HELLO FRESH!

I'm not a very good cook.  I used to think I was, but that dream unraveled on me a few years ago after the fires.  If I cook in tandem with someone who knows what their doing I'm fine, but on my own, I am kind of a disaster.  I mean, I can do a few things just fine, like mashed potatoes and scrambled eggs, and if it comes out of a box and involves a pound of hamburger meat, I can do that too!  I can also bake things, as long as it doesn't require yeast.  However, when I cook (I don't very much anymore, poor Steve) my meals don't have very much variation. St. Martha Stewart (genuflect) would definitely be horrified.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, the lovely and wonderful Sara Watson gave me a code so that I could receive a week of free meals from an outfit she is a member of called HelloFresh!  It's a kind of food subscription service that sends you the stuff to make three meals a week.  I thought it was worth a try, because free, and so I put in my order!

I scheduled the deliveries to be made on Fridays, since that is my day off, and it's lucky that I kept looking out of the window, because the stinking delivery person didn't knock or anything.  He just left a (squashed) box on my stoop, in the sun I might add, which is bad because the box had meat in it!  I'm glad I was at home!  When I opened it, there were three smaller boxes inside (with their corresponding meats) that held what I'd need for each meal. I thought there was a mistake, because it didn't have what I would have thought you'd need to make a meal in it.  It just had...ingredients.  Like, whole vegetables and leaves and stuff.  Also, it didn't look like enough for two people.  I don't know what that says about the amount I normally cook, but all I could think of was "What will Steve eat?"

That night I set about making my first meal, which was something called "Honey Dijon Pork Chops." The box had this in it: Pork Chops, Potatoes, Corn, a Tomato, a Yellow Squash, Lima Beans, Scallions, Garlic, Dijon Mustard, Stock Concentrate, Honey, and Lime.  Just FYI, on a regular day, I wouldn't eat at least three of those things at all, but since it was all in the box, I was going to give it a try. I had to cut up all this stuff and it took FOREVER! Cooking with real food-things is a process!  I also didn't really have a pan big enough to cook this in (I forgot I had a wok at the time) but I used the biggest one I had and just kept having to put things back into it that fell out as I stirred.  The recipe also said that it would take about 40 minutes to make. LIIIIIIIES!!!!  I think it took me that long to cut up the vegetables! At any rate, I finally got the vegetable "hash" finished, and I made the pork chops and, surprisingly, it made a ton of food! It was also really good, even if it had squash and tomato pieces in it.  I think I cooked the vegetables a bit longer than I was supposed to, but I couldn't stand the thought of eating crunchy vegetables and I needed them to get soft before I could eat them.

At any rate, the food was good and it was cooked correctly!  I was excited! Of course, the food boxes come with a recipe card with step-by-step instructions on them.  When I say step-by-step, I mean it.  It tells you when to cut up stuff and when to start cooking certain things before you do other things.  I realize regular recipes tell you some of this stuff, but it helps to know that you need to have an onion cut up before you've got everything else in the pan cooking, so you don't leave the stuff on the stove cooking too long while you're cutting up the onion.  Oh, and I've gotten to use my prep bowls for their actual purpose for the first time ever!  Nice!  I've learned to make marinara sauce, which technically isn't hard, but I didn't know how to do it before!  I even went out and got a proper sized pan and a garlic smashy-thing!  We haven't wasted near as much food as we used to, because it makes just enough for two people, and that makes me feel better because I hate throwing away food. They also have all kinds of recipes, which means I'm making and eating a much larger variety of food and it all seems to be relatively healthy stuff because it keeps the processed food at a bare (if it's used at all) minimum. As for disasters, I did manage to burn some kind of mutant broccoli they sent for one of our meals, but I am going to put that down to our oven being hotter than the dial says it is, so technically it's not my fault! I even made paella and didn't ruin it!  Yay!

As much as I like it, though, I'm not sure we'll keep up the subscription.  It's about $70 dollars a week, which isn't terrible, but it seems a lot for only three meals for 2 people a week. However, if you go out and eat at a regular sit down restaurant 3 times a week, you'd probably pay that much, so I have no idea.  Also, it makes me nervous to have food with meat delivered to our door, because even though it's packed well (as long as the box stays intact) it's so hot outside right now that I'm afraid something will spoil if I'm not home to bring it in as soon as it's delivered.  Not that I have a very active life on my day off, but I might get a hobby or a friend. YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE! (ahem)  We're still on the fence about it, and I have the subscription on pause while we decide.  

So I thought I'd let you know about this fun thing we've been doing.  I have a code if you want to try it for free for a week, just let me know, but remember to cancel in time if you don't want to be charged and shipped a new box of food. That's how we ended up with two weeks worth of food!  :)  I've actually enjoyed cooking everything we've had, so if nothing else, it's been worth it for that and the knowledge that I am actually capable of making something that didn't come out of a box and that I don't always set fires when I'm cooking!

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5 - CONCLUSION

**This was mostly written late last month, but I didn't finish it until recently. I have my reasons! Why do you have to be so judgy? Guh...

