dinner date. It's probably not something you'd want every day, and kids would probably like it, unless they puke at the slightest hint of weird textures.

So, my adventure was a success. I wish I had taken some pictures of the process, but I couldn't leave my boiling pot of frog eggs long enough to get the camera. I have since remembered that I probably didn't need to worry about whether I'd like the drink or not, because in 1997, I was one of the 12 people in the world who actually liked Orbitz soda.

Almost exactly the same except that it was soda,
the balls floated and, in hindsight, it tasted really gross.

Next KITCHEN ADVENTURE: Macarons!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I'm currently typing this entry on the new iMac that Steve got me for my birthday! It replaced the old one from 2005 that was on it's last legs, technologically. I don't normally talk about the gifts I get from people, so I apologize if it's tacky to be excited and talk about it. It is completely awesome, and the screen is 27". I don't think he meant to order a screen this big, but that's OK with me. It has all kinds of updated programs and I had forgotten what it was like to have programs that would actually save files. Since my last iMac crashed like the Hindenburg, it has been good for nothing except getting on the Internet. Also, and this was the most surprising part, when we did the file transfer, all of the files that I couldn't access on the old computer came back! I now have access to a lot of the graphic files from my digital portfolio that were lost to me before. I don't know how they were recovered, but I choose to believe Jesus had them on a backup drive for me. After all, Jesus saves. (Boooooooooooo)

2) Speaking of portfolios...oy vey. Remember when I had the job interview and had to scramble to find some graphics, any graphics, that I could scrape together for my portfolio? Steve and I stayed up late printing and mounting the stupid things so that I'd have something to show the people. I was embarrassed about my anemic portfolio, but I took everything I had over to them. It was difficult to try and explain my skill level when the most impressive thing I had in the folder was the Hogwarts banner images I had done for the theater at the Sprocket (ptooey).

While I was cleaning up my office (a task that was more than overdue) I found an older portfolio that was wedged behind my filing cabinet. I opened it up, thinking I would just clean it out and see if there was any presentation boards that I could reuse, and I found over a dozen pieces of my work that I had mounted for some reason. It was actual, useful stuff too, like movie tickets, ads, posters and other things that actually show that I know my way around the Adobe suite! My portfolio is now packed full of actual, good-quality stuff that I can show potential employers. Now I don't have to feel embarrassed about what I can show them! I can take out some of the stuff I was iffy about without worrying that I am making an already scant presentation even scantier. I am not, however, removing the Wookie Crossing sign that I put in there. It is my magnum opus. :)

3) I am still on the road to recovery, thanks for asking, but I found out that it can take up to a month or longer to completely get over this crud. Bluh. I'm at the feeling-like-poo-hot-&-cold-flashes-falling-asleep-in-odd-places-because-I-can't-stay-awake phase, but at least I can almost breathe like a normal person as long as I'm not talking or singing or doing anything strenuous! Silver linings, right? Right. Silver freaking linings.

4) I got my hair cut a couple of days ago, and the lady who did it was not the same girl who usually cuts my hair. She cut my bangs crooked. She cut my bangs above my left eye and over to my right eyebrow one length, and she must have had a stroke or something, because starting at the right eyebrow and over, the rest of my bangs were 1/4 an inch longer. It wasn't even as if she angled my hair. It was all like -------------________. I didn't notice until I got into the car because I didn't have her dry my hair since I was going straight home afterward, but it was so ridiculously uneven that I couldn't even be mad about it. It was just funny. So when I got home, I got my sharpest scissors and did my best to even them up. They aren't exact, but they are closer than they were before. I'm just glad I have a lot of hats to hide under until it's time to get my hair cut again. I could have gone back, but I was too tired, and I figure that it didn't matter anyways. Nobody looks at me!

5) I'm finally trying to learn to play the guitar! I hope I can learn anyway, because I've always wanted to be able to play, but I don't know if I will ever be very good. I can't wrap my brain around chord processions. I do know how to make an E, G, and C chord, but I can't seem to go from one to the other without stopping in between. I want to learn to play so badly!!!!!!!!!!! "I've got blisters on me fingers!"

6) I've finally gotten started on my steampunk costume for the Atlanta Steampunk in the Park event Steve and I are going to for Amy's birthday! I'm so excited!! So far, all I have is my hat, but honestly, my hat is awesome. My mom said it reminded her of "that guy who plays the piano and wears the funny glasses." I happen to think it's a cross between Slash, Richard Petty and Liberace.


