RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Merry after Christmas! We had a lovely holiday, thanks for asking! We made the requisite rounds of family gatherings, ate hugely, played in a completely unexpected snowfall (well, I did) and exchanged gifts. We had a great time all around, I think. Steve, of course, had to bring a whole new set of sucky Christmas movies into the mix, but I forgave him for that since it was Jesus' birthday and all. :) Here is the snowman Seth and I made:


2) Steve gave me a funny/thoughtful Christmas gift this year. He remembered that when I was a little girl, I loved Wonder Woman. Not just loved her, but was planning on becoming her when I grew up. This was, of course, before I knew that she wasn't like Green Lantern and couldn't just pass off her image to a whole new person. (And now I've revealed I know too much about Green Lantern.) Anyways, he gave me a pendant with the Wonder Woman symbol to wear on a necklace! At least that's what I think it is. Maybe it's a Whataburger logo. Eh, either way. cool! I thought it was sweet he remembered my silly childhood ambitions. I'm just glad he didn't buy it at Zales.

3) I finally finished my 365 hat project! *snoopy dance* I know that most of you probably already knew what the "Hat Count" number was about all this time, but for those of you who didn't, I'll explain more fully now that I'm done. I set a goal for myself at the end of last year, to make one hat for every day of the year. My original goal was just to thin out my yarn stash and make 365 hats, period. However, in my search for hat patterns, I ran across a website for "The Hatbox Foundation," which is a charity that takes handmade hats and distributes them to hospitals across the country for patients undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Since I've lost so many family members to cancer, this site kind of spoke to my heart, and I decided that I'd be able to reach my goal and do some good in the world at the same time! There are other similar charities, but since this one works with the hospital my very loved, late mother-in-law was in during her fight with cancer, I chose it. I won't be sending all 365 hats to the charity, unfortunately. I counted every hat I made into my total, and that included hats I made for myself, ones I made as gifts for friends, & some I sold. Also, some can't be sent because of the type of yarn I used or the pattern I used wasn't suitable because it wasn't tightly woven enough. However, the majority of them, somewhere between 280 - 300 (I have to go through them again to be sure), can be donated! Now my biggest concern is packing them up and figuring out a way to get them to California! I'll probably wait until the new year to figure out that one.

4) I'm going to have to go to the hospital next week and have a sleep study done. Fun, right? : ( My GP is trying to help me figure out some health issues (nothing major, just annoying) and so he sent me to a sleep clinic to see if I have sleep apnea. Steve has told me that sometimes I just stop breathing while I'm asleep and I struggle to start again. Apparently that's not normal. Anyways, I went to the doc (who looks like Stephen King...not cool) and now I have to spend the night in a clinic bedroom with wires taped all over my bod while someone watches me. Seriously, how am I going to fall asleep like that?! There is a slight chance that I may have to have a CPAP, which is just all kinds of sexy. Attention, guys who chose not to marry me...bullet dodged. Consider yourself extra lucky now. Of course, if it keeps me from suffocating in my sleep, I should probably not care one way or the other how it looks, right? Also, if it helps me feel better, I guess I'm willing to use it. I'll just look like Darth Vadar. Heehee. Honestly, I don't think it will come down to having to use a machine to breathe at night, but that is why "Dr. Stephen King" and his minions will be watching me sleep. Just to make sure. We'll see. :)

5) I only sent out one Christmas card this year! I had such plans!!!!!! I made one specifically for a friend/former teacher and his wife who were even bigger "Lost" nerds than I was, and I almost forgot to send that one out.


Maybe next year all of my loved ones will get one. Not necessarily a DHARMA card, but still... Sorry about that, loved ones. My bad!

GUUUURL, PLEASE.

I'm so very tired of the Zales jewelry commercials. You know which ones I mean, right? The ones where the guy presents the little box to the woman and the women go through various stages of ecstasy? Then the caption on the screen changes to something along the lines of: The "Blah, blah, blah" Store?

They grate on me.

I can't help it. I'm not going all feminist on you guys or anything, but frankly, the commercials are insulting.

I know that getting jewelry is a good thing. Hell, we all know how much I personally like sparkly things in general. But I'll be damned if a box of ugly, mass produced jewelry would make my panties hit the floor like the commercial implies it will*. Please.

I can understand being excited over an engagement ring. I can even understand that you might get excited over a well thought out, meaningful piece of jewelry. But these commercials (on purpose or not) just seem to say "Hey! Buy her something from our store! Anything from our store! She'll be apoplectic with joy because you give her something shiny! Bitches, loooooove shiny!"

*shakes head*

*Now, please don't think that I'd make fun of any of you guys for buying your wife or girlfriend a piece of jewelry, because I think it's a lovely thing to do. However, I'd like to think that any man I know and love would have a bit more imagination when it comes to the kind of stuff they buy!

(SOCK) MONKEY BUSINESS

Cringe in envy, folks! CRINGE!

I took this hat to my mother's house one day while I was staying with my brother, and she took this picture for me. Since it was really cold that evening, I actually wore it while I was driving home. I'm not shy about singing and dancing pretty hard while driving, but I had an embarrassing moment when I realized how odd my silhouette must look to anyone from behind.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) We had such a good time at Steve's company party! Of course, we usually do, but it seemed like this year was extra fun. I dunno. Maybe someone put ecstasy in the spinach dip or something. :) It was held at the SpRocket (ptooey), and I went over there that afternoon to help put together cupcake stands and help do other things. I think I was mostly in the way, but I enjoyed helping the little bit that I did. I also got to visit with a whole lot of people I used to work with and it was nice seeing them again! As these things usually go, the different departments kind of grouped together, so the IT guys all shared a table. At one point I asked if that meant we were at the geek table and I was in formed that it meant were at the Awesome Table! Heehee. As usual, Steve didn't win any of the door prizes, but at least two of the guys won something! I didn't get to dance (again) but I can forgive Steve this time because he had minor surgery on his foot earlier in the week. Obviously, that is the only excuse I will accept in the future. There were cupcakes from Gigi's. Cupcakes, y'all! Also, my dress was about 4 inches too long, and I had a bad moment where I stepped on the hem and almost yanked the top part down. I would have given the Toys for Tots Marines the thrill of their lives had I not managed to grab my neckline and keep it where it needed to be. Oh, and I wore bedroom slippers the entire night. My dress was long. Don't judge me.

2) I've been busy making sock monkey hats for people I know. Initially, I only made one because one of my Facebook friends gave me the idea, but several people have asked for one! They're buying the yarn, I'm supplying the hands. I wish I could say I invented the idea, but Skymall beat me to it. Oh, well...mine are cuter. :)

3) We had a wonderful Thanksmas this year and I cooked, cooked, and cooked. Then I ate, ate, and ate. It was a lot of fun! I always enjoy visiting my Georgia family! We even got to see the first installment of Harry Potter with Amy and her family! We used to do that every time I new one came out until they started airing in the summer. Nothing too out of the norm happened, but Steve did get sick. I'm very grateful he kept away from everyone's kids after he started feeling bad. Mr. Lee and I had to go on a wild goose chase to try and find medicine that (we realized later) had been recalled, but all in all it was a great trip and we all had a wonderful time!

