MORE RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Have you ever had a moment of realization that kind of slapped you in the face? I did, and I'm panicking a bit.

You know how we all have secrets, right?  Some are just dumb things we are embarrassed about and some are, well, more secrety than others? 

Usually I'm pretty transparent about myself, because I'm not so interesting that I have things to hide, but there are a couple of things that I don't talk about, ever, to anyone.  Usually.  I have one such secret, and what it is isn't important, just know that it's something I hold close and dear and it's mine.  I don't talk about it. Nothing bad, or scary, or anything like that, just a stupid little secret that I keep close, but if anyone else knew, it would...well, it would be complicated.  For a while now, I've known for a fact that one person knows it, but it's because she can read me like a book.  She's had the good grace never to mention it straight out, but I know she knows because she knows everything about me.  I felt pretty confident that she was the only one who did know and I was fine with it because she wouldn't tell anyone. I trust her implicitly.

Then I remembered.

About eight or nine years ago, in a moment of what I can only remember as desperation (and I don't remember what brought it on) I happened to tell someone, like...outright...what that secret was. I know that it was germane to whatever was going on, but I don't know why I told this person. It wasn't even a person I know very well, but I assume that I was in a fairly vulnerable state, which breeds confidences like that. I mean, we're friends and all, but not...you know...FRIENDS. I know that it made them look at me differently. Once whatever crisis passed, I completely forgot about telling them until recently. There's nothing I can do about it now, but I have regret!  I don't know what I was thinking.  This person will probably never tell anyone my dumb little secret, but I have no way of knowing that. Their spouse knows me and what if they told them?  I mean, it's been however many years and they haven't said anything, and they seem to be a decent sort of person, but what if I make them mad?!  I've been in a low grade fever of discomfort since I remembered.  I need to shut up.  I especially need to shut up when I'm in emotional turmoil.

I don't even know why I'm telling you this now.  GAH!

2) Last week I mentioned that I'd be missing my weight loss class because I needed a break from it.

I skipped it!  I stayed at work and finished some of the stuff that had been backing up and I felt better about things in general because that was one less thing that I had to deal with that week. Steve was supposed to go and pick up our supplies from them the next day so that I wouldn't even have to do that, but he didn't.  He got caught up at work and asked me to go by and get them. Dangit. I agreed, because usually, if you have to pick anything up late, it is left on a desk in the front of the office and you don't have to talk to anyone.

Wellllll, our stuff wasn't there, and so I had to go back and talk to the lady who puts together our packages.  She had forgotten about us, so she told me to wait a few minutes and she'd get us sorted. While I was waiting, the behaviorist came by and saw me and  I ended up getting weighed AND lectured!!!!!!!  Everything I purposefully avoided the day before happened anyway!  This is all the proof I need that I have no control over my destiny. Someone that does not like me much is in control of my schedule now.  I will be weighed, measured, and found too heavy every time. :(

3) I've been cleaning out my closet lately and you know what I realized? When I make special plans to do something (and by special plans I mean plans that are out of my normal, everyday deal, and possibly with people I don't see very often) I will sometimes buy new clothes to wear that day. Its a weird thing, I know, but I like to look nice and/or appropriate so these nice people don't find out that I am normally a huge slob! Haha! Anyways, since I've had to start weeding clothes out of my closet, I've found a LOT of clothes that I bought for specific plans that ended up getting cancelled.  Like, a lot.  It's not a big deal, of course, because every cancelled plan means one less day of wearing pants, but I could remember what most of the outfits were for and it made me sad that they never happened. Why do we, as adults, cancel plans so much?  We are going to die sooner than later! We should take more time to see our friends. I ended up having to get rid of some stuff I never even got a chance to wear.  Eh, well...Silver Lining...maybe someone else can wear them for their own special plans AND they'll be able to buy the clothes for cheap at Goodwill!  Maybe I made someone's day!

4) OK, just so you don't think I'm in a complete funk (I'm not. I'm just...slightly blue, I guess. Sorry.) I have started a project and have been having a lot of fun with it!  I have been building models!  Not like, cars or anything like that, but model houses.  Well, model rooms, to be specific.  I happened to find some videos on YouTube of some Japanese model builders, and I enjoy watching them because I find them restful.  I thought the kits were only available in Japan, but as it turns out, you can buy them on Amazon!  They are very detailed and complex, and some of them are wired with lights. I'm currently building this one.  It's all made out of paper, balsa wood, beads and wires and bits of plastic.  When I worked at the SpRocket (ptooey) I used to build doll houses and miniature things out of scraps leftover from signs when things got slow, and it reminds me of that, only the kits come with everything you need.  I HAVE discovered that I'm not really great at following directions! Haha! I wanted to finish the structure before I made the details, so I would have a place to put everything, but you have to build some parts to put on other parts, and the directions for each thing you build are in no particular order in the booklet, so I keep having to pull things apart and reglue other things to make them right.  One whole wall I glued in backwards, and the "windows" are spotted with glue and on the wrong side of the wood, but I'll just put that part against the wall when I set it up!  I also accidentally cut through some of the paper patterns because I didn't know the paper was folded in half! Oops.  I did manage to wire the lighting in correctly, which I'm quite proud of!  It works!  It's slow going, though, because each thing has to be assembled individually, but I'm having a lot of fun and it gives me something to do with my hands. I'm already excited about building another one when I'm done with this. I've missed making things.

5) I hope you're having a great day, by the way. I really do. :)