Tuesday, September 11, 2007

So I’m late. Bite me. : )

Left: another WTF.

Right: Me and Mr. De Lancie.

…and it’s still Saturday: After the strange meeting of the TNG cast, we moved along to our last and most important meeting of the day. Well, not so much for Steve and I, who had made the rounds we had planned on, but for Amy and Katie. They are big fans of the show “Who wants to be a superhero” and the three top contenders of last season (I think) were going to be in the Walk of Fame. Amy was very excited to get the official comic book for the winner, Feedback, and Katie’s hero was the first runner up, Major Victory. I had no idea who these people were, but I was excited about meeting these guys because Katie (who is 6) had sent Major Victory a picture that she had drawn on him and a letter telling him that she thought he was so very awesome. While Steve took Feedback, I made my way to Major Victory (and yes, I wish I knew their real names so I wouldn’t have to refer to their super hero monikers, but they kept their secret identities secret). M.V. thought that Katie’s picture was the sweetest thing he’d ever seen and he seemed honestly touched that a little kid would do such a thing. He momentarily looked confused and asked me “Well, should I send her something?” How the heck should I know, Major Victory? You’re the super hero. Aren’t you supposed to know how to handle things like that? I told him he could if he wanted to. Anyways, out of gratitude for his picture, he sent Katie an autographed photo for free, which I thought was very classy of him. As classy as a man wearing a red spandex unitard and shiny black underpants can be, of course. : ) He was actually really sweet, but I’m afraid I accidentally offended him. In Katie’s picture, she drew him with some kicking platform boots. Before I knew who she was drawing, I thought it was someone from KISS. When M.V. mentioned his boots I told him so, but I worded it in a way that it came out sounding like I thought HE was someone from KISS and not the picture. We had an uncomfortable moment and I thanked him for the autograph and left. Why, oh why, do I seem to embarrass myself so much? Why?

From the Walk of Fame, we went over to the vendor area. On the way, a really tall guy walking with a cane almost knocked me over. I found out later that was David Prowse, who was actually the body of Darth Vadar instead of Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca. I know this now because I married a smart-ass geek. My apologies to everyone else who knew the difference before I did! : ) Heehee. So after narrowly being stomped by Darth Vadar, we made it to the place where you can purchase your heart’s limit of all things Sci-Fi. Once again, however, I managed to make another faux pas. Dragon*Con is not only a mecca for freaks and geeks, but there is also a healthy dollop of hanky-spanky fetish people as well. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t realize they would have a booth set up to sell things. The vendors area is set up like a flea market, which has spaces allotted for different shops, separated by shelving, curtains, or racks of clothes. One of the first booths we came to wasn’t immediately visible to me because of the shelving blocking my view. However, there was a package hanging off of the side that I happened to read. The package said “Hanging Cuffs.” So I say, in a rather louder voice than I meant to “Hey! Hanging Cuffs! I need a new pair of those!” As the words were coming out of my face, several things became very clear: A) I realized what hanging cuffs are and what they are for. B) The person behind me that I thought was Steve actually wasn’t Steve. C) I managed to say that embarrassing thing in one of those lulls in conversation that happen sometimes, so my words carried farther away than I had intended. DIES

However, thankfully no one around blinked an eyelash. Maybe because no one heard me after all (I hope) or maybe because when I looked around, I found myself standing pretty much in a booth of S&M whips, chains and other…toys, and saying I needed a new set of restraints wasn’t so out of the ordinary. Because I didn’t know what else to do, I went and examined a purple suede cat-o-nine tails and pretended that what I had said didn’t make me want to crawl underneath a table and die. Yeeesh.

When I finally made my way out of the booth, Steve and I came across a large selection of DVDs that had obviously been ripped from old VHS tapes and they contained things that I both actively avoid and had never heard of. Let’s just say, “Star Wars Christmas Special” type stuff was sold in this particular booth. Steve was sucked in immediately and so I went and sat down in an unoccupied corner and waited on him. He emerged, clutching a bulging bag of DVDs. Oy, Vey. When I saw what he had bought, it was enough to make me fall to my knees and bay at the sky with shaking fists: “Damn you, Glen Larson! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!”

Well, OK, that didn’t happen. At least not out loud. We are now the proud owners of “Birds of Prey” first season, “Highwayman”, and something called “Misfits of Science” which turned out to be funny, if not actually very good. Glen Larson was actually only involved in “Highwayman” but he might as well had created all of them. Pleh.

We saw all manner of things from there on. A whole section dedicated to Lovecraftian stuff, costuming, gaming, anime…etc. I saw one booth that sold nothing but very elaborate corsets. One customer had been laced into one and she was standing there, very red faced, and looked to be on the verge of an explosive anal prolapse. I didn’t stick around, but I hope they unlaced her before that happened. That booth also had a black leather corset studded with these stabby, pointy, metal spikes all over it. I almost bought it, but I thought, NAH. I’ve got one just like it at home already. : ) I keed. We stopped briefly by a place that sells something called Utilikilts. Basically, it’s a kilt with pockets. A Cargo-Kilt, if you will. I saw one guy in a Star Trek TNG suit with a kilt on and his pants around his ankles. Had I been quicker, I could have gotten a picture. : ) None of these kilts were plaid, mainly they were khaki. Here is my thought on them. Kilts are supposed to be plaid. None of the UtiliKilts were plaid. That means that a whole lot of men were walking around in long pleated skirts. Surprisingly, though, they carried the look off well. Huh.

Amazingly enough, I wasn’t seeing much that I would have wanted to buy. I was tempted to get a leather skirt at one place, mainly because it was pretty, but I realized that unless I wanted to get a breast plate and a pair of gladiator sandles and dress like Zena, Warrior Princess to work and church, it would probably never be worn. I wound up getting a very pretty handmade hair thingie. It’s one of those sticks that you can twist up in your hair. Unfortunately, I found out later that the polished wood is too slick and my hair too slippery to use it. BLAST!!!!!! I’ll make it work, though. I’m determined! I came to one booth that was so crowded with people that I couldn’t make out what it sold. The line was all the way across and three people deep. Turns out it was the many-sided dice vendor. That’s all I can really say about that.

Crud, this is taking me forever. Take heart! I’m almost done. However, now I need to get to work. : ) More to come.

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