1) Y'all, I can't focus on anything these days. I'm sure it's the medication that I'm on, or at least it isn't helping things. I started writing something three weeks ago and never finished it, so I'm starting all over on something new. I don't like having the attention span on a chipmunk, but here we are.
2) Earlier this month, Steve and I went to Nerd Con, which is a small sci-fi/pop culture convention held at our local library. Our friend Anthony works there and he's on the board for the event, so we like to go and support him. We didn't stay long, but it was fun.
There was a woman there who is amazing at cosplay. She has very elaborate costumes that she makes herself, and she's been to several similar events in town before. It's all very impressive. She also had a booth where she sold things that she makes. In particular, she had some sci-fi themed fascinators (which are fancy hair pins with big flowers and such.) The lady in question happened to be dressed as a female Loki (from the Thor movies) and her costume was heavily corseted and, um.... very revealing in her upper mountainous region, if you get my drift. Like, she had some "huge tracts if land" and a great deal of that land was on display. I didn't realize any of this until I stopped at her booth and asked about her hair pins, so she took one off of the display and started showing me how to wear it. She held it up to her hair and then said "Or you could pin it on your dress" and began showing me all of the different places on her neckline where a flower pin might go. Now, I can appreciate huge tracts of land as much as anyone, but I don't need an in depth tour of all of it. She spent so much time pinning that thing on different parts of her chest that I was stuck between being uncomfortable for staring, and not wanting to be rude and look away while she was talking to me. There was one moment where I almost wanted to say "Your eyes are up there! Your eyes are up there!"
It didn't occur to me until much later that perhaps the lingering tour of her neckline was done for my benefit, and while I appreciate the thought, that kind of thing doesn't sway me one way or the other about buying things. Boobs hold no power over me! I have my own considerable weapons in that battle! And no, in the end I didn't buy a fascinator. I'd never have been able to put it in my hair without wondering if it had been in her cleavage.
3) We had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year! As usual, we traveled to Georgia to spend time with Steve's family. There was a lot of cooking, a lot of laughing, and more napping than I probably should have done, but it was nice. I managed to stay off of my phone/iPad/computer more than I have in a really long time, so that was weird. All in all, it was a good trip and I hope we have a lot more of them still left to go. I'm incredibly lucky that the family I married into loves me so much, and that they are the kind of people I can love in return.
Steve had a business trip immediately following our visit over there, so Mr. Lee and I dropped him off at the airport in Atlanta (I hate that airport. I HATE IT!) and then we drove home together. We listed to Fox News (oy) part of the way home, and then we found a station on satellite radio that played old 1940's radio shows, so we listened to that the rest of the way. We didn't talk much, but that's OK! Comfortable silences are sometimes a blessing.
4) I had something called Bulletproof Coffee this morning. I've heard about it before, but I'd never seen it in ready made bottles, so I bought a couple of them to see what it was like. I'm not certain what the deal with bulletproof coffee is, except that instead of milk or cream, it has butter and coconut oil in it and it's supposed to be very smooth and make you less jittery than regular coffee, while still giving you an energy boost from the caffeine. According to their website it's supposed to give you energy from high quality fats instead of sugar. I don't know, it just sounded cool, so I got some. It didn't taste bad at all, but y'all...it was thick and very creamy, but not exactly in the most pleasant way. It was a little like drinking some kind of coffee flavored gravy, and although that sounds gross, it wasn't gross. However it was oily and it made me very sick to my stomach. Out of the 11 oz. that the container held, I was only able to drink about 5 oz before my body refused to take any more of it. I do have energy somewhat akin of a caffeine high, but I'm not shaking, so that's good. I have another bottle at home. I think I'll portion it out and see if that helps. It was expensive, so I'm going to finish it no matter what. Right now, though, I'm not looking forward to it. Bleck.
5) OK, and update of my medicine, since I mentioned it above. I'm doing ok, although I can defiantly tell a difference in how I feel and think. I will say this first: the panic attacks haven't been as bad, although I'm still having them almost every morning. Well, let me rephrase, I still have the physical symptoms of the panic attacks (some days worse than others) but my brain hasn't been latching on to that feeling and sending me full throttle into mental panic mode as often. Instead of thinking of the worst possible thing and worrying it to death, I manage to reroute those kind of thoughts into a different direction. I appreciate that. However, along with the inability to focus on anything longer than 45 minutes or so, I can tell my Give-A-Damn is broken. There are things and people I am very invested in, and I find myself forgetting about all of that stuff from time to time. I really, really don't want to forget about any of them, but sometimes my brain goes into white-noise mode and I find myself not thinking of anything for stretches of time. I think that's why I like being on my iPad so much, because it gives me something to engage with. I also have zero motivation to do anything, which is bad. I still don't want to get out of bed, or go many places, or do anything most of the time, so I have to force myself to do all of these things. I don't like that, but it's like the part of my brain that contained my "get up and go" has gotten up and left without me. This doesn't help the gaining weight part, either. I'm still doing that, which sucks. Mostly I feel ok, but I'm so tired all of the time and if I sit still too long I'll go to sleep. It's all very strange, but I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and hopefully she will adjust what needs to be adjusted and I can go back to being a real girl again. Stupid anxiety disorder. Stupid medicine. Stupid brain. Just keep your fingers crossed for me!
6) Ooh! I finished a whole blog post in one sitting! Maybe there is something to this bulletproof coffee after all! :)
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