What Now

I'd like to formally apologize to my neighbors for the language their children no doubt picked up from me today. I'm sure that they heard the things I said, even through the walls of my bedroom, and I hope that with in-depth therapy, those phrases will be wiped from their impressionable little minds in no time.

See, what happened was, I bought a new pair of buddy shoes, you know...pseudo-Keds. Those ubiquitous canvas low toppers that last about a summer before the upper part rips freely from the sole. Wal-Mart and Target are great places to get these.

But I digress.

I bought these shoes because I needed some comfortable, slip-on sneakers that I could wear to work. Well, one thing I forgot about buddy shoes is the fact that when one has been wearing boots pretty much all winter, plus the fact that your feet are all tender and soft from not being exposed to the elements, the heels of these fraking shoes will eat the back of your feet alive if you don't wear socks with them before they are broken in. Well, guess what I did. Indeed, I -sockless and clueless- wore these cute little shoes to work and school today. Only, about two ours in, I realized that my heels were flaming balls of agony. No problem, I'll just pop over to Wal-Mart and get some kind of bandage or cushion thingie to help me out.

Well, I can't find exactly what I'm looking for, but I found this stuff called Mole-Skin, which appeared to be a soft, adhesive stuff used for the problem that I was having. So I get to work, and slap some of this stuff on both my heels and the inside backs of my shoes! Brilliant! Worked like a charm! However, I still had sore feet because of the blister and friction burns on my heels from earlier. When I came home and removed the shoes, I went to remove the Mole-Skin that was plastered over my heels. My left foot was fine. I had one blister, but I had bandaged it and then put the other stuff over that. My right foot, however, was another story. As I pulled on the adhesive, I found that it wouldn't come off. Plus, it hurt. It hurt a lot. So I tried pulling in the opposite direction. Still, it hurt. So I braced myself and did the patented "Rip-Off-The-Band Aid" move. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad Mistake. Apparently, at some point between when I had put the Mole-Skin on my heel and when I got home, two new blisters formed underneath. When I ripped it off, I also ripped off two largish pieces of my own flesh in the process. I haven't heard things like that ever come out of my mouth, ever.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go get into the fetal position in the living room and whine over my mangled feet.