Don't be alarmed about the corset. That is not a part of my costume. That is just what my duct tape dress form wears to cover its shame. I still have some sewing to do, but I think my costume will turn out nicely. I'm just excited to have a legitimate reason to wear a costume!

7) I hate my CPAP. I have yet to wake up with that "I've slept all night without suffocating" feeling that everyone promised me! In fact, I keep taking it off in my sleep, so I've got to figure out how to keep it on, even if I'm pulling on it while in Crazy Town. I'm not sure what happened last night, but I do remember waking up, standing by my bed and screaming that it was trying to smother me as I yanked it off of my face. So far, not so good! If I can't manage to keep it on, my doctor is going to have me strapped down like Hannibal Lechter.
FTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTHTH.

JUST CHECKING IN

I'm bored. I have been on a doctor imposed semi-quarantine (meaning that I haven't been anywhere where I have to sit in a room with people I like for longer than a few minutes) and except for an occasional run to Publix or Target, I've been at home. I'm starting to climb the walls.

I went back to the doc-in-a-box for my check up on Saturday, and they kept skipping me! I was the 4th one on the list when the place opened, and somehow they skipped my name and called back about 10 people before the lady behind the counter realized it. Steve said she kept looking up at me, and then got a panicked look on her face when she realized I hadn't been called back. I wanted to say something, but I was afraid they would think I was just being "difficult." They copped to it, though, so I can't be too mad. At least they apologized. The doc said I still wasn't well enough to be around people I didn't want to spread germs to, so back to the house I went.

I've been on the mend, and I really, really appreciate everyone who has checked up on me to see how I was doing. :) I'm much better now that I can almost breathe, but I'll be very glad to get to the end of my medicines. They make me feel all floopy. Big time floopy. One set of pills had me tripping balls. I don't exactly know what they were for, but the side effects listed said it would "give me the feeling of whirling." That was the truth. Every time I took it, I'd have to lay down and it was just like when I was little and used to spin and spin and then lie down and it would feel like the room was spinning. It also kept me from sleeping at night, even though I was practically narcoleptic during the day. I'm done with those. I'm also still taking some kind of red cough medicine that makes my skin crawl, makes me hear high pitched sounds in my ears, it makes me feel drunk and it makes my heart speed up fast fast fast sometimes. If I fall asleep after taking it, I wake up feeling like my insides are vibrating. I look at my hands to see if I were really shaking, but I don't seem to be shaking on the outside. I hope that isn't a bad side effect I should be concerned about.

Anyways, not much of interest has gone on other than trying to get better and not drive under when I'm dizzy. Fun stuff. At least I'm getting better! Yay!

UPDATE:

Well, it wasn't the CPAP machine after all.

After a concerned friend sent me a message telling me to go to the doctor (apparently, chest pressure can be a bad sign heart-wise) I decided to take his advice and visit the local doc-in-the-box. My breathing had gotten worse and my chest had started to hurt, so I hoped I wouldn't pass out in the waiting room or anything. Luckily, I was taken back surprisingly fast.

After a Stone Cold Steve Austin lookalike nurse took my vitals, I was poked, prodded, bled and x-rayed. Lots of fun, that. They ran some lab work and voila! I was diagnosed.

Turns out I have walking pneumonia. Nice, eh? That is why I can't breathe. It's not as bad as when Steve had pneumonia, but still...gross.

I was really not expecting to them find anything, so when the doctor came in and told me I said "SAY WHAT?!" She probably thought I was reacting strangely, but the only thing further from my mind was her telling me I had monkey-pox or something.

Now I have 4 lovely prescriptions to take, and I can't be around people when not necessary. I also need to be very careful who I spit on, because I can spread my filthy, filthy germs that way.

I am very, very grateful to have friends who care enough about me to scare the crap out of me, because otherwise I might have gotten much sicker and made a lot of other people sick too. :)

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) OK, you know what? This crap is for the birds. I can't freaking breathe. I'm not talking about at night anymore, I mean I can't breathe during the day. I think that the night I was in the sleep clinic, they overinflated me or something. Yeah, I know that probably gives you mental images of me being floated down the street like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon, but something is definitely wrong. Ever since that first night, I feel like my chest is all stretched out, and that no matter how much I breathe in, I'm never getting enough air. I pant when I'm just trying to talk, and I can't sing or do anything very strenuous without feeling like I'm going to pass out. My chest feels like something is sitting on it. It may just be that my chest muscles are getting used in a different way and that is why I feel the way I do, but it's scary. You guys know how I am about thinking that I can't breathe! For all I know, it's all in my head. It goes in spells, so sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I can't even talk because I can't get enough air. Boo, stupid lungs.

