What Now

I wish I were sleeping right now. I woke up at around 2:30 this morning, completely wide awake, with a mixture of nerves and a brain that won't shut off. The nerves part is because I have a job interview in a few hours! I haven't really spoken about it here because, well...it sort of just sneaked up on me.

I actually got a request for a phone interview while I was in Disney World. I was slowly inching my way through my email on Steve's iPhone when I saw an email address I didn't recognize. I almost deleted it, because it was about a job I didn't remember applying for and I was afraid it was one of those "You signed up for a job search site, so we'll send you periodic updates about a thousand jobs that are absolutely not what you are looking for!" I actually get those already. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that it was a response to a resume I sent out semi-blind. I found out that some smaller businesses will sometimes post job listings on sites, but not list their business name so that they don't get blasted with calls and resumes. I had no idea where I was applying to when I sent in my resume...which is why the name of the company didn't sound familiar.

Anyway, I had my phone interview and in a few hours I have an "in-person" interview. I'm not sure why I'm nervous! I mean, sure, I can understand being a little apprehensive since it's a totally new thing...but I'm not placing all my eggs in this basket or anything. If I get the job, yay, but if I don't I won't be devastated. I've prayed about it, and I know I'll be steered into the right direction one way or the other. I'm not the only person vying for this job, and I may not be the best fit, which I've accepted.

So why am I awake at this hour when I should be getting my beauty sleep?

Honestly? I'm afraid of embarrassing myself! I did fine on the phone interview, at least I assume so since he wanted to meet me in person, but when I get nervous, I get weird. I'm afraid I'll be too...Kelly. Not the good kind of Kelly, but the "Oh, Lord, I just said something inappropriate about zombies or latex fetishes and I don't know why" Kelly. Seriously, that happens to me sometimes. It happens before I can stop it! It's like that scene in Austin Powers where the unfreezing process temporarily disables his ability for inner monologue.

I'm also worried that my portfolio isn't going to be extensive enough. I should have been adding files to it the whole time I worked at the Sprocket (ptooey) but since I had no intentions of leaving there at the time, it didn't really seem important! They were all there at my fingertips at the time, so I figured I'd have them whenever I needed them. Then, of course, my Mac succumbs to a power surge and a lot of my files get deleted or borked because of program issues. I even emailed my former boss and begged for files, which he didn't send to me because he was too busy. In my eyes, my portfolio looks anorexic and doesn't completely display my abilities, but it's all I've got. At least I got a chance to explain that to the man who interviewed me. I hope he believed me! If not, I'll take them on a tour through the Sprocket (ptooey) and point things out. Oy.

What if I get stuck in traffic or something and I'm late?! What if I fall down, or accidentally knock things over? What if I'm standing near a giant, artificial floral arrangement and I somehow get my purse strap tangled in it and when I walk away from it, I wind up dragging it across the lobby with me? What if I make an offhand and completely innocuous, albeit inappropriate, remark about Russian amputees and then find out the senior artist's name is Boris Kalashnikov and he has a wooden leg?!

I have a new outfit that is so conservative and "corporate" that I'm afraid I'm going to feel like I'm in a costume.

I guess that is why I'm nervous. It doesn't make sense, I know. Pray for me.