I went to my individual appointment yesterday, and I suppose it went well. Honestly, I can't remember much of what we talked about except that I babbled and don't know if I actually answered any of her questions directly. She did ask how I felt about everything, I remember that. I also believe I could have talked for another hour and not repeated myself. We mostly talked about Steve and what he did, and I never realized how hard it is to try and explain your life to a complete stranger and not make it sound crazy. Maybe our life has been crazy in some way and I just never realized. I don't know.
Steve went this morning, and I hope she can help him.
This is the first time that I've had absolutely no security in any aspect of my life, and it scares me to death. I don't know how to act, or what to say and not say, and there are so many things that have to be put on hold until I know if I'm even going to be staying married or not. I hate this so much, and there isn't anything I can do to make it better. I hate it. There is no reason that any of this had to happen. NO. DAMN. REASON. AT. ALL. It just hurts too much. However, I have no choice but to deal with it, and I am. I'll be OK. Someday.
Friday, August 08, 2008
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3 comments:
I'm so sorry all of this is happening. You don't deserve it.
I'm praying pretty much contantly for y'all.
BTW, to change the subject.. I ordered three books to come to you from Paperbackswap. Please let me know if you get them, so I can credit the senders.
Thanks + I love you
Like you've said before, you'll be fine either way...no matter what happens. We know it, and I hope you know it too.
You are behaving in the most Christian, forgiving way--always thinking of him, giving him every benefit of the doubt, doing everything you can to honor your vows.
Don't think your marriage has been crazy. I imagine there aren't any two marriages alike anywhere.
You have been so patient and have been completely trusting and freedom-giving. About 99.99 percent of husbands would jump at the chance to have that quality in a wife. And I'd like to think most husbands would honor that trust.
If we lose you, and I will keep my head in the sand as long as I can and hope that doesn't happen, there will be someone who will appreciate you and treat you right.
(I hope he is handsome and rich as icing on the cake)
You have been a ray of sunshine, helping me through a very very hard loss. I think without you I would have to start that all over again.
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