2) I found out that the marketing department of the Sprocket (ptooey) got chopped during the recent restructuring of the departments. That's kind of crazy, isn't it? Who'd ever heard of a wholesale firing of an entire department? Luckily, the guys in Graphics got to keep their jobs, but geez, I feel terrible for the people who were let go. Well, I feel terrible for most of them. I only feel kind of bad for the lady who fired me. That's all she gets.

3) I should hear from the place where I had the job interview in the next couple of days. If I get the job, I hope it's a good place to work and that the people are nice to work with. It's always scary going to a new place, but it helps when the people around you are likable. They seemed nice the day I interviewed. We'll see!

4) I have found a yummy thing by complete accident! I bought a canister of McCann's Irish Oatmeal the other day, thinking is was just regular oatmeal. I opened it and saw that it was just chopped up oats instead of the flakes I'm used to. I had to go online to make sure I didn't get a defective batch, but apparently steel cut oats look like that. They take forever to cook, but oh my goodness, it is totally worth the wait! It doesn't make mushy oatmeal like I'm used to. It's like eating risotto. It's creamy and chewy and it's so very good!!!! Add a spoonful of Lyles Golden Syrup (all of these things are available at Publix, so pick some up the next time you go) and some chopped nuts and it is easily some of the best breakfast I've had in a very long time. It's also filling and does some nifty work toward lowering cholesterol. They also have a quick cooking kind, and there are shortcuts to making the stuff, but seriously...yum-0!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) When is it best to trust your instincts? Without going into much detail (at least not right now) I had a very strange experience. I was speaking with a new acquaintance, a perfectly nice person who didn't do or say anything strange or anything, and I got the absolute most violent shiver of "I need to get the hell away, right now" feeling that I've had in years. Seriously, it frightened me. There I was, having a conversation, and I wanted to bolt. It wasn't like the claustrophobic feelings I sometimes get when I'm in a closed room, or in the center of a row of chairs, I'm used to that. This was...weird. I was fine one second, and the next, I felt like I was on fire. Literally, it was like the air around me started to shimmer like the air above a fire, I could feel it shake, and on top of that a voice in my head said "I don't want to be here. I want to go...NOW!" It was very specific, very intense, and it scared the hell out of me. I kept control of myself, but it happened two more times. I know how weird that sounds, and I'm not trying to say I had some psychic epiphany that the person I was talking to was a serial killer or anything, but it happened and it worries me. I suppose it could have been anything...some weird hormone surge, a reaction to the medication I had taken for my headache, stress from everything I had going on this week, alien mind control rays...I don't know. All I know is that there was no rational reason at all to feel the way I did, and now I have this sense of dread about seeing this person again. I can't just never speak to this person again either, that isn't an option. It isn't that I don't feel safe with them or think they'll hurt me or be mean to me or anything...it's just this intense feeling, as instinctive as pulling my hand away from a hot stove burner. I tried to explain it to my mother, and I'm fairly certain she thinks I'm crazy. It even sounds crazy to my own ears, but I can't deny the way I felt. I know, weird, right?

2) Speaking of stressful things, I had to go for another sleep study Tuesday night, and it was just as much fun as the last time I was there. This time I was being fitted with a CPAP machine and being tested as to what kind I was going to need. There was no denying that I was going to need one, unfortunately. The results of my last sleep study showed that I would stop breathing anywhere from 20 to 30 times every hour and my blood oxygen levels fell to 68%. To give you an idea where that falls on a scale, people who don't have hypoxia tend to have resting oxygen levels of about 98-100%. My sleep apnea has little to do with snoring and a lot to do with simply not breathing. I had the same technician as last time, which was good, and all the same wires glued to my head and face, which was not good. The only difference this time was that instead of that oxygen tube stuck up my nose, I had a mask vacuum sealed over my nose and a big hose leading to an air compressor. I slept horribly. The beds are so hard and uncomfortable, and I had (I think) 8 wires glued on my head, 8 on my face, 2 on my chest, one on my side, 4 on my legs and an oxygen reader clamped on my finger, which makes it hard to get into a comfortable position. The mask itself was cumbersome, but not as terrible as I thought it would be. It was nice to have air! I still didn't sleep much, though. The next morning, the tech told me that even with the machine, I hold my breath, so they tried a cycle on the machine that would blow air in puffs and then suddenly lower the pressure to force me to exhale. I remember that because it felt like they were sucking the air out of my lungs...I told them I'd rather hold my breath thankyouverymuch. In the end, the tech still didn't know what to do for me, but she said I really needed to have a CPAP to keep my O2 levels up, so I am now the proud owner of a mini air compressor and a mask to sleep in. I've named it HAL. If I can manage to keep it on even half of the night without pulling it off in my sleep, it will be a miracle.