Before I ate lunch on Sunday afternoon, I got on the scale.  I was actually scared of weighing myself because if I hadn't lost anything, the whole week of miserable food and being hungry would have been a waste. A week of feeling tired and weak, and not being able to open bottles myself and not going to the gym because I didn't have the strength, and almost crying in target because I wanted a chicken finger and couldn't have it. Not to mention the weird lightheadedness and over bright lights I'd dealt with on a regular basis.  All of that would have been for nothing.  So I weighed, and the scale showed that I'd lost 4 pounds and 12 ounces.  I should have been thrilled.  I was glad, to be sure, but I was also pissed.  The program was a success, I lost some weight, but was it worth it?  Not really.

This program only claims to allow you to lose 5 pounds in a week, and I suppose if I'd been willing to follow through with it to the very bitter end, I technically I could have lost the last 4 ounces to reach the entire 5 pound mark.  I know this and I'm not complaining about it.  In fact, good for Nutrisystem for keeping their word!  However, after going through this process, I have to be honest: The provided food is not really good, I don't think the diet is balanced, and I'm not completely convinced that it's entirely healthy. I DO know it isn't sustainable at all, but more on that later.

Of course, I'm not a nutritionist, so I could be completely wrong about it not being healthy.  However, just what I learned while going to see a nutritionist, something about it seemed fundamentally wrong.  Your lunch, dinner and the two shakes are supposed to be eaten along with a serving of vegetables. Theoretically, you could have all those things and not be hungry, and you can also probably get most of your vitamins and such.  But there is no dairy, very few (if any) complex carbs, little to no sugar (either natural or processed, and believe it or not, you do still need some sugar from time to time) and tiny portion sizes.  I actually counted the calories, and if you take just what was in the box, on a average day, you were only given around 830 calories. If you were to add the vegetables, you might get another 150 to 200 calories.  Might.  Depending on which vegetables you chose and how (if) you cook them, you could have as few as only 30 calories added on.  Once I counted the substitutes and snacks that I'd personally had, every day I was barely over 1,000 calories.  While that might be great for losing weight, it is not good for either feeling well or healthy.  If you go to bed so hungry that you can't sleep, that's bad.  If you don't have any energy, and you don't have the strength to do normal things, much less exercise, that's also bad.  You might be losing weight, but you are probably missing something important that your body needs. I was taking a multivitamin and still felt like I was sick the whole week.  It could have just been me and how my body reacted with the program, but as far as I know I'm healthy and shouldn't have had any bad reactions to cutting back on food.

Here is where I get indignant.  The Nutrisystem 1 week program only claims to help you lose 5 pounds, and as far as I can tell, it's telling the truth.  If you eat their gross, not-quite-food-flavored-food in the miniscule amounts that they dole out to you on a daily basis during the week, you will lose weight.  I'm not going to deny that or say that they are falsely advertising.  Maybe if you can stand it and decide to keep on with the monthly Nutrisystem plan afterwards, you can lose more weight. Gobs of weight. Whole peoples worth of weight even.  But if you think for a second that doing this Fast 5 thing is going to help you lose weight in a sustainable way, you would be wrong. You know how I know this?  I'm writing this entry on Thursday morning, after stopping the program Sunday afternoon.  Between Monday and Wednesday, I'd already gained back 3 of the almost 5 pounds I lost. (EDIT: I gained back all the weight by the Sunday of that week.)  I haven't been gorging on junk food either.  Yes, I had a hamburger on Sunday night, and I finally got some Goldfish crackers on Monday, but 3 pounds in 3 days?  Unless I have some kind of weird metabolic disorder (which I'm pretty sure I don't) or I'm eating more than 3500 calories a day (which I KNOW I'm not) this shouldn't be happening.  This is a perfect example of what happens with the popular, restrictive diets where you have to leave whole sections of the food pyramid out of your diet.  You can not cut things out of your diet and expect to keep the weight off unless you never go back to eating regularly.  Restrictive diets, and by that I mean restrictive by the omission of something like sugar, carbs, whatever, are not long term solutions to losing weight.  Yes, you may lose some weight while you're on that diet, but going back to eating sugar, carbs, or whatever, will undo it all.  I'm not even talking about just eating junk, I'm talking about eating NORMALLY.  This Nutrisystem diet is not sustainable unless you decide to pay tons of money to continue on with their program, and even then, you'd have to reduce your calorie intake even further after a certain point or you'll stop losing weight.  You can exercise, of course, and that would make you lose weight, but if you're anything like me and you don't have the energy to work out after eating the provided food, you won't be doing yourself any good  because you wouldn't be able to work out in a useful way.

