After realizing we knew each other, we spent the next 10 or 15 minutes talking about this and that (which I'm sure made the people in the waiting room just thrilled) but during that time he let me know that his life wasn't going well. He wasn't looking for pity, I could see that, but I assume the life troubles that he was going through were bad enough that he needed to talk about them to someone with a familiar face. I won't give details, as they are not mine to divulge, but needless to say, he was unhappy and didn't see a way to fix his troubles.
I was a bit caught off guard, but I did my best to listen and give him advice, hopefully good advice, or encouragement, or something that might help, but I didn't have much time before I had to leave.
Unfortunately, not long after that, I found out that he committed suicide. His troubles had just gotten too hard to deal with, I guess. I wish more than anything I could have said something that would have helped him, but I failed at that. I realize that if he was to the point of depression that he was telling his life issues to a women he barely knew, it wasn't anything that a quick conversation could fix, but I still feel guilty about it. This didn't happen recently, so I don't know why he has been on my mind so much lately. I just wish I could have helped him, even a little bit.
2) I had my last visit with the behaviorist! Woo-Hoo! Unfortunately, I did discover a thing about myself that is not so great. Not terrible, but not great. We were talking about different types of support that we all have in our lives. We have Listeners (who are people that listen to you when you need them to, but they aren't that invested in you personally and they don't really give advice.) Info Givers (who give you information about solutions to the issues that you face, and who are slightly more invested than the listeners.) Emotional Supporters (who are your cheerleaders, and who are highly invested in your life) and Challengers (who challenge you in lots of ways - to the point of sometimes being harsh, but who are also highly invested in your life.) It was a neat little class.
It's important to have all of these kinds of support in your life, even if you don't particularly like some of them, and we had to figure out which category that we personally fall into. I know that I play different roles to different people in my life, but I tend to be very much a challenger the majority of the time. Being a challenger is not...great. I mean, the words "Metal Plated Bitch" were not spoken, but heavily implied. I always thought I was nicer than that. So I'm sorry if I've been a challenger when you needed something else! I try to be a cheerleader as much as possible, and I don't mind listening (although I do tend to talk a little too much to be good at it) and I'll give you any information I can find to help you out of a tight spot if I can! If it matters, when I am challenging, it's usually because I want you to do good things and make good decisions and be happy and successful, so it isn't a malicious challenging, I swear!
Finding out negative stuff about yourself sucks, but it does help to know about it so you can fix it! Silver lining!
3) A weird side effect of the program I've been in has been that I have absolutely no idea what I look like now. I know that sounds crazy, because mirrors, but in my eyes, I look exactly the same as I did. Other people say that they can tell I've lost weight, but I can't. I see pictures of myself and I look just like I did before, and I see myself in the mirror and I only look slightly different. It's very strange! Another thing is that I have no idea what size clothes I wear anymore. I still have clothes from when I lost weight before, but they are a bit too small, but the clothes I have now are too big. I'm sure there is some kind of temporary mental body-dysmorphia going on, but I wish that would go away so that I'm not so confused when I look in a mirror!
Update on the program: Doing OK, even though I haven't lost as much weight as they thought I would. Personally, I think God won't let me lose too much because He knows that if I look too good I'll be naked ALL OF THE TIME. I would, too. I'm not even ashamed of that.
4) I have a feeling that I sound someone melancholy today, which I'm not, so I'll show you something fun. Some of you have already seen it, but I'm kind of proud of it:
I made a medal holder for our race medals! Yes, I know it's silly, but if I'm going to get them, I might as well put them somewhere where I can see them. Then when (if) I move on to real life races, I can put those medals there too. If I don't get many medals, then it'll be a good place to hang lone socks until I can find the mates. It's win-win! :)
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