4) I feel like such a moron. Do you ever have one of those moments where your brain just can't wrap around a simple concept? I had that moment yesterday when I went to Target to run an errand. I happened to pass by a rack of t-shirts that were made for the BCS national championship game in January. It was a gray shirt that had Auburn Tigers printed on the left side, Oregon Ducks printed on the right and some kind of emblem in between the names. The emblem was in a shield shape and the pointy end extended towards the bottom of the shirt. On the left side of the emblem, underneath the word "tigers," was the number 20 and on the right side of it, underneath the word "ducks," was the number11. I stood there for quite a few minutes staring at the shirt thinking... "How do they know the score already?!" I couldn't figure out if it was some kind of mistake and that a bunch of shirts with scores on them had been pre-printed and sent out by accident, or (and I'm kind of ashamed of myself for this one) if maybe the real game had already been played but wouldn't be aired until January. After about 15 minutes, I realized that the 20 and the 11 were the year. If I facepalmed all day, every day for a month, I don't think it would cover it. Oy.

MY APOLOGIES

I'm going to have to activate the capcha thing on my comments because some foreign company feels that spamming up my modest little blog will make it easier for them to sell Viagra and fake Rolexes.

However, if you feel the need to "MaKe SuRe YoU LoVer LaSt LoNg TiMe" feel free to click on any comment with a link on it that you find.

I also hope that the extra step won't keep real people from commenting on my posts!

Hello, darlings! At the moment of this writing, I'm still alive. I apologize to those of you who faithfully check each day to see if I have written anything. It speaks volumes about the boredom you must feel on a regular basis! :) There is probably some kind of way that you can be notified when I actually do update this blog, so that you can forget about me until a message pops up, but I don't know what that would be called or how to do it. :( Anyways, I've had a lot to talk about, but apparently for the past week I've been sick. I didn't really know I was sick till I got well, which seems odd, but that accounts for why I didn't write anything about Thanksmas or any of the other things. However, those stories will have to wait because I have a particular one I want to share first. I shall call it:

OY, CHRISTMAS TREE -or- The Rise and Fall of Griswold.

(This will be better if you imagine Jean Shepherd reading it aloud.)

I'll be honest, the idea of putting up a Christmas tree feels tedious and weird to me at this stage of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hum bugging the idea of a tree, I actually like them a lot! I love the lights and how the room looks when the lamps are off and the ornaments sparkle, but the idea of actually assembling a tree and decorating it feels more like a job than it used to. For Steve, the tree is an important centerpiece on his very favorite holiday, so even if I moan about doing it, I always help him put it up because it SHOULD be a family activity. If I could open the tree, already decorated, like an umbrella, and set it up that would be perfect. However, Disney hasn't perfected that kind of tree yet, so when Christmas comes around, we pull Griswold out of his resting place for the season.

Griswold is the tree we got during the second Christmas after we got married. We call it Griswold in honor of the scene from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" when the family brings home the tree, brings it into the living room, cuts the rope, and the enormous thing shoves the furniture aside and fills most of the open space with limbs. That is practically what happened the first time we set Griswold up in our (rather small) living room. Gris has been a member of the family ever since, and except for one year, we've faithfully set it up and decorated it every December.

Over the last couple of years, though, I had begun to notice that he was looking a little ragged. Anyone who uses an artificial tree knows what I mean: the limbs start to bend at weird angles and the branches seem to get a bit flat. I knew we were going to have to get a new tree soon, but kept putting it off because Gris had sentimental value, a symbol of a much more innocent time, if you will. I don't exactly know the life span of an artificial tree, but I knew that ours wouldn't last much longer. Also, I was tired of giving up such a chunk of living room space to a tree that was honestly too big for the room. I'd lobbied for a smaller tree, but as I said, Gris is part of the family - and Steve didn't notice he was getting raggedy.

This year, assembling the tree began as usual. Steve pulls the tree out of the over head storage compartment (fake argument #1) and I avoid being in the room while he's setting it up. (This is because he gets snippy when he does this part. If he tells you he doesn't, he LIES!) Anyway, I'm sitting in my office when I hear him say "Ouch!" (injury #1) I don't know what had happened, but I began to worry that he had gotten trapped under the thyroidal monster, so I went in to help him. He was OK, probably just pinched by something, so I sat back in my chair as he began to assemble the tree. He was having problems with the base, and once all of the pieces were up, the tree had a decided lean to it. That was new! Gris was usually trouble free, so we knew something was wrong. Steve disassembled the tree and fooled around with the base...still no joy. He had already handed me the top of the tree, and when he handed me the middle, I couldn't grab it and he snapped at me (Told ya! Real Argument #1) until I grabbed with with my legs. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with it, so about the time he got frustrated, I approached the idea of possibly going out to get another tree! Surprisingly, he agreed. We went out to Hobby Lobby (store #1) to get a new one because they would most likely have a nice one like we wanted. I found one right away, but Steve didn't like it. It had pine cones and was a bit shorter than he wanted. Ok, then...we found a few new ornaments to take home, at least, so it wasn't a total bust! Since we were in the shopping area, we decided to check Target for a tree (store #2). Again, I found one I liked, but it didn't have LED lights (apparently a must). The one we found with LED lights was sold out (although a rather vacuous salesman tried to sell us a floor model - a mislabeled floor model. It was supposedly the tree we were looking for, a pre-lit tree, but the tree had no lights at all on it, which I had to point out.) However, I found packages of silver icicles (which I love but have never thought he'd let me put on an artificial tree, but he will!) and we got 7 packages! Yay! We went home (my fault because I never set my watch back to Central Time after Thanksmas) and when we realized it was still early, we went to Home Depot (store #3), Lowes (store #4), and Wal-Mart (store #5). At each place, I found a tree, but Steve didn't like any of them for one reason or another. Honestly, after Target, I went into "Kill Me" mode. I decided to leave the tree decision up to Steve because he knew what he wanted and I was obviously not sharing his vision. I'm also not proud of this, but in light of full disclosure, I kind of had a come apart at Wal-Mart. I didn't throw things or yell, I do have more class than that, but I was done with it. Getting a Christmas tree shouldn't be as complicated as it had become. I'd run all over the damn town looking for the holy-fracking-grail of Christmas trees, had each and every one of my suggestions disregarded, and not only was I tired and cold, I was pissed. I absolutely HATE when simple things are made to be complicated. Hate. It. There is no reason for it, and at that point, it would have been better to just get a real tree and deal with the loose needles, water, non-symmetry, and possible squirrels. Hell, it might have even been fun to have a non-normal tree (for us) and we could have had a little fun with that, but nope, can't happen. Jesus himself has to surround the tree with angels before we can take it home, and he'd better not forget the LED lights! AHHHHHHHHH! Fudging tree! (Only I didn't say fudge.)