3) Oooh, speaking of things I do in my sleep! Heehee! I have a strange habit of pulling off my socks in the night and stuffing them under my pillow. I don't know when this started, but I've been making the bed and found like, three pairs under my pillow at once. The other night, though, was the funniest. Apparently just stuffing them under my pillow isn't good enough anymore. I woke up holding my socks, and they were folded! I'm now folding laundry in my sleep. If I can just do dishes and go to the gym in my sleep, everything would be gravy!

4) The job interview went well! I think I could do the job fine. I'm not sure I'm the best fit for the position, though. It isn't that I couldn't do it and do it well, but it's not like anything I've done before, really. Well, at least it would be a lot different from what I was doing at the Sprocket (ptooey) but nothing I couldn't handle. We'll see. I don't know how I came across to the people I interviewed with...I felt all awkward and like I was not making sense! Of course, who doesn't feel that way during a job interview? The building where the office is located inside an old, historic mill and it is a really cool place. They kept the original floors and windows, so it's unusual, but still an interesting layout. I am slightly worried that personality wise, I wouldn't fit in there, though. It isn't that the people there are bad or that I'm so dynamic or anything like that, but I just felt like a square peg. Probably just because I don't know them well yet. Just another one of my "feelings" I guess! :) I'm supposed to hear back from them either by the end of this week or the beginning of the next, so I'll keep you guys posted.

5) My cousin Janice and her husband are on a cruise somewhere around Africa, and she's been sending a bunch of us pictures of the places she's been visiting! My traveling foot gets itchy every time she sends us a new batch of images!

I wish I were sleeping right now. I woke up at around 2:30 this morning, completely wide awake, with a mixture of nerves and a brain that won't shut off. The nerves part is because I have a job interview in a few hours! I haven't really spoken about it here because, well...it sort of just sneaked up on me.

I actually got a request for a phone interview while I was in Disney World. I was slowly inching my way through my email on Steve's iPhone when I saw an email address I didn't recognize. I almost deleted it, because it was about a job I didn't remember applying for and I was afraid it was one of those "You signed up for a job search site, so we'll send you periodic updates about a thousand jobs that are absolutely not what you are looking for!" I actually get those already. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that it was a response to a resume I sent out semi-blind. I found out that some smaller businesses will sometimes post job listings on sites, but not list their business name so that they don't get blasted with calls and resumes. I had no idea where I was applying to when I sent in my resume...which is why the name of the company didn't sound familiar.

Anyway, I had my phone interview and in a few hours I have an "in-person" interview. I'm not sure why I'm nervous! I mean, sure, I can understand being a little apprehensive since it's a totally new thing...but I'm not placing all my eggs in this basket or anything. If I get the job, yay, but if I don't I won't be devastated. I've prayed about it, and I know I'll be steered into the right direction one way or the other. I'm not the only person vying for this job, and I may not be the best fit, which I've accepted.

So why am I awake at this hour when I should be getting my beauty sleep?

Honestly? I'm afraid of embarrassing myself! I did fine on the phone interview, at least I assume so since he wanted to meet me in person, but when I get nervous, I get weird. I'm afraid I'll be too...Kelly. Not the good kind of Kelly, but the "Oh, Lord, I just said something inappropriate about zombies or latex fetishes and I don't know why" Kelly. Seriously, that happens to me sometimes. It happens before I can stop it! It's like that scene in Austin Powers where the unfreezing process temporarily disables his ability for inner monologue.