So, what did I learn through all this?  Well, number one, I guess, is that the Nutrisystem diet food is mostly gross.  That is my own personal opinion and I'm usually not that picky when it comes to food.  There were a few things I didn't mind eating, but for the most part, it was inedible.  Number two, you might lose some weight, but don't expect it to stay gone unless you decided to carry on with the regular, monthy program which is incredibly restrictive and, just FYI,  prohibitively expensive for most people.  Number three, I've realized that cutting things out of your diet isn't very useful in the long run.  Granted, yes, if you want to eat better, you have to change your diet, which might mean cutting out junk food/candy, but cutting out whole food groups or nutrients is bad.  You need sugar and you need carbs, and as long as you are eating the better kind of those things, you won't be missing anything.  Number four, you really shouldn't rely on programs like this if you really want to lose weight and be healthy.  Yes, the program is convenient, since you just pick up what you are supposed to eat that day instead of wondering what you will have to make, but convenience rarely equals quality.  Plan out your meals.  Make them ahead and freeze them or store them and then grab what you want.  This program is really not worth the convenience it affords.  Look, I'm not a health nut, and I'm nowhere near as healthy or thin or whatever as I could be, I know this, but going through this program has proven to me that losing weight the right way is far better than trying to do something like this.  You may not lose weight as fast, but you'll feel so much better in the long run. 

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 7

This morning I got up, got ready for church, and sat down to eat my breakfast.

BREAKFAST: Cinnamon Raisin Bar. This was actually very good. It was sweet and would have tasted better if I'd heated it up. It had some kind of powdery stuff on it that I couldn't identify, but that didn't deter me from cramming it into my face as fast as possible.  I've mentioned that I'd gladly buy some of the Nutrisystem breakfast bars if they were sold in stores, but alas, they are only available through the program. I think, anyway.  I could probably order some of them online if I really wanted to search, but I don't think it's come to that yet.

At any rate, church services hadn't even begun before I was already hungry again.  I know it must sound like I spend my life in a constant state of hungriness, but I swear that's not true. There are times, I promise, when food isn't foremost in my mind.  That hasn't happened much this week, but it is possible.  We came home to eat lunch and I just broke.  I couldn't do it anymore.  What was left in our boxes was ham and bean soup, and ravioli in sauce.  I couldn't make myself eat them. I just couldn't do it.  All I could think of was being hungry and wishing I was eating something else.  I didn't even taste the soup, I just make some veggie bacon and started roasting brussels sprouts, because I'd reached my limit on what I was willing to do to follow this program. So again: Egg, Veggie Bacon, Brussel Sprouts, 100 calorie slice of bread and 60 calories worth of Smarties. After lunch, though, I knew I was going to be done. I realize this is basically be stopping a marathon with the finish line in sight, but I don't care. Forgive me. I'm weak.

I'll write more about this later. I'm going to go get a cheeseburger.

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 6

I don't have anything clever or introspective to say.  All I know, is that I'm hungry and I hate everyone involved in the creation of this box of food.  It is an irrational and unfair hate, but nonetheless it is real and it is huge.

You want to know something weird?  Steve actually likes everything he's eaten so far.  The only thing he's had any problems with has been the morning shake, and that's only because of the artificial sweetener.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm just much pickier than I realized.  Or...or...maybe Steve doesn't have a sense of taste, and he's just messing with me.  Maybe everything he eats is completely bland to him, and now he's just taunting me with how fine he is with the provided food.  He wants me to go crazy.  I think that's it! That smarmy fat-head can't taste FOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

BREAKFAST: Apple Strudel Bar.  This was just OK, rather than very good, but I think it's because it had some kind of artificial flavoring in it.  I couldn't pinpoint what the strange taste was, but it tasted much faker than the others.  It may have been because it didn't have the fake chocolate or fake peanut butter on it to cover up whatever strangeness I detected.  It was fine, though, and since I had it with black tea, it was enough.  I was hungry pretty soon after, though.

LUNCH: Cheese Tortellini.  This was edible, if not exactly good.  The sauce was chunky and had a strange sweet flavor to it, which I've noticed in other Lean Cuisine type Italian foods before, so it wasn't unexpected. There was a LOT of sauce, though.  That strange sweet taste, which I think must be some kind of herb, kept me from eating much of the sauce, so I scraped it off as best I could.  I pared it with some brussle (s?) sprouts and it was passable.  When I was microwaving the sprouts, one of them exploded and jumped clear out of the container to die a mushy death on the bottom of the microwave. I know how it feels.  I also had 60 calories worth of Smarties, which was 1/2 the calories of the morning shake that I didn't drink.  I just wanted something sweet.  I think this whole thing would work better if there was something to look forward to.  I think if you do the regular month long program, they do have desserts. I don't want to do the month long thing. I don't think I'd stay sane.

PM SHAKE: OK, I had to do it.  I was starving just a couple of hours after lunch.  This time I took the Craving Crusher shake and blended it with ice and water.  I diluted it too much, so it was just sort of a slightly chocolate flavored ice once I got into it.  I didn't drink it all, mainly because it didn't taste like much of anything except the artificial sweetener. I drank about half and couldn't do much more. The shake made me cold.  So now I'm cold AND hungry.  Bastards.