After I cooled off a bit, I realized that since the tree isn't a big deal to me, but it is for Steve, the least I could do is be understanding about it. I was ashamed of myself. I'm not usually that petty and I certainly didn't want to ruin the whole thing for Steve. I seem do that enough about everything else. So when we got home, I helped him try and reassemble Griswold again. We finally got the tree to stand up straight, we still couldn't fix the base, but it seemed stable enough. I crawled under the tree to see if I could figure out what was wrong, but I couldn't find the problem. We were hooking the lights together when Steve said I said "ouch" but I don't remember doing it. What I do remember is climbing out from under the tree and noticing my arm felt cold. I looked down and blood was all over my forearm, from my elbow to halfway to my hand. All I could do was watch as the blood welled up. It didn't hurt, so I think my brain thought I was hallucinating. I actually sat there and watched it while Steve ran to get a paper towel. It was kind of fascinating, really. Once I got the towel on my arm, I noticed that there was blood all over the floor underneath the tree. Nice. So I mopped up what I could see and went to clean my arm off. It still didn't hurt, but it was still bleeding. I have no idea what cut me, and I had no idea I could bleed so much and not even notice! What I do know, is that there shouldn't be forensic evidence left after putting up a tree. When I got cleaned up, I went into my office when I heard the tree come down. I'm not sure if it fell, or if Steve was just pulling it apart, but before I knew it, Steve was repacking it into the box and going to Treetopia (I'd love to get one of the funky trees) to order a new one. Although we were going to have to get rid of Gris, all was right with the world again.

Once we get the new tree, Christmas can begin!

There are times when your heart breaks for someone and you have absolutely no idea what to do or say.

There is a very sweet family that I know that honestly needs comfort right now. They lost a very loved baby boy last night, quite suddenly, and could use every prayer you can give. Whatever you believe in, whomever you pray to, please take a moment and send up a prayer for them.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) You know how sometimes I say I feel like a certain color, or that something tastes like a color? It's because of this! I kind of hate that they've pared it all down to genes and biology, though. I'd rather just believe it was magic! :)

2) Last week was our 10th anniversary. That's hard to believe, right? Anyways, we had a nice day. It was kind of low key, but nice. We had dinner at The Melting Pot again, which was loverly as always. I only stabbed Steve with a fondue fork once, and we managed to get out of the place with only a tiny bit of cheese on my pants! It was fun! I'll say this too, we ordered the White Chocolate Creme Brulee dessert, and it was probably one of the best tasting things I've ever had, (and I'm saying that as someone who eats a lot. I mean, a LOT.) Fortunately, this year we didn't happen to run into anyone throwing up in the parking lot, so that was definitely a plus. Good times, noodle salad.

3) Saturday we headed out to Fayetteville, TN so that Steve could play with the Madison Community Band at the "Host of Christmas Past" festival.
First off, I had no idea Fayetteville was so close. Second, I had no idea that this festival thing was such a big deal. We went a couple of hours early, ostensibly to look around a while, but a great deal of that time was spent looking for a parking place and standing in line for the bathroom. Seriously, why does it take women so long to pee?! We didn't really look around much once we got outside, because Steve was uncomfortable in a tux and didn't want to walk around, it was very warm and very crowded. I wish I could have taken more pictures, but...there you go.
This was the only picture I managed to get of Steve while he was playing. The beardy guy on the end blocked him most of the time. The arrow was for the benefit of Facebook, because there are a great deal of people I know on there who don't know what Steve looks like, and as nice as the beardy guy is, I didn't want people to think I was married to a paw-paw.




In case you want to hear them, I got the first song in it's entirety. I wish it had better sound quality because they sounded great! Because of where I was sitting, the sound didn't blend as well as it would have if I was out front. I also wish I had a better vantage point, but as it was I had to punch an old lady in the ear to get the chair I was in! :)

4) Just so you know, I really will share my chocolate with other people. I wouldn't really stab anyone in the eye over it. Well, maybe not. Just felt I needed to get that out there...

5) Did you know that if you poke a sharp knife into the bone marrow of a Honey Baked Ham, it will squirt blood on you? I found that out the hard way last night at our church's Thanksgiving dinner. I was also reminded that trying to pull apart a Honey Baked Ham and/or turkey into manageable slices (even while wearing gloves) will render you a sticky, sugary mess that no manner of hand washing will help. I came home last night exhausted, sticky, crusted with sugar and spattered in pig blood. Eh...just my regular Wednesday night kind of thing, you know.

6) Here is a picture of the sky outside my house this morning! Beautiful, even with the power line in the way! It's kind of an awkward shot, but I didn't want anyones roof in the picture!

I'd once again like to apologize to the neighbors for going out without wearing pants. I didn't have time to go and get any because the sky was changing every second! Art doesn't wear pants, after all.

7) Google failed me! My illusions are completely destroyed! I had been talking about football and the subject of national championships came up. We were trying to find out if Auburn University had ever won one, so I went to Google. Absolutely nothing I found made sense to me. Luckily, The Kenny knows all about Auburn football and he told me the answer:

"1957. They were on probation, but won one and it counted. Auburn could also claim a few other minor ones, but they leave those trifles to Alabama.

Other seasons of note, if you really care: 1983, 1993, 2004. All great undefeated teams."

Mystery solved!

So...in your face, Google! Now I'm just going to ask him when I need an answer to something! You have failed me for the last time, search engine.

Yesterday was the day I had to go back for my filling. I hate that I'm such a baby about stuff like that, but I have good reason! My childhood dentist had obviously learned his craft at a concentration camp or something, because whenever I had to go in for a filling, it felt like he was trying to remove my medulla oblongata with a syringe. Of course, maybe it was just because I was a kid and terrified of needles of all kinds, but in my head, that dentist was Joseph Mengele in disguise. At any rate, when I went in to have the thing done, I explained my aversion to needles. The drill I'm cool with, the novacaine needle throws me into a panic attack. They were surprisingly nice about the whole thing, and my dentist, Dr. Knight the younger, was very gentle. I barely felt him give me the injection at all...but then again, I had taken a tranquilizer beforehand, so maybe I did feel it and just didn't care. The actual filling part took 20 minutes or less, and seemed to be a lot simpler than it used to be. While I was lying in the chair, some man leaned into the cubicle and said hello. I didn't know who he was, and I thought he was talking to the dentist, but he was staring straight at me. I probably came off as quite rude, because I didn't say anything and it became obvious he was talking to me, so I finally said hello (as well as I could.) I realized after a second he was Dr. Knight the elder, whom I'd never met before. My main problem was that they had to clamp something in my mouth, something that looked a lot like a tool I remember my dad having in his utility room. It wasn't really huge or anything, but it was clamped in my mouth and sticking out. They had also stuffed my mouth with cotton, I had two pairs of hands in there, a sucker hose, a water hose, and a heat light wand that they were using to bond the composite to my tooth. OK, maybe that wasn't happening all at once, but how can you be polite to someone you don't know when you feel like this?

I felt bad for seeming rude, though. :( At any rate, after my social faux pas, they finished up with my mouth and things were fine. My mouth was still numb, and I had a slight case of stroke-face, and the clamp thing they had put in my mouth had pinched my lip, but my filling was filled! Now my mouth is very sore, but at least they caught the cavity before it got bad. He said he was "concerned" about the tooth right next to the one they filled, but he would keep a watch on it. Seriously? How can he do that if I only go twice a year? SIGH. I don't want any of you to think I don't take care of my teeth. Seriously, they cost my parent's a small fortune, and I'm almost OCD about taking care of them, so I have no idea how I'm getting cavities. Let's just hope that tooth he's "concerned" about doesn't need any work done on it. I don't like people poking around in my face holes!