I'm also worried that my portfolio isn't going to be extensive enough. I should have been adding files to it the whole time I worked at the Sprocket (ptooey) but since I had no intentions of leaving there at the time, it didn't really seem important! They were all there at my fingertips at the time, so I figured I'd have them whenever I needed them. Then, of course, my Mac succumbs to a power surge and a lot of my files get deleted or borked because of program issues. I even emailed my former boss and begged for files, which he didn't send to me because he was too busy. In my eyes, my portfolio looks anorexic and doesn't completely display my abilities, but it's all I've got. At least I got a chance to explain that to the man who interviewed me. I hope he believed me! If not, I'll take them on a tour through the Sprocket (ptooey) and point things out. Oy.

What if I get stuck in traffic or something and I'm late?! What if I fall down, or accidentally knock things over? What if I'm standing near a giant, artificial floral arrangement and I somehow get my purse strap tangled in it and when I walk away from it, I wind up dragging it across the lobby with me? What if I make an offhand and completely innocuous, albeit inappropriate, remark about Russian amputees and then find out the senior artist's name is Boris Kalashnikov and he has a wooden leg?!

I have a new outfit that is so conservative and "corporate" that I'm afraid I'm going to feel like I'm in a costume.

I guess that is why I'm nervous. It doesn't make sense, I know. Pray for me.

DISNEY: WITH A VENGEANCE

Some of you may be wondering why I've written extensively about our trip to Disney World, and have yet to actually mention going into the parks, right? Well...you guys must me new here.

It is no big secret that I am not a big fan of Disney World, or hell, Disney in general. I know, I know, it's the happiest frickin' place on earth. When you are there, you puke rainbows and sneeze fluffy kittens (at least that is what their marketing department wants you to believe.) I honestly and truly wish I was as in love with the place as Steve is, because I'd be very glad to share that experience with him, but I simply don't feel that way. It makes me feel terribly ungrateful for the opportunity to go there, when there are easily thousands of people who'd love to be in my place. I know that I am very lucky to be able to visit a place that is so important to Steve and literally millions of other people. The place just does very little for me. I actually had a moment of looking around and thinking about the whole situation, and it made me feel bad. Here I was, surrounded by thousands of people who were peeing their pants in excitement, drinking the kool-aid, and I was not understanding the joy. It's an amusement park, albeit a top notch one, but still, an amusement park. Nothing in it is real. It's a big, shiny, elaborate, well run, beautifully detailed movie set that empties into a gift shop. As much as I want to, I just don't get the attraction at all.

Don't misunderstand me, I really enjoyed our vacation. I really did! I enjoyed the traveling, the shopping, the food and even some parts of the parks are things I like to do. Steve and I had a good time! I didn't have a bad time in any way. I want to make that very clear.

Animal Kingdom is lovely, and I liked seeing the animals. The Everest ride is fun, and there is a safari ride where you get to see all kinds of things living in a more or less natural habitat. True, I was almost decapitated by a flock of long beaked birds, but heck, that could happen anywhere! :) It also rained the day we were there, although we didn't get too wet. The worst part was that my jeans got wet at the ankles from being dragged through puddles, but that happens no matter where I go, if it rains.

Epcot is probably my favorite of all of the parks. I love the scientific stuff and the aquarium (which has manatees, and manatees just make me happy in general.) I also enjoy the World Showcase, because A) that's probably as close to world traveling as I'll get for the most part and B) shopping! It never fails that shopping in "France" always makes me feel like I'm being judged, though.

We didn't spend much time in Hollywood Studios this time since there wasn't a whole lot we were interested in doing. I was going to try the American Idol thing this time, but, honestly...no. Steve told me I should, but it would have taken way too long and neither of us wanted to be stuck there all day just doing one thing. We did see the Indiana Jones stunt show, and a very cute baby sitting in front of us found me quite fascinating. I think babies can see my halo... ; ) We also rode the Tower of Terror, which was actually a lot of fun. I wish we hadn't been stuck in there with a bunch of screaming teenage girls, but almost anywhere you go in Disney World, you get stuck somewhere with screaming teenage girls. It's just a fact.

The Magic Kingdom is Steve's favorite park, and my least favorite. It's just too...cute. Too happy (dopey, sneezy, sleepy, bashful, grumpy & doc) for my tastes. I do love how they pay such attention to detail, though. Everything is just so, and perfect down to the last detail. I did have a bad moment in "It's a Small World" when I started feeling like I was hallucinating. It might have had something to do with not getting very much sleep, but the robot children were WATCHING ME. They want to eat my heart so that they can stay young forever. People think I'm exaggerating about that place scaring me, but I'm not. I get cold chills. Ugh.

