Sunday, July 17, 2011


1) Hola, y'all!  I'm writing today from the den in my mother's house.  My sister and I spent the weekend staying with my brother while mom and her husband went on a romantical vacation to Atlanta to watch baseball.  To each their own, I suppose. :)  Angie stayed Friday night and I stayed on Saturday, and so far, Tommy is still alive.  Yay!  Steve had to come and help me lift him into bed last night, because I have little to no upper body strength, and Tommy is a big dude.  I mean, I could still take him in a fight if I had to...but only if I got in a few punches before he pulled me down and hugged conscious thought out of me.  Heh.  I've learned over the years to avoid the "hug o' death" but sometimes he can get me when I'm not looking.  :)

I hope he's not traumatized after spending the weekend with us.  I think we make more noise than he's used to, because he seems really jumpy when we're around.  He's probably still suffering from PTSD from when we were kids.  Angie and I showed him no mercy as children, and I think he has 'Nam-like flashbacks.  Oops.

The thing I worry about when I'm here is that I'm going to hurt him somehow.  I know little to nothing about taking care of him, and what I do know how to do, I'm awfully clumsy. The last thing I'd want is to do him any harm, but since he can't say anything, I never know if what I'm doing is right.  I'm sure he's just used to my mom, who is truly a superwoman for taking such good care of him all the time.  If I can learn to be half as good as her at taking care of him, I'll be lucky.  She's awesome!  Don't tell her I said so, though, or she'll get cocky.  Heehee! Hopefully, he won't get too mangled before she gets back.

2) Speaking of staying at mom's house: It's spooky!  I know most of it is because I'm not used to being here at night, but there are so many weird sounds I'm not used to.  Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, everything was quiet.  Suddenly, I heard a sharp hissing noise!  I almost swallowed my tongue.  I had no idea where a suitable weapon could be located, and I didn't know if the ceiling fan could hold my weight, if - in fact- I had to jump up and cling to it Scooby-Doo-Style to get away from what could only have been a large, angry snake, or a Comodo dragon that mom and Grant keep stashed under the bed and had forgotten to tell me about.  I came within an ace of fleeing into the street before I realized it was the infernal automatic air fresheners that she has in almost every room.  Apparently, they are motion triggered, and when I flipped on the light, the sensor went off.  I hate those things. Worse, they blend in with the decor, so I had to look for them, and even when I found them, I couldn't figure out how to turn them off.  Stupid, hissing air fresheners.  Also, I've been listening to a true crime audio novel about the Zodiac killer, and that might have been a teensy part of why I was so jumpy. My mom will never know how close she came to getting a Kelly-shaped hole in the wall of that bedroom. 

3) I was hoping to see the final Harry Potter movie either tonight, or tomorrow, but apparently the movie is sold out everywhere up here for the next two weeks!  Well, at least that's what Steve told me when I asked.  Boo.  I mean, it isn't as if I don't know how the movie will end and all that, but still.  I'm kind of sad they'll be over.  I mean, yes, technically I'm a bit old for Harry Potter, but I loved the books and enjoy the movies.  It's one of the few traditions I have, so hopefully I'll get to see it soon.   ---Ooooooh, coincidence.  Right as I finished typing that, the phone rang and it was Steve saying he'd managed to get us tickets for tonight!  Woot!  Whoever told him it was sold out for two weeks is apparently a liar-face. A LIAR FACE!

4) OK, it's been a week, and now that I'm not trying to be subtle about it, that wedding last weekend was stupid hot.  Hot to the point that I had to wear black, because I knew I'd sweat through any other color.  Pardon me if I don't want to stand up amongst friends and strangers with giant pit rings on my dress.  Also, wearing black and standing in the sun only exacerbates the problem. It was so hot I got sick to my stomach.  Literally, I was sitting there and suddenly had the feeling that I was going to barf. I had sweat rolling down my face and back, and it was gross.  Have you ever had beads of sweat rolling down your back while wearing a semi-formal gown?  It feels like bugs.  Have you ever had sweat rolling down your face that you couldn't wipe away because you were singing?  It gets in your eyes and stings, it drips off of your face, and when the wedding photographer takes your picture, you look as if you've been running a marathon.  If you run your hands through your hair in a situation like that, you realize that only the top layer of your hair is dry and them you walk around with clumpy, sweaty hair swinging in your face. Not pretty.

Seriously, people...why does anyone want to get married outdoors in the armpit of a Southern summer?  Do they grow up thinking "It is going to be the happiest day of my life! I want everyone I love to burn! BUUUUURN!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  Too much?

Look, I'm the very last person who'd ever want someone to get talked out of having the kind of wedding they'd like to have.  If I'm asked to come to, or be in, or sing at a wedding on the ice floes of Antarctica wearing a strapless mini dress and a flamingo on my head, I'll do it if that is what the bride and groom want.  Weddings are very personal and important, and everyone has a different idea of what makes them perfect.  If that means someone has always wanted to get married outside, then so be it. One day, though, I'm going to write an open letter to any future brides from the Southeast who are thinking about gettined married outdoors during the summer.  It'll mostly be a plea for mercy on behalf of everyone they know.


Kenny said...

That was our Plan B, actually. But we weren't sure about the flamingo.

Tae said...

You always go with the flamingos. ALWAYS!!!!!!!!