Speaking of my dentist, he is precious. He seems to be a very young man, well...younger than me by a bit anyway, and he is very proud of his wife and kids. In fact, he was telling me and the dental assistant that his wife is due to have their newest baby any moment. In fact, he was leaving the office soon after he worked on me to go home and make sure he was with her if she needed him. He said this would be their fourth son (the oldest being 5, yikes) and since this was the last one he was so excited about rounding out their family. He said he was so excited about meeting this new baby and seeing what he looked like. It was so sweet. He also mentioned that all his boys had blue eyes and he wasn't sure where it came from. The assistant asked if his wife had blue eyes and he said "They are kind of blue, but they change depending on what she wears, and close to the pupil she has this ring of gold...but I guess her eyes are blue." AWWWW! You know a man loves his wife if he knows THAT much about her eyes. Precious.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED, I THINK... VOL. 1

Sometimes I wonder about stuff that is wildly improbable. I don't know why I do this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with having a well developed imagination and a lot of time to use it. Although I am aware that we don't truly know how we'd act in certain situations until we actually experience them, these are some things I believe I know about myself:

1) I think I'm a pretty good candidate to have Stockholm Syndrome if I'm ever a victim of a long term hostage situation. It's not that I'd necessarily want to become complacent and accepting of abuse and being kidnapped, but I tend to want to get along with everyone if I can, even in pretty harsh situations. I'd actually like to think I'd rise up righteous and rip a bad guy's spine out through his stomach, but I'm fairly certain I'm more likely to offer to bake them cookies.

2) If I were in the medical profession, I could totally be a surgeon. I have no problem cutting people up or being bled upon. Not that I've ever cut anyone up before, you understand, but I am fairly certain I could do it. I even think I could eventually deal with the whole "life and death" thing easily. I could not, however, be a nurse. It takes a very special person to be a nurse, and I don't think I'm that kind of special. I can be bled on, sure, but the first time someone got vomit or poop on me, I'd run screaming from the building.

3) I believe I could kill someone if I had to. I don't mean that I'd wake up one morning and just decide to take someone's life, but if I had to do it to protect myself I could. I also think I might be capable of beating the living hell out of someone, if they caught me at the wrong moment. I've been mad enough to do it, but I hope I don't ever get tested on either of these things! I'd feel terrible once the rage-fog wore off!

A QUICKY

Do you want to know what I love? I love that I have friends who pull things apart and them give me pieces of them and say "I just thought you might be able to make something with this."

That probably sounds weird, but I love that they think of me, and believe I'm creative enough to make something good out of the things they give me.

It's a little thing, but the best things are always the little things.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) As we all know, yesterday was Halloween and no hi-jinks ensued at our house. We were at church most of the day, of course, but when we got home, we were too tired to deal with anyone so we cut off all the lights and hid until a reasonably late hour. Shut up. I know, I know, and I'm sorry if that seems mean of us, but you can bite me. If we lived in a close, well lighted neighborhood I wouldn't be this way, but we don't and there aren't many children who come by and the ones who have come in the past were either creepy or way too old to be trick-or-treating. If avoiding them means I have to crawl around, marine-style, in the dark - I don't mind. We probably could have gone to Mr. Lee's house and helped him give out candy (he lives in one of those places where the houses are right up against each other and everyone knows one another) but I had to run the sound board for services last night, and by the time we got out, we just weren't in the mood! Bah, humbug! (or whatever the Halloween equivalent of that would be!) :)

2) I had to go to the dentist the other day, and the girl who cleaned my teeth spent the whole time talking about how good my teeth were and how well I took care of them. When the dentist came in, he looked at my new x-rays, which are now kept on some kind of awesome computer program that looks straight out of "CSI," and found a cavity! BOO! Bait and switch! I've been so careful about my teeth since the root canal and I got a stinking cavity! At least he found it before it got bad. Apparently it is in between two of my back teeth, which are very close together thanks to my early stint with braces and retainers, and difficult to get in-between. Ugh. Now I get to go and freak out while they stick needles into my mouth. I hate getting dental work.

3) Speaking of Halloween... When I was younger, we always had super-fun Halloween events with our church. They'd have parties, or take us trick-or-treating, and one year even had a haunted house for us. It was done to keep us safe and it was always a lot of fun! Of course, when we got older we got a few people in our church who decided that Halloween was evil. Oh, yes, it was a veritable mosh pit of demons and virgin sacrifices to the devil! At any rate, the church stopped the Halloween stuff and started having "harvest festivals" or taking us to Judgment Houses (I hated those things). Anyways...I suppose I can understand their point of view, sort of, but one lady always made such a big, stinking deal out of the whole thing. She even got incensed when one of the Sunday school teachers wore a dress with a jack-o-lantern on it. I mean, she actually stood up in church and sort of passive-aggressively called her out on it (she didn't use names, but we all knew who she was talking about.) Well, last night, I watched a documentary on the history of Halloween, and I wish I had known all of the stuff I found out back when that self-righteous heifer decided to ruin it for everyone. It never had anything to do with the devil, and in fact, the basis of what we know as Halloween came directly out of an early Christian celebration! Halloween as it is now celebrated was an American invention to keep neighborhood kids from causing too much mischief! The whole candy thing is almost a 100% commercial creation - like Valentine's Day- invented so that candy companies could make money. I know I sound awfully negative, but I don't mean to. I just don't like willful, narrow-minded, stupidity - and the fact that the woman from my old church sounded so completely convinced that she was right about it makes me wish I could go back in time and tell her to shut up.

4) Wow, I do sound really negative this morning! I'm not in a bad mood, I promise!

5) I had a long and drawn out fight with myself this morning about going to the gym. I lost. Now I have a cramp in my left calf and I'm scared to stand up! The TV that was on my end of the cardio section was playing The View, and I'm so glad I couldn't actually hear what was going on. That show gives me a headache! I'm fairly certain I'd physically attack that blonde lady and the one named Joy if I had to deal with them on a daily basis.

6) I bought a pomegranate last week and had no idea how to eat it. I think I bought one years ago, and it took me, like, 6 hours to eat it because I didn't realize you could eat the seeds! I Googled the question, but the only thing I found told me how to open the thing, not eat it. So, I posted the question to Facebook, and people finally told me I could eat the whole aril (yes, I also learned what the red thingies are called while Googling), and not just the red part around it! It was so good! My fingertips were stained maroon, and it took me 2 hours to eat all the little thingies, but it was worth it!

SURRENDER DOROTHY

If you live anywhere around my neck of the woods, you probably had to endure some pretty hinky weather yesterday. It was grossly warm and sticky that morning, but the bad weather moved in during the afternoon and settled in for a while. Luckily, I didn't get hit with a tornado (even though they seemed to be touching down all around us) but we did get some pretty heavy rain and the sirens went off a thousand times. My dogs really, really hate that siren, and they howl along with it whenever they hear it. I never really understood why until I went outside yesterday to look at the sky and it went off. That thing hurt my ears, and I'm almost deaf from years of blasting music into my head! I did manage to get a video and some neato pictures!



