What Now

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I finally killed the Twitter account! I had to sneak up on it, but it allowed me to delete this time. Part of the reason was because I couldn't use Twitter while at work, which was the main reason I wanted it. The other reason was that I had no desire to get updates from people I didn't know, so I was only following three people and those three people are either living together, working together, or hanging out together. I started to feel like I was crashing their party! I know that wasn't true, but they all knew what they were talking about and I didn't, so I just bailed. Now what will be funny is to see how long it takes them to realize I've deleted my account! :)

2) Friday was a nightmare day at work. I've been carpooling with Steve three to four days a week, so I had been getting to work at 7:00 a.m. and leaving at 4:00 p.m. - and I don't take a lunch break because I don't have anywhere I can go. That leaves me with a few extra hours before the end of the week. I am not supposed to be getting any over time, so I was going to get to leave work at 12:30 that afternoon. Go me! Well, the day before, I had been getting calls all day asking if anyone had told me about a sign that was needed for the Mobile Quarantine Facility that the SpRocket is getting refurbished. Since no one had, I hadn't made anything, and by about 2:00 that afternoon, I figured that they must not have needed anything after-all. I was wrong. The COO asked if I would meet him down at the Bus Barn (the building that burned and has yet to be repaired, but is still being used apparently) so that I could see what was needed. I was peeved, because I was in the middle of something, but when the COO calls, we are expected to go! It's one of the pitfalls of working for a former Army General. When I got down there, I found out that they didn't need a sign for the MQF. They didn't need a sign, but they needed the entire outside re-outfitted with vinyl graphics! BOO!!!! I don't think they have any idea how long it takes to make those things, so they decided to tell me at the end of the day, right before I was about to leave! HASTAREDS! I had to come back and finish the current thing I was working on, so I wasn't able to start the vinyl decals until Friday morning. I was sure I was going to be able to finish them before I left for the day, but it took longer than I thought. Every time I would almost finish something, I'd get a call from another department saying that they needed something else. I was frazzled! Needless to say, I didn't get to go home at 12:30! I didn't have time to eat or drink anything all day, I had to apply the decals myself (which is not a big deal, but wasn't expected), I had to cancel dinner plans with Sara and a couple of other girls I went to HS with, and I wound up staying past closing time. I was so tired. When I finally got home, I sat down to do something on my computer and fell asleep at my desk. I think I finally got to eat at 8:30 that night. The reason for all of this rushed foolishness? Good Morning America was going to be here on Monday and we had to make everything look nice. Did they find out last minute that GMA was coming? Nope. They knew for well over two weeks, but they didn't decide to have anything done until Friday. Well, at least the COO was impressed at my decals. There's got to be a silver lining in there somewhere. I'll have more stories later.

3) I've had another life realization recently. I am the kind of person who will deeply invest myself in things if they matter to me. I mean deeply invest. That goes for jobs, friendships, relationships, hobbies and etc. I suppose that's a great kind of person to be in theory, but in reality, I don't know if I like it all that much. There isn't anything I can do to change it, because it's just who I am, but what used to be such a blessing is slowly becoming more of a curse. It isn't because I want to do things halfway, but I've realized that even when I'm dedicated to whatever it is 110%, chances are, the other people involved aren't. I've had to teach myself to step back occasionally and see how much the other people are invested and it's beginning to become clear that sometimes the answer to that isn't good. If I stop doing my normal part, just to see how much effort they usually put out, I am unpleasantly surprised more often than not. I used to want to do everything in the world for Steve, but he is so seemingly indifferent about the little nice things I want to do that I have just stopped for the most part. Occasionally I try, but it usually works out the same. That's not to say that we are completely unhappy and on the verge of splitting up, I mean, marriage is about 90% what you are willing to put up with and 10% what you are legally expected to put up with, right? :) This also happens at work. I'll work my tail off to do something well, and I feel like it's important enough to devote my time and considerable efforts to, but when it's all said and done, no one really notices. I've had that problem with certain friendships as well. I've realized that I tend to do a great deal of work to hang on to people that I care about a lot, but that it is a badly one sided relationship for the most part. Maybe I'm wrong to be hurt by that. Maybe that is just what friendships are like in real life. I don't want to give them up, but it gets embarrassing after a while. I always wind up feeling like I'm thrusting myself into a place that is important to me, but is only tolerated by everyone else. I guess the main thing is that it hurts when I realize that the things that mean so much to me, and that I thought were important to others, were really only important to me. It sucks. I just feel like I have so much to offer and it's beginning to go to waste. I don't mean to complain this beautiful morning, but that is something that has been weighing on me. I don't want to have to change, but why should I make an effort if it doesn't matter?

4) Good Thoughts For the Week: Indiana Jones, Corn Pops, Chocolate, Puppies, Funny British TV Shows, Beautiful Weather, Dinner With Friends & Cute New Shirts. I'm sure there will be more, but I'll have to take them as they come.