Wednesday, December 05, 2007


I am so sick of getting SPAM messages at work. Seriously. While I was gone two weeks, I got almost 5,000 messages - those were just the ones that went into my deleted files. I had to go and delete even more of them from my inbox.

I am still uncertain why anyone thinks that this is a good marketing strategy. I mean, it's cheap, but most people don't even open the message. I would assume spam killers would get rid of most of it, anyways. I wish there was a way to design a real nasty computer virus that could be returned to whomever sends these things and physically blow their computers apart. Of course, something like that could be used for evil purposes, but I'm willing to chance it.

However, I will post an open letter to all of the SPAM dealers out there who have decided that my work e-mail is fair game.

Dear Spam Senders,

I do not need any prescription medications that a doctor hasn't personally given me. I do not want a Rolex, a new mortgage, life insurance, or stock tips. I do not need male sexual enhancement and I do not care if you are a lonely girl who "Just want talking to you for fun." I also do not feel the need to fill out surveys for free gift cards and I certainly am not interested in hiding your eighty billion dollars in my bank account until you and the prince of South America can call me and get it back. I'm also not sure what the paragraphs of misspelled nonsense means, but if I read it out loud and it summons a demon, the first thing I'm going to tell him to do is find your information server and nuke it, right before I have him club you to death with your own severed leg. I hate you and want you to die.


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