If you listen closely, behind the siren sound you can hear the dogs freaking out inside the house. I had to lay in the floor and talk to them to keep them calm. Also, when it looked like I almost dropped the camera, it was because a wasp landed in my hair. *shudder*

Here are also some shots of the sky. It was doing some pretty weird stuff right before the clouds covered everything. I thought it was pretty, though!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who might have been redirected to this blog by accident. I seem to have an unusual number of international visitors who wind up here while doing searches for other blogspot sites, and I'd just to be clear, I have no idea what is happening. Hopefully, though, you'll be so enthralled by my wit and adorableness that you'll become a regular visitor! Right? *crickets-crickets-crickets*

2) I am now, and probably always will be, about 10 years old deep down inside. There is a hymn that is fairly common "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name" that we have sung for as long as I remember. If you aren't familiar with the song, the first line goes:

"All hail the power of Jesus' name, let angels prostrate fall."

Every single time, for years and years and years, I giggle when we sing that song because in my mind, the line becomes:

"All hail the power of Jesus' name, let angels PROSTATE fall."

I know how childish and ridiculous that is, but I can't help it. It makes me think that when Jesus is around, the angels internal workings start to prolapse. Funny, maybe, but appropriate? Never.

3) Steve and I watched the last season of "True Blood" this weekend. It isn't a show that we trouble ourselves about while it's actually on, but once the season is over we will eventually look for the episodes we missed. I like the show alright, and it has some funny parts, but I'm not a huge fan of vampires. They don't scare me or anything, they just seem overly...pretentious and moody? Like supernatural MySpace cutters. Anyways, the show is pretty good for what it is, I guess. Of course, they make Louisiana a lot more interesting than it really is. If you could believe what they say, the state is full of attractive naked people, none of which are human. Bon Temps, indeed!

4) I made some apple cheddar scones this weekend that actually turned out good enough to make you slap your momma! I mean, don't....but they are that good. I thought I had burnt them, because while they were baking I kept smelling smoke. Thankfully, it was just something on one of the registers, because they turned out fine. This reminds me that I need to clean the oven today. I hate doing that. :( I mean, it's a self cleaning oven, but it scares me to have it on that high. Oh well...gotta do it. Boo.

5) After telling you guys that the sea monkeys were doing well, I've lost 3 of them and now only have 3 left. How sad. :( There are supposed to be babies, and I occasionally see one flitting around, but they never live long enough to grow up. Who knew you could get attached to water bugs?

This bird is awesome. All of your arguments are invalid.

NIGHTMARES & DREAMSCAPES

The other night I had another nightmare, and believe it or not, it was not caused by chocolate! I don't remember what happened except that I was trapped in a hotel with a bunch of other people and some dead bodies. I don't think the hotel was even scary. It was like a really brightly lit Marriott or something, but there was a killer on the loose and every once in a while we'd happen upon a body stuffed under a bed and stuff like that.

The one, very vivid image from the dream that refuses to go away is one where a group of people I was in the hotel with (about 7 or 8 of us) thought we had trapped the killer in one of the rooms, and we were going to keep him trapped in there. Apparently the only way we could know for sure if the man inside the room was the bad guy was to sing, and if he didn't know the words, it was him.

(Shut up, it was a dream!)

So there we were, standing in a group outside the door and we all start singing "Sweet Caroline." I started it off, and the others joined in. When we got to the chorus, the door opened and an old, fat guy in a suit walked out holding a toothbrush and starting singing with us! I suppose we weren't too concerned that we had pegged the wrong guy because we kept on singing so we could finish the song. When we were almost to the end, I looked up and the killer (wearing a creepy mask) rides by on this old bicycle. He was going really slow and looking right into my eyes. It probably doesn't sound very scary to you...but jeez, it was disturbing.

Of course, ever since then, I've had the darn song stuck in my head and because of that dream the song has become unsettling. I have no idea what the dream was supposed to mean, but I am fully aware that I am now scared to death of Neil Diamond.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Oy, yesterday was busy. I mean, I didn't have a lot of things to do, but it seemed like everything happened all at once. We were going to have the Pastor Appreciation pot-luck for Bro. Mylon after morning services, and as you know, I work in the kitchen, so as soon as I got to church I had to run downstairs and intercept covered dishes as they trickled in. I was also going to need to run the sound system during the services since the regular guy wasn't going to be there, so with cornbread still under my fingernails, I had to run upstairs and make sure the projectors and things were on and ready to go. Don't let anyone ever tell you I'm not multifaceted. :) Everything was going swell until the minister of music stopped in the middle of our first song and told me to put the right slide up. I had no idea what he was talking about, because the screen I could see was working just fine. Everyone turned to look at me and I was non-plussed. I finally looked over my head and saw that the screen over my head (the one on the back wall) was stuck on the announcements. I have no idea how that happened (unless I somehow hit a wrong button when I was trying to center the images). With everyone looking at me and giggling, I didn't know what else to say but "Wha? OK, that is NOT my fault!" The music minister turned and saw that the screen behind him was working, so he just laughed and finished the song without his words. During the prayer, I managed to get the thing working again. I'd like to think Jesus didn't mind a bit of tech support going on while everyone else was talking to him. The rest of the service went fine, and just before it ended, Steve came to take my place at the sound board so I could run back downstairs and write the words on our pastor's cake. We were running out of time to get everything done, and so my attempt at writing "Thank You" on the cake looked like someone with a bad case of Parkinson's Disease did it, but at least it was legible. Then, of course, the meal happened and that was a lot of running about and cleaning up afterward. I only burnt myself once, so there's a silver lining! I managed to get a short nap at home before turning around and doing the sound again for the evening service. I was so tired by the time we got home.

2) I have a couple of pictures of the jewelry I am learning how to make. These aren't my favorites, but I had already taken the best ones to the lady who runs the store. Also, I apologize that the pictures are bad, but I think my sad little Easy-Share is showing its age. :)

I love making these, but it hurts my neck to hunch over the table! I still have a long way to go before I'm anywhere as good as the lady from Singapore, and the clay I'm using doesn't seem to want to cooperate a great deal of the time. Either it's too soft and gooey, or it's too stiff to stick together. These, along with my other stuff, will be taken to the NEACA Craft show and to Lobsterfest at St. Thomas' Episcopal (where Miss Donna will have a craft table), as well as being available at Lynn's Silks and More. I'm very blessed that Donna thinks these are good enough to carry with her to these events, but I am still not very convinced anyone is going to want them. Eh, well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

3) A couple of weeks ago, I bought myself a box of the seasonal Godiva truffles. I refuse to share these, as we all know, and I was roundly punished for my selfishness. There were only six of them in the box, and every night I happened to eat one, I had terrible nightmares. I don't even remember what they were about, either, but I have no doubt that the truffles caused them. I still stand by my notion that they cause the worst nightmares out of all the chocolate that I've tried this with. Of course, I haven't tried every chocolate in the world (yet...) but I think it must be the better quality chocolate that does this because cheap chocolate never gives me nightmares. I really wish I knew why it happens! If anyone out there wants to do real scientific research on this phenomenon, I'm still completely available to be a test subject! :)

LINKIES!

OK, this is just a quick one, but I had to share. I had a pen pal named Sarah from the time I was in the 4th grade til after I graduated high school. She was from Athens, Ohio and of course, I was from Athens, Alabama (don't know if that was intentional or not because my mom signed me up for the thing...but I digress.)