Anyways, I used to think I hated the place, but I realized on this trip that I don't hate it at all. I nothing it. Seriously, I have an overwhelming sense of MEH about the place. I mean, some of it is nice, obviously, and some of it is actually fun. As a whole, though, it's like eating a bowl of brightly colored, bland vanilla ice cream. Not the awesome Ben & Jerry's World's Best Vanilla, though. More like a big bowl of McDonald's vanilla soft serve that constantly tells you that all your dreams will come true. The faster it gets shoveled in, the less you taste it and the more likely you are to walk away with a headache and slight nausea. Nothing is real about the place; nothing changes. There isn't one square inch of the place where something might happen that hasn't been experienced by someone before. There are no little discoveries you can make, no places that haven't been worn smooth by a billion other footsteps, no place were any one-of-a-kind memories can be made. It's like a giant pair of bowling shoes: countless others before and after you will wear them. Only these shoes will never wear out. They are eternal. ETERNAL BOWLING SHOES, Y'ALL!!!!!!!

*pant pant pant pant*

Here is the thing: I wish everyone could go to Disney World at least once, just to experience it. If they love it, awesome. If they love it I hope they go back a thousand times and get married there and take their children there (even though the kids will get very little out of it until they are old enough not to be in strollers) and go on second honeymoons there and die on the Disney golf courses when they are old and gray and tired of living and then get their cremains sprinkled over Cinderella's Freaking Castle. That is my wish for the people who love it.

As for me...I don't love it. I've been there before and I'll probably go back again because Steve loves it, and I'm happy to make him happy by going back. However, please don't ever expect me to jump on the Disney bandwagon. It will not happen. Unless they pay me a lot. Because I can be bought. ; )

So, there you go! That is how my trip to Disney World went! Hooray!

*Cue Tinkerbell and her sparkly butt to fly around my blog and blow it up with fairy dust*

Poof!

DISNEY VACATION: HERE IS WHERE I TALK ABOUT THE FOOD

Heh.

Anyways, so where was I?

OM NOM NOM

It doesn't take a very astute person to realize that I enjoy food. Anyone can look at me and know that! :) There are some really fantastic restaurants in the Disney World complex, and by the time we left there, I felt like I had eaten at all of them. We had the dining plan, which I recommend if you take a trip to Disney, that allowed us to get reservations at a lot of very nice places, Places certainly much nicer than we would go to at home. It's funny, but I don't think I've ever been as aware of how often we eat as I was on this trip. It was probably because we had reservations all over the darn place and we had to jump on the Monorail and travel to where we were eating. We don't eat out that much at home anymore, so I guess that's why it seems like we were constantly eating! Heck, I didn't mind, since I wasn't the one cooking! :)

We ate at a place called Yak & Yeti, which served neither yak nor yeti as far as I know. I wish I could be more specific about the kind of food it was, but all I know was that it was in the Asia part of Animal Kingdom. The food was great, and I even ate snow peas! Crunchy snow peas (the thought of them at this point makes me kind of gaggish because of the texture, but they tasted fine.) The waitress asked us if we had run the marathon (apparently, there is a Disney marathon...who knew?) and Steve and I just laughed. Honestly, do either of us look like we could run to the end of a driveway, much less a whole marathon? Heehee. That night, we got dressed up-ish because we had a reservation at The California Grill, which was on the 15th floor of our hotel. It's a great place to go during the evening when the Magic Kingdom has it's fireworks show, so we got to see them up close and personal (although, not as clearly as we would have liked.) I was really afraid that I was under dressed for this place, because it was a lovely, classy restaurant, so I was a little self conscious. However, I felt much better when I saw the lady in cut off sweat-pants come in. They even have a sign that says that you can't wear your swim-suit to dinner, so...yeah. I didn't need to worry I was under dressed! Also, and I say this as someone who doesn't have children and who probably doesn't understand the fine details of parenting, but if you take your children to a nice restaurant...teach them some damn manners and don't let them wallow in the floor. Seriously, I get that kids don't sit still and eat like adults do, and I get that when your on vacation a lot of your regular rules go out the window, but please...as a person who has to share a restaurant with you on occasion, I don't want your children crawling under my table or throwing stuff that could get on me, or shoving me out of the way so they can get to the window I'm sitting near. Your children need to be taken care of, even if you're on vacation, OK? Please do so. Chef Mickey's was just down-stairs. If your kid can't keep from acting like a feral cat, take them downstairs and let them climb on a giant mouse. And stay off my lawn.