DINNER: Chili with Beans.  There was a three tier reaction to eating the chili.  First: taste "Oh, thank goodness, it tastes good!" Second: Chew "Crap, it's got that weird sweet taste." Third: Feel "NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE."  The meat felt wrong and it also had the metallic taste that all food packaged in that kind of container always has.  Again, I went with my replacement meal of an egg and veggie bacon. I added toasted spinach and a piece of 100 calorie bread (I realized it was the first bread I'd had all week.)  I had to add some almonds at the end of the day, and otherwise I was fine! 

This diet sucks.  Seriously, unless you literally don't care what your food tastes like, I don't see how anyone could do this long term. 

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 5

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!  It's faint, but it's there.  I have to say, this hasn't been a very fun experiment so far!  I never knew how important food was to me in my regular, day to day routine, and I can't help but be a little embarrassed about the whole thing in general.   Food, other than making sure I have some, shouldn't be this big of a deal to me! Let this be a lesson!  I may not always have all the food I want, so I need to get over it! I could be poor and homeless one day, and it wouldn't do for me to get crazy over what I can or can't eat.

OK, so I did some thinking last night and figured out why I got so light headed and everything.  Up until I ate dinner, and because I didn't drink that horrible AM shake or eat very much of my lunch, I'd only had just above 300 calories and almost nothing to drink, so it was a mixture of low blood sugar and some dehydration.  Neither of those things are good! I usually keep water with me all day, but yesterday I was working on one of those long, repetitive, mind numbing tasks that I have to do once a year, and I barely even got out of my chair - so I didn't even think of filling up my Wonder Woman water mug.   Also, not eating or drinking (no matter how much of it comes from avoiding the food they give you) is not what the Nutrisystem program is about, so that is all on me.  I'm sure if I was consuming everything in that box, I wouldn't have any blood sugar issues and I'd probably be way more aware of drinking enough water.  At any rate, I'm going to try and do much better today, which should be easier since I don't work on Fridays and will probably be at home all day! [Oh, and full disclosure, I ate 3 cookies last night. I got dizzy again, and figured it wouldn't hurt. It did help, so hooray for cookies!]

BREAKFAST: Peanut Butter Granola Bar.  I have to say, the breakfast food has consistently been my favorite of everything they give you.  I think that if they marketed their breakfast stuff for general sale at grocery stores, they'd do pretty well.  While I'm not a huge fan of peanut flavored stuff in general, this bar was sweet and good and filling. I also had black tea, which the program says is fine as long as you use non-caloric sweetener.  Nothing exciting, but it worked for me!

LUNCH: Loaded Baked Potato. This is a misnomer, because what this is, is actually reconstituted instant mashed potatoes with bits of "cheese" and bacon and leeks  in it.  It tasted weird.  I've had something exactly like it before, but I can't remember where.  It's familiar, but not in a good way.  It's like something I had right before getting sick or something, which is why I've avoided it ever since! It was pasty (even after adding extra water) and bitter, with a touch of fake butter and smoky bacon-bit flavor to it, with an aftertaste of latex balloons.  I only ate about half, along with some brussels sprouts (or are they brussel sprouts? One brussel per sprout?)  I did find out that it was the perfect consistency to mold things out of, al la "Close Encounters," so if you ever need to build a landmark out of mashed potatoes, this should be your go to stuff!  Silver linings!

Honestly, I don't mean to be hateful, but damn. How can you mess up instant potatoes? I wound up making some brussel (brussles?) sprout chips, which are just leaves from the things toasted in olive oil, which were good, so I'm not hungry!

DINNER: Turkey Sausage and Bacon Rigatoni. 

I hate everything.

This was, like last night's dinner, inedible.  The pasta was mushy and bland, the meat was squidgy and bland, and the sauce is creamy and bland.  It was food shaped and slightly food flavored, but not like real food.  It's like aliens captured some humans and took them aboard their ship, and when they remembered that the humans needed food, they synthesized this because it was as close to people food as their computer replicators could get. That's the nicest thing I can think of.

Again, I got rid of it and had an egg, veggie bacon, some Veggie Wedgies (HA!), more sprout chips and some of the same cookies I had yesterday. It still clocked in around the same amount of calories. I also found out what happens when you use a mandoline slicer without a finger guard.  My thumb might never be the same!

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 4

I'm beginning to think that this is not a good diet to start just out of the blue.

One of the things that has been hardest for me is that the amount of food you get seems so small, especially if you haven't been dieting at all before hand.  To go from eating whatever you want to tiny containers of food you are scheduled to eat is very, very hard.  On a good note, though, having someone else pick what you're going to eat makes meal times easy, but not having as much as you want of it is what is hard.  If you are thinking of doing this particular program, my recommendation is that you should start cutting back your regular food beforehand and then try this stuff.  If nothing else, get used to eating a little less!  Also, don't expect that everything will be delicious. Imagine you are in college with just a microwave to cook with and only a convenience store to shop in!