We never met in person, but I always loved to get her letters, and I always felt like we knew each other well. Of course, "knowing how way leads on to way" we haven't written each other in years, and it was only by coincidence that we found each other on Facebook. Recently, she posted a link to a blog all about how she and her twin sister found out they were pregnant almost exactly at the same time and I thought it was really sweet. I mean, I'm not really crazy about babies myself, but I really enjoyed reading this.

I'm late to the party on this one, because the babies have been born, but I thought it was cute! Today I pass the cuteness on to you.

You know, I came really close to just writing:

Nothing to see here, move along.

But, I won't. I don't have a great deal of things to write about at the moment, and the minutia of my days are very probably not of any interest to you guys anyways, but I like writing about stuff and I know some of you come here to check on me and make sure I'm still alive. So, for you wonderful people, here are some

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING!

1) I drove into Athens the other day to see my sister and drop some things off for her. She is helping her mother-in-law decorate a table for a banquet and I made some votive holders for her. It's always weird when I drive back to Athens, because it changes so much each time I go back (which goes to show you that I don't go back that often). I drove the "scenic route" I used to take when I lived out there, and it was difficult for me not to honk at the house where my Agribusiness teacher used to live. He moved far away, and unless I'm in Gadsden, I won't get to honk at him anymore. :( There is also a round-about where a four way stop used to be. I know how to drive through round-abouts, usually, but when you aren't expecting one, they are scary! I screamed the whole time as I whipped around it. I'm just lucky no one needed to enter it as I was going around, because I'm fairly certain I would have killed them! I managed to find my sister's office and I hung out for a while. It was fun! I got to meet a lot of people whom I'd only heard about before. Once of Angie's bosses (I think he's her boss) is a big Sci-Fi geek too, so we talked about Star Trek Phasers for a bit. He had one in his office! I also got to meet Stanley Menefee, who is running for County Commission Chairman. He seems like a lovely man, and a consummate politician. He handed me his card, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't live in the county, so I'll just tell you to vote for him if you live out that way!

2) I got two books the other day that I'm enjoying so far! One is called "Images of America: Athens and Limestone County" - which is fascinating and has tons of old pictures. The other is called "Wicked North Alabama" - which is about the bad things that have happened in North Alabama through the years. I know awful things go on around here, but it's kind of startling when you hear specific stories. I wonder if any of my family members will be in there? :) One of my favorite lines from the book was something like "Her marriage was very short lived, mainly because she shot him." How can you not love a book with things like that in it?

3) Speaking of family members, when I was coming back from seeing Angie, I stopped by to see my mom for a while. We were talking, and I happened to mention the "Wicked North Alabama" book to her and Grant. Grant, who's family has lived in that area longer than my own, said I might find his grandfather (or maybe great-grandfather) in the book somewhere. Apparently, when all that area was a farm, his grandfather would just go out and shoot people who trespassed on his property. Shoot them and kill them, and no one thought anything about it! I mean, I know times were different back in the day, but jeez. Total country anarchy! I know a few people who wouldn't mind if things were still like that. :)

4) I watched the new version of "Nightmare on Elm Street" yesterday and I was waaaaay underwhelmed at the whole thing. I love horror movies, and I really love the ones that are slightly silly and campy, which is why the original "Nightmare" is one of my favorites. I had hoped the new one would be just as good, with maybe better special effects, but it was just...bleh. Whoever made the movie took out all of the fun, scary stuff, slapped a blue/green filter over the mess, and really ramped up the "pedophile" angle of Freddy. It was just depressing. They also killed the dog...and you just DON'T kill the dog. EVER! Also, at one point I could have sworn I blacked out and missed something, because one scene went into another that had nothing to do with anything. I mean, I kept expecting the main girl to wake up from a coma or something to explain it, but it didn't happen. It was dumb. If I'm going to sit through a scary movie, I at least want to feel the need to flip on an extra light or something, and this just didn't do it. Stupid remakes. :(

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I am freezing! I've got on two shirts, a hat, and shoes! At the end of last week, I was burning up in the house, so I had to switch the thermostat from just circulating air to actually turning the air conditioner. Today I'm freezing, and I have no idea how to turn the gas on so that the heater will work! Steve didn't get back from St. Louis until 1:00 am, and he had to leave early for a meeting, so he didn't get a chance to switch it on before he left! I know I should know how to do this already, but I don't remember what to do and I don't want to blow up my house.

2) I've pulled out my polymer clay again and have learned to make some pretty little...mosaics? I don't think that is what they are, but I don't know the proper name for the technique. Imagine taking tiny (1mm or less) balls of clay, putting them on a larger, smoother piece of clay and punching them down into it with a sharp instrument to make a pattern. That doesn't really explain what I'm doing, exactly, but it's the best I can do. An artist in Singapore does this and everything she makes is gorgeous! I don't think I will ever be as good as she is, but I'm not doing too badly so far.

3) I've been sick for the past week, and that has been a lot of fun. I have just been so tired and sneezy, and yuck. I thought it was my allergies at first, but the medicine I take for the allergies didn't help any. I'd pushed myself to go run errands at first, but it got to be too much for me after awhile, so I pretty much stayed home after that. With Steve gone for the end of the week and weekend, it was very boring around here!

4) My sea monkeys are doing fine, thanks. I've only lost one of the originals thus far, which is better than I thought I'd do. One of them freaks me out, though. It's a male (I can tell by his "mustache") and if I lean down to watch the tank, he stares at me. I know that is what's going on because he'll be swimming around, playing in the algae, and when I look in, he turns his beady little eyes on me and stops what he is doing. He'll just hover there in one place. It's creepy. If any of them become self aware, it'll be him. *shudder*

5) Still no joy on the job front. There have only been a handful of openings for graphic artists, and the past few have required a secret clearance to already be in place to be considered. My application for secret clearance was stopped just short of being finished when I lost my secretarial position in 2001. Also, if HR from the sprocket has me on record as "revealing confidential information online" as the reason I was let go, it will not be easy for me to ever get secret clearance if I ever apply again! I mean, unless it is specified that the information wasn't classified or whatever. I honestly have no idea how that works, so...we'll see. I'm still looking, that's the important thing at this point, I guess.

6) I wish I were at the beach. It wouldn't even need to be warm, I just wish I were there.

QUICKIES

1) Darn it! Target had a whole section of clearance priced clothes at 75% off yesterday while I was there, and I picked out a lovely, rust-colored t-shirt that was, like, $2.50. I brought it home and took the tags off and only then realized it's a maternity shirt. It doesn't look like a shirt for pregnant ladies, it just looks like a t-shirt, but I feel weird (and fat) knowing I'm wearing a shirt meant for someone gestating. Oh well, tags are off and I like the color, so I'll keep it. :(

2) I was having a slow morning until I opened up "Eye of the Tiger" on YouTube. If you ever have trouble getting going in the morning, just listen to that. It works amazingly well.

3) I watched Glee for the first time last night. I...I wasn't really fond of it. *Ducks as friends and family throw things at me for this.* To be fair I didn't watch a whole episode, and I'd even be willing to watch it again just to make sure I don't like it and maybe realize I did like it and I would admit to that immediately, but yikes. However, I did like the lady coach, the little gay dude and the stupid cheerleader. They were OK and can stay. Everyone else must go.

