What Now

DISNEY: WITH A VENGEANCE

Some of you may be wondering why I've written extensively about our trip to Disney World, and have yet to actually mention going into the parks, right? Well...you guys must me new here.

It is no big secret that I am not a big fan of Disney World, or hell, Disney in general. I know, I know, it's the happiest frickin' place on earth. When you are there, you puke rainbows and sneeze fluffy kittens (at least that is what their marketing department wants you to believe.) I honestly and truly wish I was as in love with the place as Steve is, because I'd be very glad to share that experience with him, but I simply don't feel that way. It makes me feel terribly ungrateful for the opportunity to go there, when there are easily thousands of people who'd love to be in my place. I know that I am very lucky to be able to visit a place that is so important to Steve and literally millions of other people. The place just does very little for me. I actually had a moment of looking around and thinking about the whole situation, and it made me feel bad. Here I was, surrounded by thousands of people who were peeing their pants in excitement, drinking the kool-aid, and I was not understanding the joy. It's an amusement park, albeit a top notch one, but still, an amusement park. Nothing in it is real. It's a big, shiny, elaborate, well run, beautifully detailed movie set that empties into a gift shop. As much as I want to, I just don't get the attraction at all.

Don't misunderstand me, I really enjoyed our vacation. I really did! I enjoyed the traveling, the shopping, the food and even some parts of the parks are things I like to do. Steve and I had a good time! I didn't have a bad time in any way. I want to make that very clear.

Animal Kingdom is lovely, and I liked seeing the animals. The Everest ride is fun, and there is a safari ride where you get to see all kinds of things living in a more or less natural habitat. True, I was almost decapitated by a flock of long beaked birds, but heck, that could happen anywhere! :) It also rained the day we were there, although we didn't get too wet. The worst part was that my jeans got wet at the ankles from being dragged through puddles, but that happens no matter where I go, if it rains.

Epcot is probably my favorite of all of the parks. I love the scientific stuff and the aquarium (which has manatees, and manatees just make me happy in general.) I also enjoy the World Showcase, because A) that's probably as close to world traveling as I'll get for the most part and B) shopping! It never fails that shopping in "France" always makes me feel like I'm being judged, though.

We didn't spend much time in Hollywood Studios this time since there wasn't a whole lot we were interested in doing. I was going to try the American Idol thing this time, but, honestly...no. Steve told me I should, but it would have taken way too long and neither of us wanted to be stuck there all day just doing one thing. We did see the Indiana Jones stunt show, and a very cute baby sitting in front of us found me quite fascinating. I think babies can see my halo... ; ) We also rode the Tower of Terror, which was actually a lot of fun. I wish we hadn't been stuck in there with a bunch of screaming teenage girls, but almost anywhere you go in Disney World, you get stuck somewhere with screaming teenage girls. It's just a fact.

The Magic Kingdom is Steve's favorite park, and my least favorite. It's just too...cute. Too happy (dopey, sneezy, sleepy, bashful, grumpy & doc) for my tastes. I do love how they pay such attention to detail, though. Everything is just so, and perfect down to the last detail. I did have a bad moment in "It's a Small World" when I started feeling like I was hallucinating. It might have had something to do with not getting very much sleep, but the robot children were WATCHING ME. They want to eat my heart so that they can stay young forever. People think I'm exaggerating about that place scaring me, but I'm not. I get cold chills. Ugh.

Anyways, I used to think I hated the place, but I realized on this trip that I don't hate it at all. I nothing it. Seriously, I have an overwhelming sense of MEH about the place. I mean, some of it is nice, obviously, and some of it is actually fun. As a whole, though, it's like eating a bowl of brightly colored, bland vanilla ice cream. Not the awesome Ben & Jerry's World's Best Vanilla, though. More like a big bowl of McDonald's vanilla soft serve that constantly tells you that all your dreams will come true. The faster it gets shoveled in, the less you taste it and the more likely you are to walk away with a headache and slight nausea. Nothing is real about the place; nothing changes. There isn't one square inch of the place where something might happen that hasn't been experienced by someone before. There are no little discoveries you can make, no places that haven't been worn smooth by a billion other footsteps, no place were any one-of-a-kind memories can be made. It's like a giant pair of bowling shoes: countless others before and after you will wear them. Only these shoes will never wear out. They are eternal. ETERNAL BOWLING SHOES, Y'ALL!!!!!!!

*pant pant pant pant*

Here is the thing: I wish everyone could go to Disney World at least once, just to experience it. If they love it, awesome. If they love it I hope they go back a thousand times and get married there and take their children there (even though the kids will get very little out of it until they are old enough not to be in strollers) and go on second honeymoons there and die on the Disney golf courses when they are old and gray and tired of living and then get their cremains sprinkled over Cinderella's Freaking Castle. That is my wish for the people who love it.

As for me...I don't love it. I've been there before and I'll probably go back again because Steve loves it, and I'm happy to make him happy by going back. However, please don't ever expect me to jump on the Disney bandwagon. It will not happen. Unless they pay me a lot. Because I can be bought. ; )

So, there you go! That is how my trip to Disney World went! Hooray!

*Cue Tinkerbell and her sparkly butt to fly around my blog and blow it up with fairy dust*

Poof!