Monday, April 24, 2017


1) The other day I was having a conversation about death.

Oh, yeah, sorry, this is an odd one.

Anyway, I was having a conversation about death and my friend said that (in the full course of time, obvs) he hoped his wife would die before him.  I was a little shocked, but he said that he was worried that his wife would be sad if she was left alone and he was worried about her being taken care of financially.  So...even though that sounds kind of awful, I suppose it's chivalrous in a creepy, morbid sort of way.

As for me, this conversation pretty much revealed that I am a complete narcissist. I thought about it a minute and I realized that I don't mind going first, if that's what has to happen.  I know Steve can take care of himself given the opportunity, and I can't be 100% certain he won't meet his next wife at my funeral (the time between being a widower and getting remarried with people I know seems to be short these days.) So, you know, mozel tov and all that, because I know he'll probably be OK.  My problem is that life will go on and I won't be there and it'll be just fine.

Not that I'd want people to do the whole sackcloth and ashes bit, or anything like that (she felt compelled to explain) and I'd want everyone I know to be happy and fulfilled and all, but the idea that you can just die and life goes on and people who love you can just go on and live perfectly fine without you is sad to me in a way.  It's kind of a weird feeling because I know in my heart that I'd want everyone I love to be happy and live good lives, but this selfish little part of me hates the idea of  being a footnote.  Of course, I kind of have that fear while being alive too, I guess.  You know, when you have friends and they lose touch, and then you only realize years later than they were OK without you even though you both existed in the same point in time and could have been in contact easily?  Buuuuuut, I also have a very bad habit of overestimating my importance in situations and relationships, so I can kind of see where all this comes from! :)

Haha, I don't mean for this to be depressing, I swear, I was just really surprised at myself for feeling like that.  I don't think I'd ever thought about it in those terms much before.  I suppose you never get too old to learn things about yourself, but damn, I wish it had been a nicer thing to learn!

So, you know, if I die, don't forget about me.  Please. Ok?  :)

2) You'll be completely uninterested in knowing that I finally changed my profile picture on my Facebook account to one that had been taken recently! I feel guilty about it because Butler was in my old picture and it feels disloyal to take that once down.  Good Lord, loving a pet can do weird things to a person.

I'm sure Butler wouldn't mind.  (Bear, on the other hand, would have been PISSED.)

3) Saturday afternoon Steve and I went to a a joint concert for the Georgia Brass Band and the Huntsville Brass Band.  We don't usually go to things like this unless Steve is playing in it, but this was a special concert because my former band director would be playing in the Georgia Brass Band and he invited a bunch of his former students!

Let me clarify.  I had 3 band directors.  My first one had been there since the 60s and she got tired of it and switched over to teaching computer classes.  My second one was very nice and was only there for a year because of the kind of political BS that seems to follow teachers around like the plague, and my third one was a pervert who made me not like being in the band.  The one who was playing on Saturday was my second band director.

Anyway, so Steve and I went to hear them play.  Unfortunately for him, none of the other students showed up.  Just me.  I felt bad because he sounded so excited about being able to see his old students and it looked like a lot of them were eager to come to the concert, but all he got was me.  Eh, oh well.  The music was really great, and we found out when we got there that quite a few people in Huntsville's Brass Band were people we'd traveled to Ireland with last year, so it was nice seeing them again.  I got to talk with my teacher after his first set and after the concert all together and catch up a bit.  He is doing very well, although I found out that he was only a band director for two years in total.  One year at our school and one year in Georgia.  Apparently, he loved the music and teaching part, but hated the politics.  So he went back to school and he runs a small internet hosting company now.  Good for him!

There was one fairly unsettling thing that I realized while we were talking.  He's a trumpet player who has played for years and plays in volunteer type bands. He was always a fairly quiet, soft spoken man.  He also worked for several years in cyber security before switching over to another IT career.  As I stood there and watched as he chatted with Steve, I realized that essentially I married my high school band director.

Now I have to reevaluate my life.

4) Did you know that pineapples are suddenly a thing now?  I don't mean the actual fruit, but they are appearing on a lot of homegoods and patterns. Also, you can find lots of different kinds of pineapples to set around your house, inside and out. This is going to make things confusing for a whole subset of people. Silver lining, it could lead to people making some interesting new friends! ; )

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