EDIT: I went to Hulu and watched the entire episode to be fair. I will include Wheelchair Guy in my list of people who can stay. The stupid cheerleader made me laugh out loud a couple of times, and girlfriend can dance, too. Brown haired girl got on my nerves, so she still has to go. All in all, I didn't hate it, but it still rates a solid "Eh."

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I still hate my hair. I gave it a week or so and I thought that maybe it would grow on me (heh) but I still don't like it and it makes me mad. How can the SAME stylist who cut my hair in the first place, ruin a haircut when all she had to do was trim it?! The one interesting looking thing about me and she ruined it. It's just...awful. It went from good haircut, past soccer-mom hair straight to little league football mom hair. Good thing I have lots of hats.

2) I went to the mall for the first time in a long while the other day, and I realized that I always rush past the "Dead Sea Mineral" Aveda (?) booth on the bottom floor. Those people creep me out! I mean normally, as a rule, if a good looking French guy pulled me aside and rubbed lotion all over me, I'd usually be all for it! However, when the cute French guy from the Aveda booth does it, it gives me the heebs. I shouldn't have to take a detour through Victoria's Secret to get from one end of the mall to the other. I'm going to start carrying a bottle with me and start spraying him like a cat every time he comes near.

3) I had the most frustrating dream! I dreamed I was getting married (to whom, I have no idea, but he was kind of cute) and all of my aunts were helping my mom get the venue ready for the ceremony. It wasn't bad at first, but things got out of hand quick. I completely lost control of what was going on and no one would listen to me. I didn't get to choose anything, my dress, my shoes, or the decorations. I ran out of the room to be alone for a second, and they basically dragged me into the ceremony! I was sitting there while they pulled the altar (or whatever it was) up to me. I was screaming "I don't like this! I don't want this!" as loud as I could, but everyone was just smiling down at me like I wasn't saying a word. It was scary! I woke up before it could go on too much longer and I don't think I slept again for the rest of the night. Weird.

4) The cats have become a problem. There are 3 of them now. Spot and Garry are still coming around, but now they have to compete with Macaroon (the Maine Coon). If any of them happen to be on our stoop when the door opens, they will run into the house! I don't allow this, but cats are wiley little critters! At one point this weekend, all 3 had managed to get in! I would chase one down, grab it and throw it out the door, turn to get the next one and the one I threw out would come back inside. I had to yell for Steve to come and help me. I still have no idea how we got them all out. I know they only hang around because I feed them (and I probably wouldn't do that anymore, but since Macaroon has been around, I don't think she/he has an owner like the other 2 and that thing YOWLS by the front door until I come out and feed it). I just wish they'd all make friends at least. There are literal hissy-fits on my stoop now and two of my plants have been damaged in the fray. :(

5) The weather seems to be getting cooler! Huzzah!

MONDAY MORNING HAIKU

Dear fall, where are you?
I'm tired of the damn heat.
I miss my sweaters.

Today was not a bad day, per se, but it was a succession of unfortunate events. However, I'm going to play the Silver Lining Game!

I accidentally jammed a pair of sharply pointed beading tweezers underneath my thumb nail, which hurt like a bitch. My finger then decided to get infected and it hurt to look at it, much less try and use it for anything. I seriously thought I'd have to go to the doctor because it was so painful.

--Silver Lining - Neosporine, rubbing alcohol, and the ability to inflict pain on myself without passing out fixed my finger up fairly well! It still hurts, but at least it doesn't seem to be infected anymore!

I went to get my hair trimmed today and was lucky enough that the lady who cut my hair last time was there. She remembered my haircut, said she had been thinking about my haircut, and had even given another lady a haircut like mine not long ago. I told her I really liked the cut and I wanted to keep it, but I just needed it trimmed. She grabbed her razor comb and went to town on my head, blew it dry, and then fluffed it out. It looked fine, so I paid and left. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realized that she had given me a completely different hair-cut than the one I walked in there with. All she had to do was trim it! When she had fluffed my hair out, she had moved the front part (which should have been longer than the rest) and hid the fact that she had cut it off as short as the rest AND left a chunk out of one side. Now I do not like my hair. I do not like it at all.

--Silver Lining - Hey, at least I'm not bald. Also, it at least won't have to be cut again for a while.

I drove all the way across the mountain to the fu-fu Super Wal-Mart so that I wouldn't have to drive to two different places to get groceries and the specific non-food stuff I needed. Target didn't have the non-food stuff I wanted, so I couldn't go there. I managed to get everything else I needed at the Super Wal-Mart EXCEPT for the one thing I specifically went to Wal-Mart to get in the first place because this particular store was out of it. I had to drive all the way back to the Ghetto Wal-Mart to get what I needed.

--Silver Lining - It was a nice day and I didn't mind the drive.

I had an overwhelming craving for McDonald's chicken mcnuggets, so I decided to drive through and get some for lunch. I know they are not good for me, I rarely eat them, but when that craving hits, I have to get them. As soon as I was done with lunch, I thought I was going to die. I don't know what in the world is in the evil, delicious nuggets, but I hurt all over and I think I had a mild stroke. I also had trouble thinking after I ate. I kid you not, it was like my brain wouldn't function, and I wasn't like that before I ate lunch. Why do the nuggets want to kill me?

--Silver Lining - I won't have to eat chicken mcnuggets again for months. The desire has been fulfilled for a while.

I also realized, only after being at home for about an hour, that I'd done all of those errands and gone all of those places, and my fly had been open the entire time.

--Silver Lining- There is no silver lining for that. That's just mortifying.

Let's home tomorrow is better!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I sang at morning services yesterday, and my mom, Grant and Tommy all came to hear me! I was so glad to see them! It was the first time mom had heard me sing since before Papa died, and the first time Grant has ever heard me sing at all, so I'm glad I didn't screw up too badly. I sang "Ain't No Grave," which I love, but I kind of cringe every time I have to say "ain't." I know, I know, it's part of the song, but still. I probably could have sung something a bit less...bouncy, I suppose, but that particular song had been a request. How could I say no to my fans? I'm totally kidding, it was our music minister's little girl who wanted me to sing it, so I obliged. Anyways, they finally got to hear me and we got to have lunch together. It was lots of fun.

2) Speaking of singing... I can't remember if I've mentioned this before (and if I have, forgive me) but I bought something a while back called "Singers Saving Grace" which is a throat spray that is supposed to help keep your throat clear. I haven't used it much, but whatever I'm allergic to in the fall has started to bloom or go to seed and I had already had a coughing fit after practicing my song before Sunday school, so I pulled it out and sprayed some in my mouth just in case. The stuff is DISGUSTING. Seriously, it's foul, but if it follows the rules of medicines, the worse it tastes, the better it works, right? Well, after I sprayed some and struggled over the taste, I noticed that the smell of the stuff was pretty strong, like Absinthe. I turned over the bottle to read the ingredients, and along the list of various herbs and plant extracts, the bottle says it's 65% grain alcohol! Holy cow! I happened to say to Steve that it smelled like liquor, and he said, "Yeah, I noticed when I sat down next to you." I had only used a little bit of the stuff, and it smelled like I had been doing shots! It was a cloud around me. Oy. I tried drinking some water, but that didn't help. I was so embarrassed, because one of the deacons came over and hugged me and I knew my breath smelled like I'd been drinking. I had to avoid everyone until I could get to our classroom where I finally got some gum and that got rid of the alcohol smell. The smell went away, but the shame lingered.