BREAKFAST: Biscotti Bites. These were good, but I don't know if they are what I'd consider a breakfast food. I love biscotti, but it's more of a snack thing for me.  These were tasty, though, and there were a lot more in the package than I thought there would be!  I also have some pomegranate again today!  I'm excited about the pomegranate! I'm saving it for later on this morning.  Being exited that I have fruit makes me sad.

LUNCH: White Bean Chicken Chili.  I literally couldn't get up enough enthusiasm to eat lunch today. I kept thinking "I'll heat that up soon." But even though I was hungry, I just didn't want to eat it.  It probably doesn't taste bad or anything. I don't even want the salad I brought.  I'm in "Kill Me" mode.  I'll take it home and maybe eat it later. Who knows?  Not me.  My life now consists of being hungry and getting excited about fruit.  I am this close to walking into a McDonald's, jumping on the first person I see, and licking their fingernails just to taste a French fry again.

 

 Blerf.

    *EDIT - I did eventually eat a little bit of this and the salad when I got home.  The chili was very spicy (to me, anyway) and it had a weird, metallic, sweet taste.  It wasn't terrible, but I don't want to eat it again. I didn't eat it all.  

I hit the drunk/stupid point of low blood sugar while I was shopping at Target with Steve tonight.  We had to go get some milk, and I realized that I couldn't focus on anything and was starting to giggle and slur my words.  It wasn't severe, and I've felt this way when I've gone a long time without eating, but it hadn't been that long since I had the salad, so I'm not sure if I should be concerned.  I straight up almost started to cry because I realized I couldn't have a chicken finger.  That is not normal.  I know I ate a lot of junk before doing this program, but eating better (or at least less) isn't like coming down from taking drugs is it?  Do you go through food withdrawal?

This sucks.

 

It looks, and tastes, like someone had already eaten it. 

 

DINNER: Chicken Alfredo.  I found something called Veggie Wedgies (the name makes me laugh) which are supposed to be French fry substitutes for children.  They are made from cauliflower, but I didn't check to see if they had anything else in them I wasn't supposed to eat. [*EDIT: Potatoes, but only secondary to the cauliflower.] I tried to eat the chicken stuff, I promise I did.  Do you know how mad I was the other day when the macaroni didn't taste good?  I could at least eat that.  This was twenty times worse. I couldn't even get mad about it, it was too depressing.  It didn't just taste bad, it tasted wrong.  I can't explain it. I kept taking tiny bites hoping I'd change my mind, but I didn't.  I got rid of it. I just ate my Veggie Wedgies (hee!) and had an egg and some veggie bacon instead.  Calories were probably about equal.

 

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 3

Last night, I ate the almonds. Not many, but some. Afterwards, I felt less like hurting people. This is my life now. I've done this to myself. There is no one else I can blame.

You probably see a big difference between the way I write about the meals at the beginning of the day and the way I write about them towards the end. I try and write about what I'm eating while I'm eating it (real time, y'all!), so I think that as I get progressively hungrier, by dinner time my sense of humor about everything is gone.   I'm one of those people the "I Think You Need a Snickers" commercials are about!  I'm a little embarrassed that I had a small come apart on only the second day.  I figured that would happen WAY later on in the week.  If I make it through the week without going completely off the rails and deviating badly from the program, and I DON'T lose some weight, Imma be mad.  I don't expect even the whole 5 pounds at this point, but something, any loss, better happen. I'm doing this whole thing on purpose and I'd hate myself if it didn't work!

Anyway.  Even after the almonds, I went to bed hungry and couldn't go to sleep!  I know that technically I'm not supposed to get hungry because the shakes are supposed to supplement my meals, but the first one I drank was bad and I've been too scared to try another one.  However, I did learn yesterday that there are 2 different kinds of shakes, not just the same shake with two different names, so maybe the evening one isn't as bad?  We'll see!  I went to bed hungry and couldn't sleep, but once I did fall asleep, I way overslept.  I overslept through the alarm that was supposed to wake me up for the gym, and I overslept the one that was supposed to wake me up for work.  That probably didn't have anything to do with the food, or lack of it, but still.  I was running late, so I didn't have time to make a salad to go along with lunch, but I got some fruit.  I hope it doesn't matter.  Here's the thing, though: I'm not sure why this diet is supposed to work.  Is it strictly portion control with relatively low calories, or is it the kind of food that you are given that can alter your body chemistry?  If it's the latter, adding fruit and nuts is probably sabotaging me.  If it's the former, I'm hoping I'm keeping it around the same amount of calories, more or less, that I would be getting if I followed this whole thing to the letter.

I've also just now (this very second) realized I've become one of those people who are talking in depth about a diet I'm on and I hate myself a little for it. Normally I wouldn't, but I am justifying it this time because it's a special kind of diet and not just me eating regular food in smaller portions or whatever.  Also, I'm doing it for mankind!  I tried finding reviews of this diet all over the place, and I only found 2 that were not sponsored. I was looking for someone who'd bought the kit themselves (instead of being sent it from the company)  and tried it without feeling obligated to say nice things if it didn't deserve it, and I didn't have much luck. So, I figured I'd do it!  Maybe it will be around until Nutrisystem's company finds these entries and then has them scrubbed from the Internet!  At least I'm not bragging about cross fit.  :)

This was what was left when I remembered to take the picture.