The next night, we ate at The San Angel Inn, in Epcot. It's our traditional Epcot restaurant located in "Mexico." I love the interior of the building, which is made to look like an outdoor market place at twilight. The food is very good, if not something I'd eat very often. Also, it was the first time I'd ever eaten a churro. I'd go back to Disney World just for the churros, man. It's even fun to say: Churrrrrrrrro.

Wednesday night we ate at 'Ohana, which is located in the Polynesian Resort. It is Hawaiian, of course, if you couldn't tell by the name. I'd never eaten Hawaiian food before, and they do a fine job at preparing it! At least I think so. It could have been terrible as far as Hawaiian food goes, but since I'd never had any... I was impressed. :) It's kind of a family style place and I swear that they bring you more food than it is physically possible for two people to eat. They had the most delicious bread I'd ever eaten, and I was told they'd e-mail me the recipe if I requested it, which I did. I'M STILL WAITING, 'OHANA. They also had great salad dressing, for which I found the recipe online. Hey, anything that makes it easier for me to eat veggies is a-OK with me. You should give it a try. I made it when we got home and it tasted just as good! My only problem with this otherwise fine establishment was the entertainment, and I feel kind of bad about that. Honestly, the entertainment was strictly for the children, probably so the parents could eat in peace. It wasn't the fact that it was for children that bothered me. The kids were even kind of cute when they'd follow the lady around doing the "hang loose" thing with their hands, it was the lady singing. It wasn't even really her voice, because she had a lovely voice. It probably wouldn't have bothered me if they didn't pipe her singing, loudly, over your table. She was actually Hawaiian, and she played a ukulele, and dear Lord...it was loud. It was also very cheerful. Very, very, cheerful. Creepy cheerful. It is my firm belief that this lady goes home and kills puppies or something to counterbalance the cheerfulness of her job. I don't see how she can stay sane otherwise. There isn't a way I can explain how she sounded just by writing, so you'll just have to take my word for it, Cousin.

Later on in the week, we also ate at Kona Cafe, which is another Hawaiian restaurant in that resort. The steak...OMG, the steak. We also had some rather annoying people sitting next to us. Some very loud, very "New Yawk," kind of people who apparently had become so annoying that you could see it on their waiter's face. If you can make a Disney employee look like that, you must be awful! :)

The last full service place we went to was The Crystal Palace, which is inside Magic Kingdom. I don't even know if you can call it a full service place, since it was a buffet, but the food was great! Our waiter looked so much like my old Agribusiness teacher that I almost called him Mr. Harris! He was very cheerful, but not 'Ohana singer cheerful, so I was OK with that. The place was packed, PACKED, with people. It was one of those places where the people in Animal suits come in and interact with the kids while they eat. I hate those things. I mean, for the children, it's OK. What kid wouldn't love a real-life Tigger or Pooh to hug and whatever. Me? They heeb me out. I've worn a similar costume before. I know that there is a person inside of those things, and I know that THEY know I'm an adult and don't need their germy costumes that some kid has wiped their nose on, coming near my food. I swore I'd punch the first mascot that came near me right in the solar plexus. Luckily, Piglet was only able to get to Steve since I was on the far side of the table, so he/she didn't touch me. I can be gracious to the person trapped inside if all I have to do is wave to them. :) I found a recipe for the best thing in that place that I ate, and I sincerely think you need to make it. I'm not kidding, it was awesome. I even went back to get more for dessert, and I chose it over all of the chocolate stuff AND it wasn't even sweet, so you know it had to be good.

So, there you go! I kind of hate that such a long post was dedicated to just food, but it was such a big part of the experience I felt I needed to share. :)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Well, I'm back!

As some of you may already know, Steve and I went on a week long vacation to Florida. Orlando, Florida to be specific. You probably don't even have to guess what we did while we were there, do you? Probably not. However, for the three international visitors who will somehow find this blog by accident and go to the trouble to read it in hopes that it will help them practice their English skills, I'll clarify: we went to Disney World.