3) I made a batch of lemon-strawberry jam, and it actually jammed! I didn't think it was going to, because I checked it after several hours and it was still really liquidy. I was disappointed, because I had worked really hard on making it and hated to throw it away. The next day, I was getting ready to move the jars out of the way so I could empty them and saw that the jam had finally set up! Nice! Of course, now I'm going to have roughly eleventy thousand jars of jam and stuff this year. You will probably get some from me. You have no choice in the matter. I'll be the jelly fairy. Every time I go someplace, there will be a jar of jam left behind. AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

4) You want to know something embarrassing? When I first saw the section of "Organic" veggies and fruit at the supermarket several years ago, I was confused. I said out loud "Organic? Of course it's organic! It's carbon based, right?" I got some weird looks. Stupid words with lots of meanings!

5) This morning when I was at the gym a lady walked in who looked visibly pregnant. I didn't think much of it, I mean, even pregnant ladies need to exercise, right? However, when she got closer to me, I saw her face and she looked...old. I mean, much too old to be pregnant, not exactly MeeMaw old. In this day and age of medical assisted pregnancy, women can wait longer and longer to have kids, but geez. I tried not to stare, but it was difficult. It was even more difficult when she got on the elliptical machine next to mine. I kept looking sideways at her, pretending I was looking at something else. I couldn't help it! It was weird! I just wanted to stop, grab her by the shoulders and ask her WHY! Why did she want to be pregnant at her age? Does AARP cover pre-natal care? Did she want to knock another one out before menopause hit?! POR QUE?!!!!! I didn't, though. I'm fairly certain that I would be asked not to return to my gym if that was the case, and I don't want that to happen. I guess I could be wrong, of course. Maybe she isn't that old, but goodness...if she isn't, then she needs to get a good moisturizer or something.

6) I'm sorry if that last bit sounded rude. I'm not usually this judgmental and catty this early on a Monday. I blame it on my lack of sugar so far today. My apologies.

7) I got some business cards! Well, actually, they were sample cards I got from MOO, because I'd heard good things about their printing and I wanted to see what it was like. I paid a very small fee to keep the Moo logo off the back and I love how they turned out. They are very well done, shiny, slick and thick. My only problem with them is that I didn't put the business name or logo I do my freelance work under on them and I used my home number instead of my cell - but all of that was my fault. I'm not too bothered, though, because these were just samples. I'll give these out to people I know well, and order more with all of the right info on them later on.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) The jelly making of 2010 has commenced! Mr. Lee brought me another several billion muscadines and I reduced them to molten, smashed grapes, with only a couple of painful grape burns and a random spattering of dark purple spots across my face, floor, clothes and stove. :) My first batch of jelly didn't actually jell, which I found out the hard way when I opened up a half full jar that I'd put in the fridge and tried to put it on a bagel. It came out of the jar in a jelly-like way, but as it reached room temperature, it kind of...melted. It still tasted OK, though. Better than last year's batch, IMO. There is apparently a fix, so I think I can save that batch. My second batch was much better, but it kind of exploded all over my kitchen. I saved most of it, but the rest had to be scraped off of my stove top, floor and counter top. Hopefully it will come out of my clothes! I don't think there is exactly a non-messy way to make jelly or jam, but at least I didn't set anything on fire. The smoke alarm went off once, but there were no flames! Score!

2) We got a call from the Macintosh repair guys, and they were able to fix my iMac and save all of the info on it! Whew! I don't like the idea of my computer being in a stranger's hands. I mean, it's not like I have naked pictures of myself on the hard drive or anything (that's what thumb drives are for after-all) but anyone who owns a personal computer winds up saving all kinds of things on there that may seem odd to people who don't know them. Maybe the guys who fix the computers don't even look through the files, but who knows? I totally would! At any rate, I'll be glad to get it back so that I can start putting my portfolio together again. I'll save everything to dozens of disks if I have to!

3) It has started getting cooler, which has been so very nice. It's not quite "cool" yet, just not melt-your-face-off hot anymore and that is good enough for now. I can't wait for fall, though. I love it when the trees change color. I've seen a bit of that happening around here, but mostly everything is still green. I have seen quite a few trees that have an odd look to them. The leaves are still green, but it is almost as if you can see red glowing through. It's like the leaves are blushing because they realize they've overstayed their welcome, and are embarrassed about it. I'm so ready for fall.

While getting groceries the other day, Steve was lucky enough to locate some kind of wonderful blueberry cornbread stuff that was quite delicious. I think it was actually some kind of cake made of cornmeal instead of flour, but whatever it was, it was great. It wasn't rich, but it wasn't something you could eat a lot of at a time either, so the small loaf of the stuff lasted quite a few days. After lunch one day, I was jonesing for something a bit sweet, and I saw that we had one last slice of the cake and I decided I would eat it before Steve got home from work (so I didn't have to share, you see). I popped it into the microwave to give it a bit of a nuke, I poured a glass of milk and settled down at my computer desk to read something and enjoy my cake.

Now, because I was seated in front of the computer and reading something, and also because the nature of blueberries is to stain any surrounding cake, muffin or bread a purplish-greenish-blue, I didn't notice that I was about to take a bite out of a cake that contained a rotten blueberry. Even had I been paying attention, I still don't know if I would have been able to tell it was rotten, because blueberries baked inside pastry of any kind tend to already look smooshy and oozy, so at this point, I was boned. I took my first bite, chewed for a second, and thought to myself "What foul hell is this?!"

Apparently, inside my head, I talk like Frasier Crane.

A person faced with something this gross would have the initial reaction of spitting the cake out, don't you think? I might have done that, if I had been anywhere else but my office. However, I have learned over time that spitting food all over your computer isn't the proper way to care for electronics, so I simply sat there not chewing OR ridding myself of the food in my mouth. Also, since my brain had started this adventure with the idea of "YAY, DELICIOUS CAKE," for some reason it didn't hit me right away that something was actually wrong with the cake itself. I seriously thought to myself "Wow, is the milk bad?" Keep in mind, I had not tasted the milk at this point. It was as if my head was so wrapped around the idea that the cake was good, that it tried to convince me that something else was wrong entirely. It took another few chews before my tongue and brain agreed that it WAS the cake that was dodgy and my throat slammed shut, refusing to let me swallow my food, thereby keeping the foul, spoiled blueberry in my mouth even longer. A foul, spoiled, warm blueberry. That it was warm somehow made it worse.

I realize now that all of this happened in seconds, but as with other terrible things, time stretched out much longer, so this simple experience wound up feeling rather epic. Homer himself could have written volumes about this terrible thing and not adequately expressed the horror.

Don't worry, this story doesn't end with projectile vomiting or anything of the sort, and I did finally engage my faculties enough to spit out the cake and throw the rest of it away. I did have to run my tongue under the faucet in the kitchen, though, so I'm glad no one with a camera was around. It did teach me one very good lesson, which I will share with all of you. It's because I care...

**Never, ever eat the last piece of blueberry cornbread cake stuff. Always save it for your loving spouse. This way, if it is indeed rotten or spoiled, it isn't YOU who has to deal with it.**

:)