#6

Everything feels like it's happening all at once and I don't like it!

Do you remember (if you're a returning reader, that is) how I said I wasn't feeling the holidays? 

I wasn't. I never did.

But, y'all, I tried. I tried to get into the spirit! I bought 4 little plastic trees, Christmas cards, and planned a work party where we all wore pajamas and watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas. We went on a Christmas Train trip and sang Christmas songs and all of that stuff. I tried.

It never worked!

I never got into the spirit because I felt like I didn't have time to enjoy anything. It literally felt like Thanksgiving happened and then December came and collapsed in on itself like a wet napkin and everything happened all at once, and I never got a second to think about or pay attention to anything. There were two days (literally two days) where I had a little bit of time after work, and I was so paralyzed by the amount of stuff that had to be done that I couldn't force myself to actually do any of it! 

Has that ever happened to you? You just look out and see all of the things that have to be done, and your brain gets completely overwhelmed and says "Nope!" and you just sit there and stare into space and feel like a failure because a million pounds of obligation "bricks" are sitting on your chest and it's pinning you down and you can't move or breathe, but you're kind of OK with it because you know if you tried to actually accomplish any of those things you have to do you'd just end up crying and hiding under a bed?

Just me? 

I sat and looked at the Christmas cards, but never even took them out of the plastic. Thankfully when I ordered them, I didn't put the year on them, so I can use them next year.  We received Christmas cards from other people, but I didn't get to open them until the 23rd. I managed to make myself do almost everything that needed to be done in the two days leading up to Christmas because I didn't have a choice. Cleaning, baking, wrapping gifts...I also hung up one garland. We had Mr. Lee over for dinner on Christmas Eve and we spent Christmas Day afternoon with my family and even though I love all of them and was glad to spend time with them, all I could think of the whole time is how I wish it could be over/I could go home and go to bed. I still feel that way. Zero joy. Only tired. No bah humbugs or anything like that, just no time to think or breathe or enjoy anything. It was like someone loaded a slingshot with December and fired it at my face where it hit me all at once.

Thank God I didn't have to travel to visit anyone, because if I'd had one more thing to do I might have thrown myself off of a cliff.

So I hope your Holidays were better than that. I hope you had fun and enjoyed your family and friends and food and all of those things and got to take a minute to look around and enjoy the moment. 

I've got my fingers crossed for next year!