BREAKFAST: Granola Cereal.  This was actually really, really good.  I like granola.  It wasn't very much, but that's to be expected.  I actually forgot to take a picture of it because I snarfed it up before I thought about it.  I just wanted to put it in my face as quickly as possible.  I also had some more pomegranate arils a couple of hours later.

LUNCH: Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm so hungry, or if this was actually good, but I liked this one.  Again, I was in such a hurry to eat this that I almost forgot to take a picture, but I remembered mid-bite. It almost tastes like a Butterfinger candy bar, and it is high in protein, so let's see if it will carry me all the way to dinner-time without me ripping anyone's head off!  I hope so, because I just realized I forgot to pack the shake I hoped to have in case of emergency hunger.  I don't want to be tempted to raid the children's ministry snack stash.  I don't want to be that guy.

P.M. SHAKE: Chocolate Craving Curber (or something like that) I actually found my shake mix!  I didn't forget to bring it after all!  The children's snacks are safe for another day!  I really didn't want to drink this, but I got hungry enough to do it.  I mixed it up and, believe it or not, it didn't taste bad.  It wasn't great or anything, but if I've learned anything over the past few days, it's that none of this food is going to be great.  I really wanted to finish this shake, but I couldn't.  It wasn't the taste, it was the texture and the fact that it wasn't cold enough.  I think that if I could put this in a blender with some ice and make it into a smoothie kind of thing, I wouldn't have a problem with it.  But it wouldn't mix completely, so there were little, floating lumps of powder on top.  Also, it was so thick it was like drinking cake batter.  I couldn't drink it without my throat closing up, so I poured it out.  I replaced it with some saltines I found in the church kitchen for about the same amount of calories.  In better conditions, I wouldn't have a hard time drinking it, though. 

DINNER: Chicken Pot Pie.  I was dreading this one, because of all the reviews I was able to find online, one of the worst was for this. It didn't look great, but I was starving.  I cooked it, heated the little cracker thing and plopped it on top.  It was not bad.  Maybe I liked it because I had been convinced that it would be terrible, and when it wasn't, I was pleasantly surprised. Again, it wasn't great, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, so that's good enough.  I ate it fast because I was hungry (this is a theme!) and I realized it's actually on par with a lot of heat-and-serve convenience foods that I've had, so I was OK with it.  I added some brussel sprouts to this to round it out, but I was still hungry.  I had a hard boiled egg and some almonds and I was fine after that.  I'm sure those pushed me over whatever calorie limit I had for the day, but I don't care. At least I didn't go to bed so hungry I couldn't sleep.

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 2

I woke up this morning strangely light headed and tingly.  I'm not going to blame the Nutrisystem food for that.  I'm probably just getting the DTs from the fact that I'm no longer on the hydrocodone cough medicine I was given before Christmas.  I was hungry, though, which I do blame on the food, but technically, you probably should be hungry after sleeping a while. I'm guessing this is how normal people feel?

BREAKFAST: Lemon Blueberry Bar.  The first bite was gross.  I think I was expecting it to be gross, so in my head, it was gross.  However once I considered it for a moment, I realized it actually wasn't gross at all.  I'd totally eat one of these again.  It was small, as you can see, and it didn't necessarily fill me up, but it was enough for breakfast.  I couldn't bear to drink another "Energi-Zing" shake (I seriously couldn't get the taste out of my mouth until I brushed my teeth) so I had some pomegranate arils, which ended up being about half the calories of the shake anyway. 

LUNCH: Chicken Noodle Soup.  This wasn't bad either, although it wouldn't be something I'd reach for again if I had other choices.  It didn't taste bad, per se, but it felt wrong.  The noodles were rough and heavy and it was a little bland.  I was scared at first, because after I heated it, but before I tasted it, I stirred it and the noodles all clumped together in the shape of the container. Horrors!!!!!!  It wasn't so bad.  I had a tiny spinach/carrot/feta salad (yes with dressing, shut up!) along with it and it was fine. Fine. It was fine.

DINNER: Macaroni and Cheese with Beef.  I was starving by the time I came home.  I'd been busy at work, so even if I had wanted to drink that wretched shake, I hadn't had time.  I immediately went into dinner preparation mode.  I made some balsamic-parmesan cauliflower (which was recommended to me by the nutritionist I no longer visit...so who knows if it was ok to eat with this, but still - vegetable) and had to wait about half an hour while that cooked.  I could have eaten my own arm, but I did manage not to grab the big box of goldfish crackers, stick my face directly into it and inhale them without chewing.  Even though I'm not restricting carbs, that's the thing I'm craving most when I'm hungry now.  I just want crackers and chips and bread.  The macaroni and beef stuff was an "add water and wait" kind of thing, so I managed to have everything ready at the same time instead of eating in stages.

