Tuesday, January 06, 2015


I woke up this morning strangely light headed and tingly.  I'm not going to blame the Nutrisystem food for that.  I'm probably just getting the DTs from the fact that I'm no longer on the hydrocodone cough medicine I was given before Christmas.  I was hungry, though, which I do blame on the food, but technically, you probably should be hungry after sleeping a while. I'm guessing this is how normal people feel?

BREAKFAST: Lemon Blueberry Bar.  The first bite was gross.  I think I was expecting it to be gross, so in my head, it was gross.  However once I considered it for a moment, I realized it actually wasn't gross at all.  I'd totally eat one of these again.  It was small, as you can see, and it didn't necessarily fill me up, but it was enough for breakfast.  I couldn't bear to drink another "Energi-Zing" shake (I seriously couldn't get the taste out of my mouth until I brushed my teeth) so I had some pomegranate arils, which ended up being about half the calories of the shake anyway. 

LUNCH: Chicken Noodle Soup.  This wasn't bad either, although it wouldn't be something I'd reach for again if I had other choices.  It didn't taste bad, per se, but it felt wrong.  The noodles were rough and heavy and it was a little bland.  I was scared at first, because after I heated it, but before I tasted it, I stirred it and the noodles all clumped together in the shape of the container. Horrors!!!!!!  It wasn't so bad.  I had a tiny spinach/carrot/feta salad (yes with dressing, shut up!) along with it and it was fine. Fine. It was fine.

DINNER: Macaroni and Cheese with Beef.  I was starving by the time I came home.  I'd been busy at work, so even if I had wanted to drink that wretched shake, I hadn't had time.  I immediately went into dinner preparation mode.  I made some balsamic-parmesan cauliflower (which was recommended to me by the nutritionist I no longer visit...so who knows if it was ok to eat with this, but still - vegetable) and had to wait about half an hour while that cooked.  I could have eaten my own arm, but I did manage not to grab the big box of goldfish crackers, stick my face directly into it and inhale them without chewing.  Even though I'm not restricting carbs, that's the thing I'm craving most when I'm hungry now.  I just want crackers and chips and bread.  The macaroni and beef stuff was an "add water and wait" kind of thing, so I managed to have everything ready at the same time instead of eating in stages.

I tried putting it in a pretty dish, but it didn't help.

The cauliflower tasted good, no matter how bad it smelled while it was roasting.  The macaroni was fine.  Actually, no, it was not fine.  It was the bastard stepchild of Hamburger Helper and depression.  It tasted like sadness with fake cheese sauce.  Maybe I made it wrong, I don't know, but I was so hungry, I ate it all regardless of what it tasted like.  I mean, it was edible, and there are probably starving people in this very country who'd gladly have it three times a day, but food shouldn't taste like that. Not on purpose.  Maybe it's my hunger talking, because even after dinner, I am still hungry.  I have a suspicion that I'm actually what people refer to as "Hangry" right now, because when I think of that macaroni, I want to set my house on fire and barbecue something over its smouldering ashes.  I want to find the food scientist who thought it up and make them cry.   I want to go into my kitchen and eat an entire loaf of bread, crouched in a corner Gollum style, while growling at anyone who gets near me.  Maybe I'm a compulsive eater or something, I don't know.  All I can think about is the food I can't have, and that's not normal for a person who has plenty to eat at all times.  Too much food at all times, even.  Is it cliche for a chubby person to be obsessing over food. Of course it is. I don't even care.  I'm mad at myself for needing to lose weight in the first place, and I'm mad that I saw this stupid box at Sam's, and I'm mad at myself for not having the willpower to simply not care about what I'm eating.  I wish I was like those weirdos that only eat so that they don't die, because that would be better than this obsession with regular food I suddenly have.  I was fine all day, but this macaroni just made me mad! 

I also ate a sugar free mint and 4 almonds. I might eat a few more. I don't want to, but I'm not sure I can help myself. 

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