Whee.

Usually, when I go on vacation, I blog about my experiences along the way! That's so I don't forget anything that happened. However, I couldn't do that this time because we didn't take a computer along with us. We had the iPad, but since the resort didn't offer a wireless network, we couldn't use it to get online. The closest we had to an Internet connection we could use was Steve's iPhone, and I'm fairly certain I would have gone blind trying to type long entries into a device only slightly larger than a pack of playing cards. So I will just have to give you what I remember!

HOLIDAY ROAD

The flight down to Orlando was nice because a) AirTran has a direct flight from Huntsville to Orlando! Woot! I was so glad, because I hate the Atlanta airport with the heat of a thousand suns. Also, b) we were able to upgrade our seats to business class*, which held the untold comfort of actual leg room. *Yes, I know first class may be better than business class, but dammit, it was as close as we could get!

Since we had done a very similar trip recently, in 2009, we already knew where to go and what to do. We got checked into the Contemporary Resort fairly quickly and easily, which was way better than last time. The hotel was lovely, really! I mean, it looked a little bit dated as far as decor, but it was still really nice. It was also nice to have a monorail station right outside of our room. You could just walk downstairs and jump on the train! It was much better than having to ride the bus!

SUNSHINE DAY

The weather was gorgeous. I was so glad to have missed the snow up here, and the temperature the day we arrived was about 78 degrees. Even so...I saw people walking out of the building wearing parkas. PARKAS! Seriously, how hot does your home country have to be for you to need a parka in 78 degree weather? Geez-Louise. It really only got cold one day, and even that was not so bad. I mean, it got uncomfortable if the wind blew on you too much, but it was probably in the low forties or something. I, at least, had the wherewithal to wear long pants, so I was better off than a lot of other people who only had summer clothes. How hard is it to look at a 10 day forecast online, people? Even Florida has cold weather occasionally. Also, just FYI, Disney will price gouge their gloves if an unexpected cold snap happens. $9.99 for a pair of 50 cent gloves? Fughettaboutit.

WELL-A BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD

If there was one continuing theme to the week, it was that we spent an unusual amount of time dodging birds and bird poop. I'm not kidding even in the least about that. It all started on Monday while we were in Animal Kingdom. There were these white birds with LONG curved beaks that kinds of hang out everywhere down there. I don't think they were even part of any kind of exhibit or anything, they were just there. Everything was fine until one of them tried to kill me. OK, maybe that is an exaggeration, but you know what? I didn't see anyone else getting buzz-bombed by these birds. It was like they waited for me to walk by and they'd take off straight towards my head. Then they'd follow me with their eyes...black eyes...like doll's eyes... Ugh. We also had birds getting into the hotel through the monorail openings. By the last day we were there, so many sparrows were begging for food in the food court area that Steve literally had to dodge a bird while he was eating breakfast. I thought I'd choke, I was laughing so hard. I was sitting with my back to the majority of the restaurant, and he got this panicked look on his face, and then *SWOOP* a sparrow flew right at him. He looked terrified. It was so, so funny! The worst, the very worst thing, though, was the morning we heard this WHUMP on the balcony door. I was in the dressing room when Steve heard it and told me to come and look. Somehow, a rock hard bread roll landed on our balcony. We have no idea how it got there, because we were on the 7th floor and didn't think anyone could have thrown it up, so it probably slipped from an upper story. Anyways, with that hunk of bread, birds arrived. It was a sea gull and a couple of smaller birds at first. I thought they were cute, so I threw out a couple of pretzels so that they could all have some food. Unfortunately, that triggered some kind of "SUCKER" signal and our balcony was attacked from all sides by birds. Not only did they attack, they... and honestly, there is no delicate, southern-lady way to say this... but they shat all over our balcony. It was like some kind of poop war was going on and there was only a thin panel of glass between Steve and I, and a literal shit-storm. I've never seen anything like it. They were like some feathered version of the Luftwaffe and our balcony was Poland. Disgusting. I managed to go out and pick up the roll and throw it as far as I could away from the hotel, which got rid of the birds. I was trying to throw it to the roof of the convention center down below us, but I don't know where it landed because I ran back inside and hid out of fear that we'd get thrown out of the hotel because I was throwing stuff off of the balcony. After that, the lovely balcony where we had spent so many evenings watching the fireworks was completely unusable. Bleh.

***MORE TO COME***