I tried putting it in a pretty dish, but it didn't help.

The cauliflower tasted good, no matter how bad it smelled while it was roasting.  The macaroni was fine.  Actually, no, it was not fine.  It was the bastard stepchild of Hamburger Helper and depression.  It tasted like sadness with fake cheese sauce.  Maybe I made it wrong, I don't know, but I was so hungry, I ate it all regardless of what it tasted like.  I mean, it was edible, and there are probably starving people in this very country who'd gladly have it three times a day, but food shouldn't taste like that. Not on purpose.  Maybe it's my hunger talking, because even after dinner, I am still hungry.  I have a suspicion that I'm actually what people refer to as "Hangry" right now, because when I think of that macaroni, I want to set my house on fire and barbecue something over its smouldering ashes.  I want to find the food scientist who thought it up and make them cry.   I want to go into my kitchen and eat an entire loaf of bread, crouched in a corner Gollum style, while growling at anyone who gets near me.  Maybe I'm a compulsive eater or something, I don't know.  All I can think about is the food I can't have, and that's not normal for a person who has plenty to eat at all times.  Too much food at all times, even.  Is it cliche for a chubby person to be obsessing over food. Of course it is. I don't even care.  I'm mad at myself for needing to lose weight in the first place, and I'm mad that I saw this stupid box at Sam's, and I'm mad at myself for not having the willpower to simply not care about what I'm eating.  I wish I was like those weirdos that only eat so that they don't die, because that would be better than this obsession with regular food I suddenly have.  I was fine all day, but this macaroni just made me mad! 

I also ate a sugar free mint and 4 almonds. I might eat a few more. I don't want to, but I'm not sure I can help myself. 

NUTRISYSTEM FAST 5: DAY 1

A NOTE:  I don't generally make new year's resolutions or anything, because I've learned that I'm not good at them. Like...not at all.  People tend to plan on reinventing themselves every year, and 9 times out of 10, it never works out.  I learned this about myself a long time ago, and I only mention it now so that you don't think that what I'm about to tell you falls within the "New Year, New Me" category!  It's just convenient timing.  That is all.

Late last year (which was only a couple of weeks ago, as of this writing) Steve had a doctor's appointment wherein he learned that if he were to drop some weight, he would ultimately be able to stop taking some of his prescribed medications.  That would be pretty great, considering that he is temporarily unemployed and we will not have health insurance for much longer!  For myself, I've gained back around 10 of the pounds I fought so hard to lose a couple of years ago.  I won't lie, it's because I'm lazy and I like bacon cheeseburgers and french fries. I like them a lot.  Gaining that weight back makes me feel bad, because I worked really hard to lose it and it's personally frustrating that I just gave up on all of it.  Also, I gave away all of my fat clothes and don't want to buy bigger pants, so I knew I'd have to do something soon! 

When he told me about wanting to lose weight, I offered to try and help him out by trying to lose weight at the same time.  It would be good for both of us AND it makes it easier when one of us is NOT eating delicious stuff while the other is eating salad. That would mean that I'd have to work out with him, we'd try and figure out how to cook better stuff, and maybe not eat out as much as we do (the source of our bacon cheeseburger problem!)  We decided to start whatever we were going to do at the beginning of the year because we had Christmas food to eat and would be going on vacation to eat delicious seafood, and we didn't want to miss out on that.  So, when we found this at Sam's:

I'm getting tired of this rug, y'all.

we thought it would be a great way to get started on the whole thing.  It had the added bonus of having almost everything included that we would need inside the box, you do have to buy vegetables, so there wouldn't be any days where either of us could use the excuse of "I don't feel like cooking. Let's go out to eat." We both agreed to try it and if it worked, great!  Even losing 5 pounds is encouraging and this looked like the easiest thing to do to get started.  If it works, hopefully it would encourage us to lose more weight on our own. 

I was 100% gung-ho on this until I actually opened the box last night.  My problem: I'm not sure I can do this.  I have zero willpower and I really like food.  Also, I tried Nutrisystem in 2007 and it didn't work because, to be honest, the food is not that good.  Well, most of it wasn't good.  There were a few things I actually liked, but once those things were gone I couldn't bring myself to eat the other stuff.  I thought that doing this for 7 days would be easy enough, but I'm not sure I'm going to make it.  So I'm going to write about doing it for as long as I keep up with it for two reasons: 1) If I tell you about it, I'm going to be accountable and 2) writing about it makes it seem more official!  So, join me as I (try to) eat a week's worth of shelf stable foods in an attempt to lose 5 pounds!

The box contains 7 breakfasts, 7 lunches, 7 dinners and 14 shakes that are supposed to energizing or are supposed to curb cravings.  We'll see!

BREAKFAST:  Day one (if you follow the little guide book) is oatmeal.  I almost screwed this up, because I didn't read closely enough and thought it was cereal and almost ate it raw. I had to scrounge a microwave safe bowl at work to cook it.  It actually wasn't that bad, which is encouraging.  It also filled me up, so when it was time for the next thing, I wasn't terribly hungry.

 Oatmeal doesn't photograph very well, does it?

SHAKE 1: Hungry or not, I wasn't going to deviate from the program so soon.  The shake is chocolate-ish flavored, and you mix it with 8 oz of water.  I forgot to take a picture of it, but it looked like a Slim Fast shake, or watery chocolate milk.  We were supposed to eat some vegetables with this as a snack, but gross.  No thanks.  The shake was...not good.  It wasn't terrible, but it had a very strong, bitter, artificial sweetener taste to it.  It was also a little gritty, but I pounded it down as quick as I could.  Blerf.  The artificial taste will not leave my mouth, even though I've been drinking water.  I'm pretty sure it also had caffeine in it, which makes me feel like my blood pressure has gone up instead of really being "Energy-Zing!"  I don't know if it really curbed any cravings, or if not being terribly hungry before I drank it kept me from being too hungry.  I didn't like this thing, but I have 2 of these a day all week.  Lord, give me strength.

LUNCH:  Lunch consisted of a "Fudge Graham Bar" and some grapes.  The bar wasn't bad, but it wasn't really good either.  I used to eat a Special K protein bar for lunch a lot, which this reminded me of, but it had more calories and didn't taste as good.  Oh, well.  It filled me up, at least. Technically, I'm supposed to be eating vegetables with this, but I couldn't make myself eat this bar with a vegetable.  Unless the whole thing hinges on glucose levels or something, I can't imagine 35 calories worth of grapes could make much of a difference.  I'll eat vegetables with dinner.  Promise! 

 
When I got home, I was feeling sick and head achy, but I don't know if that has anything to do with the food.  I was also hungry, but I didn't want to try the craving curbing shake, because I could still taste the fake sweetener from the shake I had this morning.  I decided to eat dinner a little earlier to see if I'd feel better.

DINNER: Lasagna with Meat sauce.  Well, sort of.  It wasn't bad at all, although it was mushy, a little bland and tasted a bit like Lean Cuisine.  It had corn and possibly some beans in it, which was confusing because I've never had lasagna with corn in it!  Eating really did make me feel better, so maybe I'm just not used to eating so little, or maybe it's all in my head!  I have no idea.  I ate a bag of steamed edamame afterwards which also helped.  I'm not sure if that's a vegetable or a starch, but since it was something that came from a plant, I have decided that it took care of the 4 servings of vegetables I was supposed to eat today.  One day down, six to go.

It's lasagna, I swear!

I really want some Goldfish crackers.  I want them in a bad way.

OY

Yesterday I stopped at Fresh Market after work so that I could pick up a few things.  I mainly needed some spinach, but I also got a couple of apples, some sandwich stuff, and some coffee.  Up until right before I got into the check-out lane, there was nothing really unhealthy in my basket. 

Since my weight loss has gone from slow and steady to flat out nonexistent*,  I usually look at the nutritional info of food I buy and I try not to get anything that isn't completely reasonable.  I say "usually" because I'm human and sometimes sister needs some potato chips or something OK?!  I'm not made of STONE!

So, I grabbed a bag of chips as well as a bag of the big, in-house made croutons to see what they tasted like. They only had big bags of them, so it was my only option.  I also got Steve some, well, I don't know what it was, but it was one of those mixed up snack things I knew he'd like from the bulk bin area. 

I get in line, totally not paying attention to anyone or anything around me - like I do - when the woman at the register right ahead of me says my name.  I looked up and it was my nutritionist!  You remember, the one who gets so excited when you're losing weight and doing well, and who looks like a punched kitten when you don't?  I say hello, and we do that whole awkward small talk thing that people who only kinda know each other do when they see each other out in the wild. You know what I'm talking about.  Right as she's getting her stuff to leave, she glances at the basket in my hand.  She doesn't say anything, of course, but I see her looking.

I swear to you, time slowed down.  It was like one of those slow-motion parts of a movie right before a bomb goes off, or bullets fly, or something equally terrible happens. 

I also glanced down at my basket and realized that all of the decent, healthy food I'd originally come in to buy was completely obscured by potato chips, a huge bag of croutons, and a vat of snack mix.  For all I know, she didn't really pay attention to what I was holding, but she IS a nutritionist and food is her jam, so I'm pretty sure she did.  When I looked back up, she was walking away, and I came within an ace of running after her and screaming "WAIT! THERE'S SPINACH IN HERE! APPLES! HEALTHY STUFF, I SWEAR!!!!!!"  Alas, she was gone, and I was left holding what looked like a 4:20 Munchy Run. Oy. I expect to hear about this at our next meeting.

So the moral of this story is: Now I have to go clear across town if I want potato chips, and Steve can buy his own damn snack mix.

*Seriously, I need to be in another wedding, or get invited to the Oscars, or something where I'm in danger of having my picture made.  Apparently, the only working motivation I have is the fear of being fat in front of large groups of people. It's quite frustrating.